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In which the Pelicans arrive at Urmston’s ground to find themselves locked out and drenched, as part of Clogger’s dirty tricks.


Billy Bobble stands outside the locked door of the Outlaw’s changing room, getting wetter than a duck in a thunderstorm. Beside him, Martin is inside his Pelican outfit which gives him a little more protection. 
Billy is doing his mental rehearsal for the tough fight he knows he will soon be facing. He remembers the last match when they fought bravely but lost three players from reckless tackles by the outlaws, and another left the field, ran out of the ground and never returned to the club.
But his mental rehearsal was interrupted by then memory a particularly violent scene from the Game of Thrones which he had watched recently, and which was still giving him nightmares.
In it, Daenerys had to deal with her old foes, the Slave masters of Slaver’s Bay. She needed the powerful help of dragons before she was able to overcome her enemies. ‘Trouble is’ Billy thought ‘we haven’t got any dragons, only Martin dressed up as a Pelican’
He dragged his thoughts back to what he knew he had to do. Watch carefully to see what particular form of violence was being meted out to the Pelicans by Clogger and his thugs. Then find some way to counter it... 

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Dr Glycol’s Chemical Cooking. Boneless Lamb Leg Joint

I learn from Dr Glycol about his latest chemical cooking experiment.
‘I’ve been cornered’ he said, ‘I agreed to try out an upmarket product. Marks and Spencer actually’.
It seemed our mutual friend Cordon Bleu Judy had decided Glycol would change his ways, if only he would try food cooked with what he called unnecessary ingredients, and what  the rest of the world consider to be flavourings and cooking enhancers.
‘What happened?’ I asked him.
‘I first established essential absences in the product. I am particularly averse to garlic, onions, and most sauces. At least Judy knows  that. The product was acceptable in that respect. Of course, there were additional chemicals you always find in processed food'.
He opened his iPad to show me the notes of what he called his experiment. He kindly supplied me the page from his cookbook-cum-laboratory-notebook ...

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According to an Instagram post authenticated with an image, a Swedish delivery driver left a large parcel of fresh fruit and veg jammed into a pram occupied by a sleeping baby. I had found yet another example of everyday creativity through which the routine is elevated into a memorable event.

The mother rang the company to complain and the driver, apparently stricken with remorse, turned up with flowers and sweets to apologise, and a modest cheque from the company.
Other examples of unexpected deliveries make news briefly from time to time. There’s the parcel cunningly concealed in a bush. And on bin day, left in a refuse collection bin.
One was reported as having materialised in the purchaser’s living room, presumably via an open window, rather than through one of Santa’s secret helpers.
Another was wedged behind a car’s windscreen wipers.
A less successful drop sailed over a fence, landing in a swimming pool.

Fake news?

I’m not saying these and other stories all happened. This is the possibility of urban myths springing up to enliven social gatherings.
But my guess is the hundred or more drop-offs required every day forces the driver (no assistant, for this type of work) to discover out-of-the-ordinary responses.
Excellent examples of everyday creativity, don’t you think.

[Acknowledgement: I am grateful to two anonymous journalists for the examples I borrowed here, from the Guardian column Pass Notes No 4,501, Delivery Disasters, 5 January 2023. 
TR]

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Newly released from their hospital beds, the EC pensioners were persuaded to face the might of Blue Stilton CC. 
Leaving their guide dogs at the door and supported by the (relative) youth of Captain Ahab and New recruit Steve Gouda, they were shown to the tables. ‘Remind me how a knight moves Gouda', wheezed Gorgonzola George. Shocked by a surprise e4, he moved the first pawn his shaking hand met, the c pawn, and exclaimed, ‘Oh dear, I’ve never played the Sicilian before’. 
Oldbutfit John, squinting through his cataracts, tried to remember whether White or Black moved first. 
Captain Ahab tried to complete the results card for the league, but several players said they could not remember their result. Oldbutfit John, discovered at the nearby Pawn and Pestle, couldn’t even remember taking part.
Captain Ahab filled out the form saying every player won, and posted it to the League Secretary, which led to the headlines which shocked the Chess World ...

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Twitter continues its new uncharted course, with Captain Ahab (aka Captain Musk) at the helm. His willingness to accept tweets 'in the interests of a libertarian philosophy' begins to have unexpected consequences. 

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Billy Bobble and the Poynton Pelicans. A Football Fantasy

Chapter 1. The Grudge Match against the Urmston Outlaws

Billy Bobble is the star of the Poynton Pelicans junior football team. He plays on the left wing.

In a match against their bitter rivals, the Urmston Outlaws he is injured by Ryan Clogger, the dirtiest player in the league.

He is out of action for the vital league cup final, where the Pelicans will again face the Urmston Outlaws.

But Billie has a plan cooked up with his two friends, Martin, the Pelican’s Mascot, and Sophie, the captain of the Pelican’s cup-winning Girl’s team … 

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John Keane is alerted to problems at Meniscus by an old colleague, the brilliant scientist Hari Antonocropolis. Hari arranges a secret meeting with John. Hari finds someone watching John but is able to communicate his news. He was recruited by Dr Trescothick before the explosion which killed the head of the laboratory to help identify someone at Meniscus working for some powerful enemy of the company..
They arrange a way of communicating with each other. Shortly afterwards there is an upheaval at the University with results in the sudden departure of Dr Beamer, who recruited John from Meniscus. 

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I have a tale to tell, full of personal blunders and their consequences... 

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Once upon a time there was a little girl named Megan who lived with her mother and father close to a forest, far away from their nearest neighbor.

One day, while walking in the forest, Megan said to herself, ‘I wish I had a friend I could talk with’. Then a voice said, ‘I could be your friend’

‘Who said that?’ There was nobody around. ‘Down here!’ Megan looked to the place where the voice was coming from, but there was nobody there. Suddenly something moved. ‘What was that?!' It looked like a mushroom… it couldn’t be… But it was! The mushroom was talking to her!

‘I can be your friend’ said the mushroom again. ‘I would love to go home with you, to a nice place, where it is calm and safe’. ‘What are you talking about?’ said Megan. She had been walking around that forest since she was 5 years old and had never considered it to be a dangerous place.

Suddenly, she heard a noise right behind her. ‘Oh no!’- the mushroom screamed ‘It’s too late. Run little girl!’ 
Megan could see a tall shape running towards them. Without thinking, she took the mushroom and started running as fast as she could. Luckily for her, she knew the forest perfectly. There was a hole in the side of the mountain, with an entrance so small
only a little girl could fit ...

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Tudorama celebrates Christmas with its own version of a festive message: 'Not the Thought for the Day'

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