Tread Perilously

Tread Perilously takes a slight holiday detour to Valentine's Day and meets the Gilmore Girls!

Trust us, it's still timely as the series is returning soon.

Rory's boyfriend convinces her to invite Lorelai and her fiance Luke for a charming Valentine's Day weekend at his vacation home on Martha's Vineyard. They get confused about quiet hours. Lorelai regards a shoulder press with suspicion during a rare visit to a gym. Rory's boyfriend cooks lobster and Luke grouses for various reasons. Tennis bracelets are exchanged and lots of dialogue is spoken.

Erik and Justin tread what is agreed to be the second worst episode of the series without a chaperone and get caught up with a Zydeco band. They also find it difficult to regard Martha's Vineyard as anything but Amity Island. Erik notices that Luke's cap lacks a logo and Justin discusses the true purpose of spermaceti. Somehow, it all leads to a discussion of Supergirl. Also: both imagine unlikely ways to capture the wild lobster.

No one from Steve Forest was harmed in the recording of this episode.

Tread Perilously joins the Incredible Hulk as he goes home for Thanksgiving.

No, really! There was an Incredible Hulk TV show in the late 70s and in its third season, the Hulk went home to Trevorton, Colorado to visit the Banner farmstead. But an evil land developer has poisoned the fields so he can build an eight-floor office building. So it's up to Banner and his sister -- special guest star Diana Muldaur -- to turn worms into beetles while Hulk has daddy issues.

Erik and Justin discuss the obvious north San Fernando valley locations of the episode, the amateur hour 1949 flashbacks and the strange way The Incredible Hulk works as a show. They get sidetracked and talk about the current Marvel Cinematic Universe and Erik reveals his odd affection for actor Bill Bixby. The 1970s attempt at a Marvel TV Universe is explored and we learn Hulk prefers stuffing to potatoes. Also, Erik discovers the secret origin of Howling Mad Murdoch's costume from The A-Team.

Tread Perilously begins a celebration of Thanksgiving with the perennial favorite 7th Heaven.

It's almost Thanksgiving in Glenoak and the most pressing matter for the Camdens is Ruthie's love life. She's into Martin, a former lodger at the Camden home. He got Sandy pregnant, who's kinda sorta into Simon. Simon is engaged to Rose, who does not see how much the Camdens hate her.

But Ruthie doesn't know about Martin and Sandy, so everyone is on eggshells waiting for the inevitable teenage apocalypse when she figures everything out. Oh, also the kids at school think she's pregnant with Martin's baby.

Much to Justin's surprise, Ruthie grew up. But he points to creator Brenda Hampton as a cruel demiurge who taunts her creations as their universe now revolves around a teenage girl. Justin also warns against the dangers of Teen Town while Erik mistakes a fifth-tier character for Parks and Recreation's Mark Brendanowitz. The world quickly becomes a dystopian nightmare with appearances by Wez and Nicholas Roeg. Erik also reveals that he has never seen Trading Places.

Tread Perilously finally joins Sam and Dean on the road for an episode of Supernatural.

THE ROAD SO FAR: Sam and Dean are handsomely traveling when Dean gets a call from his ex, The CW's Vixen (Megalyn Echikunwoke). Her father has been killed by a spectral racist truck and needs the Winchesters' help to uncover why the ghost bigot has been killing black men in an undisclosed town somewhere along U.S. Route 6. Several Mercury Cougars are harmed in the production.

NOW: Erik and Justin find the unintentional horror in trying to use Supernatural to confront a timely issue. Erik reveals his dislike of Outback Steakhouse and suggests The CW forced the long-lost love plot into the episode. Justin reveals he doesn't get timezones. We discover ancient aliens may have influenced waves of immigration thousands of years ago. Wolf Blitzer becomes a Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos villain and Erik and Justin offer tips for eating a good steak.

Yes, steak quality and prejudice are somehow related.

Tread Perilously stays in sit-com land with two unintentionally horrific episodes of Webster.

After Webster burns down their old apartment (don't ask), Webster and the Papadopolises tour a potential new living space: the restored Victorian home of Bill and Cassie Parker, a seemingly nice couple with some suspicious behavior. After Webster discovers the secret passage and the ladder from the basement to a little girl's room, Bill and Cassie reveal the room belonged to their daughter. She ran away five years earlier and they've kept the room in stasis hoping she would return. The Papadopolises and the Parkers agree on a rental agreement. Several episodes later, their daughter Maggie returns after seven years with her son in tow to make amends of a sort.

Yes, the show quickly forgot how long she was missing.

Erik and Justin discuss how the decision to write Maggie as a runaway opens the story up to an intentional horrific reading. Why did Bill build a ladder leading from the basement to Maggie's closet? What didn't Cassie say seven years ago? The interpretation leads to discusses of Detective Stabler's anger issues, racism, the crummy 80s and Webster's strange connections to Star Trek and 7th Heaven.

Tread Perilously makes a trip to Scranton with two episodes of the NBC sitcom The Office. Special guest Paula Dixon helps us see that Toby was the worst all along.

In "The Christening," Michael Scott makes Cece's christening all about him while Toby debates entering a church for the first time in ages. A bus full of teen volunteers headed for Mexico may be involved. Stanley and Kevin complain while never saying anything funny and Jim accuses Angela of stealing his baby. In "Scott's Tots," Michael reneges on ten-year-old promise to pay for a class of graduating high-schoolers' college tuition. It lands with a thud while Dwight tries to get Jim fired. Toby's not in this one, but we imagine it's all his doing.

Paula outlines the fan theory that Toby was the Scranton Strangler. Erik recalls why he walked away from the show. Justin outlines the unintended horror of cringe comedy going too far. Erik suggests the series outlived its vitality while Paula defends its later seasons.

Also: Toby is the worst.

Tread Perilously finally boards the SDF-1 for a couple of episodes of the fondly remembered 1980s syndicated animated series Robotech, but will our host find horror in the 31-year-old show?

When Rick Hunter is shot down (for the first time), he suffers from a delirious state which resembles a clip show, forcing him to faces his fears and pose the question he cannot answer for another twenty episodes: does he love a woman or a girl? Once out of his nightmare, the recovering hero gets a visit from both of his love interests while his "big brother" Roy Fokker bites the big one.

Honestly, it was pretty devastating at the time.

Erik and Justin express their undying affection for ace pilot Max Sterling and note how many similarities the show shares with Battlestar Galactica. Erik admits he probably has blinders for Robotech, but can see some of its flaws. Both recall Roy Fokker as a constant drinker, but Erik knows why Justin remembers him dying in battle instead of while strumming a guitar. They also gush about the toyline and the infamous Palladium Books Robotech RPG.

Also, "Pineapple Salad" is not a euphemism.

Tread Perilously concludes its celebration of Star Trek's 50th Anniversary with the last episode of any Star Trek series until 2017: the Star Trek: Enterprise finale, "These are the Voyages."

Ten years after Enterprise NX-01 set out to seek new life forms and new civilizations, the ship is heading home to be decommissioned. But Captain Archer's old Andorian pal Shran needs his help one last time before the formation of a coalition that will become the United Federation of Planets. Of course, that's all ancient history to Commander William Riker of the late 24th Century's U.S.S. Enterprise, who is watching a holodeck representation of Enterprise's final journey before making a fateful decision of his own.

Justin and Erik discuss the Star Trek's producer Rick Berman's need for Pioneer Chicken and his complete fatigue in running the franchise. They also get distracted by Remans, Ensign Hoshi, vampire Vulcans, and the unlikely heartthrob status of Connor Trinneer. They also suggest that the new series needs Andorians, Orion Liberated Women and some of the creatures from Star Trek: The Animated Series.

A Betazoid romance novel may also be discussed.

Tread Perilously continues its celebration of Star Trek's 50th Anniversary with one of the driest and worst performed episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine -- "Move Along Home."

When a race of Gamma Quadrant aliens known as the Wadi visit in at Quark's, his manipulation of the Dabo wheel leads to a strange name called Chula. Meanwhile, Sisko, Kira, Dax and Bashir wake up in a strange Wonderland where character actor Joel Brooks entices them to "move along home." Odo suspects the two events may be connected.

Erik and Justin contemplate Joel Brooks' infamy as an '80s guest villain, Nana Visitor's terrible performance in the episode and hopscotch. Justin offers two ways to view the episode while Erik suggests it would work better as either an episode of The Original Series or as a later season episode of DS9. The final appearance of Lt. Primmin is noted and Justin reveals a race of Gamma Quadrant aliens from the first season which work better in later context than the Wadi.

The discussion may wander into why modern sci-fi shows are more comfortable with humorous scenes.

Tread Perilously continues its 50th anniversary celebration of Star Trek with one of the worst regarded episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation: "Code of Honor."

The Enterprise goes to Ligon II to open trade with its inhabitants and secure a vaccine for a fever plaguing other Federation worlds. When the planet's leader, Lutan, kidnaps Lt. Yar, Picard must navigate the customs of Ligonian culture to secure the release of his security chief. If he fails, he will be left with no treaty, no vaccine and no Lt. Yar.

Erik and Justin once again enter the minefield of overt racism as episode director Russ Mayberry made the choice to turn Ligon into a space version of the darkest Africa stereotype from pulp novels and B-pictures. There's also a side order of chauvinism as Lt. Yar is largely absent from her own story. Meanwhile, the strange scenes re-introducing the main cast give Erik and Justin an excuse to talk about the characters as they were first envisioned. They also try to figure out why Worf is missing.