Two Gents From Nowhere

Due to popular demand (no, really), a mere two hours after the historic announcement of her death, the Two Gents discuss the legacy of Queen Elizabeth II. This special emergency episode contains content some listeners may find offensive, such as Phil’s disturbing Donald “Sad!!!” Trump impression, and Dominic’s ill-timed remarks about himself, Princess Diana and Christie Brinkley. Also: Will King Charles III be any good at kinging? Did Dan Quayle spell potato(e?) correctly? Was Macho Man Randy Savage right to say that “Nothing means nothing”? And what the devil happens now to all those ER II garbage cans/litter bins scattered around British parks? Meanwhile, as the world unites to mourn the loss of the UK’s longest serving monarch (aka The G.O.A.T.), Phil has the sports news.

With a discombobulated Phil in a rainy Los Angeles and a grieving Dominic Hilton in a stormy Buenos Aires.

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Also: Should you leave a salami by your front door to catch burglars? Who wears Prada loafers to building sites? Is it a crime to snack as you shop? What are “White Rabbits” and why did you just punch me in the kidneys? How do you pronounce “E.E.U.U.” in a Spanish accent? Where’s the best place to hide when you’re blinded by tomato juice and being chased by a snarling bull? And which politicians should be forced to wrestle each other in gravy?

It’s the podcast that makes you dumber and never catches any murderers, with a McDonald’s-lobbying Phil in Los Angeles and an ear wax-encumbered Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires.

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The Two Gents discuss python bounty hunters, giant rodent infestations, and the parking situation in California. Plus: When is a looting not a looting but a movie shoot? Which Olivia Newton John should you fancy in GREASE? Are fanny packs unconstitutional? And what’s an acceptable number of buttons to undo on your shirt at a wedding? Meanwhile, Dominic finally wins a round of “Piece of IKEA Furniture or City in Sweden?”

It’s “The podcast that’s like going into a latrine and spraying a bunch of Lysol” with a Barry Gibb-admiring Phil in Los Angeles and a chess-playing Dominic Hilton in “bizarra Argentina” (New York Times).

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Is this the worst possible time to be alive? It is now! The Two Gents survey multiple signs of the coming apocalypse, including a government campaign to abolish neck ties, a potential shortage of Hershey treats for Halloween, Phil’s secret desire to dress up as Liberace, and the high price of transforming yourself into a “real life zombie” for the day (lunch included). Plus, a rant against science, special guest appearances by Alfred Hitchcock and Mr. Dawes Sr., and a heartfelt tribute to the late, great Vin Scully.

With Phil in a mourning Los Angeles and Dominic Hilton in a bat-infested Buenos Aires.

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The Two Gents lament the loss of yet another great American institution, review the new Doner Kebab Pot Noodle, and quarrel over the correct pronunciation of “Salisbury”. As Phil abuses the phrase “right up your alley”, Dominic wonders how Her Maj the Queen would score in the bikini round of a beauty pageant. Plus, a novel plan for fixing society’s ills, a list of job openings in the Royal Household, and an urgent examination of Dominic’s increasingly sinister Spanish lessons.

With a crestfallen Phil in Los Angeles and a salmon-free Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires.

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In this special extended episode, Phil returns home from his British vacation to report on the strange antiquated land of Mr. Whippy 99 Flakes and Platinum Jubilee Urinal Cakes. Subjects discussed by the Two Gents include: Is Her Majesty the Queen a cheapskate?; What exactly are Dippin’ Dots?; Should the hosts start a Scotch Egg business?; What does it really say on the Rosetta Stone?; How much does a knock-off iPhone cost in Argentina?; What’s the deal with the Duchess of Cornwall and flappy-eared elephants?; Has Hunter Biden been smoking crack, or something?!; How do you pronounce “IncluXion”?; Was Phil inappropriately frisked by Boris Johnson at Heathrow Airport? and Is America “an inescapable web of scams” (New York Times) or “just one big farce” (Phil)?

With a refreshed Phil in Los Angeles and a sedated Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires.

As Phil prepares to visit the United Kingdom on his summer holidays, Dominic offers an expert guide to British culture, explaining in unnecessary detail the chivalrous significance of blue silk thongs, the cardinal art of peasant thrashing, and the proper meaning of the everyday cockney phrase “swallow the dick”. From embroidered garters to doeskin pumps, sadistic nannies to dangling sporrans, the forensic examination of these screwy people and their screwy ways prompts an anxious Phil to ask, “Are Brits walking psychological time bombs?” Meanwhile, a listener asks about DUIs in the Metaverse, angry Argentines burn the Union Jack below Dominic’s apartment, and a synopsis of the movie Alien that you really don’t want to miss.

With a suitcase packing Phil in Los Angeles and an emotionally misdirecting Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires.

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Is Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II a digital hologram? Do all footmen have foot fetishes? And on which tropical island does Tupac now live with Princess Diana, Elvis, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Monroe? The Two Gents bring their unrivaled brand of hard-hitting investigative journalism to yet another episode featuring drunk corgis, royal penguins, and biblical plagues of emotional support cockroaches. Plus, what’s the real meaning of a “butt party”? Is Gordon Gekko the obvious successor to Bake Off judge Prue Leith? And will Dominic ever recover from having once let Lord Fuddlestone enter the House of Lords Chamber with his fly undone?

With (chicken) breast man Phil in a back-to-normal Los Angeles and leg man Dominic Hilton in a rioting Buenos Aires.

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To mark 70 years of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s divine reign over her drunk British peasants, Phil and Dom review the celebratory events across the globe, which saw countless doves ritually smothered, millions of quails blown to smithereens, and His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Chester, Earl of Carrick, Earl of Merioneth, Baron of Renfrew, Baron Greenwich, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, CC, CMM, PC, ADC enjoying a well-deserved break from his deep concern about the cost of living for working families to play a few rounds of fizz pong. In this special once-in-a-century episode, the Two Gents honor Her Maj’s seven decades of selfless, diamond-encrusted-tiara-wearing public service by discussing conker fights, microwave clocks, rabid corgis, and Stormy Daniels.

With a nonplussed Phil in Los Angeles and a never-been-so-chuffed-to-not-be-in-Blighty Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires.

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How do you pronounce Loughborough? Is it de rigueur to sport a top hat to a cookout? And does mind-blowing daytime nooky with your missus trigger sudden onset amnesia within ten minutes of coition? As Dominic attempts to get Phil beaten senseless in the Dodger Stadium parking lot, Phil shoots into the brown striving to fathom the British penchant for wall-to-wall vomiting. In their most ridiculous episode yet, the Two Gents discuss everything from Cyndi Lauper's psoriatic arthritis to H.P. Sauce, with the usual great brown dollop of everything in between.

Inquiries: [email protected]