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Bald incels on Reddit are angry over what they believe is the mistreatment of Brian Laundrie in the Gabby Petito murder case. They think chrome-domes get a bad wrap when it comes to evil deeds. But is there something sinister lurking inside the male pattern baldness gene? I think so. I've looked evil in the shiny spot on its head, and its name is Ruphio Pheonix. For two months now my friend Lilah, Ruphio's girlfriend, has been missing, and he refuses to give up any details about her whereabouts. I've contacted a psychic to learn more, and her crystal ball points right to Ruphio's crystal bald head. Lilah sent Ruphio into a rage when she said she would never date a cueball, not knowing Ruphio was combing over his own glabrous scalp. In an effort to smooth things over, Lilah makes a list of bald men she does find attractive, but it has the opposite effect on her follicll-flaccid friend.

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