Two Boys in a Balcony

Gather all ye virgins and let me sing you a tale of three witch sisters and the virgin that resurrected them accidentally by using his virgin fingers to light a candle in what can only be described as the virgin goof of the century. That's right, all you blossoming young boys and girls, we watched the 1993 Disney cult classic Hocus Pocus and you know what? It's a movie! We tried our best to keep this episode clean and free from the scourge of profanity but Sean insulted Motley Crue and Bill lost his cool. It happens. But what I can tell you is that this episode is the perfect cap to the first annual Boo Englund celebration of all the spookier New England films. Fare thee well, October. We'll see you next October! And we'll see you here every Wednesday for more new episodes as we ramp into the holiday season the only way we know how - ignorantly discussing movies that we're only partially familiar with and insulting each other in ways both new and revolting.

Smack dab in the middle of Boo England, it's the Two Boys in a Balcony Halloween Spooktacular! With special guest appearances from Sean Sullivan! Bill McMorrow! The boys are counting down their FIVE FAVORITE SCARY MOVIES and talking about a whole lot more. It's a bonus episode because we* love you**

*Sean

**the sound of his own voice

Say it threw times for the third week of Boo England... balconyboys balconyboys balconyboys! Whoa watch out the hosts with the ghosts are here to talk about Sean's self-professed favorite movie of all the time, the 1988 Tim Burton masterpiece, Beetlejuice. He'll say silly things like this was the career peak for everyone involved and [email protected] if you think you can prove him wrong. Spoiler alert: you can't. Bill had never seen this movie and boy oh boy did he jump in the line and rock his body in time, ok? I believe you. We're talking the magic career of lil Timmy Burton from Pee-Wee to Dumbo and everything in between but mostly about how Otho should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor at the Academy Awards. They don't mention that on the episode but hindsight is 20/20 and we're correcting a mistake now. Who writes these blurbs? Jesus christ. Anyway... Beetlejuice rules and it stars the ghost of Alec Baldwin, the ghost of Geena Davis, Wynona Ryder, the goddamn queen of North America Catherine O'Hara, and that other guy that was in Deadwood after he'd already done that really horrible thing that should have prevented him from being cast in Deadwood... seriously how did that happen?

****Today's episode is brought to you proudly by Fences! Since the beginning of time, Fences! have been used to keep people from going places they shouldn't go. Fences! When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, singing words of wisdom, "Get a fence!" Go to your local fencing supply store and use offer code Balcony for one confused look. Fences!****

Today in the balcony, we celebrate week two of Booooooooo England, our celebration of the spookier side of New England films, by watching the 1989 Pet Sematary directed by a person and written by a weirdo. Is this movie a complete disaster or an honest to God classic? Who can say? Join us as we discuss mostly fences if we're being completely honest. Is your yard fenced in? Do you know where your kids are? If you had a fence, you'd be damn sure they weren't chasing kites into the street. So grab your favorite dead kitty cat and annoying neighbor and take a stroll through the backwoods of Maine. Pet Sematary stars a lump of bricks, Tasha Yar, the kid that said "boys have a penis, girls have a vagina" in Kindergarten Cop, unbounded property lines, and Herman Munster.

Clap, clap! Turn on the lights and get out of the basement! It's the Conjuring on the first week of Booooooooo Englund, the Two Boys in a Balcony October celebration of the New England films for the more spooky hearted. A rare case of a New England film crossing state lines, join famed CT paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren for an exploration of the true(?) story of the Perron family haunting of Harrisville, RI. Look, I'll be honest with you... this movie creeped me out (Hi. It's me, Sean. I write these. Bill can't write.) Listen to two grown men debate whether or not they would talk to ghosts for a million dollars! They say other things but I'm (me, Sean, again) too afraid to listen to this episode. 

The Conjuring stars Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Ron Livingston, Lili Taylor, a hundred and one kids, a bunch of fucking ghosties and one very dumb and completely unrealistic childhood game.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered hear today to mourn the death of the career of Penis Breath, the young man who played the older brother in E.T. who was doomed to play the lead of today's balcony feature, the 1983 I Am The Cheese, a movie so unenjoyable it's only available on youtube or at your sadder public libraries. But fret not, friendly listener, because the Balcony Boys do all the heavy lifting as they implore you with a heart full of love to never watch this movie on your own. Listen, though, because many a wonderful goof is had including discussions of the death of Natalie Wood, the aformentioned E.T., and almost any other single thought that popped into their minds. I Am the Cheese stars the older brother from E.T., so many old, old, old men, and a fat man dressed like a newsie? This movie sucks but this episode is fun!

Welp nothing floats forever. This week in the balcony, the boys bid a fond farewell to Derry, ME with their most recent movie yet, 2019's IT Chapter Two. The boys gathered the balconeers and headed to the cinema on opening night and will recount you with their tale of surviving a two hour and fifty minute sequel. How much popcorn is too much? Where should you deposit the excess? Would you believe that the key to defeating an ancient cosmic evil is to study with the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross? IT Chapter Two stars Professor X, Miss Sloane, Stefon, Ziggy, a guy on a horse, another guy, and Pennywise the damn dancing clown. Just call us angel of the balcony! It's Two Boys in a Balcony. Pray for us!

 

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Everything floats in the balcony... because we put root beer and ice cream on it! Hey! It's the longest goddamn episode of this very fun and popular podcast and CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BALCONY BOYS! It only took 13 episodes till we finally made one that was longer than the movie we watched! It's a spooky one today because we're talking about the 2017 re-adaptation of Stephen King's IT directed Andy Muschietti, just in time for the sequeal IT Chapter Two to hit theaters. We tackle all the big issues. What's different from the book? What's different from the 1990 mini-series? Can you handcuff a moose? Has Sean ever read a book in his life? Who can say? IT stars Bill Skarsgaard, a red balloon, 11,000 little kids, and a can of perafin wax.

Ripped from the tabloids, it's Two Boys in a Balcony and we're talking the steamy, black comedy To Die For directed by Gus van Sant. Have you ever wondered what teachers the balcony boys are still pining for? Have you ever wanted to somehow know less about Pamela Smart than you did before? Well you're in luck cause class is in session and Professors Sullivan and McMorrow are here to teach you the Golden Rule: rate, review, and subscribe. To Die For stars Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Joasfkasdghna;lskerqn Phoenix, a probably pre-scumbag Casey Affleck, another person, and David Cronenberg.

Today on a somber episode of Two Boys in a Balcony, the boys are taking a look at the harrowing expose on mental illness from the early 90s, What about Bob? A very serious study of the decline of the modern man, this... just kidding this thing is silly as shit and we're here for it! Can a movie starring two of Hollywood's most reliable leading men who absolutely hate each other on sight succeed? We think so. It's a fun one and most importantly, it's a good one. What About Bob stars Bill Murray, Richard Dreyfuss, Julie Hagerty, the lady from Law and Order Criminal Intent, the kid from Hook, a goldfish in a mason jar, and my man, Reg E Cathay. It's What About Bob on Two Boys in a Balcony!