Two Boys in a Balcony

Hey I could have been a contender! I could have been a something! Instead of a B.U.M. Equipment sales representative! Ladies and gentlemen, the boys went remote again cause of the gosh darn novel coronavirus variant number five or six at this point but fret not, it's a whole episode of chuckles and fuckles all about the best picture winner of 1954, the excellent anti-union propaganda piece, On the Waterfront, directed by actual dead snitch Elia Kazan. The tragic story of a guy who was afraid of collective bargaining, Kazan directed the movie also. I hate this paragraphs. Nobody reads them. I shoveled snow all morning and now I'm sitting here typing this shit out. This isn't how it was supposed to be. I had dreams of my name in lights, up on the stage, reciting some of the great dramatical works of the 20th century. I could have been a contender. I could have been a somebody instead of a B.U.M. Equipment sales representative. It's On the Waterfront!

Loyal listeners, WE. ARE. BACK. FROM. THE. ONE. WEEK. WE. TOOK. OFF. It's 1953's Best Picture winner, From Here to Eternity and spoiler alert, neither of the boys remembered to do say the title of the film in "Near.... far" Grover voice. I just wanted to get it in there. Partial credit is still credit. It's the touching story of a bunch of beach bums who answer the call when they're nation (or what would be their nation in another 15 years) comes under attack. We had fun. We sing some Sinatra. It's good. 

Ho ho ho! The boys are taking a couple weeks off from their Academy Awards mega-watch but didn't want to leave you standing in the breeze, holding your junk, reflecting on the decline of the American empire. We wouldn't do that to you so we recorded an episode about a classic Hollywood Christmas special long lost to time but found 10 years ago and lovingly restored and dumped onto HBOMax with no fanfare. It's Rod Serling's A Carol for Another Christmas directed by lil Mank(Mank!) and starring the cast of Dr Strangelove. Does it rule? Absolutely. Is it depressing? Absolutely. WIll you be able to get credit at your local community college for watching and engaging with this poignant and still relevant film? Absolutely. That's the Balcony guarantee! Listening to this podcast is worth 7 credits at any community college. Bill's already half way to a degree in tube television repairs and Sean is in the Matrix. Do you want the red pill or the blue pill? The red pill wakes you up from this pristine nightmare world and the blue pill keeps sedated and denies you the joy of the post-apocalyptic utopia where there is no sun. Follow the rabbit or something. Bullettime.  

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Step right up and behold the most misleadingly titled film of all time, The Greatest Show on Earth! Directed by Cecil B Demille, this circus documentary disguised as a love story/fugitive clown story is so long that I don't want to prattle on about it anymore so Bill will have to fill in something on the instagram post cause I'm tired goddammit. i'm so fucking tired.

Light up those baguettes, folks because this week the Balcony is in the City of Lights, France, where they got nude beaches but the girls don't shave their pits. It's An American in Paris directed by Vincente Minelli and starring Gene Kelly and really that's the story here. Holy hell. You seen this guy? Gene Kelly? Fucking incredible. An absolute star. One of the brightest of all time. There's 90 minutes of an adorable movie and then 20 minutes that elevates it to a level of greatness we rarely see. It's An American in Paris and it's a movie and we're a podcast!

Finally.... it's Kim Carnes's time to shine! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. We took a week off last week so Billy Boy could spoil the natural beauty of Aruba but we're back this week celebrating all things Oscar (de la hoya, the grouch, mayer) and we've got a doozy this week as we talk about All About Eve! Bette Davis is back and she's still the goddamned greatest and she's still getting messy with her female co-stars. Great performances abound and a good movie will be found. Also we sing probably I don't know. We just recorded but we both enter fugue states. It's All About Eve and it's all about fun!

Humpty Dumpty sat in the Balcony, eating his curds and wey. Along came some dipshits to discuss all the movies and pushed Humpty Dumpty to his death. That's right, folks. IT WAS MURDER. That dumb egg bitch wouldn't play ball so the Balcony political machine scrambled his ass. Folks, it's Year 22 of our celebration of the Academy Award for Best Picture winning films and boy howdy do we got a dang barn burner for all you hicks in the sticks. It's the 1949 political melodrama All the King's Men and it's gooooooood as heck. Not perfect by any means but light years better than the absolutely attrocious 2006 Sean Penn starring remake. Holy shit is that thing bad. There was a slight covid related mishap about 8 minutes in (we're both physically still alive) but there's plenty of fun in the sun. If you're down Aruba way, make sure to say hey to Bill McMorrow. He's the one farting up the hot tub at all hours of the night!

To BE or not to BE, that is the question. This movie sucks. Hamlet rules but we both hated this in ways unexpected and wondrous. Genuinely surpirsed by this too. If you look at the list of all the Best Picture winners, I would rather watch almost any of them including Crash and Green Book before I ever lay eyes on this version of Hamlet again. Laurence Olivier, fuck you. Two Boys in a Balcony does not care for you or your attitude. 

Welp, this is the week Bill finally broke. Poor guy was cruising right along and I don't know if it's the residual stress of a global pandemic or what but our sweet, sweet boy finally lost his damn mind this week which actually works in your favor cause as we return to our Best Picture Weekly Marathon, this week's Best Picture winner is just kind of... fine? I don't know. It's a very heavy handed film about a very important issue that still plagues us as a society but I'll be honest, I thought for sure this was the week we'd accidentally cross a line and cancel each other but we didn't? Maybe? I don't really remember. It's 1947's Gentleman's Agreement and we're the Balcony Boys and you're you and goddammit you're doing the best you can.