💭 What I’m thinking about

I recently listened to Brené Brown’s interview with the Gottman’s regarding their latest book, The Love Perscription.

One of the main TLDR’s for me was that when you know what someone needs or wants, it’s easier to give that to them. No one is a mind reader and we need to communicate our expectations so they’re not stealthy.

While I think this is certainly true in romantic relationships, I don’t see why it doesn’t apply to all the relationships we encounter on a day-to-day basis.

Recently, a friend of mine shared a career pivot she’s looking to make and asked if I had any connections or resources she could share. In the following days, multiple things popped up in my universe that I quickly passed on to her, in hopes of being helpful.

Had she never communicated her needs or wants, I’d never be able to (hopefully) help her.

As I think about this further, I think this relates to one of the most common misconceptions when it comes to “networking.” I don’t love the term networking, but in my career experience, the most rewarding roles have come out of me being honest about what I needed and wanted from a job, mixed with what I could offer someone.

Networking to find your next role isn’t just about selling yourself and it’s not just about telling someone you need a job. In my opinion, good networking is being vulnerable and brave all wrapped up into one.

🤔 A question for you

What’s the hardest area of your life to communicate what you need?

💖 Something a lil fun

My mom (hi mom!) and I were talking about cooking the other night and she mentioned how she’s trying to get better at being creative and spontaneous in the kitchen and with her cooking. 👩‍🍳 🥘 ✨

I loved that approach to incorporating more spontaneity into an aspect of her life, and am thinking about how taking a bucket of my life and sprinkling in some spontaneity might be more effective than just shouting into the void “I NEED TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS.” 🙃

🎵 A song for you

I was recently reminded of my love for the snow sports documentary, The Art of Flight, and the beauty of it’s soundtrack. Here’s a great track to put on while getting into some deep focus work.

And here’s the playlist.

What do you need today? Tell someone.

Zoë

💭 What I’m thinking about

I am definitely a planner. I like to know what’s going to happen when and I’ve gotten comfortable with the why behind that — I like to be in control.

But some of the best things happen when you are not in control, when you’re surprised, or you have no expectations. And I love surprises! But I have high expectations typically, and I like to be in control.

So how do I shed the planner in me and become more spontaneous?

(💡 Tips are definitely welcome, please share!)

I’ve gone through phases of releasing myself from the required doing (having an alarm, a schedule of workouts, meal planning) and tried to just BE, but for me, that feels chaotic and I lose track of my goals or doing things that make me feel good, but maybe I don’t love doing (i.e. working out).

As I’ve been in this space of thinking about spontaneity, I’ve also been off Instagram (which has been good) but have found myself getting addicted to other forms of social media (enter Twitter and YouTube Shorts… I know, I know — who watches YouTube Shorts?!).

When I don’t know what I want to do and don’t have anything planned, I hop into a social media hole and am inundated with other people’s opinions, activities, and thoughts.

🙅This is not good.

This makes it harder and harder for me to ask myself “what do you want right now?” and because it’s hard, I just return back to my hole and get silently yelled at by more people.

Then the yelling turns into should.

“Oh, I should get pizza because I just saw a photo of pizza.”

“Eh, I should really have a salad because that’s healthy.”

“Gah, I should get out of the apartment and try a new restaurant!”

All of these are rooted in someone else’s actions, and not my own thoughts or desires.

Whether or not you think your own thoughts and desires are even real (cough cough mimetic desire) is another thing, but alas. I want the wants to come from me, and not a picture or video on a tiny screen. I want more spontaneity that comes from me, and not from others.

🤔 A question for you

Last time you were spontaneous? Ready, set, go.

🤸

Or just tips for being spontaneous! Just reply to this email.

💖 Something a lil fun

I started working with a trainer in Austin (hi Brad!) early this year and had to leave the gym when I moved to Florida, which was very sad. I’ve found my gym fam (lol) at F45, but have never felt as consistent or strong when it comes to weights since I worked with Brad.

I saw Brad for a workout this week since I’m Austin, and he mentioned he enjoyed my newsletters. 🤗 It was just the nudge I needed to come back to the keyboard and drop a few thoughts. Thanks Brad!

🎵 A song for you

A vibe. Nothing else to say here.

And here’s the playlist.

Do something spontaneous this week,

Zoë

💭 What I’m thinking about

My habits have never been as strong as they were in the Spring of 2020.

Maybe it’s because there wasn’t anything else to do, or maybe it’s because that’s when I needed them the most.

Ever since I’ve felt ashamed when I can’t seem to stick to a routine for more than a week or so. But last week, during a visual exercise with my coach, I thought of creating a Zoë Manual containing all the things that I know work for me. Not necessarily a down-to-the-minute routine, but just bullets for what to do when I feel anxious or out of my body or need a creative reset.

A personal user manual or a self-care tool kit isn’t a new idea, I didn’t invent it, but it sounds like the perfect solution to support me when I’m feeling lost.

I’m thinking of creating it in Notion and sharing the template when I’m done. 🤓 LMK if you’re interested.

💖 Something a lil fun

I played Pickleball for the first time last week! It’s been a minute since I tried something for the first time. I won’t say I’m good at it (yet), but I am certainly interested in playing more.

🤔 A question for you

What’s something you tried for the first time recently?

Shoot me a reply to this email, I’d love to know.

🎵 A song for you

To be honest, I haven’t really been listening to any new music lately, I’ve just been playing binaural beats. Here’s my go-to playlist:

Enjoy your week!

Zoë

💭 What I’m thinking feeling

Lately, I’ve been feeling lost.

And the map I’ve been turning to is an old one. It’s outdated. The roads it shows feel like dead ends. It’s not guiding me to new places, it just feels like I’m in a roundabout that never ends.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

What’s weird is that I also felt this way at the beginning of last August… I think something about the reality of the end of the year makes me take a step back and think… holy s**t. What am I doing? What have I done? What am I going to do? All with a sprinkle of was or is it enough?

I think I start to feel lost when I don’t have a goal I’m working towards. Feeling this way and knowing that crave accountability in my goals, my man and I started talking about our next dream we wanted to accomplish.

At first, I felt mad at myself that my goals were kinda mundane. They’re financial, which feels a little boring to me. I want big dreams that make me feel like this emoji 🤩. Money hasn’t always made me feel that way. But hey, it’s a goal and I need one right now.

With this goal in mind, I started to build out a map. For me, a map looks like this:

* A sticky note on my mirror reminding me of the goal and how accomplishing it will make me feel

* Journaling daily and reminding myself of the goal

* Meditating for 5 minutes daily and visualizing myself when the goal happens

* Setting up processes to help automate my finances

None of this is new, nor is it rocket science. It’s visualization and manifestation. It’s goal setting. And while maybe it isn’t the sexiest goal, I feel a little less lost and a little more like I’ve found a map.

🤔 A question for you

What do you do when you’re feeling lost? How do you find or create a map for yourself?

Just reply to this email, I could use the tips. 😉

💖 Something a lil fun

I recently started playing with widgets on my home screen. I even added a Pinterest widget that shows images from my Pinterest board, manifesting my future home.

Every hour or so, it shows a new picture that I’ve pinned as a reminder of what I want my home to look and feel like. It apparently has lots of tile, but still feels modern, and has lots of natural light. Oh, and bougainvillea. 🌸 Just manifesting over here, don’t mind me.

I’m curious if anyone else uses widgets and if there are any others you find useful. 👀

🎵 A song for you

Speaking of nostalgia… a lil Fleetwood Mac cover for ya.

And here’s the playlist.

Now get lost,

Zoë

💛 The world continues to be and feel heavy. If you don’t have the emotional or mental space for this newsletter, feel free to move on with your day. No hard feelings. ✌️

💭 What I’m thinking about

Do you remember The Berenstein Bears?

Gosh, this family felt like such a staple of my childhood. The books, the shows… Seeing that image just transports me right back to wishing I lived in their cool treehouse.

I barely remember anything about the episodes or books, except for the one about the Green Monster, aka jealousy.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s a little synopsis:

* Berenstein Boy gets a bike

* Berenstein Girl is jealous and turns into the Green-Eyed Monster

* The Green-Eyed Monster makes her do terrible things and she learns that jealousy is bad

Looking back, I think I internalized this book a little too much. 😬

Jealousy has always felt like an icky emotion. I don’t want to feel it — it’s bad. So, I avoided envy. I muted people on Instagram, I skirted the emotions whenever they crept up. I also thought that jealousy and envy were the same things.

It’s only been in recent years that I’ve learned that these emotions (really, envy) are not bad feelings. It’s actually more of a guide and a gateway to what you actually want. Envy, especially, can be a teacher.

What’s the difference between jealousy and envy? I’ll let Brené take that one. Watch this.

Here’s what I mean when I say that envy can be a guide to what you want:

* Are you envious of a friend’s trip? Probably means you want to (and should!) take a similar one.

* Are you envious of how a coworker sets boundaries? Maybe you need to say no a little more.

* Does looking at home decor accounts on Instagram light a fire inside you? That might be telling you that you want to dedicate time to cleaning, organizing, or redecorating your space.

Envy is a weird one! And hopefully, this inspires you to get curious, instead of avoidant, of envy.

🤔 A question for you

Would you want to join a vision-setting session with me?

Click one or the other:

Yes!

Not this time, but thanks!

In the past week, I’ve donated to a few organizations that support abortion access for all, but I want to do something more. I’m thinking about organizing some sort of workshop or session where all proceeds go to an organization the group picks. I’d love to know if you’re interested. 💟

💖 Something a lil fun

In the Spring of 2020, I joined the world in learning how to make bread. I’ve kept it up, making a loaf of focaccia every few months or when someone lovingly begs me to do so. I’m starting to sell the focaccia to friends in my area, so I’d like to introduce Shaka Focaccia. Give it a follow if you feel so inclined. 🤙

Or just use that pic as your new phone background. 😉

🎵 A song for you

Nostalgia is in, and if Jewel and Train don’t bring up nostalgia for you then I’m not sure where you were in the early 2000s.

And here’s the playlist for your enjoyment.

Dance slow today,

Zoë

💛 This newsletter discusses the Robb Elementary School shooting. Please only read on if you have the space to.

If you’re still reading, please take a moment to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and honor the the 21 lives lost in Ulvalde.

💭 What I’m thinking about

I’m certainly not the first newsletter to ever write about “the heaviness” that surrounds us right now.

Honestly, it even feels pretty silly to say it — “It feels heavy right now.”

It’s been heavy for 2+ years. Hell, it’s been heavy for quite a few more.

And I’m sorry, but I don’t have another word for the heaviness. So we’ll just go with that.

This morning, I felt the heaviness in my chest. It certainly wasn’t the first time, but in my meditation, I couldn’t breathe how I wanted to breathe. I couldn’t release. I couldn’t relax into it.

I was holding my breath.

I hold my breath a lot — when I’m nervous, when I’m scared, when I don’t know what to do, say, or think next.

In a perfect world, I’d be doing the exact opposite.

But it feels hard to breathe when I keep getting reminded of the heaviness that can exist.

Can the heaviness be dissipated when we breathe into it? Probably. Does breathing make us more present with the heaviness? Yeah, probably that too. Is that scary as hell sometimes? Yes, yes it certainly is.

🤔 A question for you

I don’t have an introspective question for you right now, but are you in a position to give right now? Honoring the lives lost is only the first step. Here are a few options:

These verified GoFundMe’s are for for people effected by the Ulvalde shooting.

Texas Gun Sense is a nonprofit that advocates for common sense, evidence-based policies to reduce gun injuries and deaths.

Hopefully, Everytown needs no introduction.

💖 Something a lil fun

Baking is a stress relief for me. Maybe I’ll bake something this week.

I made this matcha loaf cake the other week. If you like matcha, it’s great. I even tried it with a vegan flax egg, which was fun! I’ve never made one of those before.

If you find fun things on the internet, please send them to me. I was struggling today and could use a good laugh.

🎵 A song for you

My mom is a self-proclaimed Lukas Nelson groupie (hi mom 👋), so I’ve been listening to his latest album and this one makes me happy.

And here’s the playlist.

Breathe today,

Zoë