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Kristen is doing a bonus today about a topic that she loves dearly: limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs, or false beliefs, are the beliefs we created as little kids that we needed to have in order to make sense of the world when we didn't have language to help us understand what was going on.

Our brains had to interpret what was going on and we had to make meaning out of things and create a narrative or story s that we could survive.

As little ones, we thought we were in control of everyone in the room, so if something happened that was traumatic or even just somewhat benign, a child has to interpret that in a way that makes it so that they can feel safe and they can stay alive and they can stay in control of the situation.

So, that might mean you got smacked upside the head and you decided it was your fault because that way, somehow you could behave differently and next time that might not happen and you'd survive. Or, something as simple as Mom went to get some laundry out of the dryer at the same time you came to show her a picture of something and then you interpreted it as , "Oh, Mommy doesn't love me. I am not lovable. Next time I'll do something else. I'll be funny and I'll make her laugh or I'll make her pay attention to me in some way, so she doesn't leave me and go do something else like check the laundry."

This is all happening at an unconscious level for a child and the limiting beliefs are very important for the child. They actually are protective and they kept you safe your whole life. But when you become an adult, they're outdated and thery're not helpful. They actually get in the way as you grow up. These beliefs end up becoming a burden.

For instance, there might be a belief of, "I need to be useful instead of having fun because I am only loved when I accomplish things." Another one is, "I need to stay quiet. If I'm too loud, they'll get mad or they might hit me or they might tell me I'm a bad girl or a bad boy. I better be quiet and I better play small." Or "I need to play small because if I play big, somebody's feelings are going to get hurt and they're not going to like me anymore. So, I want to make everyone happy and I'm just going to please everybody and I'm going to do the right thing, and I'm going to get approval and praise." Or, "I'm going to be a bad little kid ad do the wrong things and I'm going to get attention that way." Either way, they have a belief that they can control a situation and make Mom and Dad love them more, be happier, calm down, etc.

These beliefs though--even though they aren't at a conscious level as you get older--are insistent. They start taking over your life. They keep showing up. So, if you have patterns of not being able to keep a job or lose weight or you have all these obstacles and fears and challenges and you can't make a relationship work very well, there's a good chance it's because these beliefs are running the show. They are on a subconscious level and they will literally dictate your life.

For instance, you decide to eat well and exercise five days a week. You're going to do the thing, consciously, that everyone says is a good thing to do. The doctors, the media and everyone agrees that losing weight and being healthier is a good thing for your body based in science. But when we try to only tackle it on a conscious level, this weight loss stuff often does not work. And it's because the subconscious part of you that is like, "Well, I don't know, eating sugar has never killed me before...let's keep eating it. This whole thing about eating more vegetables is hogwash because for all I know..." (Me being this subconscious part of the body that is in charge and has all these limiting beliefs stored in it) [this part] is saying, "No. You have never tried this 'healthy thing' and for all we know, we could die."

So, you're like, "I don't care. I'm going to just go and do the thing I'm supposed to do.' So, a week...

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Today, Becky and Kristen talk about how to attract your highest love to you! Loving yourself helps you attract your highest levels soul love. Your best soulmate match.

We have mentioned things before about attracting your best love to you or attracting the things that you love the most to you, whether it be a job, finances, love, friendship--whatever is good for you. By the same token, we attract where we are right now to us, too.

So, if we are self-abusive, we ignore ourselves, we don’t love our job-- we are doing a job only to pay the bills but we hate it, we just don’t really love ourselves or our lives, well, that is also what shows up. Like attracts like so we want to discuss the importance of loving yourself as well as HOW to love yourself into that space where the good things will show up, including your highest vibrational match…soul love.

Becky likes that part Kristen mentioned about how when you are in that space of really loving yourself you will find people—friends, not just romantic—who are happy with who they are and happy with who you are. And on the flip side, when we’re in that lower or self-defeatest place or are just so mean to ourselves we’ll find people who will mirror that back to us.

In Becky’s marriage, when she is not loving herself she cannot even accept his love. We just have to be really careful with where we’re at and what we are projecting and believing about ourselves.

Kristen feels that, when you don’t feel self-loving and can’t receive the love what happens energetically is that when we reject ourselves our partner starts to reject themselves. So the energy starts to feed on each other. So if you are just in a really low self-hating energy and you’re taking it out on the person, they can feel rejected because you are taking it out on them, which is another way of seeing it.

An example is someone yelling, “Why can’t you just vacuum the floor when I ask you to?” You’re not really mad at the person, you’re just kind of mad at yourself but just projecting it out onto them and then they sort of feel like, “Ooh, what did I do? I’m sorry, I must be a bad person or something” and then there is this rejection cycle that starts. So one of you has to pull yourself out of that dance and get back to your own self-love so that the communication can start and the damage there can be repaired. You don’t want to cause this long-term resentment. And this is later on down the line when we’re talking about the in’s and out’s of communication style inside of a love relationship.

But in order to attract your own best love to you, you want to BE your own best love. People say to date yourself and you should do all the things that you want your future partner to do and that is true. And being okay being alone is huge. Being sovereign: taking care of your health in the best way, feeling a sense of confidence and high self-esteem, doing the activities and things that you love to do, finding the best job for you, and jumping into your passions puts you on the trajectory of the higher version of yourself.

This higher version of yourself is the person you WANT to be regardless if that person ever even shows up. The person coming into your life will then just be like the icing on the cake.

Becky has been living in like the Crucible the last five years with a lot of stress with moves and losing her second stillborn son Bennett, and so her husband Scott has done a lot of his own inner work. He is really good with himself. She doesn’t lash out. She goes inward and is mean to herself and not to others so when she can’t receive love and Scott sees her like that it makes him sad for her, not really rejected himself.

It's interesting to...

We are excited to announce group coaching! We will have groups of six to eight people at a time. We want to coach people on self-care and self-love, plus other areas you need help, such as boundary-setting and getting unstuck. We will help you to progress and be happier. Groups are so amazing for people and so empowering. We can't wait to work with you.

Look for that in our Facebook group, Try Self-Love or send us an email at: [email protected] to sign up. We'd also love your comments, topic suggestions, or just hearing from you.

In Episode 25, Kristen and Becky discuss ways to reach that higher, more joyful and peaceful vibrational state more often--even when life is throwing you curve balls.

The idea is to grasp for the higher vibration place--let's do it! This is not to diminish or discount the pain we have been in for years or decades, but if we can sometimes remember good moments where we could grasp for that higher, lighter feeling or the more balanced or centered space, try to do it in order to find peace. It is kind of a normal feeling. A grounded feeling.

These are the moments we want to grow. What we focus on expands so if you are always thinking negatively, that will grow. If you start to try and focus more on the positive, that will be what grows. Energy flows where attention goes. It's easy to stay focused on the negative pathway because that is what has been entrenched in our brains for so long. So, we have to make it a practice to create new, positive pathways.

This is not easy to do, but you almost just have to "do it." Make a decision, fake it until you make it, act as if, etc. This is, again, not to minimize painful experiences and blow yourself off. But when you CAN choose a higher path, take it. Just Do It!

Gratitude is Becky's number one go-to. She has been dealing with looking for a new car. Car prices are going up and it's been really frustrating. She was praying for some kind of miracle so they could find a new car at a reasonable price. They got $2000 off and that meant something to her. She was grateful for what little she was able to get.

Life is getting harder and the weirdest things are happening lately, but try and celebrate what is going well. This redirects the mind toward a more positive pathway. Be grateful for even the littlest things. Becky saw a beautiful sunset and it made her realize that things will be okay.

Having faith or trust that it's working out can be challenging, but you just kind of have to make that decision to do it because the more you practice thanking your God, or higher power, the Universe, Source, etc. in advance for what you want or what you already have and just claiming that you KNOW it will work out even if you don't know the WHEN or the HOW (this is surrendering), is a way that you are giving up control and allowing for what will be. Take your hands off the wheel. Practice believing: Something I want or something BETTER for me will show up at the perfect time.

Having faith that some higher source wants the best for you might be a hard thing to do when you have had a lot of abuse or trauma in your life, which is why faith is something you need to know without proof that it's going to work out. The more you practice having faith about things that you want, the more your life shifts and you feel more grounded and then you start noticing the things you took for granted like a sunset and having an appreciation for it. You start to feel more appreciation for the fact that you can walk or sleep well at night, or that you have a home to live in.

When you CAN or IF you CAN, even if it's small, celebrate that win and it will grow.

You can experience both grief/pain and peace/joy at the same time. We don't have to just sit in the darkness all the time. You can find the light. There is still light. It doesn't change your situation at all, or what will happen. Everything will eventually get...

In episode 24 Becky and Kristen discuss difficult relationships. Do you feel like you're "walking on eggshells" around a certain person in your life? Does this relationship feel heavy or do you feel defeated in believing you will always be trapped in it? Listen for ways to cope and how to set up healthy boundaries for better, happier relationships.

You can't fix someone or save them. Remember to have compassion for them and compassion for you. Kristen says it’s selfish to try to save other people. It’s up to all of us to take care of ourselves. We are trying to help others but when we focus on them, we are not focusing on ourselves and what is actually in our control. 

“I know better than you. I am going to fix you.” It is controlling, selfish, manipulative and codependent. It takes time to uncover the reasons behind why we’re doing the things we do. If in your heart you are just trying to help, ask yourself, "Why do I think they need my help? Did they as for it?" If not, let them figure it out on their own.

Be kind to yourself but also kind to your difficult person. You aren’t condescending but respectful. You will never regret being kind. The way to inner peace is to do your own inner work and to let others live their own lives. We can get enmeshed with others. We want everyone to be happy. This can happen so easily and it’s not our intention to be dysfunctional. These patterns are learned generation after generation. It doesn’t matter what your background is; you can unlearn unhealthy behaviors.

You have choices in your relationships. Don’t let someone else’s mood change yours. Don’t let  If this is someone in your life that you can minimize contact with (a neighbor, coworker, boss), go for it. If this person is a parent, child, other family member and you do not want to terminate the relationship

Prepare for your time with this person. Do your deep breathing. Stay calm. Expect them to be their usual self. If something about this person bothers you, don’t expect it to be any different. Prep yourself for this person to continue the behavior. However, if their behavior is abusive or offensive, you have options. Choose what you will put up with and what you won’t. 

If someone is screaming at you and you no longer will tolerate that, put up the boundary. Say, “If you are going to yell at me I will leave.” This is not about controlling their behavior, this is about what you will do to protect yourself.

You get to choose how you will show up. It’s much easier to control ourselves with strangers or acquaintances than it is with a closer family member. Taking the time to understand where someone is coming from can open up compassion for the person. We can have compassion for them but we also get to have compassion for ourselves. 

Don’t let your fear of conflict keep you from bringing attention to the behavior and how it affects you. It’s not helping anybody to not speak up. It’s not a loving action, to you or to them. Know that it may not change the person. Maybe this person doesn’t care that it hurts you. Of course, maybe the other person doesn’t know that their behavior is bad. Give them a chance to hear you. If they are willing to hear you and do something about it, great. If not, know that moving forward, you will have to decide what you want to do about it. You may have to ignore them, slowly back away or just learn to live with it.

These are hard situations. We recommend a coach, therapist or even a group that will help you practice what to say. You can role play and decide what you want your life and your relationships to look like. The better you can make your life, the better you will feel which will affect the people around you. If you just live in sad acceptance that this difficult relationship controls you and you have to walk on eggshells, it’s not helping you or the other person. It’s just making the situation worse.

If...

Please email us at [email protected] with any questions, comments, or topic suggestions. Also. consider joining our Facebook group called Try Self-Love. We would love to have you be a member!

We are talking about a sad topic today. Loss.

Loss is very personal for Becky. She has experienced quite a bit of loss in her life. And there are different types of loss, but the feelings are generally the same.

We want to offer some validation to those who have gone through loss. We are talking about any kind of loss here: losing someone you love; losing a job; losing some papers in your house that you really needed; losing a file on your computer. Loss is loss and the feelings you feel are pretty common to everyone.

Primarily you will feel raw; hollowed-out; empty; numbness; your brain will slow down. Your brain will shut you down for as long as needed so that you are protected. It could be as long as a year that you feel shut down and numb or in shock and denial. There is a fog that accompanies loss. You are processing so much, and the brain can only handle so much.

In loss, you will feel uncertain, scared, afraid; as though life might never feel good again; accompanying darkness and depression; despair, anxiety, and physical aching of your heart and your mind. All these feelings are valid, normal, and okay. Please honor yourself during this time.

It's so hard to lose someone or the dream of someone and to have the expectations you had taken from you.

Normally, people live life, have their children, their parents die, etc. But when someone young is taken from us it can awaken us to our own mortality and make us start to wonder if anything is safe or not. Do you have control over anything? And no, you don't. Only your own reactions are under your control.

Covid gave us another level of loss. The loss of being in person with one another. And the older generations in assisted living centers--they were already isolated enough and then to have this fear of this virus could kill them and their loved ones had to stay away. There has also been loss of financial security for many people.

Another kind of loss is weight loss. Losing weight can change the way you feel about yourself; it can open up fear about negative things happening to you. It can create a sense of an identity change as well. The loss of the identity as a larger person is still a loss.

There are so many kinds of losses and some are more severe than others, but every kind of loss should be respected and honored because there may be the loss of the dream that you had of how your life was supposed to go. It will create some emotions.

So, make sure that you feel those feelings. This might be the darkest time of your life, but you won't feel like this forever. Grief and loss are not linear.

If you feel like you are lashing out at loved ones or strangers, please do get some help.

If you are pushing people away or you can't stop crying, these are indications that you have stepped past normal grieving and need some help. Talk to someone who gets you. That helps.

Sometimes these losses are so immense for us that navigating through grief is very helpful and when you are all alone in it, you feel inundated by it.

Often, we want to jump right to accepting the loss by saying things like, "It's done. It's over. It happened. They're gone" but you really can't fully do this. There is a part of you that isn't okay with it and that part will make you go through all the different stages of grief.

Denial and bargaining can be the ones we stay in the longest sometimes because we simply do not want to feel the depression part, even though that is one of the most important ones we have to go through in order to get to full acceptance.

The depression stage can make people feel like they are going to stay in the depression, but this is only one part of this and if this was a big...

In today's bonus episode Becky explains why it's important to make space for more self-love. If we want to clean up our diet, we remove the less healthy foods and add in foods that will serve us better. If you want to get new clothes you need to make space in the closet by clearing out the old items that you no longer want.

The concept is the same with self-love. Whenever you clear out emotional baggage or stories that aren't serving you, you create space to add in self-love. This will make a big difference in how you show up in your life, in your relationships and in the world.

Self-love is a choice. It is not selfishness or arrogance. It is accepting that you are worthy of love simply because you exist.

If you'd like to be coached by Becky or Kristen, contact us. Join our FB group, Try Self-Love or email us at [email protected]. We can all make room for more self-love, which truly will change the world.

Please send any questions or comments, or topic ideas to us at [email protected]. We'd love to hear from you. Alternatively, join our Facebook group: Try Self-Love. We love interacting with our listeners!

Welcome to episode 22...Are you stressed?

Who isn't stressed? Stress is part of life. Life is busy and we feel it in our shoulders and chest. Deep breaths!

Kristen noticed stress and tension in her cheeks at the start of the show today and says that your body gives you signals about how you are doing and we often ignore our bodies. It really does tell you what it needs.

Sometimes we don't even know that stress is even affecting us.

Living with no stress is not realistic. A certain level of stress is actually good for us. Broken down, stress is the body's response to challenge or demand. Like when you work a muscle, it breaks down and then is repaired and rebuilds even stronger.

So, stress isn't the bad guy here. It's the thoughts about it and what we make it mean and how it takes over our lives that are bad. All of a sudden we are eating poorly, not sleeping, not exercising, in our heads too much, and beating ourselves up.

Even saying the word "stress" makes our shoulders rise up and makes us feel bad.

Too much stress can affect you mentally and physically.

The mind, body, and soul connection is important in life and everything is connected, so if you're experiencing health problems, there's a good chance that there are some false beliefs about yourself going on. The trauma you may have experienced can also be a factor in how you are feeling and thinking about yourself today as well.

Rooting these things out and healing them can have a profound effect on your current state of health overall. The chronic stress you may be experiencing now can be dealt with a little better once we release some of the emotional baggage.

Your job being hard and kids doing this and that--the daily stressors--we can't really eliminate all that, but we can talk about how we can deal with the chaos a little better and be more at ease while we're in the middle of the storm.

This kind of stress can create a lot of downstream health problems. Being stressed makes your heart rate go up, your blood pressure goes up, you may feel fear or anger. You just notice it in your body, especially the more stressed you get, the more it shows on your face, you're not yourself and you're irritable.

Good stressors like having a baby and getting a promotion at work are positive but still considered stressful because they do change your life in a way.

If your stress is manageable --you're being spurred to action and you feel a bit overwhelmed but overall still okay, that's fine. But if it's too much stress and it's is affecting you all the time, then you might want to ask yourself what thoughts are leading you to this state. What are you telling yourself? What are you making this mean? If you don't get your to-do list done, are you okay with it or are you using that to beat yourself up? This leads to more stress and then you are already stressed the moment you wake up.

Get between the thoughts and the stress, slow it all down, take deep breaths, asking yourself what's going on.

When Becky was sick with Covid and a sinus infection recently, she rested and did not feel stressed. She listened to her body and read, watched TV, slept a lot, allowed herself to just be sick. Back to real life after being sick, that relaxation state is long gone. So, she had to ask herself what she is making this mean, why does she live like this? She can't live like she is on vacation all the time and drop all her responsibilities, but she also doesn't have to live so stressed out all the time.

There is a balance one can have between being too busy and finding relaxation. When we take time to relax it actually helps us to be more productive later. Also, when life is very...

It's Becky's birthday this week! Happy Birthday to a wonderful friend, coach, and podcast partner! I am so lucky to know you and to be able to call you my friend! Enjoy your special day this Friday!

Please feel free to send us an email at [email protected] and let us know what topics you want to know about, or just to say hi or give us some feedback. Or, join us at our Facebook group called: Try Self-Love. We absolutely love our listeners and having you in our group is extra fun and special!

Today, Kristen and Becky dive into toxic positivity. What is that? People often will say "Don't worry, be happy," "Just think positively," and "It will all work out," which is all fine and good. We all want to think positively and be optimistic overall, but when it's at the expense of feeling true feelings, it sets you up to feel a lot of negative things about yourself.

Becky says that toxic positivity is usually when someone does not want to face negative emotions such as: sadness, anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, pain, loss, trauma-induced insecurity, etc. People who are uncomfortable with those emotions will try to escape them in any way that they can by pushing them away, backing away from them, dismissing them, etc. An example is when someone gets fired and their friend or loved one says, "Oh! Don't worry about it. You're going to get a new job tomorrow." They can't even let that person be sad or experience their own negative feelings about being fired.

When Becky's son died, her friend (now ex friend) said to her, "Oh, it's okay, you have other kids." That left Becky feeling dismissed and uncared about as though her feelings didn't matter. A person who is thinking only in the positive (toxically) may have an agenda of needing you to be okay because he or she is not okay with hard feelings. This is not a safe place for the person in pain and it's not allowing him or her to feel what they're feeling. This can mean that the person living in the toxic positivity actually does not allow him or herself to feel negative feelings.

Kristen says that someone who can't really handle your negative feelings ends up dismissing you. When someone says something like, "Why are you upset that you weren't invited to the party? You have so many other friends. There will be other parties. Who cares?" it puts you into a place of questioning yourself and feeling selfish or wrong for being upset when it actually makes sense that you would be upset. The truth is that you ARE upset. Just be real about it.

Toxic positivity doesn't allow you to be real or transparent with yourself. It actually encourages you to ignore your problems, hide from them, run away from them and all of your feelings. It's another way of suppressing your feelings and when you suppress your negative feelings, you can't actually be happy because you are putting on a mask and pretending. This is a way we disconnect from ourselves and who we really are when we act positive all the time and ignore the not-so-happy feelings. This makes you people please and make decisions that aren't good for you. People don't really trust you and you don't trust yourself. People may think that you are way too happy when really you should be feeling not so happy.

For Becky, there is an element of shame in it. People will make you feel like you should be happy with what you have instead of complaining about what you don't have. This inspires a lot of shame. Like, "You can't feel that way. Someone has it worse." They are not a safe person. Anything you share will be twisted and used against you. It's like they are saying, "How dare you not be thankful for your life. I know I could list five other people who have it so much worse than you. You should be happy. You should be feeling somehow different than you are feeling."

It's just denying reality and not allowing someone to be who they are. It's very dismissive. Your...

In this episode, Becky and Kristen discuss loneliness and how the pandemic has increased this very real and painful feeling. We need other people and to know that people care about us. The world right now is very affected by loneliness. It affects our children and social media seems to be enhancing and contributing to a feeling of isolation and a belief that we don't quite measure up.

During this episode, Kristen is in the midst of having Covid and she feels isolated and is confronting deep feelings in herself about her children, their lives, the hardship they face in this day and age and that loneliness is a feeling that none of us really want to experience. We run from and avoid it as much as we can. We do many things to try and avoid this feeling, such as drinking alcohol, over-eating, doing drugs, shopping, even exercising too much. Even being surrounded by other people who can leave you feeling lonely.

Becky says that there are different kinds of loneliness. Losing a pet or a spouse is a different kind of loneliness than someone who is new at school and doesn't have any friends. There are a lot of health issues that can arise from loneliness as well. You can experience heart problems, depression, anxiety, higher stress, poor sleep, and you can also be at risk for drug abuse to name a few. Loneliness can lead to a stress response in the body that can contribute to many downstream health conditions.

Feeling loneliness and like you don't measure up can create stress as you begin to ask yourself, "Why don't they like me?" or "Why doesn't anyone want to talk to me?" To live in that stress all the time can create chemical havoc in the body--even if you are trying to avoid the feeling of being lonely. Feelings don't just go away. They live in your body until you bring awareness to them. Handle your loneliness feelings in order to have better health.

In this world now where people meet less and less in person, it is a very tricky time. In this post-Covid world, how can we best reach out and connect with people? Kristen suggests that if we want to still do social media going forward (since it's likely not going anywhere), we should assess whether it is meant for connection or for comparison. Building a bridge of communication can create a connection whereas just showing off about yourself can create a desire to compare and create separateness from one another.

Getting out again and connecting to people in real life can be very helpful. Becky joined a group called Pace which is an online group of people who are going through similar situations. She joined in order to help herself feel less intimidated about speaking up in a group setting. There are also local Meet-Ups and hiking groups, local libraries that have courses and groups, volunteering opportunities, and churches that all may have your people to connect with.

If we could find a way to use social media to help people connect better, that could also be a good idea. People are creative and we need to be more proactive about it. Kristen reiterates how important it is to find your people. Ask yourself Who am I?" "What do I believe?" "What are my values?" in order to find the right people to connect with.

In the grand scheme of things, perhaps this pandemic is here to show us how to find our way out of loneliness and back to connecting more with others. Seeing the bigger picture of life, maybe something like the pandemic is happening FOR us instead of TO us even when it feels really bad right now. But we will get through this because we are very strong and very resilient, creative and intelligent. We are animals who are born to survive.

The creativity that can spring from his hard situation can mean forming new connections, getting along better, tolerating each other better. It's a great opportunity for all of us.

The positive about Kristen having Covid and feeling lonely lately is that she realized that she has...

Join our FB group, Try Self-Love. We'd love to hear what you're struggling with so we can do an episode on it! Email us at [email protected] or reach out on FB.

In this episode Kristen and Becky talk about perfectionism. This is very important so read carefully: The end of the world will not come if you don’t get it perfectly right. Is that hard to believe? When you're in recovery it doesn't mean that you're "perfect" (pun intended) at not being perfect. You just become aware of this tendency and then work on it. Stop trying to be perfect because you are not perfect and never will be. And that's okay!

Perfectionism comes from a place of fear and pain. If you are trying to be perfect then you are trying to control any and everything in order to stave off some future unknown. Spoiler alert: no one is perfect and you trying to control everything and make it perfect is only going to add to more pain, especially when things don’t go according to your plan or desires. This will just lead to shame and blame, as if you could or should have done something else or something more to avoid the outcome. It just doesn’t work.

If we could stop this futile attempt to be perfect and become recovering perfectionists the world would be a better place. Progress over perfection. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing; it doesn’t have to be perfect to be okay. Life is beautiful when you can be okay with the imperfections of life. Keep your expectations realistic and life will be much happier for all involved.

Perfectionistic expectations may stem from childhood, where you were expected to get it right and be in perfect control. Maybe you saw that modeled and knew that was an unspoken rule at home. Maybe you find yourself living that out in your own home. People will make their choices, especially children. No one wants to be controlled. If you feel like you are being controlled you will become resentful or turn to people-pleasing. You may become passive-aggressive or downright rebellious.

Social media is the perfect place (pun intended) to portray only the best of our lives. You can pretend all is perfect very easily online. It’s hard to connect to an image that isn’t quite portraying the whole truth of the person. You also disconnect from yourself when you hide the parts of you that you don’t like or don’t think measure up. People want to connect with a real, flawed human, not a robot who’s fake. We need to learn to have compassion for the parts of us that are never going to be perfect

Perfectionism is a way of staying stuck and trying things you really want to do. If you will never be able to attain something, you lose all motivation to try. Instead of trying to make things perfect for you and everyone in your life, let it be good enough. Find the balance. Done is better than perfectly planned but never executed. A 10-minute walk is better than the hour in the gym that never happened. Challenge your thoughts. When it pops up, “A 10-min walk isn’t going to do anything!” Answer back: That’s okay. I enjoyed it and maybe tomorrow I can go a little longer.” What is something that you really want to do? It won’t be perfect but that’s okay. Try it.

Challenge the negative thoughts. “You’ll never do it right” becomes, “I’m not going to get it right the first time but I will have fun trying.” Instead of telling yourself, "It wasn’t good enough" you say, "Nope! I did the best I could. I did enough and I am enough." Keep telling yourself this until you believe it.