Why give grace to others?  How would you like to be treated when you make a mistake? Would you like others to give grace to you? Would you like them to treat you with judgment and condemnation? Would you like them to speak to you harshly and ask "Why did you do that?"  If you're like me you would like them to give you grace, right? What is grace? It is understanding, forgiveness and acceptance. 

God gives us grace through Jesus and he calls us to give grace to others. Jesus taught us in Matthew 7:12 to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."   Our problem is that when others make mistakes we don't want to give them grace. Instead we want to teach them a lesson, hold them accountable and make sure they don't do that again. So instead of giving grace, we treat them exactly the way we don't want to be treated when we mess up.   If you want others to give you grace, then give grace to them. 

Let them off the hook, don't make a big deal about their mistakes, forgive and accept that person with all of their flaws. In other words, give them grace!  You may be saying - "I give grace to my spouse all the time and he/she still hurts me and makes mistakes. What do I do about that?" The Bible also tells us to "speak the truth with love."  and that Jesus came full of grace and truth. In my next video I'll teach on how to do that. For now, let's give grace to others.  

If you liked this, please follow, rate, review and share.   I'd like to give you a free video course on how to stop drifting apart in your marriage. To get it, go to https://turnitup.coach.  While you are there you can also get my book, Turn it Up! - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want.

Are you or someone you know getting married? Here are ten questions to ask yourself BEFORE you get married so that you can avoid making one of the biggest mistakes in your life and instead make one of the best decisions of your life.   When you ask yourself these questions, you will make a more rational, well thought out decision to marry rather than an emotional one. It really is true that Love is Blind, but you can minimize that by asking these questions.   I hope you found this helpful. 

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Marriage gone cold?  Here's how to turn up the H.E.A.T. There are lots of things in life that can cause a marriage that was once hot to go cold. Has your marriage gone cold? Could it be better? Are you not as close as you once were?  This recording will teach you how to turn up the HEAT again. Here's what HEAT stands for: H- Admit you need help E - Education. You need information and to learn how to be married. A - Apply what you learned. Knowledge without application is useless.  T - Transform. When you put into practice the new things you learned, your marriage will transform.  

If you found this helpful, you're invited to join my free Facebook group at https://turnitup.coach/facebookgroupFor more free resources and information about my book, go to www.turnitup.coach

Are your hobbies damaging your marriage? This recording will give you 5 steps to fix this. Hobbies like playing golf, going shopping, riding dirt bikes, are not bad but they can take over your life and become more important to you than your marriage.   There are many things that can damage a marriage - working too much, focusing too much on the kids even spending too much time serving at your church. Hobbies can be one of those things that start out good and can grow into something harmful if you're not careful.   Time is valuable and it is also limited. When you say yes to something, you automatically are saying no to something else.   How do you balance your life so you can enjoy your hobby and still have a great marriage? 1. Think about and prioritize what you really want 2. Talk about this with your spouse 3. Hold your hobby with an open hand, let go of it if you need to 4. Decide together how to fit your hobby into your life or if you need to stop doing it while you are in this season of life. 5. Find a hobby you and your spouse can enjoy together.  I hope you found this helpful. For more tips and resources, go to www.turnitup.coach. You are also invited to join my free Facebook group at https://turnitup.coach/facebookgroup If you'd like some marriage coaching, you are welcome to schedule a free session with me at www.turnitup.coach Thanks!

Here's a great marriage tip - Accept your spouse's influence.  Do you ever feel that you and your spouse are on different pages?  You see things differently, have different ideas about what to do to solve a problem, have different needs, desires and wants. HOW DO YOU GET ON THE SAME PAGE? One tip is to accept his or her influence.   

God’s plan for your marriage is found in Genesis 2:24. It says that two will become one. This means his will is that you work together to solve the challenges in life. That your marriage is one of we not me.  

Unfortunately, this is generally a problem for husbands. We don’t want to accept our spouse’s influence. Why? 

1. You think your way is better 

2. You think they don’t understand 

3. You think they don’t have the training or education or experience that you’ve had in this area so their opinion isn’t valid 

4. It feels like you are giving up your power and influence and leadership in your home 

5. You want to win   

If you want a great marriage that is fulfilling and satisfying, be open to listening to and implementing the input from your spouse. You show honor and respect for your spouse by listening and accepting their ideas and advice. Acknowledge they had a good idea. Thank him or her for suggesting that.   When you accept your spouse's influence, perhaps her or she will treat you differently!  

If you liked this marriage tip, please share it with others and comment. For more free marriage resources like this, go to www.turnitup.coach 

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Consider your perspective.  How you view things determines how you do things. Another way to say that is: Your perspective affects your performance.  If your spouse asks you to take out the trash or mow the lawn or go to the store for something, or help the kids with their homework, how do you view that request?  If you view the requests from your spouse as a chore, a task, or an interruption, if you do the task at all, you will do it reluctantly, half-heartedly, and without giving it your best.   But if you see his or her requests as an opportunity to show someone you love that you care about them and want to lighten their load, that changes the way you fulfill the request doesn't it?   It works the same way with a problem. Your problem is usually not your problem, how you see your problem is your problem.  In this recording you'll learn how to adjust the way you think about the requests and problems that come your way. As you change your perspective on them you will be much more successful in your personal and professional life, especially in your marriage.   If you liked this, please share.   You're invited to join my free Facebook group called Turn it Up! a group about relationships and marriage. Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/turnitupgroup For more free marriage resources, check out my website www.turnitup.coach

The first step to improving your marriage is to admit you need help.

What do you want your marriage to be like? If you want to get on the same page as your spouse, communicate better, solve problems and stop arguing, then you probably need help.

We don't want to get help generally. We instead deny we need help or we think that our self effort will fix things. Sometimes we just fake it and pretend everything is ok even though we know it's not.

In this recording you will learn why it's important to admit you need help.

You will also learn that help can be both direct and indirect. Indirect help can come from books, videos and podcasts where you will learn new ideas and strategies. Direct help comes from a coach, therapist, pastor or mentor who will speak directly into your lives and help you apply what you have learned.

If you liked this, please comment and share.

You are invited to join my free Facebook group at https://turnitup.coach/facebookgroup

You can get more free resources to help you have the lifelong marriage that you really want at www.turnitup.coach

Here's Valentines day tip: demonstrate your love. Do you demonstrate your love for your spouse? Most of us feel love towards the person we are married to. But do you consistently demonstrate that love? How do you know if someone means what they say? It's when they follow up their words with their actions.   

God did that for us. Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrated his own love for us in this, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He didn't just say it, he demonstrated his love for us by his actions. We need to do the same for our spouses.   

One of the problems I help couples solve in my marriage coaching is the wife not feeling loved or special. Her husband loves her but he doesn't know how to express that or demonstrate that. Because he doesn't know how, most of the time he doesn't do anything. And when he does do something, it usually fails.   

How do you demonstrate your love? Here's a suggestion - spend a few moments thinking about what your spouse likes and then get him/her that. It's not rocket science! But we often wait until the last minute and then scramble to do something that will send the right message. My suggestion is to think about it beforehand, make a plan and then execute the plan.   

Recently my wife and I went away for a few days to celebrate our anniversary. In addition to getting her a card and a gift, I also bought her flowers, bought a special scented candle and packed our bluetooth speaker so we could have some music. She loved these extra things and I could tell that my demonstration of love for her made her feel special.   

For more suggestions, I wrote an entire chapter about this in my book, Turn it Up! - how to have the lifelong marriage you really want.  You can get a copy at turnitup.coach/book.   Also check out the free video course and other marriage resources at https://turnitup.coach/helpful-tools/

Do you know how to respond instead of react? This is one of the most common mistakes we all make in relationships, we react instead of respond. When your spouse is upset at you for something and tells you about it, chances are you feel he/she is attacking you and your react. When you react you get defensive, start explaining, excusing yourself and perhaps blaming someone else. When you choose to respond you stop and think for a moment and then respond with something that will be helpful. John Maxwell teaches that all of us carry two buckets with us, one with water and the other with gasoline. When  you react and get defensive, it's like pouring gas on a fire. But when you respond instead of react, you pour water on the fire. Following this suggestion will save you a lot of problems in your marriage.  This video will not only tell you what to do, it will equip you to do it. You will learn how to respond instead of react.  Let me know what you think by leaving a comment,  share and subscribe.   You are also invited to join my free Facebook group. It's called Turn it Up! - a group about relationships and marriage. Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/turnitupgroup 

For more free resources, go to https://turnitup.coach/helpful-tools/

Here's a relationship suggestion that will remove a common mistake couples make. Instead of asking for what you need or want in your marriage, you assume your spouse will provide that. When they don't, you get offended and say, "You should have..."  You just put a should all over your spouse. The answer is to turn your should statement into a wish. "I wish you wouldn't do that..." This then is clear and it is not an attack. You can then make a request. "Would you please...?" This tool will really help your marriage and all your relationships. Check out my website, www.turnitup.coach for more free marriage resources.