Have you ever felt hopeless, helpless and powerless when facing a problem? I've felt that way. I found three powerful problem solving questions that helped me solve some problems and deal with the challenges of life more effectively.   

Here are the three questions: 

1. What can you do? 

2. What would you like to do? 

3. What will you do?  

In this teaching I'll explain how to use these three questions to seek God's help and come up with a plan that you can use to solve the problem you're facing.  

You're invited to join my free Facebook group, Turn it Up! a group about relationships and marriage. 

Check out my other free marriage and relationship resources at www.turnitup.coach

Are your words helping or hurting your marriage? Here's 20 words to use/not use that will help you have the marriage you really want. The way you talk to your spouse can either hurt or help your marriage.    Proverbs 18:21 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.  

This episode gives 10 words/phrases that are helpful and 10 words/phrases that are harmful. Here they are:  

Words that help – unify, strengthen, build up:  

1. We – what are we going to do about this? We need help. 

2. Our – our kids, our house, our money,  

3. Let’s – let’s figure this out, let’s work on our communication. Let us… 

4. Us – I think it would help us if we… 

5. I feel – 

6. Thank you 

7. Would you please 

8. I apologize 

9. I take responsibility 

10. May I - may I help you.  

Words that hurt – critical, defensive, blame, judge, tear down, accusing 

1. Always – you always 

2. Never – you never 

3. If you 

4. It’s your fault 

5. You’re the reason 

6. Why – as in why did you do that? 

7. You are 

8. How could you?  

9. What were you thinking? 

10. Did you – did you do that?  

If this was helpful, please comment, like and subscribe. 

You are also invited to join my free Facebook group: Turn it Up! - a group about relationships and marriage.  Check out my website: www.turnitup.coach for more free resources.

Do you know how to grieve or how to help someone going through grief? There are a lot of people in our community grieving today. If you are grieving the loss of someone you loved or if you love someone who is going through grief, this episode will really help you.  

First I will teach you the common ways I've seen people grieve. Only one of these ways is helpful. The other ways only make the pain last longer. You will learn how to grieve in a healthy way.   

Then I teach on how to help someone going through grief.  Many of us are at a loss on how to help someone who is grieving.  This podcast will help you to help them.   

I would love to hear your comments, questions and take aways. 

Also, I invite you to subscribe to keep getting content like this from me.  You are invited to join my free Facebook group: Turn it Up! a group about relationships and marriage.   

Also check out my book and the other resources I have for you at www.turnitup.coach  

Do you want to have a great marriage? One way to have that is to regularly ask yourself and then ask you spouse the "connection question." Hi, I'm Kelly, pastor, police chaplain and marriage coach with another tool that will help you have the lifelong marriage you really want.  The connection question is basically, "how's our connection?" 

Other ways you could ask that are: 

1. How are we doing as a couple? 

2. Is there anything you want to see different or changed in our relationship? 

3. What do you like about our marriage? 

4. Is there something you would like to see more of in our marriage? 

5. Is there something that you would like to see less of or stop that’s occurring in our marriage? 

6. What adjustments can we make to improve our marriage? 

7. Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? 

8. Are you satisfied with the quality of our connection? 

9. What ideas do you have about strengthening our marriage? 

Asking the connection question places your marriage in reality and not fantasy. It's looking at how things are really going, not how do you hope or wish they were.  Asking this question is not an act of fear or paranoia, rather a desire to look honestly at what is going on. Then when you see the reality of your marriage, you can take action: repair the damage, get help from a coach, reconnect, etc.   Asking the connection question keeps you from being overconfident and assuming things are great when they might not be. I hope this helps. 

If you'd like some help with your marriage, comment below or email me at [email protected]

Do you know how to help someone you love share their feelings? It could be your spouse, your kids or a friend. Everyone needs a safe place to process and share how they feel about things in life. This skill will help you become closer and be the supportive person your loved one needs. Emotions need motion and you can be a catalyst that helps someone get out what is in their heart instead of just stuffing it inside. It’s hard to share our feelings. Some of us just don’t know how. Perhaps we were raised in a home where it was not ok to have, let alone share your feelings, especially the negative ones. Many of us don’t know how we are feeling because we are not in touch with them. Others don’t have the vocabulary that adequately describes them. 

Here’s how to help someone share their feelings: 

1. Ask an open ended question to start the conversation. A great one is “Tell me about your day.” 

2. Listen carefully and pay attention. Put away or turn off anything that might distract you so you can focus on what they are saying. Remember, you asked for this! 

3. Clarify by either asking follow up questions or repeating back in your own words what they just said to you. 

4. Ask the magic question – “How did that make you feel?” This will invite them to move beyond reporting on the events to the realm of their feelings.  

5. Suggest feeling words if they are struggling to describe their emotions to you. Be patient and let them try first, but if they don’t have the right word, you could suggest one.  Try to imagine how you would feel if the same thing happened to you? Then suggest that to see if that’s what they are feeling. 

6. Thank them for sharing. This is a privilege you need to appreciate and show your gratitude. 

7. Model sharing your feelings for them. You can do this by saying, “Let me tell you about my day.” Then follow that up with “Here’s how that made me feel…”  I hope you found this helpful. 

If you’d like more help with this, I wrote an entire chapter on this subject in my book, Turn it Up! – how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want. You can get it at www.turnitup.coach/book. 

Also, here’s the link for my website for more free articles and videos on marriage and relationships: www.turnitup.coach. 

You are invited to join our free Facebook group: Turn it Up, a group about relationships and marriage.

I've discovered a big mistake wives make. Have you ever been frustrated when you've asked your husband to do something and he didn't do it? Listen to this episode to find out what the big mistake is and the simple fix that will change everything.  

If you like this tip, go to https://turnitup.coach for my free video course on how to stop drifting apart in your marriage. You'll also find lots of other free videos and articles on how to turn up your marriage.  

 If you'd like a copy of my book, Turn it Up! - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want, go to https://turnitup.coach/book

You are also invited to join my Facebook group: Turn it Up - a group about marriage and relationships.

Do you know what the simplest and best way to strengthen your marriage or relationship is? You may laugh when I give you the answer because it's common sense, but I talk to couples all the time who have let this slip from their lives and their marriage suffers because of it. Here’s the answer – spend time together. Just like the phone you have, you’ve got to charge it up for it to work. If you don’t, it will eventually weaken and then die. The same thing is true in a marriage. Even if you are busy and have kids to take care of, if you don’t spend time with each other alone, your relationship is going to run out of power and stop working. 

Here’s four keys to spending time with each other: 

1. Prioritize - There are things you want to do and things you need to do. Spending time with each other is a need to do type of thing. Yes, there are obstacles that must be overcome to make this happen but when you realize how important it is, you will come up with creative ways to conquer the challenges that are keeping you from spending time together. Some couples feel guilty or selfish spending time with each other. If you want your marriage to be strong and to last. This is essential! 

2. Plan – The saying is true that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Get your calendar out and decide when you are going to go on a date. Keep things fresh by adding variety to your plans. Guys like to do side by side activities like watching a game or playing golf.  Women usually prefer face to face things like having dinner. Do both. If you can afford it, it’s also helpful to plan big things like going away for a night or two a few times a year along with your weekly date. The key is to consistently get these things on your calendar, then you won’t be swept along by the demands of a busy schedule. When you plan your time together, think too about what will make the event special for your spouse. Doing something he prefers or buying her roses adds a lot to the time you are spending together. Your goal is to make your spouse feel loved.  

3. Prepare – get a baby sitter, make the dinner reservation, and look up the location so you know how long it will take you to get there. All of these things make the date go smoothly. Think of what needs to happen before you leave the house and take care of those things. 

4. Proceed – get out of the house and have fun together, just the two of you.  I hope this is helpful. If you liked it, please subscribe to my channel. 

Check out www.turnitup.coach for more marriage resources and www.turnitup.coach/book to get my book, Turn it Up! – how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want. Also, you’re invited to join my free Facebook group: Turn it Up – a group about relationships and marriage.