Two Boys in a Balcony

Somebody got a little damn cosmic horror in my regularly scheduled Boo Englund 3D! Folks, it's John Carpenter's underappreciated piece of brilliance, In The Mouth of Madness. Just a typical tale of insurance fraud mixed with the cosmic origins of the universe. Somebody even says, "The Old Ones" in this thing. It's a straight up Cthulhu. Sam Neil from JURASSIC PARK EVER HEARD OF IT, stars as a flipping narc come to make sure that big insurance stays rich and uh oh loses his damn mind. Like all the way. Like it's impressive how little of his mind is left at the end of this thing. It's a wild one and here to help you navigate it are a couple of boys who know a thing or two about going mad and getting mad. It's the Two Boys of Two Boys in a Balcony talking about the great JC. Merry Christmas ya'll

Who the let the DOG out? Woof woof woof woof. Haha lol it's week three of Boo Englund 3D and we're talking about the scariest thing on the planet Earth, of course, rabies and adultery. We take another trip round Stephen King country as we look at the compelling story of a dog that got bit by a bat who then goes on a killing spree of property protection proportions. Fully on Cujo's side in this one folks. Look wittle chonky fur baby Cujo! Who cares if sometimes it's a guy in a suit or a chocolate lab in a suit. Bonus: we talk about the dangers of sugary cereal (or mention it. i really can't keep track of what it is we say). Sean auditions for a Colbert Report reboot and Bill turns 51! Ain't life grand! He's going to Aruba so venmo MrSeanSullivan any amount of money so that Bill can pay off his trip!

Look, folks. There comes a time in every podcast's life where one of the hosts takes a nauseating boat ride to a beautiful New England island, gets zero sleep, takes the first nauseating boat ride home in the morning, dads all day, and then falls asleep multiple times while recording a podcast about a movie that no one likes. Folks. The sound this week is less than ideal but at least the content is content. We watched Flowers in the Attic for week two of Boo Englund 3D and it's a stinker. No two ways around it. This has big tv movie energy but somehow played in theaters. There's less incest than you expect but more incest than you'd hope. Very little flowers. Good amount of attic.  

When there's something strange... in your podcast app... who gon' call? The Balcony Boys. Hmmm that parody fell apart pretty quick. I don't feel good about that one. It's Boo Englund 3D! WHAT? That's right! For one month only, Sean and Bill have agreed to set aside the award winning films of dead people to watch movies that have won absolutely no awards about dead people! These are the Halloween movies of New England and we're easing into with a Halloween flick that actually did win an Academy Award (Best Score) and was nominated for upwards of one (1) additional Academy Award. It's a tale as old as time. Have you ever looked at your dumb life and thought "What the fuck am I doing here? Why I don't just sell my soul to the damn devil and then hire the greatest legal mind of the 1800s to get me out of it?" Weird thought but it's also the plot of The Devil and Daniel Webster. So rate... review... and SURVIVE MUHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh ladies and gentlemen... 2020... 2021... these... these are not the best years of our lives, folks. There are merely years of our lives. The Best Years of Our Lives? Ummm the immediate aftermath of the second world war. EVER HEARD OF IT? It's William Wyler's three hour post-war epic! It came so close to sweeping and winning every award it was nominated for (get your act together, sound recorder of The Best Years of Our Lives). It's a quiet human movie and it cooks. You blink and there's only 2 hours and 30 mins left. Blink again and it's only 2 hours left! It's really a beautiful  film and we're arguably the two stupidest people that have ever discussed it. It's a fun one. It's the Best Hour and Half of Your Day!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Reefer Madness of whiskey... the Lost Weekend! Have you ever been some dipshit sad sack in 1940s New York so addicted to the drink that you'll... drink? Yeah. Intense shit. It's definitely a movie and it definitely won awards and we here at Balcony Boys Industries can't for the life of us figure out why. Sometimes these award winners are magical surprises and sometimes these award winners are 90 minute slogs about one miserable shit trying to drink himself to death. At least, Philp Marlowe and the Thin Man had the decency to solve some crimes in the midst of their living blackouts. I don't know. Two weeks till Boo Englund 3D! Get your tshirts at a store that makes tshirts and then also send us some of those tshirts (3xl/2xl - Bill thinks he's an XL and right now? Maybe he is but come on... throw another x on the man's shirt. If it's too big he can use it as a sleep shirt.) 

Aw gee shucks wilikers I done forgot to post the podcast on time because this week's Best Picture plum tuckered me out by struggling to keep me awake! It's Going My Way, the story of a golf-loving priest who turns a whole bunch lil' stinkers (boys) into a show choir! It's the who-gives-a-shit-est choice they could have made after giving the Big Dog award to Casablanca last week but that's life, right? That's what all the people say. 

Here is looking at you, kid! It's Casablanca! What? You haven't seen Casablanca? Oh. Weird. You might want to do that or at the very least, never say those words out loud ever again. Don't ever tell somebody you haven't seen Casablanca. What're you stupid? You're not stupid. You're smart. Very smart. And handsome or beautiful or some non-gendered way to objectify your level of attraction. Believe in yourself. We believe in you. It's a good movie and you deserve to do something nice for yourself. Stop being so co-dependent. You don't need a man or a woman. You just need a couch and a tv or an airplane and a phone or a movie theater that is very specifically showing the Best Picture Winning film, Casablanca and if you don't have those things, maybe make better choices. A lot of this all depends on personal responsibility. You can try and blame other people for not having seen Casablanca OR you could splash some cold water on your face and get your act together. You're almost 39 for crissakes you can't keep doing this. It's all just hustle hustle hustle for gigs and then you spend the rest of the time trying to track down the money. What're you getting out of this? Sure, you make people laugh by the dozens at a time but is that it? Is that all you wanted to be? A stand up comedian, forever in debt to the ruling banks of this land? Grab a rock and smash the glass. This is an emergency. Grab that axe and cut the umbilical cord that's stuck in the machine of life like an old lady's foxwoods reward card attached to the oxygen tank on her jazzy stuck in a slot machine. Free yourself from the Matrix. I can't believe you forgot to mention the fucking Casablanca scene in Space Jam A New Legacy. The two of you/us watched that fucking thing and we didn't even think for a second that it was worth mentioning? Anyway. Good movie. 

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" unless that rose was named after another man's wife in which case it smells extra sweet. It's all flower shows and air raids on this episode of Two Boys in the Balcony as the Balcony boys dig into William Wyler's 1942 Best Picture winning best picture "Mrs Miniver," an excellent movie about the domestic side of living in a warzone and also getting cucked by an amateur horticulturalist who names a rose after another man's wife. Great flick. Check that shit out!

Ladies and gentlemen, lest your eyes deceive you this is an episode about what the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has deemed the best movie of 1941, How Green Was My Valley, a movie directed by the great John Ford that beat Citizen Kane, a movie that fucks. Do you like coal? Do you like people trying to do Welch accents except for one dickhead whose last name rhymes with pigeon? Then boy do we have a flick for you. It's Two Boys in a Balcony and we're singing Welch mating tunes galore in this one. Also we got our first sponsor! Jeff Dunham Hot Sauce! Get yours today at www.secure.jeffdunham.com