Unabashed You

The passion, and the obvious enjoyment of everything she is doing, makes Toni an upcoming woman to watch. She is a dynamo, doing all the things to pursue her dreams while she speaks into the rest of us the importance of having a good relationship with food, and with love. She’s got a book, Once Upon a Diet and cleverly parallels her past love stories with her food experience.

How about the willingness to support others? Love that. And as Toni points out we are all beginners. We all start there, no exceptions. Where we go is up to us: our desire, our drive, and what we seek. Are we relentless about it - in a good way? The pursuit of a goal even if it’s hard. Remember we are here to make a mark, so let’s do it.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

To get in contact with Toni:

Website: Tips with Toni

Instagram Tips with Toni

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

I met our guest a couple of days ago.  We struck up a conversation which ended up with us booking this episode.  It’s fascinating the way things work out sometimes.  Turns out she is 17 and in college, very humble and has a deep passion she shares with us.  I want to applaud her for being bold and brave in doing so.

I hope I was able to really speak life into who she is, what she believes.  It is so important to me to give space for each person to be who they are.  We need to be respectful not shameful when others don’t think/feel/believe the way we do.  I realize this is not always easy to do but it should be our goal.  Each person has there own journey and they need to do it their own way.  Thanks for reminding us of that, Mia.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle: Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle Here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. I met our guest a couple of days ago, we struck up a conversation which ended with us booking this episode. It's fascinating. The way things work out sometimes. Turns out she's 17 and in college, very humble and has a deep passion she shares with us. I want to applaud her for being bold and brave in doing so.

Intro Music

Rechelle: I met this young woman at a one-day women's retreat this past weekend. We got to talking, she said she would check out the podcast, which I thought was cool.

00:01:06

I knew I needed a guess for this week's episode as our newest series won't start until next week. Mia came in and saved the day. Welcome to the show, Mia.

Mia: Hi, thank you, I'm happy to be here. Hello everybody. 

Rechelle: Yeah, so happy to have you. All right, so let's get to know you. Is there is there anything you want the listeners to know about you? Just against the ball rolling. 

Mia: So, my name is Mia. Like you've all heard. I am 17 years old. I am from San Diego and I'm currently attending UCSD. 

Rechelle: Okay. Oh my goodness. So, you, did you graduate early or young or what or did you? Okay. Yeah, so that's the question?

Mia: So, I have a late birthday, my birthdays in November. 

Rechelle: Okay got it. 

Mia: Something like with the cutoff date, like when you're going into kindergarten you have to be five, but I was four because my birthday is really late, so that's why I'm so young and cool.

00:02:08

Rechelle: Okay, okay, got it. Okay, that makes sense. Which three words would you use to describe yourself?

Mia: I would first stay friendly. I feel like I feel like I'm the type of person who tries to become friends with everybody and I especially try to reach out to people who I notice like are lonely or don't really have friends. So yeah, I would first say friendly um then I would say compassionate, I feel like I had a lot of compassion for people. And third I would say mellow.

Rechelle: Ooh, that’s so good.

Mia: Yeah, I consider myself an extrovert, but I don't consider myself like super loud, like a loud person. I would just say I'm chill and mellow and just go with the flow. 

Rechelle: Yeah, I definitely got that vibe from you on Saturday. For sure. So, uh friendly, compassionate and mellow. 

Mia: Mellow, yeah.

Rechelle: Those are really good words and I think from as much as I know about you so far and what I can intuit from being around you is that you know yourself.

00:03:26

Those are really good--descriptive. Alright, let's go to two truths and a lie. I'm imagining, you know how this goes. 

Mia: Yeah

Rechelle: Okay, so you say three things and I'll see if I can pick out which one is not true. 

Mia: Okay. Um let me think. Okay, I used to do boxing. I love spicy food and I have three bunnies. 

Rechelle: Boxing, spicy food and three bunnies. Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay. Uh huh. I'm okay. So, I think you could box. I think you could like spicy food. I mean okay, those are all doable in my mind. Now I'm really like drawn to the three bunnies and here's why. Two things. Well one. I know you're in college. So, I'm wondering how does that translate? Like can you be a college student and have three bunnies? I mean it's not like having a child obviously or even a dog, it's a little different. But like if you're in the dorms, I doubt very seriously that they're going to let you have bunnies.

00:04:33

Here's the other reason I'm drawn to that. I'm drawn to that because you used a number. So maybe you actually do have bunnies, but maybe you have two or one or four. So, I'm going with that is the lie. 

Mia: That is the lie. I guess I would have thought that through more because yeah, I am in the dorm. But the thing is that. . . okay so I have two sisters and we used to have three bunnies. Like up until like two weeks ago when my parents decided to give them away because they were tired of us not like taking care of them. Yeah.

Rechelle: Did you each, did you each have kind of like your own bunny or?

Mia: Yeah.

Rechelle: Okay. Okay. So, did. . . was that a difficult thing that your parents gave the bunnies away or are you were like, well they probably should be in a home where they're, you know, kind of a little more doted on? 

Mia: Um I mean, I was sad a little bit, but honestly there's really nothing I can do.

00:05:41

I feel like because I'm not even there like taking care of them and like helping take care of them. Um But it was kind of like a shocker because my mom just texted me one day, she's like, oh, we got rid of the bunny. Like I meant I meant to tell you earlier, but. . . 

Rechelle: Laughing. Oh my God.

Mia: It's fine. 

Rechelle: Okay.

Mia: Yeah. Yeah. 

Rechelle: So, you really didn't get to say goodbye, you didn't really get like closure or anything like that. They're just the bunnies are already gone. And so now you've made your peace with that. Well, that's good. That's good. So, you used to box or are you still boxing?

Mia: I used to yeah, it's something I did in like 11th and 12th grade. 

Rechelle: Okay. 

Mia: Yeah. Yeah, there was like a boxing gym in my neighborhood called House of Boxing? Um And that was really fun. I really liked it. I don't really know what drew me to boxing. I mean my great grandpa was a boxer. Yeah.

00:06:43

Yeah, I mean I would like to continue on, but I don't know. 

Rechelle: Well, you're kind of busy right now with school so it's not like it's going anywhere. You know, you can press pause on that right now until you're ready to return. And you love spicy food! 

Mia: I love spicy. Yeah. I would say like out of all the flavors, like sweet, sour, savory--spicy is my favorite. 

Rechelle: Oh, okay. So how does that translate? Is that like Mexican with the habanero sauce? Is that like Thai and take it to the 10? I mean how does that, what does that look like? 

Mia: Yeah, I would say Mexican food or Asian food because I feel like Korean food or like Japanese food can be spicy too. Like if you go to like a ramen place. Like I went to a Ramen place the other day and I got the spicy when it was really good.

Rechelle: So, can you take the 10? Because isn't that how sometimes they ask you like you know like, do you want it all the way, you know, 10 or like where I mean I've been at 

00:07:49

. . . I don't remember, I think it was a Thai restaurant and they asked me what number, what number do you want? I was like, oh my gosh, well. Or do you just say, hey, bring it on spicy. 

Mia: Yeah. I usually go for the spiciest option. Even if that means that my nose is going to run in, my eyes go water. Yeah. 

Rechelle: Well, guess what you get to be you and if you get to like spicy food awesome and who cares that you need a Kleenex to get through the meal. So, what you like it? You like it. Okay. So maybe there are more bunnies in your future. We'll have to see, who knows? Who knows? All right. What are you binging right now? Anything? 

Mia: Well, so for my general education it’s required for me to take a fine arts class. 

Rechelle: Ooh, nice.

Mia: So, I enrolled in this theater and film class and... 

Rechelle: God, great. 

Mia: Yeah, it's really fun. Basically all we have to do for the class is there's a movie assigned each week that we have to watch and then we write an essay or like do a quiz on it.

00:09:01

So...

Rechelle: Uh. . .

Mia: Yeah.

Rechelle: That’s the best class ever! I love that class. 

Mia: So that's basically all I've been watching is like the movies required. 

Rechelle: So, share a couple of them with us. The kind that made an impression on you for one reason or another. 

Mia: Have you seen Casablanca? 

Rechelle: Yes. 

Mia: We watched that movie last week and I really loved it. 

Rechelle: Okay. Tell me why you loved it because honestly for me and I know some people don't agree with this and that's the great thing is that we get to have different opinions. To me that's a very overrated movie. I don't know why I feel that way. I just, it just is to me it just doesn't speak to me the way that it speaks to some people. So why did you love it so much?

Mia: So, I am really into like old shows, an old tv like the twilight zone is my all-time favorite show. 

Rechelle: Okay, love it. 

Mia: Um I also love Dick Van Dyke and... 

Rechelle: Oh, I love the Dick Van Dyke Show.

00:10:06

Yes. 

Mia: So, I already like that genre and like that style film and whenever I watch a movie like I never liked watching the trailer or like reading this summary because I love to be surprised. I didn't really know anything about Casablanca. I didn't know there was a hype, so I feel like that played into it. Yeah, I didn't have any expectations for it. Um and what I didn't know um because the movie takes place during World War Two. What I didn't know is that the movie was actually made during World War Two which I think is crazy that they were able to execute such an amazing film in the middle of the war when they didn't have that many resources and stuff like that.

Rechelle: Right So now was the ending the ending work for you? Do you feel like he had to give her up? I mean this, this is maybe this is one of the reasons I don't like the movie, or I don't love it the way other people do. 

Mia: So, do you not like the fact that he gave her up, or? 

Rechelle: Yeah. Yeah.

00:11:09

Because she didn't really like the other guy. She didn't really love him in my opinion. So, it's just like it's not very satisfying. Okay. It's real things like that really happened. I get it. Not everything has to end all, you know with a bow and all of that. But just now she's going to go live her life with somebody she doesn't even really love. That just seems like a not great choice to me.

Mia: I honestly like the fact that he gave her up.

Rechelle: Okay. Because he loved her so much. He was willing to be sacrificial.

Mia: Yeah. Because I can't remember the exact wording. But he said like because the guy that she was married to, he was like a very important figure um for like freedom, and he was against what the Nazis were doing. And so, Rick, her lover, said like if you didn't like you're all he cares about. Like if you didn't go with him, like you wouldn't have a drive to continue on um pursuing freedom, pursuing like resisting the Nazis.

00:12:23

So, it’s like I think it was better for the greater good. Also, I feel like I have really high moral standards. So, like I wouldn't like the fact that she would leave her husband, you know? 

Rechelle: Well, that's a very good point. 

Mia: Even if she didn't love him. 

Rechelle: Okay, that's a really good point. And the fact that he that he really was doing it for the greater good; that does make it a much more--not even just a palatable--that's not a strong enough word, but I really um well I either yeah, more than sacrificial. It's very uh gosh, my words are just not coming to me. Um Okay. 

Mia: Selfless. 

Rechelle: Yes, Thank you. Yes, it's very selfless. It's very selfless. He really and he strikes you as the kind of guy that is a little bit about himself, you know? So, the fact that he was willing, he willingly gave her up very selflessly.

00:13:28

You're right. I might have to rewatch that movie.

Mia: Yeah. 

Rechelle: Okay. one more that you watched lately that I spoke to you?

Mia: Have you heard of the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers? 

Rechelle: Yes, I have not seen it because I don't like creepy. No, like once we head into that area that just doesn't I just I just that's not my jam. So yeah, but I know it's a classic. I know it's a classic. I understand the basic premise and all of that. So why did that speak to you? Or what about that movie impressed you?

Mia: So, I don't know if you know the premise of the movie, but it's a sci fi movie and it basically is about a small town and um these pods like these foreign objects like arrived in the town and the pods like take over the people.

00:14:33

So, it's sort of like a parasite. Like it makes the people not have any emotions. Um and like makes everybody the same. And a lot of commentators have said about the movie that it's like in, because during that time like communism was rampant in other countries and all the American’s were afraid of communism. So, they said like, oh the movies and allegory, like the fear of communism, communism coming in taking over, making everybody the same. Like trying to make everybody emotionless. I mean the director said that wasn't their purpose, but it seems like the fear of communism played into that movie. So that was really interesting to like hear about that alert about kind of the history behind the movie. Um but also like, I feel like we can apply this movie to this day and age because I feel like a lot of people, it's not that people are emotionless these days, but like everyone seems to be living for themselves.

00:15:44

Like everyone does things for their own personal benefit if that makes sense. 

Rechelle: Yes, I understand what you’re saying.

Mia: So, the movie can apply to like now in this day and age.

Rechelle: Right.

Mia: Because everyone seems to be emotionless. 

Rechelle: Right. Well yeah, or their emotions are off the charts and not even rational anymore. Well, I, I am as a fellow movie lover, I really have a heart for performing arts and the stories they tell and then what we can uh you know gathering glean from the movies and there are like life lessons in movies, and you can have, you can learn so much about different time periods and learn compassion and um walking in someone else's shoes and about history and different things. That's one of the reasons I love movies so much and stories so much is for those reasons.

00:16:47

Well, I just think that class sounds like a great class. I've actually been thinking about doing a movie series on the podcast and so you're giving me more fuel for that vision. So, thank you for that. What's a nugget of wisdom you keep handy? 

Mia: So, this is probably gonna sound cliche, but I would say spend time with the people you love because you never know what day is gonna be your last or what day is going to be their last. So, I feel like a lot of times we really get caught up in life, like work school, other things like that, and a lot of times we can be so distracted that we don't spend time with our family or like check and see how our friends are doing. So, I think it's really important to really having others focused mindset, not just thinking about yourself and what you have to do, what you have to get done, but think about others and what they may be going through and what you can do to spend time with them or help them.

Rechelle: Okay, you're 17.

00:18:06

You already know that, that is wonderful. It's absolutely wonderful that you already know that and I'm guessing that you're, you're living that too. So it's not even just like, oh, it's an idea in my head spend time with the ones you love though, you're intentionally going forward in that posture of wanting to spend time with the people you love because you're so right, we don't know what even the next hour holds, you know--tonight, tomorrow morning--I mean there's no there's no predicting that that is beautiful. Mia, thank you so much for sharing that. And I think, you know, cliches are cliches for a reason, right? And some of them are far more have more heft and gravitas than others that are like, probably should be retired, but that's a really good one. That's a really, really good one, thank you so much for sharing that. All right, so let's take a deeper dive into Mia. Do you have, like, do you have a passion or is there a certain topic that you want to kind of head into, or we can just kind of keep riffing, what do you want to do?

00:19:19

Mia: Mhm. We can talk about the passion. 

Rechelle: Okay, great. What's your what is your passion? Let's talk about that.

Mia: I would say, Jesus, honestly.

Rechelle: Okay, yes, beautiful, wonderful. That's your passion. And you know, it's so um what's the good, you know, sometimes I love words, I told you that at the retreat, I love words, so words like, I like to choose them and make sure that they work for what I'm trying to say, just like with your the a nugget that you shared, This is also something that would not necessarily be typical of a 17 year old, that Jesus would be your passion. And one I am inspired by you speaking that out. Two, that you already know that. Three, your courage in claiming that. I think we'll speak to other people and fourth, fourthly, I don't think fourthly is a word, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna pretend it is, you get to be you, and that's the whole point of the show, you get to be you. Okay, okay, so I'm gonna kind of start us off a little bit in the sense that Mia and I attended the same retreat on Saturday.

00:20:47

It was a one-day event, and it was about purpose and calling and I cannot remember exactly the title of it, but that was basically the theme. Mia came to, there were four workshops that were breakout sessions, I was I had the great honor of being able to be one of the speakers for one of those workshop sessions. So, two times I gave basically the same talk, and it was interactive, which is my favorite part of sharing. Uh it was about Martha of Bethany, and it was also about each woman's purpose and calling. This happened to be a women's retreat. Mia caught my eye when I passed out these little stickers that the women were putting in their journals about an activity we were going to do, and I walked by and said, hey did you get one? And you said, yeah, I put it on my water bottle, which I was like, oh my God, that is so great. So, she put this sticker, this little activity we're going to do on our water bottle.

00:21:52

I ran into her at the end of the workshop day, and I was like, oh there you are, I said hey in my second session, I said oh yeah, and this young woman, she put it on her water bottle because I of course I thought that was just so cool. So how long has this been your passion, or has he been your passion? How long do you want to get to get into that? Okay, yeah, let's talk about that. How did how did that transpire?

Mia: So, I was raised in a Christian home. Okay, so I've always grown up believing in Jesus and God, I never liked doubted in my mind that, you know, Jesus is God, God is true, God created all things, but um I feel like I never understood what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus, and I feel like I never had one. Um so I think around 10th grade in high school is when I started to understand. I went to a Christian, like a private Christian school and it was required for us for each year to take a bible class.

00:23:08

So, I feel like that really helped me understand more about the bible, understand more about the gospel and what it means, that relationship with Jesus. So around that time I started to understand and I feel like I kind of made my faith my own because I feel like when you're little and you and you grew up in the church, your faith is like sort of your parents because it's your parents, your parents bring you to church, it's your parents, you know, telling you to pray before you eat and stuff like that. Um so I would say around that time is when I really started to live out my faith through my own and have a personal relationship with Jesus and I'm really glad that I decided to do that because I mean I think that's the most, I mean it is the most important decision that you can make in your life. 

Rechelle: Okay, so it's been I'm guessing about three years, three plus years or so you got 10th grade, 11th grade 12th grade and now you're in your first year, so maybe we're heading to four depending on what time of year it was.

00:24:11

Um how has that manifested in your, in your life now? Having this strong faith. 

Mia: Okay. Um What kind of going into what you talked about at the retreat: like it's given me purpose. Um Because I feel like before I started living for Christ like I was sort of just lost and I didn't, I didn't know what my purpose was. You know felt empty. Um even like depressed because I just I didn't know like Jesus really personally and because of that I didn't have my purpose in him were like my worth in him. Um Because our worth and our value and our purpose is defined by God. Yeah. I didn't have like I mean of course I had my worth in him, but I just didn't know that yet. So definitely since then I found like my value and worth in him. And I feel like um I like uh acquired the fruits of the spirit since then you know because when you start living for Christ, he starts sanctifying you and making you become more like him.

00:25:31

And so, I feel like I've definitely like learned more about the fruits of the spirit and like acquired that like love, joy, peace, patience, all of that. So, I think I mean like Yeah when you have God and like Jesus living in your heart, you really have all that you need. 

Rechelle: Mm hmm. So, I'm guessing then that because of your faith, you've been able to uh you know, live your life in a way that has some like you say—purpose--and then that also gives you a sense of peace. Because you um you know that you are, you're living out what you believe, and others can see that. It's not just this thing I do on Sunday and maybe I'd do a little bit of reading here and there. Maybe I do a little bit of praying. I mean and all that's good and all of that's good. But if people can see in you that you are living your faith, that's for me, what really matters.

00:26:44

Does that make sense?

Mia: Yeah. 

Rechelle: Because you can talk and talk and talk and talk. I'm not saying you literally you out there you but how do you live? What am I what do I see? I mean, what do you embody? What do you bring? I mean that that is really key for me. 

Mia: Yeah. And I think that's especially applicable to me right now going to the secular college because there's so many people here that don't know God. And I feel like it's very important for me to be a light to them, not only through my words by my actions sort of like a living testimony. So, they can see you like that something's different. It's kind of like there's a verse in the bible that says like let your light shine before men so that they may see your good works and glorify your father who is in heaven. So, I'm trying to live out that verse right now. 

Rechelle: That's wonderful. That's really beautiful. And my guess also is just based on what I'm gathering from you as a young woman is that you have this, you're convicted by it, you live it.

00:27:55

Um and you are allowing other people to be who they are in their own process and journey. And if they're drawn to your light, your warmth, your love, you know, they might like, oh what are you about? And then is that kind of typically how you have a conversation if you even have conversations because you know sometimes you make God beautiful by really just the way you live and not necessarily, you know, uh cajoling clobbering, convincing, you know, that whole thing, that whole mindset that doesn't work first of all, and second of all, it's a turn off. 

Mia: Mhm. Yeah, I'm trying to think um I mean I think there's different ways that I try to like to be a light yes, friendly gospel and stuff um like most recently, like I had a friend who was going through a really tough time. So, I just said that can I pray for you?

00:29:00

And she said, yeah, so I was able to pray for her and I think that that was really nice to be able to do that.

Rechelle: That is a great weight way to live out your faith because it's not threatening on, right. It's not a threatening thing. You're not hitting her over the head with the bible. You're saying, hey, you know, basically in your own inner monologue, I see a need, I see she's hurting, I see struggle, whatever it was. And hey, can I pray for you? And it comes from a really loving heartfelt place. That's a really, really beautiful gesture and you meant it and you did it. 

Mia: Mhm. 

Rechelle: So just a little more about being at a secular college. It sounds like you went through Christian school all the way up to now. Do you. Or at least in high school you did. Um is it, do you, I mean, how do you, how do you feel about that? Do you, I mean this is like real life, right?

00:30:07

I mean you're, you're not in the Christian bubble as we sort of call it, right? You're out there. 

Mia: Yeah, so I find it very different from what I used to, I mean definitely like in my classes, my teachers, like for my history class for example, um we were learning about like, like the creation story, like through genesis and stuff, but they were calling it a myth, like this is a creation myth. Um and like of course, like going to a Christian school, I never had that, and my professor was talking about the bible, and she was like bringing up stuff about the bible, it isn't true, I don't know how she came to these conclusions. She's like, oh, Eve was probably a goddess in the bible. So, it's just stuff like that, that's kind of weird, you know? Um. . .

Rechelle: Right. it's almost taking it so far to the other extreme, you know, like, like trying to disprove it and it isn't it better to say this is, you know, I think it's more inclusive to say this is one theory and you know, this is this is one model.

00:31:24

This is one way of looking at how I mean for a secular college, obviously they're not going to say this is how it is, but you know, this is one model of, of how many people believe it all started. Of course, we have this model and there's this model, I mean, it's kind of like not giving it equal footing, which it sounds like it's the part that's like, well, wait a minute, what, what, what? 

Mia: Yeah, I definitely see that in my class, like, my professor is trying to disprove the bible and like, say that it's a myth or that it's not real and that's really interesting because they single out Christianity, they're not doing that for any other religion. Like, I feel like there'd be a bunch of backlash, like, if they were to, oh sorry, I got a call um if there were there would be a lot of backlash if they were trying to speak out against Muslims or something like that.

Rechelle: Or Buddhist or the other religions.

00:32:25

Mia: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, so I feel like they do definitely single out Christianity, but I'm not surprised because the bible does talk about like Christians are going to be persecuted and you know, if Jesus said if they hated me, they're going to hate you too. So, I'm definitely not surprised. Like I definitely expected all of this coming to a secular school, so it's just a matter of knowing what to do in that situation, how to approach that. 

Rechelle: Well, it sounds like you are getting a handle on that and I'm imagining that's going to be a process for you, it's not going to be like one and done, it's going to be just, you know, an ongoing kind of a thing, like how you, how do you continue to move through your college time with your strong faith intact. 

Mia: Yeah, and I definitely think because I am a PoliSci major, I have to take like a bunch of political classes and like history classes, so I'm definitely going to be bombarded with a lot of that because for example, I have a friend who is a junior, he's a computer science major and I was telling him about all this stuff and he said like he hasn't experienced any of that just because he only has to take math classes and stuff like that?

00:33:49

So, I'm definitely going to be bombarded with it a lot. 

Rechelle: Okay, what do you want to do with your political science major? 

Mia: That's an interesting question. Um So I'm thinking, I mean there's a lot of things you can do with a political science major, like the lawyer or you know, go into politics or be a social breaker. Um I'm thinking of going more into the law enforcement route.

Rechelle: Oh, interesting. 

Mia: Yeah, like being a criminal investigator. I mean I feel like ever since I was little, I wanted to be a detective. Um So that's what I'm thinking about doing. I don't know though, honestly, I feel like I'm just gonna end up being a mom one day

Rechelle: Don't say just because being a mom is really hard.

Mia: Yeah, it is very important, and my mom says like that's the hardest job she's had as being a mom. But yeah, I feel like I'm gonna end up being a mom one day so I might not even like use my degree, which I don’t have a problem with

Rechelle: Well, who knows, you may end up dabbling elsewhere along the way.

00:35:02

I mean it just, it just all depends. Sometimes it's, you know, juggling a couple balls at the same time motherhood along with something and then sometimes it's, you know motherhood and nothing else. I mean really you get to pick; you get to pick how you want to do that and I don't think there's a really right or wrong answer. I think it has to it comes back to the values that you hold and how you and your partner want to, you know, move forward. 

Mia: Mhm Yeah well yeah.

Rechelle: I'm excited to see the next chapter for Mia, I really am. Um wow. Well first of all in conclusion, let me say that you embody being unabashedly for sure you are completely unapologetic for who you are for your faith, and you get to be that you get to do that, and I really just want to speak that into you because that's so important to me that you get to be you right.

00:36:09

Um you know some of the women in our in our session, I mean some of the older women in our session, you can almost feel that they weren't necessarily able to fully be themselves and that that made me really sad. But you hear you are sort of the threshold of the whole thing, and you get to be that and do that. So, thank you for sharing with us your passion, your faith and you know some of the experiences you're having in college and You're 17 and you have a wonderful, God willing, very long, fruitful life ahead of you, thank you for being an inspiration. Do you have anything in conclusion that you'd like to say?

Mia: Mm I think you had a good conclusion. I really like what you said.

Rechelle: Good.

Mia: Well, thank you here, thank you for having me be a part of this.

00:37:11

Rechelle: Well, I'm just I love how it all worked out. I love, I just love from the water bottle onto like where we're talking about and all of a sudden, it's like, oh my gosh, you do, you do it. Yeah, do it okay. And then we're doing it and you know; I find it crazy how it worked out. I think it's wonderful. I think it's so wonderful. I love it. All right. And now I need to get to work because this is coming out tomorrow and I will send it to you in the morning. Thank you, Mia, from the bottom of my heart, truly thank you so much for spending this time with us. Really appreciate it. I appreciate you. Thank you. 

Mia: My pleasure. Thank you Everyone who listened. 

Rechelle: Okay bye.

Outro Music

Rechelle: I hope I was able to really speak life into who Mia is, what she believes. It is so important to me to give space for each person to be who they are. We need to be respectful, not shameful when others don't think, feel, believe the way we do. I realize this is not always easy to do, but it should be our goal.

00:38:22

Each person has their own journey, and they need to do it their own way. Thanks for reminding us of that Mia. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show and other podcast platforms. If you want to lend your support and encouragement, we invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under unabashed you and if you want to connect via email [email protected] for questions, comments etcetera. If you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to at you. Your info will not be shared, and you will only get that one email once a week. Website visits, social media, word of mouth and sharing this episode make us much more discoverable. Thank you for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way so continue to listen, read, and be inspired. May you go out into the world and be you. May you relish your passions, your challenges and even your shortcomings.

00:39:36

Be open to the shifts. Look for the gifts in the blessings and the hardships. It all makes you, you. Amen. Now go be unabashed. Be you.

Ben Hur Delfino is our guest today. Yes, I said Ben Hur. You’ll get to hear that story for sure. And he has one of the BEST laughs I have ever heard. In our Zoom call we froze on each other a few times but kept at it. Also I didn’t notice how far away my mic was initially so you will likely hear more echo from me in the beginning. Ben is next up for the Mahalo Maui series. And thanks for your patience in any technical pauses. Enjoy Ben as much as I did.

He did the thing. Ben took the gentle-arm twisting I supplied and took the risk of doing something new by being on the podcast. And he doesn’t regret it! Ben shared great insight through snapshots from his life. Don’t mind my tongue-tripping toward the end. Yadda, yadda, yadda. ANd by the way, the movie Ben Hur was from 1959.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

Rechelle

Welcome to an Unabashed You--conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen and encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So listen, read and be inspired. Grateful to the states who have been listening to recent episodes: California, Hawaii, Michigan Florida, New York Texas, Virginia, South Carolina, Ohio, Georgia, North Carolina, Vermont Illinois, Utah, and Wyoming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Keep listening, reading, and being inspired by these conversations. 

Ben Hur Delfino is our guest today. Yes, I said Ben Hur. You get to hear that story for sure and he has one of the best laughs I have ever heard. In our zoom call we froze on each other a few times but kept at it also. I didn't notice how far away my mic was initially so you will likely hear more echo from me in the beginning. Ben is next up for the Mahalo Maui series and thanks for your patience in any technical pauses. Enjoy Ben as much as I did. 

Intro Music

Rechelle

So while we were in Maui we got to do something that's been on my bucket list for a long time walk into a Tiffany store and buy a little something that they would then wrap up in a Tiffany blue box and put in a Tiffany blue bag. That part was as special as the piece of jewelry itself and may I say my husband was game to help me check it off my list. Who? But our guest today was the one to help us. Ben is charming, fun, and friendly. We had a bit of a challenge, coordinating schedules, but we persevered and here we are welcome. Ben?

Ben Hur

Thank you. Aloha. 

Rechelle

Oh, this is so fun. So this is the first podcast which is just excites me to no end. Excites me to no end. Is there anything you want the listener know before we get started? 

Ben Hur

Well, if I was to describe myself and people who know me, they would say that I'm very fashionable, I'm a good observer, down to earth, a hard worker and currently I have been taking the initiative to be a risk taker. Being on this podcast is something new for me. 

Rechelle

I love that. Well, thank you. That we are the risk that you're willing to take. That is wonderful. But those are, there's a wonderful phrase is the way that the people would describe you and to get us started. Now you've got a narrow who you are down to three words with three words. Would you use to describe yourself?

Ben Hur

I would say faithful, creative, and open minded.

Rechelle

Ooh, faithful, creative, open minded. Those are beautiful words that really starts to paint a picture of who you are. Oh, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, have you ever played two truths and a lie? 

Ben Hur

I have. Actually, I'm so sorry, I haven't, I read about it. 

Rechelle

Okay, so it's three statements about yourself. One is not true and I have some fun trying to ferret out the one that's not true. So three things about you. Ready, go. 

Ben Hur

Okay, I love to surf on my days off and enjoy the outdoor activities. Number two, I was a med student. And number three, I graduated high school at the age of 16. 

Rechelle

Whoa, love the ocean, were a med student and graduated at 16. Oh my gosh, I think all of those could be true. I really do. Okay, so I'm gonna go, I'm gonna start at the beginning. OK, so don't say anything yet. Here's my thought of process: How on earth can you live in Hawaii? And I love the ocean and love the water and maybe you know, surf on occasion at the very minimum. Okay, so I'm going to put that one aside is true. secondly men student, I know you have a really good University of Hawaii. In fact, one of my previous students went on to Go there and she's now a doctor. So I know that's a possibility, I'm going to set that one aside. You graduated early at age 16. OK, I'm going with you were not a med student, that's what I'm going with? 

Ben Hur

Actually I was a med student.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Okay, so you love surfing? So that's true. You love the water? You love surfing? That's true. Okay. And we know that what's true is that you were a med student? Okay. So tell me about that. 

Ben Hur

Okay. So actually I'll tell you what is not true. I can't surf. I Did graduate from high school at the age of sixteen. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

I wanted to make it a little bit challenging for you. 

Rechelle

You did. You really tricked me. Oh my gosh. Okay. No one's ever tricked me that good before. Okay. Okay. So wait let's start at the top. But do you like the water? 

Ben Hur

I love the water. I love the ocean, but I don't go out as much as I should and you are correct living in Hawaii I should be more out, but for whatever reason, I never find the time to do. So I mean when I’m off I'm a home body. 

Rechelle

 I get that. I will get to your career later. But I mean you're in a career. I mean I mean you're, you know, you the stereotypical, not everybody, but a good portion of people that we know who live in Hawaii work in the hospitality industry because that's what we all want to go there and visit and we need to eat and we need somewhere to you know sleep and all that stuff. And So of course we like to shop. So and so there's that picture of you know serving or a service waiting tables at night surfing during the day. Okay, so you don't surf, but you love the water. Okay. And you were a med student. Okay. Okay. And so you also graduated at 16. So tell me about your education. How did that, how did that all go?

Ben Hur

 How it happened at graduating at the age of 16? My father was actually, I was part of the military family, was a military brat, you know what people would say? Um I'm the youngest in the family, so my father retired and him being originally from Manila Philippines. Um he took me along there and that's when I continue my education and at that time they did not have intermediate school or junior high. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

Oh yes, I went straight from, I don't even recall graduating from fifth grade. I think I was in the middle of the year of sixth grade and I went straight to first year high school when I arrived there.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

Yeah. So I took what they call like an examination, I forgot what it was called, but it was basically an exam to determine whether I would repeat my sixth grade in elementary or should I go straight to high school. So upon taking that test, that course I passed where it was equivalent where I'll eligible to go to straight to high school. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. So you skipped all the middle school years, went right to high school to high school. Now. Looking back, was that a good thing for you? I mean obviously you've made good out of it, but if you had to do that part over again, would you do it the same way? 

Ben Hur

I would most likely do it the same way because it really taught me to put up with the challenges because there's something that I was not prepared for and one of them was like the maturity side, I was still in elementary mode and all of a sudden in high school mode, so I had to quickly adjust myself.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, that must have been really so very challenging socially. And then secondarily I would think physically because they're at a different physical development stage than your at and that can make it difficult also 

Ben Hur

and learning the culture, learning the language, and understanding the lifestyle, it was all just like I would say it was overwhelming, but when I think about it, you know it was it was a good thing because it really made me be stronger, you know, it's strengthened my skills, you know, to always be positive to always move forward. Um look at more of the positive side rather than the negative side of being, well it really empowered my inner self. 

Rechelle

Yeah, so looking back it was a good thing, but at the time I'm sure it was very, very hard 

Ben Hur

at the beginning, the transition was hard and that's where I got to get my inspiration from the old Tv series Doogie Howser. young listeners out there don't know it but well google it, they can google it

Rechelle

they can google it. Yes, good for you. So did you go from high school graduation then into what's the next step? Medical school? Or college for like biology or whatever one would study 

Ben Hur

I did, I went as far as I believe, 2.5 years and I was going into my third year of medical press and I was starting off as a medical technician and uh it was a well known school there in Manila called Far Eastern University. They were a Chinese, very well established medical school with a strong history of being very um I guess you would say how to get into the university to enter the school, it would be that easy, you have to take all these types of exams and requirements and qualifications in order to get in because they only allowed a certain corridor, a certain number of students. Um so it was very, it was very challenging, but it was very also inspirational for, you know, building again my inner self of my strength, right? Always not give up. 

Rechelle

Right. So that's a that's a good one. That's a really good one. Oh my goodness, wow, okay, I'm gonna, we're gonna like finish this part, the how you know the, getting to know you and then I think I want to circle back to uh you know, I have got a couple of questions career wise, so, so okay, so, you know, a lot of people are watching this show Ted Lasso and I don't know if you've seen it and if you haven't, that's fine, this is no kind of commentary on your tv viewing habits whatsoever. Have you seen Ted Lasso? 

Ben Hur

I haven’t, but I did watch the trailer of it

Rechelle

that's great. Did you find it intriguing or compelling?

***Ben Hur

I did. My coach, I believe in Kansas, a little bit and how you went to, I believe England to coach for a professional. Yes, so I can imagine he, he must be, have gone through all these challenges, similar to what I have gone through going for the country, yes, understanding the culture, yes, lifestyle

Rechelle

Yes, look at those parallels. Exactly. I and so one of the questions was if you had seen it, why is it a thing? And I'll kind of answer that and I think it's such a shot in the arm of positivity amongst, you know, him being a fish out of water and then he's getting to know all these people, but no matter what happens, he's so positive and he has these quirky sayings and you know, these characters go through these different transitions and become better versions of themselves because he came into their life, not that he was trying to come in and quote unquote, change them, that's not why he was there, he was just there to, you know, to do the job. But anyway, I just, I find the show very uplifting and especially with what our world has gone through this past year and a half. I think that's one of the reasons it is so popular because it's so nice for a change of pace to have something that's just really, really upbeat positive now.

00:13:19

Are you, have you been or are you binge watching anything? These, these covid times? 

Ben Hur

Well I have I just finished the Netflix series of Downtown Abbey. 

Rechelle

Oh yes, yes, So you watch the whole thing of that? So you started from the beginning? Well then that was a good long ride. Yes. Isn't that wasn't that like five seasons or something with a couple of Christmas specials, something like that. Ooh, that's a good one. That is a good one. 

Ben Hur

And what is interesting at first, I don't think I would have liked it because it was an English film, I wasn't too fond of the heavy accent and I was like I know in the past when I watched like four films, especially from um England, it was the narrative is a little bit too long but then when I first saw the 1st and 2nd episode I was like I clicked on it. Yeah, I was like wow, this is something different, Something good, you know, and something different always can be something good and not in a negative way.

00:14:26

Rechelle

Exactly. Exactly. Oh I'm so impressed and you made it through the whole thing. I have a friend who's obsessed with that. Maybe she has gone to visit the actual place where they filmed it. I mean she just loves it. Loves, loves, loves it. Okay, I have a tip for you for future and maybe you already did this. But this is something that even when someone is speaking English, if you're having a tough time tracking what they're saying, turn on your captions, your closed captions in English, seriously, I'm serious. It meant you're like, oh that's what they're saying. Oh, okay, because the accent can be so thick sometimes that you like, I know they're saying English words, but I don't have any idea what they just said. Uh yeah, that can be very helpful and that's something that I tried during Covid, I was like okay, I'm gonna remember this if I'm having trouble in any way with what they're saying the accent.

00:15:35

Sometimes people are just too mumbly, you know, they don't even have an accent there mumbling, you're like what's that? An important plot? I don't know, I don't know what they say, they say too fast. Yes, yes, so just keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. Okay, so Downton Abbey was your binge? Oh that's so good. Okay, so let's share how you got to Maui, How'd you get to Maui? 

Ben Hur

I was in Maui for work. Um I was helping our team with our company. Um They were kind of shorthanded because at that time when you were folks were there um because of Covid we had to store closures, a lot of shops were closed. When people return to work, they had their vacation dates high. So basically, the time being when you both were visiting, a majority of them were on vacation. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, that's great. Okay, so how did that? Right, yeah, he's on vacation. How did you get to Hawaii?

00:16:37

So you covered somebody's vacation? How did you get to Hawaii? Okay. You were in the Philippines. And then when was the next stop? 

Ben Hur

Oh So I uh I came back here, I believe that the age I was 18 or 19 in ‘94, um ‘90 or ‘91 or ‘92 sorry. And uh I decided that hey, uh I want to be back home in Hawaii because this was my father's last stop before he retired. I love the weather. Um whether it's very important to me. Um I love the scenery of seeing the ocean driving by it. just being around it. Gives me that positive energy. So um who I was at a location that I wanted to most likely spend more from my life, you know here on the island. Yeah. You know maybe a time when I could think about moving somewhere else to another state and there are times I have thought about it but it was very difficult.

00:17:42

Rechelle

Well you know what it's really I mean even just hearing you talk and I'm transporting myself back and there is something to that. I mean I haven't been to a gazillion tropical places so I can't speak for all of them. But I will say that when I'm in Hawaii I am I am very relaxed. I like to take things as they come. If there's just there's this peace and tranquility that happens and I do think some of it is being surrounded by water and isn't there you know some sort of a science behind being near the water. I can't remember I read something a while back about I want to say ionization but I may just be completely making that up. But something happens to our well being center when we are near the ocean. 

Ben Hur

So I believe that's true because you know just knowing the that you are surrounded by this paradise of the beautiful air.

00:18:52

The beautiful wind, beautiful people, beautiful scenery. It's relaxing knowing that you're in a place that calm people and we describe it as locals as the Aloha spirit. So we always try to stay at a positive energy. So we use the low has an expression at times when you're feeling down. So you could be walking down the street and you don't know the person, you can just say aloha and that greeting is just gonna cheer that person up. You know you may not know the person, you may not know what they're going through but when you cross paths and to say aloha you know it's just it's the same way just saying hi but in our case on our islands we say Aloha and it really builds up this energy you know it's like you're transporting from your positive energy to the other person when you're saying the word a lot to them because it's a greeting so they feel like oh yeah you know well 

Rechelle

and I think it's more than just hi, I really do. It is yeah. 

Ben Hur

 It's a very strong expression.

Rechelle

00:19:54

Yes yes yes yes absolutely. Okay so now we're going to take the deep dive into your passion and I don't know if your passion is your career. We're going to find out just a minute but I am going to say that you work at Tiffany and so I got to have my bucket list. Uh experience happened under your watch and then you had another gal help us as well. But it was such a fun experience and a great thing to be able to do because I have another friend not the friend referred to but another friend who's all about Tiffany. Tiffany Tiffany Tiffany. She loves your store. So this got me curious about you and I mean this is definitely your career, you're going up the Tiffany ladder how how did we get into first of all? How did we get into Tiffany? What degree? Okay. You just need to tell me, tell me, tell me at all.

Ben Hur

00:20:59

So, you know, you know, there are islands are known as tourism were based on, as you mentioned earlier hospitality. So everywhere, everywhere you go, you're surrounded by um, hospitality that is somewhat connected to tourism. It's all about customer service, it's all about entertaining the clients and making everybody feel positive and happy, especially during those who are on vacation. It's funny too, I know it is very different. I mean, what, I never thought I would have gone this path in my life. Um, I love, you know, meeting people, but I never thought I would be in an industry where it's more of a form of entertainment, where I'll be having the luxury to meet people every day and getting to know them. And you know what? It draws me inside of me that I enjoy this because it was like, I'm an explorer again, to discover, discover all these.

Rechelle

00:22:09

You're cutting out there for a second. I hope you're coming back. You cut out now, are you now you're back? Okay, good, you're back. Okay, so, you know, that's okay, you were saying that you get to explore every day that you didn't imagine this would be your career path, but here you are in it and you're enjoying it and you're thriving because you're such a people person. I mean, I knew that from the second we walked in. You're a people person, right? 

Ben Hur

Yeah. What also I would share is that there was a possibility during my younger, during my um, back in the year before I joined uh, Tiffany's was I was almost getting into the flight industry, so I was going to be a flight attendant. 

Rechelle

I could see that, I could see that because you're so good with people 

Ben Hur

Back in the day all my friends and family were saying that. Even my professor in college told me, you know what you should be a flight attendant. 

Rechelle

Oh my Gosh, Well, you know, that's a compliment because what it means is that you're very friendly, Your vivacious. You listen, you see people you care about, you know their needs, plus you get to travel, you know. Okay, so you didn't go directly from med school to Tiffany, I'm guessing. 

Ben Hur

No, it was first I had several different jobs as you know, it would be normal for everyone in the early life, it would jump from one job to another. So I was also in the restaurant industry, I was a host, I was also a server. I was in retail selling clothes, I sold men's suits and I think after that, that's when I went um, to inquire with the United Airlines at that time as a flight attendant went all the way through Chicago for the pre training and then I backed out because I got a call from Tiffany. 

Rechelle

Really wow, wow. Oh wow, that is a really cool option to choose, right? 

Ben Hur

Yeah, yeah.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh

Ben Hur

So I've had it at both ways. Either option I chose, I looked at it that I'm still going to get to meet people, I still get to entertain people and I think for either choice I would have um decided on I would be happy because it would be something that I enjoy doing. 

Rechelle

Yes 

Ben Hur

Again goes back to exploring. Maybe I'm not really currently flying around the world, but then I'm meeting people from around the world that's coming to me. 

Rechelle

Yeah, that's so true. I mean let's be, let's be real. When we talk about a flight attendant, very hard job number one to, I mean, you know, their servers in the sky, you know, you know what I mean? They need to know all the emergency procedures and they need to stay calm in an emergency and all of that, which I hope we never have to be in that situation.

00:25:34

But day to day when they have a shift, you know, they've got a deal with people who are irritated and frustrated and the cart back and forth and I mean the job itself, it's got to be very tough. I mean just in terms of what you're doing and versus Tiffany people are coming in, they want to buy some jewels and they want to try stuff on and you know that part of it is very different. Of course. You know the travel, you nobody can argue with the perk of being able to travel. But anyway, so you chose a really cool path and maybe an unexpected one. And yet, here you are, some years later, I'm assuming, and you're, you know, you're heading up the Tiffany ladder because I know one of the days we were talking about maybe get together, you had corporate training. So it's not just like, okay, you work at Tiffany, you're good to go, okay, go sell you. They are.

00:26:34

It sounds like they are continually wanting to, you know, build you into the brand. There you go, groom, and build you into the brand. Mmm. That's wonderful. I really like that. And do you have aspirations to keep going? You know, to keep going? 

Ben Hur

Yes, I do. And I hope that I can see as how far and potential I can go and I don't mind like relocating to other places. Um It will be all about the right timing. 

Rechelle

Nice. Oh, I'm just so excited for you. I can't wait to see what transpires we're gonna need to keep in touch. Okay, so one more thing we have to talk about. Well, maybe two more things. Let's see. Okay, so I introduced you as Ben now I'm going to tell the listener that your first name is Ben Hur. Now you knew that you we already told you we're gonna need to talk about that because we don't need that many people.

00:27:41

I can't imagine I've ever met somebody whose first name was Ben Hur. Two words just like the movie title. So now you're gonna have to tell us, you know which parent that was and how that happened. 

Ben Hur

I'm sorry you got broken up. 

Rechelle

Okay, how about now? Can you hear me now? 

Ben Hur

Yeah, good. Yes, I do. I can hear you now

Rechelle

Okay, so which parent was into Ben Hur and how did that happen?

Ben Hur

From what I was told um from my father, was that my my dad and my mom were big fans of the movie Ben Hur at the time. And uh they were actually thinking about making me Benjamin and they thought, why don't we do something unique and something different, you know? So because they were a big fan of Child Heston, they decided why don't we go for Ben Hur? I really, really appreciated that. That was the decision made because that got me a long way um with 

Rechelle

You're cutting out again, but that got you a long way, having a very unique name.

00:29:03

I don't think there is another Ben Hur, I mean, I can't imagine, right? There you are, you're back. Okay, so you've never met another Ben Hur. Right? 

Ben Hur

No, I have not.

Rechelle

Yeah, that's just a very unique name and you're right because your name is so unique, it probably has opened doors and has made you more memorable than you already would be with your great smile and your laugh, that I absolutely love your laugh. 

Ben Hur

Thank you. Hahaha.

Rechelle

There it is, there it is. Right on cue. Right on cue. Oh, I love it. Okay, so is there a passion that I that I that we didn't get to that you have? 

Ben Hur

Well, yeah, it was, it was really hard for me to something to think about. Um there's so many things that I would consider a passion. Uh one thing I say that I love, I have a deep passion for mid century, especially mid century Homes.

Rechelle

00:30:09

Okay, so that modern madman feel, 

Ben Hur

Yes, I loved it, you know, discovering like what type of gadgets were back then, what kind of designs of houses, the cars, the lifestyle, um just everything about it, you know, because I see the creativity, the uniqueness of the design and I just admired it for many years. 

Rechelle

Mm that is a very cool passion. You and my stepdaughter will get along very well, she's an architect and that’s her jam, She loves mid century for sure. Oh, very nice. Okay, okay, so mid century, obviously you watch Mad Men? 

Ben Hur

Yes, yes, I have, 

Rechelle

How could you not love in mid century, Okay, and then I think, you know, as we kind of conclude here, is there anything else that you feel like you want to share with the listeners before we wrap up?

Ben

00:31:15

Well, I just want to say that, you know, um I noticed that in your episode you have this part a quote for everybody to share. So I wanted to share one of them

Rechelle

Oh, a piece of wisdom, A piece of wisdom. You keep handy, You're right. I wasn't doing that in the masala Maui stories, but you're right. Please share a piece of wisdom with us. I would love that. Yes, I love it. Okay, what's your wisdom? 

Ben Hur

So I think so. I think with the current events right now, what we're going to? Yes, Oh, they come across often, you know, different walks of life is what John F Kennedy quoted was “ask not what your country can do for you, Ask what you can do for your country.” And the way I look at it is, it doesn't have to say country per se. It's just pertains to goodwill. You know, it brings you the challenge of everyone to contribute somewhat to a good public service or goodwill. I think there's a lot of expectations with, you know, what's going on right now, a lot of sensitivity and it's all about

00:32:27

Sometimes I feel there's people are saying me. So I feel there should be an acknowledgment that there should be a balance if there's an expectation, there's also what you would have to give contribute so that it's equal. Yeah. 

Rechelle

Oh that's so beautiful. Yeah. That really is beautiful. And that's a really, I haven't heard that quote in a while and that is a quote that I definitely keep in my head and it is about, yeah, not just thinking about me, me, me, me, me, but you know, how can I yeah, by giving you know, by giving you end up getting as much, if not more uh you know, the act of giving gives you so much more than I think. Well, my tongue, my tongue is twisted right now. You understand what I'm trying to say. 

Ben Hur

Yes, yes. In order for to have an expectation to come to you also contributed contribution to others.

Rechelle

00:33:32

Yes, exactly, exactly. I love that. That's wonderful. That's really well said. And um I'm hoping that the next time we chat that you've been to the beach and you've been able to enjoy the ocean and that wonderful Aloha spirit at the beach because as you said, you haven't been able to get there as much as you'd like because you're a home body on your days off. I understand home body. I really do. I mean you're in my home right now and we're in your home. So we're both home. We get that. But the boy there sure is something though in uh really rejuvenating about being down the ocean. So I'm hoping you can make that a regular practice and thank you for bringing up the wisdom piece that's uh really should keep that in no matter what series I'm doing. Because I think in a way that's one of my favorite parts of each episode is hearing the piece of wisdom that somebody really values.

00:34:43

Because it's speaking life into us. It's reminding us that, you know, whatever the wisdom is. And today it was ask not what you can do for your country, ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country for you, but what you can do for your country. Gosh, my brain today. But isn't that when he didn't, isn't he one of the ones that originated the Peace Corps kind of based on that sort of concept of giving back, Giving back. Yeah, that's very good. 

In conclusion I am so glad you took this risk. I am so glad you decided to you know, take the risk and do it. And I hope right now you feel really good about this experience as it concludes. 

Ben Hur

And I want to thank you for the push. If it wasn't for you and you push, I don't think I would ever got it. 

Rechelle

I was, I was just determined. I was like, I know I know once he does this, he's going to feel really good about it. I just know it. I know it. 

Ben Hur

So I just listened to some of your episode, you know, I came across like I did your recommendation. Yeah, Santana and then I also scroll down and look at some of, and listening to some of your older uh, podcast. I try to find some similarity and I found one that was Ben, it was with episode 57 like, okay, let me go listen to this guy and I was like, wow, there's a lot of similarities, not only by the name, but also the three words that he chose guys is like, you know, being open minded, um, flexibility, adaptable, you know, which is pretty much going on right now, you know, we all have to be flexible, we all have to have that balance. If you want something, give something you do what's good for everybody. 

Rechelle

That's so good. Ben, I think you need to start a podcast, look at all the wisdom you have 

Ben Hur

and it was so pleasing to hear from somebody who is at that generation at a young age, you know, because you wouldn't, you want to have, expect someone from a generation that is new to say these kind of inspirational things too. Everybody, you know, to podcast it, you would think that somebody young all they want is me, me, me, me, no, he had some life, good life experiences to share, which I also took away with and um, I was very happy to have learned about this podcast and going through the episodes and picking up a little wisdoms and here and there, because sometimes you don't come across these um wisdom of words and it's a good reminder or sometimes inspirational, thank you. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, you just, well, you've made my day, made my week, you've made my month, you've made my year. I mean, that's really what this is about. It's talking to people that aren't famous and getting a little bit of their story and hearing, you know, it's not like we set out to be inspirational in the sense that it's not like, okay, Ben, you're not going to have a conversation and you're going to be really inspiring, okay. You know, you're being you, and that's the whole point. You're being you. But I can really gather and glean a lot from what you have to say by sharing some of your story. I can I can walk away and be like, that's right. We have to give as much as we get, if not more. And so that's such a good reminder as I go through the rest of my day and thank you, thank you for your wonderful words. They really touched me and move me, thank you. 

Ben Hur

No, thank you. You really pushed me for that change and I have to say, contributor, you're a big contributor to that. You got change and changes are always good.

Rechelle

00:38:55

I love it. I love it and we're going to stay in touch for sure because I want to see these next things that you go through. And last question, does anybody call you Ben Hur? Or does everybody call you Ben Hur? 

Ben Hur

Only my father does. 

Rechelle

Okay. Yeah.

Ben Hur

You know, Yeah, I guess it's more sentimental for him because it would give him the reminisce of reminding himself that’s the name I chose for my son. 

Rechelle

Right, Well, and you're, you're so young. It's not even like you say your parents like that movie, but you're, I mean, you're, it doesn't even feel like they're old enough to have like that movie unless they like vintage movies that maybe they like vintage movies because that, that movie is very, I mean, I'm gonna know I'm going to have to look it up. I want to say fifties. I mean in the 50's something. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

00:40:00

Anyways, okay, they like, they like, they like, they like their child and Heston wasn't Charles was Kirk techno. That's oh, I am Spartacus, I think. Okay, I'm thinking I'm Spartacus. Okay, right. Yeah, similar, similar timeframe. Right. Oh, Ben, this is,

***Ben Hur

Fun fact, is that, that's the only movie that is still a lot of 11 Academy Awards that I know that has the only movie that movie that tied it The same 11 Academy Awards was the movie Titanic. However it was said that the Ben Hur classic had the most prestigious type of award, like you Titanic had best music that you know whatsoever, best coffee. But when you're looking at the type of Ben Hur  

Rechelle

very good look at you know it all your benefactor, I love it. Oh, that's great then this has been such a pleasure, wow. Thank you so much for again for your willingness even though I did take your elbow and just, just very gently just come on, come on.

00:41:08

I know, but thank you for that. I just knew, I mean just having connected with you and your just your energy and all that. I thought he's going to end up loving this. I just know it. So I'm so glad you said yes, thank you. And let's be in touch soon. Okay?

Ben Hur

Will do. 

Rechelle

Thanks Ben. Talk to you later. 

Ben

Bye. 

Outro Music

Rechelle

He did the thing. Ben took the gentle arm twisting I supplied and took the risk of doing something new by being on the podcast and he doesn't regret it. Ben shared great insight through snapshots from his life And don't mind my tongue tripping toward the end, Yada, Yada, Yada. And by the way, the movie Ben Hur was from 1959. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedly you dot com you can find the show on other podcast platforms.

Want to lend your support encouragement, we invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review, and share. On Instagram and Facebook, You can find us under unabashed you If you want to connect the emails [email protected] for questions, comments etcetera. If you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. website visits, social media, word of mouth and sharing these episode makers discoverable. So thanks for your support. We want these conversations to help you think celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing may you embrace the Aloha spirit of love and friendship. Do that share peace and compassion be that show mercy, sympathy, grace, and kindness because it makes a difference. This breath of life, Aloha. Amen. Go be unabashed, be you.

Ending Music

Next up in our Mahalo Maui series is a young woman who is a friend of a friend. Maria Hilman. She had a little nudge long ago that became a dream coming true. Her faith guides who she is and how she moves forward. Maria has a grateful heart and a song in her voice. Check it out. It’s a gift.

So what did I learn from Maria? Primarily how unabashed she is about her faith. I can appreciate anyone who has strong convictions especially as they lead her forward into places she didn’t know existed. Very cool for sure. Also the importance of saying yes to the opportunities that come your way. Look where they can lead. You just never know.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

You can find Maria Hilman at Maria's website or on Instagram Maria on IG.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Welcome to Unabashed You -- conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology, as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. 

Let's thank the countries who have been listening to recent episodes, the US, Australia, Nigeria, Spain, the UK, Canada, Germany, Congo, Denmark, India, Netherlands, Bulgaria, France and the Philippines. Wow, grateful? You bet, keep listening, reading and being inspired by these conversations and if any of you would like to come on the show, give me a holler, we can make that happen. Why not? 

Next up in our Mahalo Maui series as a young woman who was a friend of a friend, Maria Hellman. She had a little nudge long ago that became a dream come true. Her faith guides who she is and how she moves forward. Maria has a grateful heart and a song in her voice, check it out. It's a gift. 

Intro Music

While in Hawaii, I asked my friend Emily who lives there to come on the show; she said she had a better idea in mind, her friend Maria Hillman who graciously said, yes. This is what I know about Maria, she sings beautifully. I youtubed her wow, we'll get more into that in a bit. If she and Emily are friends, that means she's creative, kind, fun and deep, right off the bat. Let's get to know her welcome Maria.

Maria

Good morning! Hello, good afternoon. 

Rechelle

Yes, yes, it's, I think it's morning for you. And afternoon for me. Wonderful. Well, you know, we both have a great affection for Emily. So, I love that she connected us. What did you? I'm sorry miss that. You do too. 

Maria

Yes, we love you, Emily.

00:02:16

Rechelle

Yes, we love you All right. Is there anything you want the listeners to note before we sort of dive in before we start? 

Maria

Oh, that's a broad question. I'm excited to be here and I hope these next 30 minutes can just be an um, just a moment of encouragement for you. 

Rechelle

Yes. And I love “encourage” that word encouragement because I've always, I think naturally wanted to do that for other people. So that is, that word really, you know hits me in a really great place. Alright. Three words to describe yourself. 

Maria

Yes. So, I had to write these down and think long and hard about it because I'm like three words. Only three words. Yes, I can. If I can sum it up in three words, I would say authentic. I would say deep and then I would say very outgoing. 

Rechelle

Yeah, those are great. Authentic. Deep. Outgoing. And I use the word deep in my discussions.

Maria

Wow. I was in tune. You were in tune.

00:03:25

Rechelle

Yes, authentic. Uh, it's clear you are authentic. Authentic, deep and outgoing and yes, then that circles right back to Emily because if you know Emily, she's very outgoing and her friends are outgoing. 

Maria

Give me a new situation and new environment, a new person -- I'm like so excited. 

Rechelle

I love that. Okay. Two Truths and a Lie. Are you familiar with this? 

Maria

Yes

Rechelle

Okay great. 

Maria

I've played it before and oh man. It's just, it's a good thing I guess when it's very difficult to find a live think of a lie. You know I mean I hope that that's to say that's maybe a good thing, but I've got one here for you guys. So, let's see. So, um I've been to over 14 countries doing mission work. Um I've always wanted a puppy and um I played college soccer for four years.

00:04:26

Rechelle

14 countries doing missions work. Always wanted a puppy and um played college soccer for four years. One of those is a lie. Okay. Um I'm gonna go… I think you probably always wanted a puppy. Although that's a question for me. Don't say anything yet because I feel like if you wanted one, why haven't you got one yet? So, we'll put that one aside. You probably played soccer. I mean why not? So, I'm gonna I'm drawn to the country one and here's the reason why because you used a number. So, to me it could be, well she went to 13 or 15 or 12 or whatever so I'm going with that one is the lie. 

Maria

Ooh so that one actually is true. 

Rechelle

Oh my God!

Maria

I was like I'm going to be very specific. 

Rechelle

So that was good girl that threw me off. 14 countries for missions work. 

Maria

Yes. Yes. It's been part of my life since a young age as a young girl, my mom started doing that and you know, exposing me just to what else was out there. And so that is a huge part of my upbringing. Having traveled a lot and having it be with the purpose of just serving in missions. 

Rechelle

Wow, so I'm really um very moved by that, that your mom started that and that you've continued it because you're clearly a young woman. So, the idea that you've been to 14 countries already serving is extraordinary, truly extraordinary. 

Maria

Yeah, it's all thanks and just boy to God for that because it's been a remarkable experience and all of those that he would use someone like myself or you know, any of us to just be a messenger of his love and his hope on with his grace. 

Rechelle

So absolutely. Okay, I'm going to take another stab. I'm just going to go down the list. So, you're not always wanted a puppy. 

Maria

I've always wanted a puppy. Never had a dog in my life. I've never had one. And if you know me, like if I see a dog on the street, I'm like, oh, like I'm talking to it. Like it's, you know, just as important as the person walking and I'm like so excited at any little puppy. Any dog. 

Rechelle

Okay, so why haven't you gotten a dog or a puppy? 

Maria

I think just being raised just by my mom and I think for her, I was clearly probably enough of energy for her. And it just was not something that I just ever that ever happened. And you know, it was never like…

Rechelle

I get that because your mom was busy being a single mom, it sounds like totally understand that. But what about now? I mean, what about now? 

Maria

That's a great question. So, we've been, I mean, a little bit of my story here, we're here in Maui, we've been here for almost 10 years and so we rent where we live and you know, that's a huge part. You have landlords that are like, oh, all day dogs are fine and then actually hear the renting um just community and it's very frowned upon to have a dog if you're looking for a place because they're just very no, no. And I understand because there's been some kind of stories, you know, now we have two boys and they're asking for a dog. And so, we are definitely reaching that threshold of like, okay, something's might need to change because um this is clearly a joy that we're all missing.

Rechelle

Right. 

Maria

Missing from our lives. For any of you that have dogs, I'm sure you would agree. 

Rechelle

Right, well, yes, we have a puppy-ish. She's getting close. Well, she's actually 10 months today. Oh my gosh! Right, so she's yeah, she's um she's getting to be big and yeah, the puppy thing is really, I think if, if a person likes dogs, they really should get a puppy at one point in their life, and I just have that whole puppy experience.

Maria

Right. We just we just did the kids first, so hopefully that's waking up in the night again with the puppy. 

Rechelle

That's going to be a breeze. You're right, it's going to be a breeze after having two kids. Oh my gosh.

Maria

Oh yeah, and then with soccer, it was only for a year, because I went to Bethel University in ST Paul Minnesota, and that's where I was born and raised.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, we have family in Minnesota!

Maria

It is a great place in that state, it will always be home, will always be a special place in my heart. So, um but then after the first year, I went back into missions and kind of, that reentry into the mission organization that I was a part of growing up doing most trips with has been a huge part of my life and what actually landed us here in Maui, so it was a big change, I didn't know that was going to happen, I thought this was my road like sports and college and God definitely made it clear that he had bigger plans and not that those were any least, but I think I was just definitely write some other things that weren't probably as important. 

Rechelle

And right, you thought you knew where the path was and he said, oh no, not so much, we're going to steer you, we got a left turn, right turn, however you want to think of it, good, I want to get more into that in a minute. Now… Have you seen Ted Lasso? Have you seen this show? 

Maria

Yes, yeah. 

Rechelle

Wonderful. Okay, your favorite character?

00:10:06

Maria

Okay, well of the few episodes I watched, my husband loves the show and there's been moments of like I can't hang anymore but of the few that I have seen um one of, I have two, I mean Ted obviously is just, I mean his character is just, wow, whoever wrote this show and for him and then who he is an actor, he is incredible, like it's just that kind of person and I'm like, I hope I bring something of that into wherever I go because it's just contagious, his joy, his way he sees life, but um the person is a very small character, but it's a guy that's like “football is life…”

Rechelle

Yes, Danny Rojas!

Maria

But any time he says that I just bust out laughing and it's just a moment of just joy and funny and um and just that relates his passion, I relate yes, in and just something as small as soccer or whatever, but and he brings that everywhere no matter where it is.

Rechelle

Right, right. That actor does a very good job, he's so believable that I can't even believe he's an actor, I'm convinced he's Danny Rojas and that they just kind of scooped him up and said just that you could just keep doing that, keep doing that just when in doubt say, “football is life.”

00:11:27

Maria

Exactly, so I just find that show just so many layers.

Rechelle

And just well and it's so positive and I think that's why I wanted to ask people lately if they've seen it because you know with everything we've gone through as a world, as a world the past year and a half coming up on two years and pretty soon here, it's a great shot in the arm of just goodness, being positive, you know, being for other people, I mean just the whole thing, it's just a beautiful and I had watched it season one and then my husband is not a big tv movie person, but I said you know, I think you might like this. Oh, he just loves it, he just loves it. Yeah, he loves it. So yeah, that's a good one. Okay, so now I want it and so this is actually part of your story is how you got to Maui, so you kind of kind of touched on it just a bit but tell us how you got to Maui.

00:12:33

Maria

Yes, so it is a wild story. Never in my life did I imagine I would live um the majority of it in Hawaii, like never, I'm like I said a Midwest girl through and through which the irony I was raised though by a Colombian mother who is just, you know, so he was just incredible, just little mix of growing up in the Midwest, but with a very strong um Latin, American culture and upbringing and so um but yeah, I think it was through the times of just missions and being exposed to that, that just began to pull and tug on my heart and really be a part of the catalyst to so much of the change and growth and transformation I experienced in my faith with God and so, um I knew that I wanted to give my life to this, I knew in some way, shape or form, I wanted to um be just a vessel for God to use and to be um just seeing parts of the world and seeing that there's areas let alone right outside our door, that people are needing hope, people are needing um just someone to come alongside them and share that someone really loves them and just to, to be a practical blessing to be just a messenger of just um just God's message, his gospel and so um with that I tried to go about it my own way and be like “no I’m gonna do college” and that was a little bit of that earlier speaking of soccer and all those things, but God just really quickly shifted um, my path in um, that coming of that second year and so I went back into YWAM missions.

Rechelle

I've heard of that, okay.

Maria

They’re all over the world, they have basis in every state, almost let alone different countries, many different countries and um, their main hub is in Kona Hawaii, which is on the big island. Um, there they have what's called University of the Nations and they run many different programs catered to many unique walks of life, whether you're a young kid out of high school, whether your youth, whether you're married, whether you're someone in the workplace like they have so many different programs for people to come and serve and to be just those messengers of the gospel and hope um for wherever you are in your life. And so, um that being said, I went to Denver Colorado and just started my journey in missions doing my own um schooling, which they provide for your first entry into Youth of the mission, it's called discipleship training school and it's a six-month long program where you get three months of just being poured into. I mean, wow, a lot of growth, a lot of healing, a lot of just, it's, it's about God and you and then from there being able to um which is so God's mission to, to transform and to go and transform the nation's and make Disciples of Nations and so from after those three months you go for another three months into a country or place wherever it may be, you here in the United States and you just go and you plant and you serve for those 2.5, 3 months and I'd say, I don't know which part of the journey is more transformative like you and you're trying with the Lord and just growing more to know who God is, but then walking out in that truth and sharing it with other people's lives changed.

00:16:00

Rechelle

So okay, so did you leave college in the sense that you then, because you felt a different direction and then you, is Denver a natural hub, that would be sort of the next step for the three months or was there a selection process? 

Maria

Um No, you can look online really anywhere and look for, you can just type in YWAM, um you know Minnesota or what, you know, and it'll pop up the bases that are in different states if you're looking and for some reason, I chose Colorado. 

Rechelle

Okay, that's what I was trying to get to. Okay, so for some reason you're okay, you're in ST Paul and you're like, “well, you know, Denver, you know…”

Maria

A lot of snowboarding and all those things like that would be cool, like, it's got to be, you know about what I want. 

Rechelle

Okay, so I see now how you got there, okay, so from there now three months there and then the next three months, where were you sent off to? And did you have a say in that selection process? 

Maria

Yes, yeah, so in that, when I did that, I went from my outrage to Fiji, Vanuatu and Australia. I know some amazing, incredible places and let alone, yeah, it was just amazing and transforming, but yeah, and then after that, so what's cool with YWAM is once you do, um discipleship training school, which for many is a pivotal point and whether they want to continue serving in ministry or take that and what they learned and go back into college or go back into the workplace wherever they are, um you can also continue to do further training schools that they offer. So I went, I was studying media communications and so I thought the next thing would be um, you know, the school specifically offered a film and production um school where they use that tool, that method of like artistry and creativity to be a vessel for ultimately the greater purpose and mission which is God and his love. So, I did that school and um, and then we traveled to Thailand to Burma and did uh documentary, all on sex trafficking and just, it was just, wow, like that was, I mean wild experience to say just the very least. Oh, my goodness, transformative and just eye opening and yeah from there, it just um actually that is the point in where Maui came on the map. So, I'm glad I'm proud of myself. 

Rechelle

Yes, yes.

Maria

Sorry, I’m going in all directions.

Rechelle

No, no, but that's how, that's how life goes.

00:18:38

Maria

Yes. Yes, exactly. So, on this trip when we were in Thailand there was a team there from the YWAM Maui base and I met some people there and it was just like, I think literally when you say the word Maui it's like wow, Maui, you like, you just think like palm trees and coconuts, it's just like wow. And um anyway, so just through friendship and through connection they were like what are you doing? Like you should come out to this base and serve on staff and that was the first time anyone ever had Um shared with me that you cannot just do schools, but you can also apply to become on staff for this ministry and live and serve um wherever you want to go and and kind of be planted and there and then eventually lead other teams and take them. And so, um that was just like Okay God, I really don't know what's next, so why not? And so, I applied, and um came out here in 2008 and it's been history since.

00:19:43

Rechelle

Okay. So, when you first got there in 2008 what kind of ministry were you doing there? 

Maria

Yeah so being here we um and I still say we it's so funny because I'm not part of what I want anymore but um there you are pretty much just coming alongside just the base and serving, so here we're having now all these kids come and do the discipleship training schools, like I explained earlier, they're coming and doing different schools that we also offer here, they also offer a school of biblical foundations which is very much just diving into the word, doing a lot of um studying apologetics and so each base has different schools that they that they offer, so like Denver had like the film and they had very creative arts, this space is very much just um they offer the discipleship training school and then a lot of um study different study schools like School of Biblical Foundations or they also have one called Reformation Generation, that's where if you feel called to the universities and to come and just grow and understanding of how to communicate.Um so yeah, I was just serving on staff here and I was just being one of the members here to just come alongside these young kids coming in like I was once at a different base and um yeah and then it was cool because while being here I was really beginning to discover this passion for music and this question for um for just really I think calling I've always had in my life, I've always enjoyed music my whole life. I was in choir as I was, you know, took lessons in piano and stuff, but um didn't necessarily have a purpose with it and then it was until coming out here and it coming into the form of like, will you serve us in this way and mind you, I was not good, I barely know how to play guitar, but they were like here just we'll give you this time, lead us. And it was just literally jumping into it that my heart came the most alive and I knew that I wanted to do for my life, so it's kind of in history since my husband was here, he was on the leadership team of this base. Oh, that's a funny story in itself, we don't have time for that.  

Rechelle

Oh, so he was in leadership here? Oh my God…

Maria

It's a cool story. But the funny thing is he had to accept me to come on staff. Um If ever he gets to share that side of the story, The Lord is so funny and so good how he works, and we just were really great friends for a long time and then it just grew.

Rechelle

Oh, that's wonderful.

Maria

We're celebrating 10 years of marriage this month. All glory to God these 10 years. 

Rechelle

That's wonderful. Congratulations, that's fantastic. Oh, my goodness! Okay, so that's how you got to Maui. Okay. And you through that process of being in Maui discovered something that was already kind of in your heart. But then it really, really had the chance to just burst open. Especially because there were no expectations. Nobody was saying, let's listen to your demo tapes or I guess we don't even have tapes anymore. What do we have? Yeah, digital. You know, here's, here's me, here's what I can do. No, here's a guitar, figure it out. Let's go sing let's do it. Oh my gosh, and so I did tell you that. I thought, you know, Emily our friend mutual friend told me that you sing, and I thought, okay, well I'll just I'll just google her and see what I can find, and I landed on YouTube and listened to one of your songs “Nobody Like Jesus,” is that the name of it? 

Maria

Yeah. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, your voice is so beautiful truly. What a gift. Okay, so what are you doing now with your music? And is it all original or? 

Maria

Yes, thanks for asking that. Yeah, I am. Um now pursuing this whole time this summer I recently got signed to a new label again. All praise to Jesus because I mean, I'm way out here in Maui and this label like in Nashville and Missouri. And I mean I started in 2019 releasing original music and that is why I have so many gods stories, but to just try to condense it. God opened the door just literally as someone walking to our community and to our church and um, hearing about me and you know, it was like, hey, like it was just a connection in which, which you realize in so many ways it's these God connections that he works and that he does, and it can't be forced, it can't be manufactured. It's just when he does it, it's his best, it's the best for us. And so, um, it was just years leading up to 2019 of just knowing this was on my heart that I didn't know how to do this; literally out here there's not a lot of like to go there, all those things. Like it's just very simple life out here. I mean, gorgeous, but it's, you know, it's minimal in some ways. And um, so this kind of pursuit was daunting, but just every step of the way God provided the stone to step on and just to, to lead into the next thing. And so, um, yeah, here we are now, today, having released another single and um, it's just exciting to see and know that like, can you just trust God with your dreams and even just the callings that you believe he's placed on your life, like he will create the way for it. And um, this summer Yeah, this this this label reached out and was just like, we believe in you, we’re here, we want you to join us. And it's um it's just beyond what I could ever imagine. Then just feel it's got allowing and bringing tools and people to be just that much more of a help and um, just a catalyst to what God is wanting to do. Because it's really not about me, it’s through me, but it's unto the purpose of, like, heart and hope that people are encouraged and edified and just truth through song.

Rechelle

And what's the name of the new single? 

Maria

Yes. The new single is called “Only You” and you can Spotify, you can find it on iTunes, you can find it really anywhere you stream music.

Rechelle

And that's original. This is all original. 

Maria

Yes, yes. All these songs I've written. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Maria

Um it's just something I'm also still growing in, but like, have just found such a love and uh, just respect for, for those that are, like, really good songwriters. It is a wild journey, just discovering how to write, how to express yourself.

Rechelle

So, you're doing the lyrics? The music?

Maria

I mean, obviously, producers come and help do that. But the vision, there's just me and a little guitar or the voice memo, that's what I have. And then there's amazing people that come alongside and help burst that into an amazing, you know, ending? So yeah.

Rechelle

Okay, so you're doing it a single out of time, or are these coming off of an album? 

Maria

*****Yeah, so, my first release was an ep, Sony PS like mint. Um It means exclusive previews. That's small. 

Rechelle

Is that what it means? I thought it an extended play. Didn't used to meet extended play. 

Maria

I'm not sure. I, you know, I could very well be wrong.

00:27:15

Rechelle

No, no, no, no. You would know you're okay. So, what's the P stand for again? 

Maria

I thought it was exclusive preview, but exclusive preview. 

Rechelle

Okay, let's go with that exclusive preview. 

Maria

Okay, great shoots. I could be wrong, but you have me doubting. 

Rechelle

Oh no, no. What do I know? I don't. This is not my area. 

Maria

Okay, so that was just about five songs that I just released; not as long as a whole album as you'll find 10-14 songs. Um and then after that, I released uh two more singles, three more singles. I'm sorry, three more singles. And um yeah, and then this one, now it's my fourth. And yeah, single is definitely um Today, within just music and artistry people are releasing more singles at a time versus just chunks of album and tons of songs and times. And then those that are releasing big albums. Usually, they're a little bit more um further on in their career and have the money as well to do it because it's quite a big expense when you go about it doing it for an album versus a single.

00:28:25

Rechelle

Right? So, did Emily tell me that you've just gone to Nashville, or am I totally making that up? 

Maria

So, you're not? That is true. What we've, wow, we've been many times that has been where kind of the journey recording and um just the community that has begun to grow through that, um, that's where it all is. And so, um, we've been hopping on a lot of planes heading over to Nashville and back and now it doesn't even seem like a long trip.

Rechelle

That's got to be a good eight-hour flight. 

Maria

Yeah, it's not, if not, then you do two planes, one 6 hour, one, 3.5 hour. Yeah, you're there. And so, um, yeah, I'm actually going this coming week to uh, you know, track into just connect and just uh to say Nashville's calling is an understatement. But we're here Lord and Lord knows what's going to happen.

Rechelle

Right, so well do you have an agent at this point to kind of help you navigate these waters? 

Maria

Yeah, there's a team of individuals that are part of this, this label. Um and they offer the management side and just kind of **** side of connecting or just thinking where you'd be a good fit and um, so yeah, who knows what can come of this, but I've already gotten a glimpse into what it's like when you do have now a team of people that are literally your advocates supporting you, helping you make the best decisions for your, for your music and for the outcome that you have vision for. Um, it's incredible. And so, I can only say that, yeah, Sky's the limit and God knows what direction. 

Rechelle

That's right. So, do you regularly perform at church? Are you the worship pastor, so to speak?

Maria

My husband actually is the worship pastor, it was kind of a two for one deal. That's how both of us um, just even came together in our relationship and it's such a huge part of our journey and so we have led for years just within different communities and churches, um, events or whatever, it may be a lot through the YWAM community and then I'm locally here in Maui and so yeah, he's the worship pastor, but then I'm um, also one of the worship leaders and um, so, uh, it's a joy to serve in an honor to serve. And um, yeah, that's, that's really the, I call it the bread and butter of just um, what we do and what are what my passion is, you know, and just excites me. And so yeah.

Rechelle

So, do you picture at all moving to Nashville or continuing the back and forth, or is that not, Is that not a good question for now? 

Maria

No, I will not shy away. Um and I'll be honest. Of course, yes, we do and it's really um something we have already seen before as a matter of just God, you know, the best time, you know, the best way. Um You've never really like made a big move before as a family. Um It was really just my husband and I that came, you know, that we're here on Maui you know, and that was it. And then so from here we've raised our boys and so it's, you know, in their young still, but it's definitely a daunting thought, but also an exciting one because I think with everything that's happened and where I am now, it's this opportunity that we see a window into of like it's time to run or you choose to just stay here and what's comfortable and what's known will work. But will it be unto what is like the fullest potential for not just me but our lives, you know. 

Rechelle

Right. Right. And you have a heart, yeah, you have a heart for this and a gift for it because you can lot of people want to sing. You know, that doesn't mean they have, well, it's kind of like two things. It's one you have to either be a natural right or be trained in it and even I'm going to say even those that are trained in it or do not necessarily have that God given quality to their voice that, you know, I see a lot of theater, I listen to music. I mean there's just something that's different. 

Maria

Yeah, yeah, I fully agree. Um I think even in doing this, I'm always like God, like it has to be, you threw me because anyone can hear a nice sound or a pretty sound or a beautiful voice, but for them that to actually penetrate and like move your heart or like connect to what is being said, I think that's, that's definitely a special thing that you know, you know, and if that's, if that's what you're called to do and, and even those that are incredible, it's just like unto God, like it's all meant to just serve a purpose. So, do it and if it makes you come alive, like do it, you know? But yeah.

Rechelle

That's wonderful Maria. I am so excited for you. You know, the new single dropping today, the ones that you have out, the ones that will be coming out heading to Nashville to keep the, to keep the momentum going and not knowing but being excited and then the trust that you have the trust factor of whatever you want this to be, I'm here and you take it where you want it to go.

Maria

Exactly. The thought with that that comes and I heard it just recently actually from another podcast, but to realize that um if you view your life like a tree, like um it's really God, that is the one that is that is bearing the fruit, like he will choose the fruit that has to be beared and our job is just to stay planted. Our job is just to stay close and to keep really connected to the true source, which is him and in that in that growth in the process and the things that maybe even are hard and you feel like I'm totally unfit for this, like no God is the one that will choose the fruit that has to be to bear through your life. And so, um that just takes off so much pressure and just allowed, I realized like, okay, I'm growing or I'm in this process or I'm in this season, or this is where you have me planted God, I can rest in that because the rest you have, you have figured out and you have things that are actually good.

Rechelle

Right. So. Exactly. Exactly. That's wonderful. Is there anything in a conclusion that you want to say? Any last thing that you didn't get to say that you wanted to say? 

Maria

I mean, man, what a privilege it is to literally be speaking and whoever is listening to be like hearing my voice and I think if you never hear of me again or music or whatever, it may be just to be encouraged that whatever season you're in, um God has you and he wants to work in this through this um unto a great purpose and so don't lose heart and don't lose hope and that he's ultimately the one um that we are wanting, that we're needing that were looking for, you may not even know it, it's ultimately Jesus. And so, um you know, I think that's on the forefront of my mind since “Only You,” that's a lot of the song, what it is about just being, it's only God that can truly satisfy us until the day that were with him. And so, um to keep that in the center of our lives in our hearts and everything else will welcome that, and it'll be good, it'll be amazing. 

Rechelle

Thank you, thank you so much for that. Really beautifully said really beautifully said, um any contact, any way you want to be contacted should people just uh google you and get your info. It's Hilman with one l I discovered one. Well, that is right, and that is a good discovery because even like the checks are micro checkbook, we'll get it wrong, we're like, it's one out. Um but I get it, Hill, it's just, it's just what it is. Um you can find me on Instagram on Facebook, just literally write my name and yeah, okay. Um or just and like you said Spotify YouTube iTunes for the new songs.

00:36:52

Maria

Yes, Yeah, I think social media really is kind of one of the most powerful ways of connecting in our day right now. And so it is, you can literally see there what I had for lunch today, you know, it's great how much you can know about someone in the quickest of moments. 

Rechelle

Right. Exactly. Well thank you for this time, Maria. I've really been blessed, and I know I've got Emily, we both have Emily to thank for that. 

Maria

Yes, it was an honor to be able to be with you today and just thank you for creating this platform for other speakers but absolutely. 

Rechelle

And I'll get back to that word encourage. I love that word, love that word. All right. I wish you the absolute best and I cannot wait to see what unfolds for you next and I'm going to be watching. I'm team Maria. So, we will be Yeah, well I will be watching and, and you know, I don't know if I'll have pom poms but you know, imaginary pom poms or something. 

Maria

Yes. Oh, likewise. Likewise, I mean, I can't wait to share this podcast with others. Not just this segment. I was like how amazing this just the title Unabashed You. Like it's just, it's just so um, I think just freeing and just gives opportunity for anyone and everyone who God is created and uniquely and just so special to share and we need that one. 

Rechelle

Yes. Yes, yes. And that's the idea. That's absolutely the idea be who you are without apology. You wanted to sing, you're singing, you wanted to serve, you're serving. I mean, all those things that make you get to be you. 

Maria

Yes. Yes, exactly. And as long as we stay planted, it's going to do beyond what you can imagine. 

Rechelle

That's right. Right. Exactly. Well, it was wonderful to meet you, Maria. And I look forward to connecting again. Alright, take care, Thanks so much.

Outro Music

00:38:55

So, what did I learn from Maria primarily how unabashed she is about her faith. I can appreciate anyone who has strong convictions, especially as they lead her forward into places she didn't know existed very cool. For sure. Also, the importance of saying yes to the opportunities that come your way, look where they can lead, you just never know. 

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected]. For questions, comments etcetera and if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: may the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he lift up his countenance on you and give you peace. Amen, go be unabashed, be you.

This is the Mahalo Maui series (mahalo means thank you).  I wanted to invite a few people I connected with while there.  Yes we were on vacation fo two weeks which we’ve never done before, and we feel blessed for having had the opportunity.  One night we were out and the bartender Sy, shout out to him at Lehue Lounge, told us to come back the next night because there would be live music with Carlos Santana’s nephew, Brian.  On his advice we did, and we were not disappointed.   Oh, and that voice!  Fast forward: Brian said yes to being on the show.  Listen to all the wisdom this 28-year old has…

As I record this I am still swimming in the positivity and insight Brian has.  And did I mention he sparkles when he smiles?  He understands what it takes to keep creating, to do the work and to learn all of the aspects to be the successful musician/songwriter/producer he will be.  And I say will because I have no doubt it will happen.  It is happening.

You can find to Brian’s website: Brian Santana Music on YouTube: Brian Santana Music on Facebook: Brian Brian Santana Music and on Instagram: Brian Santana Music. (Direct links to all four simply by clicking.)

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle

Welcome to Unabashed You -- conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. 

This is the Mahalo Maui series. Mahalo means thank you. I wanted to invite a few people I connected with while there. Yes, we were on vacation for two weeks which we've never done before, and we feel blessed for having had the opportunity. One night we were out and the bartender Sai -- shout out to him at  Lehue Lounge -- told us to come back the next night because there would be a live music with Carlos Santana's nephew Brian. On his advice we did, and we were not disappointed. Oh, and that voice. So, this is our conversation, me and Brian. Listen to all the wisdom this 28-year-old has. 

Intro Music

Rechelle

I heard Brian play music recently when we were in Maui on a vacation. His voice is pure, tender and rich. Okay, I'm not a musician so not sure if those are musical words to describe his unique sound, but there are the words that come to mind when I think of his music. I asked him to come on the show and to my delight he said yes. Welcome Brian.

Brian

Thank you for having me. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, I was really excited when you said yes. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you just to kind of get us started?

Brian

Uh you know, I'm all about just being your authentic self and I put that out there. 

Rechelle

Yes, that is one of my favorite words -- Yes, authentic. Love it, Be yourself. Yes. All right. So, what three words would you use to describe yourself?

00:02:06

Brian

Three words to describe myself. . .  uh light, love and happiness.  

Rechelle

Okay, light, love and happiness. Light meaning you don't get let's see, like down

Brian

Like yeah, as in light, you know, there's a lot of like we all have like we all have our bad side and our good side, or dark side and our light side, right? And people, you know, think that, oh, because I have negative thoughts about us like that. It's the end all be all and no, you know, we all have that, and we just have to choose, we have to choose which path to go on right. And there's an old saying from, from a cartoon I used to, I still watch each other's day and the guy goes, you know, it's um, it's easy, it's easier to hate, but it's stronger to love.

Rechelle

Ooh gosh snap, snap or whatever we did whatever we do these days to say, that was very wise and profound. It is easy to hate, isn't it? And it is harder to love, but isn't that…

Brian

Stronger to love

Rechelle

Stronger to love. Okay, and then that also in my mind um there's more pay off in the things that are the strength of love or the sacrifice of love or what have you. That that might not be the easier road, but it's the better road.

Brian

Right, right. Well you know what's funny is that it's funny you mention that because like I my last encounter with like not wanting to be patient, but having to be patient or else I wasn't going to get the reward: last December I was on this project um because I'm like I'm trying to take my business to the next level of music and trying to you know make room so I can continue to record and produce and you know that all that requires money, you know that requires, you know requires taking care of your credit and requires all that stuff. So, I for the longest time had a very bad credit. A friend of mine got me into credit and how to repair it and take care of it. And I wanted to start working on that stuff and I wanted the results to be like within like 2-3 weeks or a month and no it just it doesn't it doesn't work that way. And by the end of the month and me not getting what I wanted yet, I was disappointed because I was like darnit I wanted to get the funds now so I can start working on this stuff now. And you know what? I was forced to like to wait and put in the work and it's like one of those slow journeys but like it's like, you know, we overestimate what we can accomplish in a month to a year, and we underestimate what we can achieve within like 2, 3, 4 years, you know.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, you are just full of wisdom today. I mean or any day, I mean this is the first time we've actually talking in real life. But my goodness, just all these wonderful nuggets from you. I'm just I'm loving it. 

Brian

So, I've been following the work from my friend and the some of the people that teach about credit and all that stuff, and I've been putting in the work and within like six months I was already doing some… making some… a lot of good progress and I was like, wow, I was like a moment -- you need to have a better relationship with time. 

Rechelle

Yeah, that's good. A better relationship with time. Oh my gosh, that is a good one. I love that. All right, So three great words to describe you. So, two truths and a lie. Have you, are you familiar with this concept? 

Brian

I honestly, I've never heard of it until you brought it up.

Rechelle

Okay, so you're saying three things about yourself, two of them are true and one isn’t, and you can put the lie in wherever you want. It's just kind of a fun little ice breaker and then you know we go from there. 

Brian

All right, well let's see number one, I have an uncle, a famous uncle, his name is Carlos Santana. And then the second one is I was born in Mexico. And the 3rd one is I met my artists idol Usher. 

Rechelle

Oh okay. Your uncle is Carlos Santana. You were born in Mexico, and you met Usher. Okay, well I do happen to know that Carlos Santana is your uncle. So, we know that that's true, we know that that's true because Sy the bartender at ***louis lounge where you were playing, he was singing your praises and telling us we had to come back the next night, which we did on his advice, we came back the next night specifically to hear you play. So, shout out to Sy. So, I know that one's true. Okay, yes, Mexico. Okay, I'm gonna put that one aside for a second and I think you met Usher. So, I'm gonna say he weren't born in Mexico. I'm gonna say that's the lie.

Brian

Wow, look at you, you got it!

00:07:26

Rechelle

Okay, where were you born? 

Brian

I was born in Los Angeles.

Rechelle

Oh okay, L. A., wonderful. Okay, now we've got to hear the story about how you met Usher. 

Brian

See, well, so Usher -- I recently met him in August. And so that was like that he's the reason why I started singing, you know.

Rechelle

Are you serious? 

Brian

Yeah, like, like my uncle Carlos, he's the reason why I started playing guitar and I wanted to get like super into it and I want to be, I want to become a musician when I was like 10, 11. And I started singing, I started singing like around 17. But like, all the stuff that I listened to like from Usher, I'd be like, I want to sing like that guy, like he sounds so awesome. Like everything to me that he does is like perfect. Like no one can touch his voice. So, I was like, that's what I want to be like him. And so finally, like after years of, you know, working on my own stuff and everything, I always wanted to go to a concert of his and meet him and everything, but I just never really tried to make it happen because I didn't mean financially, I didn't think I could do it yet. And so finally, last year, during the pandemic, I heard that it was going to be in Vegas, um he was gonna be in Vegas for residency at Caesars Palace. So, he was there for like 2-3 weeks and I was like, I'm going to that concert, I'm going to that concert and I'm going to meet him. Not only am I going to go see him but I'm gonna meet him. So, they had like the whole V. I. P. thing where you like, you can actually meet and greet them and all that stuff. And at the time when I said I was going to go see him in concert and meet him, I was like, I don't know how to do it because we're all just stopped, and I have no source of income right now. I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna do but I'm gonna go. And so, it's funny because like within like two months of the concert coming or three months, it in May –May or June -- I bought my ticket in June, I still didn't know how I was going to pay for it until June. June came but I did it! And so finally I was able to pay for everything. And I got myself over there. I took my mom with me… 

Rechelle

Oh fun, so sweet.

Brian

She was in California. So, I picked her up and it's funny because I did like, I do like the whole experience. I got myself a sports car for the trip, got my mom in there, we drove up to Vegas…

Rechelle

Oh, fun. 

Brian

I got to do the, it was like a two-hour V. I. P. Section where you got to hang out with Usher and you got, they were doing like a show, like all the things that like kind of inspired Usher to like to create the music that he's created so far. And you know, I got to like to come up to him and say, hey, you know, it's good to meet you, you know, you're, it's an honor to meet you whatever. And so that was really cool. It's one little thing that I probably, I didn't get out of that one was like, I didn't get enough time with him because I was so distracted by the show that they were putting on in the V. I. P. Section, and he was hanging out with us, but I was like just in awe of everything. But yeah, no, it was it was amazing. Honestly, I because everything that I that I that I that I imagined it would be like um like meeting him and like watching a show because like I've been so involved in his music and his performances that like, you know, I know what he does after a show. I just never been to it like face to face. 

Rechelle

Right. Right.

Brian

So, it was really cool to be like put him in front of me.

Rechelle

Wow. And did you get to meet him again? Did you say in August?

Brian

No, that was in August. I got the ticket in June and the concert was in August.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, I love that you had, you know, he inspired you tremendously, obviously great influence on you in terms of his voice and then of course your uncle with a guitar playing -- and then you just said I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I am going to do it and you, you made it happen because it was that important to you.

00:11:49

Brian

Right? Well, you know, it's funny as an um at a certain point in the journey between when I start, when I, when the moment I said I'm going to go to, when it finally happened that I said that I was that I was going to go, around May or June I was like, I want to, I want to do this. I'm not going to force it. So, I'm not so if it's not going to happen, I just, I'm not ready for it then…

Rechelle

Okay…

Brian

If it's not going to happen is because I'm not ready for it. But like God or the universe or whatever it is that people believe that I believe in God. If God wants me to do it, he's going to show me the means to do it. But I just got to continue to put my energy there, continue to put my, my, my, my, my attention towards it and he put the means in front of me. So, I'm like taking me these means that I'm going to that concert.

Rechelle

That is so great. Oh my gosh! So just quick follow up. What has meeting Usher done in terms of your music? I mean, did you come back? Just like, oh my gosh, I gotta start writing. I gotta start playing. I just like, want to do it all right now. 

Brian

Yeah. Well, you know what's funny is that so um prior to like going to this concert and I want to say like, the last year, my thoughts have shifted a little bit. When I moved, uh this is I'm gonna take you back to when I moved here to Maui… 

Rechelle

Okay. 

Brian

Um when I moved here to Maui, I wasn't trying to stay actually, I was here for like a couple of months to give something that had nothing to do with music actually. But I did want to do some gigs out here. And I just, it dawned to me that, oh, if I'm in Maui, I can meet people that are in the right places to get me to the next level in music. And so, I did that. And then, but, and then I was like, I met someone that told me, hey, you can make a living and music over here and then you can, you know, it would be good. And I was like, no way. So, I thought about it. I was like, okay, I'm gonna try. If it doesn't work out, I'll go back to Mexico. And you know, long story short it worked out, I'm still here but in that, in the time that I've been here, I got a little comfortable just, you know, performing and just pay my bills and I was starting to focus a little more like just on the finances, just for the sake of making money and taking my financial wellbeing to another place. Um and so I was leaning back a little bit on the, on the wanting to do bigger things and like get people's attention in that way, you know. But you know, going to his concert, it kinda it revitalized that kid, you know, my kid the kid that I was 10 years ago, and I was like, I want to be a rock star, I want to be a superstar, I want to do all these things. And so, I was like, you know what, I can't let that go, I can’t really put it in the backburner like I have to try… 

Rechelle

Yeah!

00:15:04

Brian

And if it doesn't work out whatever. But like at least I tried. So, my, you know, one of my biggest goals and music is to become a producer, mm you know, I want to be a producer. So, I like to me that makes me feel like a full artist. Well, you know, I'm able to sing my music, I'm able to write it and I'm able to produce it. Because like I don't know it just like it doesn't feel like I've done music before where like I wrote the lyrics but the music was not even mine, I just kind of was like looking for it and like you know you consider that collaborating but it just when I did it back then I just didn't feel like oh this is me, this is Brian this is like the kind of music that I want to be, you know making. 

Rechelle

I love the idea of producing because then it's um -- you know sometimes control gets a bad name, I mean and certainly you can take control too far -- but to have creative control of your content and what you're putting together I think makes perfect sense. And is the smart, wise way to go well. 

Brian

And I've noticed that like a lot of musicians, they don't know what they want to make and so when we come together it's kind of like we're juggling and we're kind of just like, oh let's see what we make and I'm like yeah no I mean it's fun to do that but like there should like there has to be for me a sense of direction.

Rechelle

You want to do more, and you want to do it intentionally. 

Brian

I love intention. You know like I it's funny because there's a certain point to me that loves intensive and then after that I kind of like I like the releasing it. I like releasing it uh like not knowing what's going to happen in some way, you know? And that's where like I guess I have a hard time too because I do have I do need to have a little bit a bigger level of, you know, mastering like predicting, hey, what am I going to do for the next six months a year? What about projects for the next couple of years? Like I been pretty bad at that. And it's funny because like I relate that to this guy that I was studying a long time ago and he called, he has this thing that everybody has this thing called pace, it's P. A. S. E. And we all have the P. We all have the area of the P. A. S. E. And he says, you know, P is for practical, okay, practical people, they, you know, they do all that, they make sure that everything is written down, they know exactly what's gonna happen when it's gonna happen this time it's gonna happen. You know, they do all the numbers right? Is that the problem with people that are that are practical and they're like, they make sure they try to make sure everything is perfect before they start, is that a lot of times they don't tend to start because they want to make sure everything's perfect.

Rechelle

Right.

Brian

So, then you got E, which is emotional, you know most of the people that you know they're very they can be very passionate and everything but also like if they don't feel like doing it, they won't do it. And then you got you got the like the s was just like you know they say that um this is for more for like action people. Okay so like they just want to do do do do do do do that's where I come it because like I'm like a do do do do do, but the problem with people that are that are action oriented, we tend to be a little more um on the if something comes along, we'll drop what we're doing and we'll go try the other thing. And so, we never finished anything because you know because we're always on the awe of like oh let me go try that now instead of finishing what I did here and now then then moving on to the next one. 

Rechelle

Okay so A was for action. 

Brian

Yes, it's for action.

Rechelle

And what's S?

Brian

So, we've got P is practical, A is for action, S is for social, and E Is for emotional.

Rechelle

Ok S is for social.

00:19:26

Brian

So, the S would be like, so I think like the people they love to like to socialize with people they interact with people amazingly. So that gives them a really good edge of like, you know, putting themselves out there, but when it comes to like doing the actual action stuff is like they're like, they don't do it, that they're more about like the interaction with the person, but they're not doing like the, you know, where that's when the time comes in and you have to like, you know, take notes and learn a skill or ability.

Rechelle

Right. So, in this model is the idea to have balance between the four?

Brian

To have balance between them to be able to, you know, take advantage if you're an action person, it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean that the other three that you have are bad if you don't have them at a good level, it just means you have to work on them and so on. And so, I've been working on the, on the practical side of me a little bit a little more and more. But so that's where like the production part of me, you know, taking my music to like knowing like what kind of album I gonna am I gonna make, you know what song or what tempo songs and I do, I want to create. And that's if you're like, if you're in the business, you know, if you want to become like a like an actual artist in the business, you know. Like my uncle Carlos, like if you read if you've read his, his last book that he, that he wrote um came out like two years ago, I think it's all about him, it's not about the band. And there, he was so obsessed with music. And he wanted to, he wanted to be like, the greatest he could be. He loved producing. Like, so he would learn the parts of each instrument with his guitar. And he just did it because he wanted to, it was in him. And but at a certain point after like, he was, he had the band and in the beginning it was like, it was like a group thing where everybody was putting, but at a certain point, you know, a lot of resistance, they, it was, I think it's like this in every kind of business they didn't like, sometimes I didn't feel like doing it. Or sometimes they were too drunk or too high or like whatever, you know? And he was, you know, he was getting frustrated because like, these guys weren't putting in the work, He's like, I want to do this, I want to make this like a thing. And so, after a while, you know, yeah, literally the band Santana became Carlos Santana and he was like, no. So, he became like a businessman in the music world. And he started looking at, okay, how am I going to, how am I going to take this next level, what musicians do I have to replace when like, all those things.

Rechelle

Right. The business side of it to keep it going. 

Brian

And that's that that control that you're saying that sometimes we put a negative connotation with it, but like there's a fine line. 

Rechelle

It's important. It is absolutely, you know, yeah, you're right, and there's a line. So, you've probably been inspired and learned a lot by your uncle and sort of watching the trajectory of his career and then his passion and then also the hard work he's put in this is not something that was handed to him. This is something he worked very hard for…

Brian

Well, particularly after like even after listening to him, because I don't even know about this. Um you know, to me it's just like most people think, oh, you met the right producer, you met the right engineer or whatever -- those people put you in the places to make it. And no! He was so intentional about everything that he did. You know, he put himself in the position to make it happen. So, it's like, you know, as you know, he created, you know. He created this this this journey in front of him and like, I know that like, again it could be called manipulation, but like, no, it's like he put himself in the position and knew like what was going to make it happen.

Rechelle

Right. Exactly. And that's a good thing. That's a very good thing. Okay, so let's talk about your music and where you're at. So, I listened to the song that you shared with me. Beautiful. I can't remember the name of it. Can you remind me the name of it? 

Brian

“It feels So Right.”

Rechelle

“It Feels so right.” Yes. Okay. So, is that on an album?

00:23:47

Brian

So that was a single.

Rechelle

That's a single right now. Is that going to go on an album? Is that the next the project that you're going to be working on? 

Brian

So, when that single came, I dropped two singles right around that time and actually, so I dropped those two singles and then I dropped an album back then. 

Rechelle

Oh good. I'm gonna look that up. What year was that? 

Brian

I'll send you that. It was at the end of 2019. 

Rechelle

Okay, so fairly recent. 

Brian

December 2019 and I released two singles. “It Feels So Right” was one of them and “Lo Siento” was another one. Yeah. And then the rest of the album was eight songs. So, the whole thing was about 10 songs. Perfect. But they're divided. Which I should of put them all together whatever. So, I have eight songs of one project and the um the album is called let me see, I suck at this history All That I Am I think um Uh huh. Yeah, it's called Live Your Life. That's what it's called. 

Rechelle

Ok, I love that you weren't sure of the title, that's so perfect, Live Your Life and I love All That I Am. Those are both great titles or albums. Okay, okay. I will be looking at up like right away. And for anybody listening, is that something obviously we can get through all the normal channels? iTunes, Apple music, Spotify. Now, okay, I accidentally, we, we already went through this via Instagram -- there is another Brian Santana that does music. So, what the heck. I mean, how do we have we parse out you versus him? 

Brian

I actually need to; I need to work on that. I needed because I already, I actually went to um like Spotify, and I told them um to separate myself from that person. Um but for some reason there's like two songs that they still have that are connected to my name. So, like when you look me up, like you might find one or two of the songs of this person. They haven't really released anything in a long time.

Rechelle

Okay, and you don't know this person is not a distant relative. Okay. And what was so weird was when I heard that his music, I was like, oh no, the voice just didn't sound right, but I went with it because I thought how many Brian Santana's can be in the music industry. And then when you said, oops, that's not actually me, Oh hey, on my face, I'm so sorry. And then you know the proper song and I was like, yes, that's The voice. How did I not pick that up? How did I not pick that up? That is, that is funny, but it makes for a good story. Makes for a good story. Okay, so you got to Maui for something else, but then you discovered that you can actually make a living doing music there. So, then you are, you're doing covers because that's typically, you know, in lounges, what a tourist want to hear or whatever, that’s what they think anyway. Okay, so meanwhile, then you're also working on your stuff. 

Brian

Yes. So basically, um like I said, I moved, I moved here four years ago. I was, I was here to do a construction kind of thing job for an uncle of mine. Um so yeah, I got the opportunity to be out here, and everything was lining up for me to stay. So, I ended up staying and I ended up working on with that. I've been, I've been working on my original stuff since like 2014. 

Rechelle

Excellent. Like hearing that. Really Dedicated. 

Brian

Yeah, so like, so 2014. Um that's, that's where I was telling you about how like that first album that I did, you'll find me, you'll find me with another name actually 

Rechelle

What… um…

Rechelle

This is like the young Brian younger Brian kid Brian um back then it was B J. Santana.

Rechelle

Okay, okay, because is your middle name john or James?

Brian

Jonathan.

Rechelle

Okay, got it. Okay. 

Brian

All right, so back then, all I did was write lyrics and back then a friend of mine, he was like really involved in trying to become an artist himself in L. A. And he started like, you know, throw, you know, he started like putting me in the direction of like, hey you should like write lyrics to these beats. And I was hesitant because like I said, I didn’t just feel as proud of working on that because I didn't feel like 100% mine, like me. But I did it because I wanted to start. And I did a record a whole album of original stuff produced, produced by like other musicians and put it out there and that and that was that I left it there and I didn't really try to do anything else for a few years. And then when I came out here after being here for two years, a friend of mine convinced me to do another album. And so, I started working on my originals then. But now I was a little further ahead on my on my music knowledge when it comes to like producing. And so, I went, and I did I did part of the music. So, I took some samples of like drumbeats, like a drum for the kick and all that stuff and I would just put the guitar and the bass, the keys, all that I would do, and I did that and that's the album, you know, you know, Live your life.

Rechelle

Right.

Brian

And I put those, originals, together. And now today, last year, during the pandemic, I wrote like 40 songs.

Rechelle

Oh my Gosh.

Brian

Yeah, I wrote like 40 songs last year during the pandemic. And before that I want to say like I wrote like another 10. 

Rechelle

Wow. 

Brian

I was just like, okay, I want to do these songs, but I want to create the beat. But it's like, it's, you know, to me it's intimidating to be able to like do drums and all that stuff and so like slowly, slowly, like a snail slow, like turtle slow, like not, they cannot happen. So finally, like I start getting enough guts to like, okay, I want to do this. So, I want to do this. So finally, I started making the beats for the songs and like I actually, as we're talking right now, I'm about to finish one of the songs from that 40-list song that I have. 

Rechelle

Yay!

Brian

I'm about to finish the first one and I'm super excited because like this one is literally beginning to end.

Rechelle

Oh, that is great. But you know, if you, if you like turn around and look behind you can see that you've had these wonderful stepping stones that led you to right now, which you were talking about earlier, being patient with time, and so now you're now you're really um sort of in a, in a place, experience wise to be able to do the things you want to do, which is really to do it all.

Brian 

Totally. I mean, honestly, it's funny because, like, you know, I'm the example of like, you know, doing it, not working out, trying to do it again, not work it out, do it, not working out, but, you know, like, you know, again, God, the universe, whatever it is, wanted me to do music because I mean from the beginning, even when I started playing music, I've had a weakness, I've had a weakness before now, it's like way more evened out than it was back then. But I was, I was really bad at tempo, and I was really bad at timing. Um so it was really hard for me to play with other musicians.

Rechelle

You'd never know that now.

Brian

That could have ended me back then. Like, that could have been like, oh, well, since I can't do that, then, I can't be a musician, you know. Which is, it could be a, you know, you can justify that, that could really stop you from being a musician. 

Rechelle

I love that you didn't, I love that. He said, well that's too bad. I'm not just going to try, but I'm going to figure it out. 

Brian

I just kept on trying, you know, and I have this saying with everybody, look I'm not the most talented person in the world, I'm not the fastest person in the world like but what I have over everybody else or is that I just don't stop. 

Rechelle

That's right.

Brian

I just keep on trying and trying and trying and trying. And fortunately, uh since I started, since I started performing, I was able to do it on my own. So, people accepted me like that, just playing on my own and little by little started getting better at the tempo part and being able to work with other musicians. And you know, I look back today and a lot of my recordings from when I was, when I started working, I started working in music when I was 22, I’m 28 right now.

00:33:21

Rechelle

Okay. 

Brian

And I started making money back then. That was the first two years. I was in Mexico. I was playing in Mexico, was playing in Baja, I was playing in San Diego, I was playing in L. A. -- and I was like just juggling between that and I was barely getting my feet wet. And I look back today, a lot of the stuff that I did back and I'm like ‘wow, I pretty bad. I don't know how people are listening to me,’ like that's crazy that people are listening back because I'm way better now, you know, I’m way better than I was back then. And I'm like people are so nice because I was not that good and they and they wanted to hear me, they wanted to see me play uh they made me they made me feel better than I actually was. 

Rechelle

But That's wonderful. Really. Because don't we all have to keep doing the thing to get better at the thing, whatever that is, and like you said, you can't wait until you're 100% ready. That's not how it works. 

Brian

No. Especially people that are like me that like that we're not that they're not that fast, you know? It takes it takes it takes a lot and I'm catching up on a lot of other things and I think I'll be able to I think it will be able to accomplish you know, a lot more things in the future.

Rechelle

Right, well, I'm excited about the next album because you've got 40 plus the 10, you've got 50 songs, you've got a few albums there at least. So that will be wonderful when that comes out. OK. I want to end on kind of a fun question, which is are you watching Ted Lasso?

Brian

Goodness, I haven't seen that. 

Rechelle

That's alright. That's okay. Um That's fine because my follow up question was, is there something else you're watching or binging right now?

Brian

So, I've been there's actually a show that I've binged watched um for like 10 years now, I want to say.

Rechelle

Ooh, what is it? 

Brian

Like I've seen it over and over again and this is my, you know, it, you know, this is like when people are watching Friends, this is what I'm probably watching. And there's a show called Entourage. I don't know if you’ve seen it.

Rechelle

Yes, I am familiar with Jeremy Piven and I know a few of the people in it, but okay, so you re watch it, that's how much you like.

00:35:35

Brian

Yeah. You know, it's funny because like, it's a story about a guy that, you know, he wants to be a superstar. You know, he wants to be an actor and he liked, and he actually does well in his career, and he gets to enjoy all the things that an artist usually does. So, I'm like fascinated by looking and I'm like, wow. It can't be 100% realistic, but you know, but still. And so, I really enjoyed watching that show and it kind of makes me like, feel a little like connected and say okay I should try to continue to do what I'm doing. 

Rechelle

Yes!

Brian

I want to experience that stuff. 

Rechelle

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And not to even begin to mention, okay, you've got the drive, you've got the passion, you've been working on the skills and getting to the point of being able to produce. I'm gonna tell the listeners you have a beautiful voice, and you know, a person can take musical training and learn how to sing. But that quality that you have in your voice is a gift. It's not something that can be trained into a voice. 

Brian

Right, right. 

Rechelle

Like the sound, and I didn't know what to call that. That's God given. Yes. And, and, and that makes for me that makes you unique and stand out. Like, you know, I went to a play last night. Yeah, there were a lot of – musical -- a lot of, you know, really good voices all trained exceptionally well. But there were two out of the, you know, quite a few that like just, oh my gosh, they stood out. They stood out. And that is, that's what I'm saying about you. You stand out. You stand out. I love it. Okay, well I can't wait to put this together. And um, what a pleasure it's been to speak with you. I am team Brian Santana all the way. The real Brian Santana. Not, not the, the other guy, this guy. We don't wish him any harm, but you're the real deal. 

Brian

Thank you so much.

Rechelle

So just let me know how I can help and be of support. I'll get all your info out there and make sure that, yeah, people can be listening to you and I'm so glad we got to connect Brian.

Brian

Thank you so much for this time. 

Rechelle

What a pleasure it's been. 

Outro Music

As I record this, I'm still swimming in the positivity and inside Brian has. And did I mention he sparkles when he smiles. He understands what it takes to keep creating to do the work and to learn all of the aspects to be the successful musician, songwriter, producer, he will be, and I say will because I have no doubt it will happen. It is happening. There are direct links to Brian’s info in the episode notes. Please find him there. 

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected]. For questions, comments etcetera and if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: may you delight in music, taking in all she has to offer; may it fill your heart as it touches you and move your body with knowing its steps, all while it soothes your soul. Amen. Go be unabashed, be you.

This “one-off” is a celebration of the life of our son, Christian John who passed away at three months of age. While this was a painful time for our family we traveled through our grief and came out the other side to a place where we looked for and identified the good that came from our time with him. This is a reflection, a challenge, if you will, to look for the good after the hard thing.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle Conde-Nau

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind, without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. 

Intro Music

We have completed our Instasummer series where each episode featured a guest I connected with on Instagram. A big thanks to Carla, Pavitra, Christine, Nicola, Shelley, Vivienne, Tanyette, Celine, Jamie, Sara, Toby, Bijou, Liz, Enitan and Adrienne -- all 15 deepened my worldview about the importance each person makes and the impact each has had on me. Thank you. 

So, what's next? Well today we have a one off. It is aptly called a one off for C. J. Well, who is C.J.? C.J. Is Christian John and he is our son. He was born 24 years ago today – that's quite a milestone. However, Christian John did not get to live a very long life and in fact he died 92 days later, he had a heart defect and um that whole story is tremendously long and obviously a very difficult chapter for anybody to go through. It's not something you would wish on anybody. I wanted to you know, celebrate and give a nod to our son for his um the impact he had on our life and to say that yes, it was sad; yes, it was hard; yes, it was painful. However, I wanted to turn that around when I could when my grief was at a place of being able to look ahead to look behind and to see the good that came out of our time with Christian. So, this is a celebration of life, this is not mourning a death which I have already done. 

So let me start off by saying a few things that really resonated with me at the time. One, I don't say Christian would be 24 years old today. As in somehow there was a cosmic mistake, and he didn't quite make it and I'm not going to tell you I know how that all works out because I don't. But I will tell you what works for me is to say it was 24 years ago today that he was born. That works for me. I do not begrudge those who say so and so would be this many years old if they were still here, that's great. You do you I'll do me. I respect the heck out of the way you want to do things and I hope you do the same for me. So that's one thing. It was 24 years ago.  

Another thing is I had a very dear friend, tell me that you will have him to look forward to now for your whole life. And that really struck me at the time. The truth of that for those of us who believe in the hereafter for those of us who have faith or a belief system that allows the thought and the belief that we will be with loved ones again, I would have him to look forward to my whole life. So, I viewed that as a sweet, sweet truth, for me that was a truth. The other thing that was said to me at that time -- and this is another thing that varies from person to person, the kinds of things you want to hear in that time, the kinds of things you don't want to hear at that time -- I'm telling you, it varies because I've talked to different people and different people were upset by certain things that were said to them or weren't said to them and I found solace in a great many things that were said. 

Another thing is that a neighbor came over, an older gentleman who uh, came over to check in on us after Christian had died, said, “Here's one thing I know: God does not make mistakes. If God wanted Christian here, he would be here now.” Maybe if that were you, you wouldn't find comfort in that… I did. I found great comfort in that. It's very difficult at that time, you're trying to make sense out of everything, and so sometimes you find yourself hanging on to those little nuggets that speak to you and that was one of the ones that spoke to me.  

Alright, so, moving on… A few years after the fact, maybe more than a few, I had the opportunity to speak about my time with our son or our time with our son. Not only the sadness of it all, but more importantly the goodness that came out of it and that is really what I want to focus on today. I want to honor his memory, his legacy by letting you know all of the good that came out of it and for my faith, I believe that God works all things for good, including this time with our son.

00:05:40

Okay, so let's start at the beginning. Um one of the things I noticed was that we had some friends from high school who came, you know who found out and really rallied and were there for us in a huge way. This was a four couples total us included. They were so wonderful to us, so gracious in giving and loving and kind and thoughtful. That was a huge gift to come out of that time and I'm very grateful for that. Another thing that came out of that time was a woman I met who became a dear friend, started a prayer group after her son died a year and a half later I was able to get connected with her through a mutual friend and she started, as I said, this prayer group; we've been going 22 years every month; we pray for each other and are connected -- that was a huge gift to come out of this.

00:06:44

Another big gift was we had a neighborhood family, who we did not know very well because we were new to our neighborhood when all this happened, who left us a bereavement card that had tickets to it to a Children's play thinking “this would be nice for their family” -- we had four kids at that time between us with Christian having passed, we had the remaining four. We went and saw the play and one of our kids turned to us and said, “oh I want to do this.” Well let me tell you that shaped his life in a very large way. He's still a performer today. He's made lifelong friends through his connections during those growing up years of uh middle school through high school and beyond. It formed him in a huge way. Now could that have happened in another manner? Sure. Absolutely. But this is how it did happen, so I'm telling you. Another gift and a dear friend (I was a 5th grade classroom teacher at the time) she reached out to me, and we started seeing movies every week just faithfully every week for years and didn't even matter what movie we went to see just that time together, connecting. It was wonderful.  Another huge gift. 

Um we were able to adopt a girl, a baby girl, a couple years after this, after Christian passed, and we know that she was meant for our family. So that is another huge gift to come out of our time with Christian is our daughter that we adopted. Honestly, I forget I didn't actually birth her. I mean she is a part of who we are, she is a part of our family -- another big big big gift. Um we had friends who were having fertility issues and the husband had said, “You know I just don't want to adopt. I don't you know… if I can't have my own child, I don't think I want to do that.” And so, he was pretty adamant about that, they tried IVF and all. Well after we adopted Taylor. That same group of couples, we all got together every few months rotating houses, he asked, “Can I hold her?” And she was a baby at the time, and he held her, and he got to spend all this time with her bonding connecting that was not necessarily the norm. But I will tell you that after that he went to his wife and said you know what I want to adopt -- and they now have, I think she just turned 19, a 19-year-old daughter that they credit with our time with Christian.

Okay we're getting into the home stretch here with the gifts, and these are the ones I've noticed. I have no doubt there are many I have not noticed. After Christian died, we decided to get a dog for the kids and for our family. We adopted (of course because you don't have a puppy) we adopted a puppy. We got a golden retriever that we named Lacey and she was wonderful, and she really helped me with my grief. Just the unconditional love that a dog has helped me heal. It was wonderful. Years later she died of cancer. We got another golden retriever. This one was Callie. Fast forward 13 years she passed on and now we have a dog named Layla, another golden retriever. We can't seem to get off that breed. 

Okay so through that organization that our son got involved with in being an actor and now a professional voice actor. I actually got involved in the company as well and worked there for 15 years which led me to meet a lot of great people use my skills of education and experience with working with kids and bringing performing arts programs to schools all over the county in which we live San Diego. That was a great huge blessing. Also, I put a book together. It was self-published meaning I took the letters I had written to Christian; I wrote the letters I had written to God I took the different letters people wrote us. I put this great narration that wove it all together and it's called Standing Tall A collection of Mourning. Actually, it’s my plan at some point to kind of revisit that, revamp it and see if it's got an audience out there. It's a beautiful book of grief because it doesn't cut corners. It's very raw and very real and yet it's hopeful, it's hopeful. Also that same gal that I saw movies with every week she started a nonprofit for wounded military veterans called “Standing Tall Together” which was a beautiful tribute to the book Standing Tall (our time with Christian) and from there I reconnected with another friend and we decided to start taking tap dancing classes together and we ended up being in a few recitals which was a real kick in the pants when you're not a kid to be a dance recital. I could probably think and share more, but I want to leave you with that. Oop, there's one more: Taylor seemed like she was going to be the last grandchild of that generation, but lo and behold my brother-in-law and sister-in-law said, you know, we think there's one more child for this family. So, they went on to have a daughter named Grace. And my sister-in-law told me that, you know, she felt with Taylor's passing, there was a hole left in the family, not Taylor’s passing Christian’s passing, that there was a hole left in the family that both Taylor filled and now our niece Grace filled as well. So, there you have it. I am actually physically looking at a tree that I created on Poster Board -- and no, I am not an artist -- that has all of these gifts that are in the branches of the tree that helped me to remember the Good. If you can look for the good, it is there, and I absolutely encourage you to do so because you cannot stay in your grief indefinitely. It's harmful, it's unhealthy. There's a time to move on, and that looks different for everyone, I'm not going to tell you that there is a tried-and-true pat formula, there is not. And it comes back to bite you at times when you least expected it: a smell, a sound, what have you. I now have absolute joy at having had that experience and I know that might sound weird, but that's how I feel. I would never have volunteered – never, but I am very grateful I had the experience and I have him to look forward to for the rest of my life. I hope as you listen to this, you will think about maybe some of the hard things that you've been through, and you will look for the good that has come out of it. The gifts that have come out of it. That is my hope for you today. 

So, a shorter episode than normal. We're getting ready for our next series, the Mahalo Maui which will be four different people we connected with on our time in Maui recently. I am very grateful for your time. I am grateful you're investing in conversations and in wanting to be you to become you to become who you already are without apology. You are one of a kind, you are without equal. Let me know if I can help you, encourage you, and support you in any way. I'd be more than happy to do so. And to you, Christian john, I say “happy birthday son, I'm thinking about you, I love you and miss you, love mom.” 

A big thanks to Christian’s uncle John who wrote that beautiful piece of music. We didn't even find out about it for the longest time, and I couldn't believe when I saw this song entitled CJ that it was for Christian or inspired by him, I should say. It's beautiful, it's haunting, it is deeply moving and of course very touching that john would write a song about Christian John, inspired by him. Thank you, john, for sharing your talents with us. 

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected]. For questions, comments etcetera and if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: laugh until you cry, dream big, travel the world, watch a sunset, fall in love, take a risk, order dessert, shake things up, treat yourself once in a while, dance, sing out loud, give with a happy heart, be thankful, be you, amen (and credited I'm not sure the source of that but I do like it). Be unabashed y'all, be you. 

Outro Music

You can find to Adrienne’s website here: Adrienne Cooley and on Instagram here: Addie Cooley. The Amazon link to her latest book: Believe Anyway.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle

While Unabashed You started for women, it became clear, men are benefiting from the content, so we've decided to refresh the brand a bit. You will still see the pear with the teal background and the name Unabashed You stays the same. Instead of women talking about stuff, because that is no longer accurate, we've moved to conversations to become who you already are. On the website, it goes on to say be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. And today I say thanks for joining us. 

Adrienne is a breath of fresh air. She exudes the kind of happiness we all want a piece of. The good news – we can actually have that, be that. Turns out it's not as hard as we sometimes make it out to be. Listen to how she became an accidental author by coming from a dark, depressing time of the soul, to learning about the science of happiness shifting and allowing happiness in. 

Intro Music

Adrienne and I have recently become acquainted through Instagram. Here is what I know so far: she is an author having written three books – Happy Anyway, Love Anyway and her latest Believe Anyway. You hear a pattern here? I have not read them yet but I'm looking forward to hearing more about her passion. Adrienne is also kind, warm and inviting, that much is clear already. Welcome to the show Adrienne (and she's also known by Addie). 

Adrienne

Thank you so much. It's wonderful to get to be, be here with you today and I just can't wait to get to know you better. 

Rechelle

I know me too.

00:02:06

I feel the same way. And isn't that wonderful that we can carve out this time in real life in real time and have a conversation. Is there anything you want the listeners still about you to get us started? 

Adrienne

So, you know, the main thing I would like people to know is that I've had a salt of all kinds of experience where you know, I went from being depressed to now my car tags this happy lady. So, I feel like God changed my name from sad and depressed and down, to now when I show up anywhere, they're like, oh the happy girl. Well, only God could do that. 

Rechelle

Well, you are very radiant, effervescent, you sparkle, you've got that joy. And I, I want to hear more about that in just a minute. What three words would you use to describe yourself? 

Adrienne

So, when I think of that question, I think of the word happy first of all, and then courageous because I'm just kind of too crazy to quit.

00:03:10

Uh, I'll face anything. And then the third word my kids say that I come in clutch. So that's one of the words that they used to describe me as mom's clutch (laughing). 

Rechelle

(Laughing) right. You know, and I just recently became acquainted with that term meaning like being there in a pinch. Is that what that means? 

Adrienne

That's right. Yes, dependable. Just you can count on right to come in, come in clutch.

Rechelle

Yes, because my cousin, who lives in Minnesota, was telling us a story and she kept using that expression. So, I was like, okay, context clues, let's see here. Oh, okay. I understand what she's saying, wow. Okay. So those are really three great words. Happy. I've already forgotten the middle one. Come in clutch and courageous. It's always that middle one. Courageous. That and that of course is a very good word. Too crazy to quit. I love that too, a really good one. Okay, two truths and lie. Say three things about yourself.

00:04:11

Let me see if I can figure out which one is not true. 

Adrienne 

Okay, so I love salty snacks. Uh I've been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and I went to High school with Faith Hill. 

Rechelle

Ooh, Faith Hill, Eiffel Tower and salty snacks. That's such a nice variety. 

Adrienne 

Random. 

Rechelle

No, but that see that's what's so funny about this is that you really can go really random. Okay. Uh I think now don't correct me yet, but I'm just you get to hear my thought process. Okay, I think you like salty snacks. I think you've probably been in the top of the Eiffel Tower. I mean and I think you might have gone to high school with Faith Hill. I think they're all true, but now I have to pick one. All right. I'm gonna go with Faith Hill. You did not go to High School of Faith Hill. 

Adrienne 

I did (laughing).

Rechelle

Oh my God (laughing).

Adrienne 

This is fun (laughing). Can I tell you the one wrong, or do you want to pick between the other two?

00:05:18

Rechelle

Well, you don't like salty snacks.

Adrienne

Correct. I love sweet stuff. 

Rechelle

Oh, woman after my own heart. Oh yes, the sweets got to have a little something. Okay those are really good. Okay so when you go to have a snack, you're not grabbing something salty. So, what do you grab that’s sweet that's a snack?

Adrienne 

So, when I'm behaving, I grab, I grab stevia, sweetened chocolate chips and ginger tea. Crazy combination but hot ginger tea and chocolate chips. It's just so good. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh and they're sweetened with us with stevia?

Adrienne

Yes, and they're so good. I wish I could remember the brand but like whole foods are fresh market or Trader Joe’s, yeah. 

Rechelle

What a good tip. A great tip. Okay so clearly, you've been at the top of the Eiffel Tower. 

Adrienne 

Yes, we lived in India for five years and so we would go through Europe on the way and had all kinds of fun during those days on the way there and back.

00:06:29

Rechelle

Whoa whoa… Isn't there a restaurant? Did you eat in the restaurant or?

Adrienne

We did not eat in the restaurant. I think we thought about it. But yeah, we just went and then yeah, we just we would normally just have a few days you know on our way to and from Asia.

Rechelle

Wow okay, well you saw it, you were in it, that's the most important part. 

Adrienne 

Yes. Yeah. 

Rechelle

My goodness. Okay so you did go to high school or to school with Faith Hill and where did you all grow up? 

Adrienne 

Star Mississippi? Yes. One of her songs is a Mississippi girl don't change her ways. I don't know if you’ve heard that country song? 

Rechelle

That's great, how fun is that? It's so wonderful. 

Adrienne 

She was my role model, we cheered together you know and we and so yeah, I'm so proud of her. She's just she's as amazing as you would think she might be. 

Rechelle

That's good to hear because that’s not always the case. Right? 

Adrienne 

Right, right. But she really is, she is really real and I've noticed that about you, you value just the real and the raw it seems like and she's definitely like that.

00:07:39

Rechelle

Oh, I absolutely do and it's wonderful to hear that she does as well. I think you know we all need so much more of that so much more. Yeah. All right. One of your favorite movies of all time. 

Adrienne 

I would have to say – that was hard because I love a good chick flick— but maybe Pretty Woman. That would be at the very top. 

Rechelle

We have somebody else who has said Pretty Woman. So that's a good one. But it's kind of a modern classic. Would you see it that way? 

Adrienne 

Yeah, it really is. 

Rechelle

Yeah, I'm gonna have to revisit that one. I haven't seen that one in quite a while. So, I will have to revisit it

Adrienne 

We quote it all the time. 

Rechelle

Okay. So, you quote it. It's a romantic comedy. You love that the love story aspect, the Richard Gere and Julia Roberts the whole pack. Yeah, okay. 

Adrienne 

Just you know somebody like her that came you know so far, and didn't you know, kind of didn't lose who she was, and I just love when she went back in that store and said, “big, big mistake,” you know, you never know, and we should always know that we don't know who we're dealing with.

00:08:53

So, we should be kind. We don't know, you know. 

Rechelle

Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. That is yeah. I really do want to revisit that that's thank you for that reminder. A woman that inspires you?

Adrienne

So, Nicole Crank would come to mind first. I don't know if you've heard of her. 

Rechelle

No, I don't think I have. Tell me about her. 

Adrienne 

So she is, she's actually become a dear friend of mine and we have become close and but she for years I would just watch her on social media and she's actually a Christian speaker, author, pastor's wife of a church that has multiple campuses all over the country and I just, I'm a pastor's wife and author and you know, and so I just would watch her and think I am supposed to know her like she is just you know, you don't want to try to be someone else, you want to be authentically who you are, but it's great to have role models to, to kind of model after and you know, learn what's working and things like that and so just more and it's just was the craziest God thing that we got to meet and now we've actually gone on trips together.

00:10:09

Like we, I mean it's just I just pinch myself that I get to live this life that God has blessed me with. So, you know, so then I've getting a close look even in her life and just have learned so much from her. So, her latest book is called Thrive, I Will thrive. And it's like it's like the word survive is like ripped off and instead it says thrive and anybody that's been through like, especially super traumatic experiences in life, it would be, I'm launching my book and I'm talking about hers, but it's funny. So, she's just, she's great.

Rechelle

Well, we're gonna get to yours for sure and I do love that word thrive. I think it is such a great word and it's so packed with a lot of power and impact. So, I think that word is fantastic really, what it means, And I love words and I'm sure you do too, being an author silly not a silly question, of course you love words. And a piece of wisdom you keep handy?

00:11:16

What's a piece of wisdom you keep handy?

Adrienne

I think probably the greatest piece of wisdom that my mom said to me all the time and sometimes it was because she noticed me not doing this, and I and I really do keep this handy just for myself, you know, give it to people who would like to know, is – just to be a there you are person. It's so powerful, you know, to walk in a room instead of being a here I am. You know, everybody because I, I do love a good party and I love fun and I can, you know, so I have to remember though, it's not all about us, right? It's about who you're there to be with. 

Rechelle

Oh, “There you are person.” 

Adrienne 

There you are a person. Yes, there you are person instead of here I am. 

Rechelle

Yeah. Oh wow, that. And where do you suppose she got that? Her mother?

Adrienne

Maybe so.

00:12:17

And probably the necessity to uh train me in that. Because my mom went to heaven about actually almost right at five years ago. And her sister, my aunt said, you know, she lived in a world with all of us, we all have a microphone in our hands, you know, and she never wanted to be in the limelight. You know, she just she's so exemplified that just celebrating everyone around her. And so, I definitely, even though I do have a microphone in my hand a lot of time, you know, I don't want to be that way. 

Rechelle

Yeah, well you don't strike me as that way at all. You strike me as somebody who is very humble and somebody who really wants to share. You don't seem to be about promotion, but sharing and for me, there's a huge distinction between the two and you know, while we're doing this in the summer series, everybody's doing all these great things and we talk about the great things they're doing, but it's not about well let me get on there and give you my talking points about this thing I do and then I'm off, it's like, no, no, no, no, let's just have a conversation and let's yeah, let's get to your passion and have it be in a real authentic way.

00:13:42

And so often it's about enhancing the other's experience and whatever it is, right? 

Adrienne 

Yes, yes, because one of my favorite things that I say all the time is that God created us to connect first to him and then to each other and that's what it's all about and that's what I keep hearing from you that I like so much is that it's just about that real connection. I just believe that.

Rechelle

Oh, you are speaking my language girl. I knew there was a reason we connected and now we're connections and then you know and then being able to have a conversation you know through the connection I think is so valuable and you know in the age of the thumb texting and communicating, and not that there isn't a place for that, there is, there is, but I think we have to make sure that we're not um minimizing you know, our face to face, even if it's digitally face to face.

00:14:46

Like how cool is this that you and I'm looking at you, you're looking at me, we're looking at each other, it's so great. You know, we can connect and have a conversation in real time. Which brings us to your passion and this is what you're sharing on social media, which as I mentioned in the intro, you're an author, so you love words, you love ideas, you want to share those with other people – this “Anyway Series.” First let's like I want to know how did the “Anyway” start and then how it continues because we've got Happy Anyway, Love Anyway, Believe Anyway, so walk us through some of that mental, you know, peppering with some questions as we go.

Adrienne

Okay, so I found myself I kind of alluded to this in the beginning really in a dark place, really dark. I had a great life still have a great life. I have a wonderful family. But I just, I think just became really overwhelmed with just all the business of life and being a pastor's wife and what that entails.

00:15:55

People come in and out of your life and you think your close and then they leave and go somewhere else, you know whatever. And I just kind of got to this place where I wasn't sure I could hold up to that the rest of my life. And because relationships are so important to me and uh, so I really just started getting consumed. I'll never forget. I saw this beach bag. We're near the beach. We're only like 30, minutes from the beach. Uh Gulf Shore's Pensacola Beach, that area. Uh and I saw this beach bag, somebody had, and it was this huge word – “Escape”— and my mouth just started watering almost like I need a beach with a little drink with an umbrella and it doesn't even have to be alcoholic or anything. Just get away, just escape. Right. Right. And I started just being consumed with escaping. Then it became further than that. Like I really, this is silly, but I would just think of going to Texas and changing my name. Because Texas is a big state (when we were in school if we got in trouble, we had the write lines “Texas is a big state” 100 times) and I don't know, I guess I just thought I could go get lost there and uh and then it just got kind of darker and darker and just I really began to just wish I was dead and started thinking that. I wouldn't say that it was really suicidal thoughts but just consumed with this thought that maybe the world would be better without me. Maybe you know just this hopelessness. And a leading pastor's wife in the country almost like a Christian celebrity called me on my phone. First of all, I'm thinking how did she get my number and why would she be calling me inviting me to this trip? A mission’s trip to Haiti and I just knew I had to go on that. So, when I, yes, so when I did, I was thinking I lived in India. This isn't I don't I mean I'm not gonna get anything out of this but I'm gonna go. I just felt led to go. Well after the trip is funny just in the little ordinary things like you kind of talk about. I think it's um I was on an elevator with her in Miami in a hotel when she found out that these clipboards that she and her mother had decoupaged for all of us, there were eight of us I think on that trip, and she had decoupaged and personalize them for us. . . she found out that they had all stuck together on the flight. 

Rechelle

Gosh! 

Adrienne 

And she found out, you know what she did. Her response just changed my life. I'm just simply on the elevator with her when she finds out and she just gut laugh and said, “aren't you glad we know now that life's too short to worry about clipboards?” And I said, “aren't you glad we know that now?” Well, it was like, I tell this story is so funny, but it's so real. I got back to my hotel room just a few minutes later we've got off the elevator and it was like when I opened my door it was almost like the holy spirit was standing there going, you lie, you do not know that; you would be so mad right now if that happened to you.

00:19:17

But seriously, I just realized this woman was the real deal. She had a happiness that I was not walking in fully. And so, I had a couple of days to kind of just be alone after the trip in a hotel room and I just cried out to God, and I said, I want to be happy. And I really felt like not that I heard God's voice audibly, but just that still small voice on the inside of me said I want you to be happy. And like you said, my nickname is Addie. Kevin, my husband says I can sometimes get an attitude and I did. So, I got an attitude with God, and I said, no you don't, you don't care about my happiness. You just want me to have joy whatever that is. Well, I don't know if you've ever sassed God…

Rechelle

But you know you can handle it. He can. 

Adrienne 

Yes.

00:20:20

So, I did what anybody would do. I googled the word happy and when I did, I'm telling you it was amazing. I found this this definition and it's in my first book, Happy. Anyway, I have my books here with me. This is the this is Happy Anyway, but let's see it, I found this it's “enjoying showing or being marked by pleasure, satisfaction or joy.” When I read it, it was like “enjoying joy,” just popped off the screen. And so, two scriptures came to mind that “in his presence is fullness of joy,” and another one is that “God gave us all things richly to enjoy.” So, it was like I got permission from God that day in my heart to be happy. And then he gave us joy to enjoy it. And enjoying joy is a definition of happiness and I just haven't shut up since it's like I found my happy. (Laughing.) Yeah. And I just Yeah, happy. Yeah, that's how it started. So, as I began to study for this that I was just blogging, I sat that night and wrote out little topics that just were coming to me as fast as I could write. And I went back and counted, and it was 52, which that became the first, the first year of my blogs “Happy Monday blog” that I do. And I've been doing ever since then for about seven years now. So yeah, so yeah, so then I just kept studying and I ran across this this just unbelievable study called the Harvard Grant study is the most comprehensive scientific study, 75 years, $22 million dollars spent on this study to scientifically prove the secret to a happy and fulfilled life. And guess what they found it was?

Rechelle

To enjoy?

Adrienne 

Love, love.

00:22:30

Love is the secret to a happy and fulfilled life. That connection that we're talking about. And so, then I knew Love Anyway had to come next. And then Yes, yeah, so that's how it works and then Believe Anyway, faith works by love. You know? And so, there's just this connection of our faith and what we're believing for, you know, there's a lot of science and I love how science and scripture support each other in the study that I've done. And uh and so yeah, so there's a lot of science, “if you can see it, you can be it,” that's the first chapter believe anyway. You see it and be it and just, you know, some people call it like, you know, the universe uh Law of attraction, you know, different things like that. So, it gets into all kinds of things I believe anyway. 

Rechelle

Okay, so you started with a blog seven years ago. Had you, had you published or written anything before that time?

00:23:33

Adrienne

No, it's so funny. I still, when I hear you say that I'm an author, I just want to laugh because my husband is such a great writer. My two boys would get awards in school about, you know, with writing and here I'm the published author. That is just hilarious to me because I don't, I never really set out to be a writer. I didn't that's not something I always wanted to be or anything, But I do know, I do – this is kind of funny: I remember lying in bed at 15 years old had taken an economics class I think in high school, and they taught us in that class that the way to like, you know, the most richest ever would be to solve a problem that you know, are to create something that everybody wants. And so, I remember even in high school just dreaming like I want to solve a problem that everybody has. You know, one day Lord, if you would call me to, you know, what, what product could I invent that could just, you know, help all of humanity the most something that we all want. Well, it's funny because I had, you know, not thought of that in years and after these books came out, I started thinking this is that I mean, not that it's gonna, it hasn't like maybe rich or anything, but in my heart and my heart is so full and fulfilled because I know that it's what Zig Ziglar says, you know, “everybody just wants to be happy basically.” And yeah, so, oh, so it's been a journey. Yes. It's been a fun journey. 

Rechelle

Right, okay, so, okay, the first one came out. How many years ago?

Adrienne 

2016 five years maybe? Yeah, Yeah. 

Rechelle

Okay. How did you get that one published? You ended up with this material and you're like, oh my gosh, I think I just wrote a book.

00:25:42

Adrienne

Yes. So, what I did because I was just like I said, I'm not, I just was like, I don't know if I want to do this. I just had it on typing paper with little notes with my pin. There were grant, there were typos and I just printed it all out actually. I did it like week by week and just kind of ran it as a small group in my church and I did it three times. Because it just kept, it became this phenomenon. I would be texted like five or 10 times a day with somebody saying, “I was in the worst traffic, but oh well happy anyway,” like “somebody just cut me off in the line at the grocery store and I would have normally cussed him out. But oh well happy anyway.” So, I just, I realized I found the poem, Mother Teresa's famous poem and it says in there. Uh, and she wrote the forward. She didn't know it, but she basically wrote the forward to my first book, but it's her poem and it says, “if you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous, be happy

anyway,” that's one of the stances. And I thought, okay, I'm in good company, I need to go with this. And so again, I, you know, I ran it for a third time in our church and the small group was just the best conversation and just more and more people kept coming and I'm like, okay, I think there's something to this. 

Rechelle

So, what were your next step? So, you thought, okay, this is seems really if this is having impact, which is wonderful, you share. This stuff you researched, and you put together and your own words and thoughts – now, how did you take it from there to getting it actually published?

Adrienne 

So, I actually self-published the first book. And uh, you know, because we lived in India, we have actually lots of churches who support the work there in India. And so, we have contacts with several churches. And so, we just like, you know, let them know and a lot of them have me come and speak to their women's groups.

00:27:56

And so, I just kind of did a book tour that first year and yeah, and so just went and spoke and just have the best time at, you know, “Mother's morning out” programs, all the way to big women's conferences and everything in between. And, and I love I would love to, you know, to speak at, I don't care if it's 10 people or 10,000 people, I just, you know, want to get this message in my heart out to as many as we can. 

Rechelle

So that’s beautiful. 

Adrienne 

Yes. So then with Love Anyway, that was published. Uh and so then that's how the, you know, just from contacts and friendships and relationships, someone uh like we connected with each other, and they just recommended me to stop to a publisher and they called and wanted and were interested in it. 

Rechelle

How exciting was that? Like ‘oh my goodness, I think I think I'm an author.’

00:29:00

Yeah, ‘I published my second book.’ 

Adrienne 

It was so great. So yeah, yeah, so that was that was fun. So yeah, it's been it's just been so unexpected because I'm very much a make life happen first and not to let life happen, you know, and I just will, but this whole thing has just been like, just so God.

Rechelle

Gosh, that is absolutely incredible. And so right now you're launching, Believe Anyway, correct?

It's available now, yes?

Adrienne

So yes, you can get it on the pre it's the prerelease is available on Amazon, and they tell me That if you'll go ahead and order it before September 14 which is the day that actually releases that you know gives better chances with the algorithms and all that stuff on Amazon for it to get out to more people and things.

00:30:02

So yeah, so we're trying to get the word out as much as we can for people to go ahead and reorder their yeah preorder their book on Amazon now. 

Rechelle

Yeah, that's great. Well, we'll be sure to include your website and Instagram info in our show notes and I'll put the link in there as well. I'm trying to think of. I think this episode is going to release after that date so we might just miss it but still people can still order it now. Let me ask you: do you have is the book set up to be interactive? Are there like thought provoking questions? Is there a workbook? 

Adrienne 

So that that is what's so unique about I don't I don't even you probably don't know this because I haven't told you, the answer is yes. there I say I say to people that you're going to get as much out of this book from what you write in it as you get from what I write in it and I know that this is just audio but there are things I wish I could show everyone but if you go onto Amazon, you can see, but there are word fines***, Happy Anyway had happy face word finds, and then Love Anyway had heart shaped word finds. I mean there's a maze one chapter Believe Anyway is, “obey now understand later.”

00:31:30

Have you ever needed to do that with God, and so there's a maze where you start the maze, right, and you don't let me understand but you get to you know, you just keep going and then you finally get to where and so yeah, so there's a maze, there's just all these, it’s fun. 

Rechelle

So, it's very interactive then.

Adrienne 

Very interactive. That's my favorite kind of book. There's science and there's a, it's called “the Science of believing” in this book, there's different little science segments. Each chapter is broken up into segments. There's also a hope segment where you actually take a scripture and you put it through the hope process and in Love it was the love process and Happy, it was the happy process. And so there it explains how to do that and where you just can get squeezed everything you can out of each verse and probably my favorite part of each chapter is called the baskets, the baskets. We all you know, there are seven baskets of life: personal, social, spiritual, physical, financial. Did I say career? And family.

00:32:44

So, there are seven. So, each chapter has like goals, and it helps you helps you really mine out what your goals are, what your priorities are and how to focus in and it sort of goes along with that chapter, each one of those baskets. And so, I'm looking for real life change with you know, I want, if I'm going to take time to read a book, I want some things in my life to change as a result of that book unless I'm just reading, you know, big fun but this you know, is kind of more along the self-help slash you know, spiritual growth type books. And so, there's also Germaine Copeland, I don't know if you ever read The Prayers That Avail Much books, but she was a New York times bestseller in the eighties and nineties, and we have now become friends. I'm actually about to go and spend some time with her and her prayer cabin and she wrote an excerpt and many like legend, she's a legend and she read a little excerpt in one of the chapters that's called “Our Secret Weapon,” which – spoiler alert— is prayer, but you know, and again the science behind meditation is there, you know, and uh they in here, I share about when they studied the brain during prayer and what happens and it's just so yeah, so there is fun, so you said you love the word thrive and so it's so hilarious how God is connected Nicole and I, she's actually speaking at my Happy Girl conference, which is September 24th and 25th, I'm not sure if this will air before after that. It's two years, a year before the pandemic is actually when I wrote this by line of Believe Anyway, and it's how to thrive no matter what life throws at you. So, and then life through this pandemic at us. And so, to me, it's just amazing, God is the God who sees ahead provides. And so, then this book is just coming out right at the right time when all of us, you know, just so much keeps getting thrown at us and uh where we, you know, sometimes it's I tell people this aboutHappy Love and Believe sometimes it's more about. but anyway, you know, and so yeah, so I'm excited for Nicole and I were going to do this conference together, the end of September with her book Thrive and then this.

Rechelle

Wonderful, great. That is a great idea to partner this.

Adrienne

You'll have to come see us!

Rechelle

Where? We'll talk about that, yeah. Is it in your link tree on your Instagram?

00:35:35

Adrienne

It is. It is on my website. You can yeah, you can go…just search Happy Girl Conference or Adrienne Cooley and it'll pop up as well. 

Rechelle

So, what a great thing to title it. Happy Girl, I think that's fun. 

Adrienne 

We have it's like the best merch coming too. I'm so excited about the merge this year – Happy girl.

Rechelle

That IS so wonderful. Adrian has been such a pleasure and really, you know we both love words and it's an honor. We kind of started out this call, it as an honor. I said it really is an honor for me. I mean I love I love that word and what it actually means, it's really a sacred um it's a sacred word, I mean it's not you know, it was nice to meet you. Yes, it was nice to meet you, but it's more than that. It was a pleasure, a blessing and honor to get to connect with you. I am very excited about all of the things you're doing and want to come alongside and support you in any way I can. There's so much goodness, you want to share all this goodness. 

Adrienne 

Yes, and I love what you're doing, and I mean just you coming in and having different people share.

00:37:02

I've watched some of your uh some of your episodes or listen to them and it's just I mean I just love your spirit. I love it. It's just a breath of fresh air that was our directional this morning. Wonderful. The word for spirit is I think new…and it and it just means a breath of fresh air and that you seem to be. 

Rechelle

I love that, as you are to me. Well thank you. And obviously this connection is going to continue. Well, I have some few things to look into. Happy Girl. Get the book. You know, I got I've got some homework here. I better get to it. Have a wonderful day, Adrienne. I look forward to more connection. 

Adrienne 

Well, you too, thank you so much. 

Rechelle

Thank you. Take care. Bye bye.

Outro Music

Her heart is full and fulfilled. She's doing the thing she learned back in her economics class in high school –

00:38:12

Find something to help humanity the most— right where you are. And she is. Adrienne is sharing with the rest of us all that she has studied, all that she has learned – to be happy anyway, to love anyway and to believe anyway. She herself embodies the experiences that have brought her to this place. She is one Happy girl. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashedly You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected] for questions, comments, etcetera. And if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website, visit social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: may the blessings of this day radiate through your smile, be helpful through your hands and shine through your heart, amen. That is from yourfates.com. Be unabashed, be you.

You can find Enitan on Instagram on itspixene.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00
Rechelle
While Unabashed You started for women, it became clear men are benefiting from the content. So, we've decided to refresh the brand a bit. You will still see the pear with the teal background and the name Unabashed You stays the same. Instead of women talking about stuff because that is no longer accurate, we've moved to conversations to become who you already are on the website. It goes on to say be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired and today I say, thanks for joining us. Let's start with the confusion I created when I miscalculated the time difference between California and Nigeria. Our guest for this week's Insta-Summer series episode and Enitan showed up on time and I was nowhere to be found.

00:01:03
We finally connected through some direct-messaging and I want to express my gratitude for Enitan’s understanding and flexibility. Oh, and by the way, it was worth the wait. He's a go- getter and deeply committed to his passion of photography. And did I mention kind? Yes, he is. Very. This is a pretty cool story. Someone used the hashtag unabashed you and I saw it. I admit I was quite excited, turns out it belongs to Enitan, this week's Insta-Summer guest. Here is what I know so far. He is from Nigeria. He's an extremely talented photographer and is studying biology in university. I can't wait to find out more. Welcome to the show. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay. Say your name for us one more time because I want to really make sure we get this right. How did you say Enitan?

00:02:09
Enitan? Oh, that's so beautiful. Does that have like a French influence in it?

Enitan
I'm not really. The Nigeria was colonized by the British so that any time is the local name? Oh, it's a local name and doesn't mean story exactly, because I looked it up when you first use that hashtag I thought oh this is so interesting. Exactly.

Rechelle
Ok. Enitan. Oh gosh, it's so beautiful. What a beautiful name. Is there anything you want the listeners to know before we really jump in?

Enitan
Um Let's just proceed. Maybe as time goes on we get to get something to say.

Rechelle
Okay, that sounds, that sounds good to me. What three words would you use to describe yourself?

Enitan
Wow. Just okay. Like to describe myself. It was just like um hardworking, persistent, and not giving up. Yeah. Not giving up is the main thing there.

00:03:17
Yes. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Rechelle
Very good. Hard work, persistent and doesn't give up, persistence and then you don't give up. Doesn't give up. Okay, I love that. I can't wait to find out more. Okay, two truths and a

lie and this is where you say three things about yourself? One of them is not true and then I get to guess.

Enitan
Um, can you give me an example of what it's like.

Rechelle
Okay, you could make it around like what you study, you could make it around jobs, you could make it around your work, you can make around the things you love to do. Like my favorite color is red. I have been to New York two times. I have 20 Children. You know, then you have to decide. Then you decide which one is not true and obviously it's the 20 Children.

Enitan
I don't have 20 Children. Well, um Okay, three. Okay. Um, um, well it is kind of a difficult task for me too.

00:04:27
Take over or let's get to execute. Um Okay, I am married. Um I've traveled out of the country three times. Um Okay, wait, wait, wait, what are the rules? Two truths on one line. Right, okay. Okay. Um I am married um above 18 then.

Rechelle
Um uh what can I see what You said, you traveled out of the country three times. You want to keep that?

Enitan
Yeah, I want to keep down.

Rechelle
Okay, so married traveled out of the country three times and you're older than 18. Those are your, those are your old.

Enitan
No, no, no, no, no. Let me drop, let me drop the travel out of the, okay, okay, okay. Married 18/18 over 18 and I'm, I'm an entrepreneur. Yeah.

Rechelle
You're an entrepreneur.

Enitan
Entrepreneur like um like um self-employed.

00:05:36
Oh entrepreneur. Okay. God, I got it. Okay. I'm sorry, I was not, I was not,

Rechelle
You have a beautiful accent. It's so gorgeous. But I just wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't grabbing that. Okay, so your above 18 entrepreneur, Okay, got it. I think you are an entrepreneur. So that was, I'm gonna tell you my process. So that one to me is true already, I think that I think you might be above 18 and I don't think you're married. So I think the lie is you're not married?

Enitan

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Only because I haven't seen any posts about you being married, so maybe I'm cheating in that way, but that's, that's a, that's, that's what I think that's cool.

Rechelle
Okay. And you are ok, you know, let's get to that in a minute. Okay. Because I, I really want to deep-dive into to what you're doing here, you know, with all the things that make up you.

00:06:40
Okay, so now this should be a little easier for you one of your favorite movies of all time, one of your favorite movies. Maybe you don't like movies, but I don't know.

Enitan
Um um I don't really see movies because I spent most of my time on youtube watching tutorial videos and learning more about photographic, but um, the movie, I was the movie, I will say it. Um there's this movie, I think last year there was 2020 Money H eist. I think, 2020 2019, 2020 is money has a seasonal movie. Okay, that has been my favorite so far.

Rechelle
Okay. And that sounds familiar to me. I can't think of who's in it, but we'll have to look that up and you liked it because it was adventure and suspenseful.

Enitan
Yeah, exactly. Okay. All right, very good.

Rechelle
Name a woman that inspires you. Is there a woman that inspires you?

Enitan
Um, I can't really say that for now.

00:07:50
I haven't really gotten any answer now.

Rechelle
Okay. Do you have a man that inspires you may be a photographer or somebody that you really look up to?

Enitan
Yeah, yeah, sure, definitely. I do.

Rechelle
Okay. And who is that? Because I think you have a mentor, right?

Enitan
He is the photographer to the president of Nigeria. Wow. Yeah. And, and he really like, opened my mind two more about photography storytelling and it was even his program I attended that actually made me use the hashtag the unabashed you because the program was actually tagged on abashed.

Rechelle Oh, nice.

Enitan

Exactly. So, when I was typing the, was called the hashtag for unabashed, which I saw on a bus. She was said to use it and oh, that's how we got to know each other.

Rechelle
I love that. I really love that. That makes me so happy.

00:08:55
All right. Is there a piece of wisdom that you keep handy or something that you, that you well, obviously you don't give up. So is there something around that or something else that you like, you know you you keep it up, you keep it ready, you keep you use it.

Enitan
Um one thing I will say I use is um musical is still like based around the issue of the hard work and persistence because I realized over time hard work learning more like not having the mindset of you know everything because which is the exhausted because if you have dimension that already know everything then you don't have to go out there. You have to leave your comfort zone, or you'll have to do is remember where you are. And that is very bad because everyday technology is improving every day. We keep learning things, keep learning new things that we don't have idea about before. So, it's not circles around self- improvement.

Rechelle
00:09:57
Self-improvement. Very good. I mean and you already talked about how you're spending time on YouTube learning more things about photography and that that brings us to the deep dive which is your passion. So, there's two things I want to talk about. One is um we'll get to photography in a minute. But I wanted to kind of start with what you're studying in university which is biology correct? Ok why are you studying biology and what do you want to do with biology?

Enitan
Um well with the way the education system is in Nigeria like actually my dream was actually to be in the military. I like to serve in the military. And yeah, and I applied The Defense Academy 3 times. I was after high school. So, I applied three times, but I wasn't selected and after then I was now like instead of staying at home doing nothing, I think I just need to apply for because now do for the meantime.

00:11:05
So that was what actually made me to select biological sciences. So the biological sciences has actually let me say opened um not really opened my mind but just give me it has given me more, more drive and let me just say it does. So, the reason for me studying biology in general is just for due to the fact that I wasn't offered admission in the Nigerian Defence Academy and I have no option of education. So, I just have to proceed to study biology.

Rechelle
Okay. Are you enjoying studying biology?

Enitan
Um well really well, yeah, to be to be to be real here and to be truthful, I won't say I enjoyed biology because that's not really my passion that my I'm just doing it to avoid staying at home and just to have knowledge on area in particular field. Well, I really can't say I enjoy studying it.

Rechelle

00:12:11
Well, I admire the fact that you are doing what you need to do to continue to educate yourself which is clearly very important to you. But meanwhile, okay, so you're studying that because that was a door that was available to you to go through. And so now your passion though, really is photography. And let me tell the listener, you have got to follow this young man immediately on instagram his photography. You're gifted. You're already gifted. You're a gifted photographer. Okay. Let's start unpacking that. When did you start getting interested in photography?

Enitan
Well, I started get uh studying photography way back as 2015 now, six years ago, six years ago. Okay. six years ago you started interested? Yeah. But then I had no access to a camera. So I only use my phone. I use my mobile phone for the photography and the editing.

00:13:15
I use my phone. But I was able to what I was able to get my professional camera, which is this one right here. I was able to get it last year. That was during the pandemic during the lockdown. Yeah, I was able to get it and ever since I got here, then I advanced to professional photography.

Rechelle
Okay. And I notice on your post. Okay, so a couple things. One did you recently change your username from pixene to its pixene.

Enitan Yeah, sure.

Rechelle
Okay. And why did that happen? Somebody else had it or what?

Enitan
Yeah. Someone else was trying to actually use the same pattern because it was before it was at underscore pixene. So, someone else was trying to use it. And most people after giving them my username, they get things mixed up and the person is also a photographer. So, I don't have to change it. It's okay. Okay.

Rechelle
Got it. Got it. Okay. That's and I will, I will include that info here for everybody.

00:14:22
I've noticed in your, in your photography. Like I've said they're beautiful. You're, you've got a great I you, it's kind of a combination of portraits and then also I would, I would think of as photojournalism because you're taking pictures of things that are happening around you or maybe you go out to seek what's happening around you and we do have a gardener here (Loud machinery in background.) So we are going to hear some buzzing. It's very fun, very fun. Okay. So, tell us about that portraits. You know, you take pictures of people versus kind of out there. What's happening?

Enitan
Yeah. Um, well my dream is actually on photojournalism. It's actually say, yeah, he's on photojournalism boats. Well, the way I have it, I started photography so I don't really have link up with like media houses and the rest.

00:15:31

So, I just mix everything up and I do this because I don't really find the portraits like interesting because you do portraits photography, you need a studio space. You need some lighting, you need some other equipment and stuff. But photojournalism, once you have the, once you have a story to tell once and events happening, you can actually go there creates like stories, compelling pictures and posts online. So, for the portraits only do the portraits for the money. Yeah, I wondered about that. Yeah, but the photojournalism since I have like no one paying me for that because I'm doing it from my own passion for it. So oftentimes when is an event and I know it is okay. This is actually up to my portfolio. I just go out there on my camera. I take pictures, creates memories and pulls them online. But if I can actually have my way my dream is actually traveling, documenting places, telling stories about them because I realized the power of the internet that's even without you having the money or the funds to travel outside the country, you can actually go online, watch videos and see pictures about places and the information about a place tells a lot about it because you can actually go online now and read about, let me say um Africa and general information that people have about Africa is like a place where most people are suffering, there's no food, there's no good water, there's disease, terrorism and the rest but there's actually truth to some extents.

00:17:17
The real story is they actually mm nice sightseeing places in Africa. They are like tourist centers. There are places to visit historical center and stuff like that. So, my dream in this documentary, photography or photojournalism is actually exploring those places, posting them online for the world community to actually see what let me say the good parts of Africa or the good part of Nigeria. So that was just my goal. And I actually wrote my last exam the day before yesterday, that was on Tuesday. So, I hope that probably from next week I should be traveling to some places and documenting. You'll be seeing everything on my stories as time goes on. Yeah.

Rechelle
Wonderful. Okay, so once you have taking pictures of a story, you're into photojournalism, where are you posting them? Do you have a website also? Are you try to sell them to news outlets or what I mean?

00:18:20
I see them on Instagram but where else are they?

Enitan
Yeah, pandemics and like I only post, I only post them on Instagram and my Facebook for now. I'll also talk some media houses and also whoever, I would be interested in buying them. So that's what I do for now and now that I'm done with school, I think I need to improve on creating a website and probably storing them there. Another folder section by section on which whichever is to either interest to. They can check room fabulous.

Rechelle
I love that idea. I can't wait to see that come to life. How much more time and university do you have?

Enitan I'm done.

Rechelle
So, you're done. Yeah, I wrote my final paper on Tuesday. That was the day before yesterday. So do they consider that you've graduated. Is that what they, is that or do you, you've graduated?

Enitan
00:19:31
Yeah. Once you're done with your final paper, then you just expect the results to come out. Then you do your clearance and congratulations.

Rechelle
Yes. That's exciting. That's so wonderful. What are the next plans? Are you going to start traveling and taking pictures?

Enitan
And that's now the plan we’re doing where our education system is. After your education. After university education you will be going for does this trouble you call National Youth Service or

Rechelle
Y ou're breaking up a little bit. I know we've got, you know, we had to really make this work. Uh, yes. Okay. So, after the, after you're done with school, does this National Youth Service that you serve with... And their aim is actually to um, involve you in the real-life situation of the working environment.

Enitan
00:20:39
It's more of like an industrial training barista, is like an advanced one. So, when you are done, you go for that that it lasts for a year. And in the process of you walk in with an organization, you get to be paid, You get repaid about I think about 17, $70. Yeah, because we paid about $70 for a month for the next 12 months. And when you are done with that, you'll be given a certificate and after that one, you are left on your own to either go and search for a job or if you have a job already good for you. And if you have a job, then brush up your skill and anyway, money.

Rechelle
All right. And is that when you will go into photography full time?

Enitan
Um, Yeah, after that, I'm planning on owning a studio and why the studios running, I'll find some trust that person to be running it for me while I pursue my photojournalism.

Rechelle
That was such a great plan. I love that. That's wonderful what you are doing some really great things.

00:21:48
You have a real love for photography. It shows and you keep learning and wanting to get better and better. I think that says a lot about you sure, your character and how you want to learn and improve and get out there and tell some stories.

Enitan Yeah.

Rechelle
Well, that's just wonderful. Do you have anything in conclusion that you'd like to say?

Enitan

Um in conclusion, I would just like to say that so many people over here, like we're here in this part of the world they saw especially the youth every Oh, this sounds good any time.

Rechelle
But you froze again. So, we got to wait for a moment. Can you hear me now?

Enitan
I can Yes, Okay.

Rechelle
You were talking about the youth?

Enitan
Yeah. Like in Nigeria, to be precise, the government doesn't really provide job opportunities.

00:22:53
Like they only leave the youth to explore their skills. Okay. What can you do? What can you do to fetch your money? So, majority of people who are done with school now, they don't really rely on the government or organization. Instead, they pick themselves up and find out this - they have worked on it and find how it can stretch them revenue and keep them going. So my advice is, let me see. My advice is just like because I believe everyone has a skill does what I believe, even everyone has the skill to just let for you to realize what your skill is, work on it. Getting necessary materials, improve and try to be the best. Because I'm actually trying to be the best photographers in Nigeria in Africa in the world. I'll also be like; I'll also be making the list.

Rechelle
I just, I love that. You know what you want to do, and you've got a plan to go forth and then also you're speaking life into anyone who listens about a skill or a gift or an interest of passion to really go for it.

Enitan 00:24:05 Exactly.

Rechelle
That's why I thank you for your patience and your flexibility and that we had a little bit of uh you know, did not calculate correctly on our time, but I I really appreciate your grace where that's involved. So, thank you.

Enitan Any time.

Rechelle
It's been such a pleasure to get to talk to you in real life. I'm so excited and I look forward to seeing all the good things you're going to do and sharing your pictures. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful evening. I owe. This has been wonderful. Really, really wonderful. Thank you.

Enitan
All right, see you later. Bye bye bye. Mhm Yeah.

Rechelle

Next I am still challenged to pronounce his name correctly and I'll keep working on it. In the meantime, I marvel at his plan to pursue photography and to show the real Africa the real Nigeria, not just the underside we hear about.

00:25:10
He wants to share the beauty to create memories and to tell stories. This is what he gets to do what he is driven to do. I can't wait. The Unabashed Y ou website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share social media Instagram and Facebook: unabashed you. If you want to connect the email is [email protected] for questions, comments etc. And if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout. I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We depend upon website visits, social media, word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth. Knowing these conversations, help you think celebrate who you are and move you in some way so continue to listen, read and be inspired.

And now our blessing, God bless Africa guard her people, guide her leaders and give her peace.

00:26:23
And I will add. And bless Enitan’s efforts to tell her stories. Amen that is by Trevor Huddleston
You know.
Go be unabashed.
Be you.

You can find Liz on Instagram at Remember Me Accessories.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle

While Unabashed You started for women, it became clear men are benefiting from the content, so we've decided to refresh the brand a bit. You will still see the pear with the teal background and the name Unabashed You stays the same. Instead of women talking about stuff, because that is no longer accurate, we've moved to conversations to become who you already are. On the website it goes on to say, “be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal.” These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. And today I say, thanks for joining us. 

Zest. This woman has it in spades. She is fun, funny and vivacious. You'll be able to hear all that and more in this conversation with Liz Fletcher. We met in an Instagram course -- honestly, I had to be schooled in social media as there was so much to figure out. Liz has gone from men's to women's fashion and now she's celebrating 25 years in the jewelry business. She has some remarkable things to say. 

Intro Music

Uh huh Liz loves jewelry, and her posts are beautiful. I was delighted when we made a connection on Instagram. She's a consistent, warm, thoughtful engager. She is our guest today for insta-summer, but as she pointed out in Australia it is winter. I haven't thought of that being in the U.S. It did take us a while to schedule with a 17-hour difference. We persevered as women do and now, we get to have the long-awaited conversation. Welcome to the show, Liz. 

Liz

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I think it’s my first podcast.

Rechelle

Oh, that just makes me so happy. That makes me so happy. Really does. All right. Anything you want the listeners to know before we get started?

00:02:11

Liz

Um, well my name is Lizzie Fletcher and I've been in the jewelry industry for 25 years and I just celebrated it the other day. 

Rechelle

Yes. And we're going to circle back to that because I definitely wanted to talk about the big milestone. It's really wonderful. What three words would you use to describe yourself? 

Liz

Yeah. Um, fun, loving, cheeky. 

Rechelle

I can't even tell you how perfect those words are because your posts and everything you do are fun and loving and cheeky. So that's just perfect. You know yourself well, that's great, that comes across for sure. All right, so this is like an ice breaker: you're gonna say three things about yourself. One of them will not be true. We call it two truths and a lie. So, I have to kind of see if I can guess which one is not true. So, three things about yourself.

00:03:17

Liz

Um, I drive 55 km 55,000 km a year. Uh huh. I have been in the fashion and jewelry industry for nearly 50 years and the third one is, I love working on the computer. Uh huh. 

Rechelle

Okay. You drive 55,000 km a year. You've been in the fashion and jewelry industry for 50 years and the last one is you love to work on the computer. I'm gonna guess the lie is that you love to work on the computer? Is that the lie? 

Liz

Yes, definitely. I'm not a computer person. I much prefer to either speak on the phone or do writing and I do everything by hand. So, I do use my mobile phone for the Instagram. But I am not really big on computers. My partner has brought me a computer in every color trying to get I've got a white one and black one, a red one, a tablet, you name it. But my attention span only lasts for about half an hour to an hour and then I'm off because I can't even still, I’m full of energy and like to move around.

Rechelle

Oh, and I can see that. I bet you're a dancer Liz are you a dancer? 

Liz

Yes, I think I've always liked dancing. 

Rechelle

Yeah, I think I've seen some posts about, about dancing. Well, you know, for somebody who doesn't really love the computer, I will say you have a very strong and consistent presence on Instagram. I mean you really, especially if you're doing it from your phone, which is, let's face it, that is a small computer, I mean it just is. And you really you get a lot of great content out there. So, you're hitting a home run right there. Okay, so the other things are true. So, I'm gonna guess that the 55,000 km has to do with your business. 

Liz

Yes, I do. 

Rechelle

So, because you're getting out and making sure that everybody sees your stuff buys your stuff. Stores are carrying your stuff, that sort of thing. 

Liz

Exactly. 

Rechelle

All right. And that's and that's good because you want to be able to get your stuff out there. And your stuff is really unique, and we'll get more into that later. And then your second one, we know you've been in the jewelry business for 25 years, so you've also been in the fashion business as well, what does that look like? 

Liz

Well, that's how it all started. When I was about 15, I got into working for a menswear store. They asked me would I like to work there, And I said yes, not knowing there are the days when they only paid you $2 an hour. I learned I was in my school uniform at the time. So, I made sure I dressed up and I learned a lot about menswear, naturally being young you know the guys sort of like me, but I discovered that I was good at dressing men and then later on I went into dressing women.

00:06:38

Rechelle

Isn't that something that you were just asked to do this on a whim and that you actually had a natural gift for this and here you still are in an extremely related industry because jewelry is a part of fashion. I don't even know how you have fashion without jewelry. 

Liz

Exactly. It all goes together. It all goes together, anything about anything of a dormant you can put on and then, you know, you can change your whole look and you can then add something like some jewelry, or you know, different handbag or different accessories and it can make you look so much better. 

Rechelle

Yes, I agree. Okay, we're going to get to more of that in a minute. One of your favorite movies of all time?

Liz

Bombshell. 

Rechelle

Oh, bombshell, is that Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron and who's the third one? 

Liz

Um I can't remember, I can't remember it now, I see them, but I can't remember the name I can’t even remember who the guys about. But the reason I liked it so much is that when I was watching it, I had no idea that it was a real story. And then, and then my girlfriend halfway through the movie (because we went to the opening before everyone else saw it) and she said, “this is a real story,” and I said, “really?” I thought it was just, you know, another story. And then I actually went back and so it again with my daughter, Bianca, and then I went, it really said a lot; I mean with the Me-Too movement and all the things that men were getting away with. And somehow it resonated with me and I was very glad that they wrote a movie and made it clear, and you know you can't do that anymore. 

Rechelle

Right and you having been in those especially started in the men's part of fashion. You have I have no doubt seeing this and experienced this firsthand on some level whether it was you know a huge or minor. . . 

Liz

I really learned early not to mix business with pleasure. I always kept it separate. Of course, you know a few guys might like you or fancy you. But I grew up with two brothers, so I knew how to handle them, and no one got the better of me. 

Rechelle

Yeah, you could hold your own. No problem, I can see that. Yes. And I bet you have imparted that to your daughter, Bianca, as well. That she's her own woman and she does not have to take any kind of business from anybody that she. . . you know. 

Liz

Exactly. I've got two daughters, yes. I've got Bianca and Sophia. And I gave them lots of choices which I didn't have when I was growing up. But the good thing is that are responsible with their choices. So, they had all the freedom, but they didn't go crazy. 

Rechelle

That sounds like you did a really fabulous job allowing them to learn and find their way a little more independently maybe than the average parent would do it and I think in hindsight, looking back at, you know, our kids that we raised everything, I think if I had to do it over again, I probably would have done more of that, certainly we did some of that, but I think I would have done even more of that. So that's a good one. Is that how you were raised, or you just thought, no, I want to do this very differently than the way I was raised? 

Liz

Yeah, totally. I was brought up in a very religious household. My parents, my father was actually a preacher and also, he was in sales. So that's where I get my personality and um, and the drive because I saw him always on the move. And my mother also ran a business, she started doing it at 45 and she looked after elderly people. We had a beautiful massive, big house and eight bathrooms, 10 bedrooms and we looked after elderly people. It was like a very, very luxurious retirement village before you went into the, you know, the rest home, this is before that transitional time, they don't do it now, they've cut all that out. But those days they were available, and my mother started her business at 45, so she worked seven days a week. So, I really, a bit of a workaholic. My mother working and my father working, it was a go-go household.

Rechelle

Well, those are good qualities, good qualities to have, but I imagine though as you as you've gotten older as we all are getting older that you have very much incorporated play into who you are now. . . 

Liz

Definitely. I was always cheeky from a little girl. I always got told I talk too much all my life, but it still didn't stop me. When I stop talking that's when everyone would worry because they think what's the matter with Liz she's not talking. 

Rechelle

That's so funny. That's so funny. So, speaking of inspiration, because it sounds like both your parents inspired you, can you name a woman that inspires you? 

Liz

My best girlfriend, her name was Deborah, I met her when I was 19 and I worked in this most beautiful upmarket boutique that you could ever imagine called Halsey Marivel in Melbourne in Collins Street, which is the street, and before that I was doing modeling and then I was sort of you know how actors do waitressing jobs. So, I was doing modeling and then I thought oh just you know pop back into retail, because I've been doing retail off and on, and before you even work there you have to get two hours a free trial -- they didn't you know they didn't pay you -- to see if you were good enough. And luckily Deb, she was my manager. Um she saw the potential in me, and I was also lucky on that day because a lady came up and said I'll just take this and handed me this cardigan, that was worth about $300 -- and this is in the late 70s -- she said I'll take that and that really helped my sales. You know, I got the job through her and Debbie seeing the potential in me and then you know, eventually we became best friends and I used to look forward to seeing what she would wear every day and make up and her hair. I was just in love with her and eventually we became friends, and you know, we were together on and off for a long time. I mean she sadly passed away when she turned 60. I'm also friends with her daughter, just like a mother.

Rechelle

Oh, that's wonderful, A piece of her and that way lives on. That's beautiful. Really beautiful. I'm really glad you got to have that friendship with her for those many years. And of course, you remember her and hold her close to your heart. Now, a piece of wisdom you keep handy. Maybe this is something that Deborah taught you or your hard-working parents. But what's something you keep handy? 

Liz

Um Mine is never be afraid to ask. 

Rechelle

Yes. 

Liz

Every job opportunity in my life I got mainly by asking. And I say that to my daughters, they can only say no, but then they might say yes, most of the time they do and it's a bit like asking the universe to you know, if you need something or want something, you put out to the universe because I listened and then it comes true.

00:15:01

Rechelle

Yeah, it doesn't hurt to ask. You're absolutely right. That is really good piece of wisdom for I think, you know, people are afraid to put yourself out there, but you're right if the worst thing they can say is no, no, thank you. So that obviously wasn't the right direction for you anyway, so move on to another way. 

Liz

That's it. It's just like, you know, with all my customers, jewelry retailers that I have to see, you know, I have to make an appointment with them first. I just don't drive out there and hope for the best and uh, you know, you talk to them, and they might be saying no, no, no and somehow, you know, you turn it around and you know that yes, I love to see you Liz. So, there you go, you have to be consistent too in the, in the asking but not pushy. I'm not pushing at all. But I know you have to have that focus and then things will become real.

Rechelle

The word finesse comes to my mind when I think of how you probably operate in the world is that you've, you've got the finesse, I mean you, you can read the room, you, you know, you have high quality products and you know that their customers are going to want what you have, they just you just you know just You know you are able to be who you are in that moment of making the appointment and then showing them and I'm sure nine times out of 10 or more you know they love what you have because it's so unique which brings us to your passion. As you said, you are celebrating 25 years of being in the jewelry business. And then on your Instagram bio you say knowing happiness never goes out of style, which I thought was really a beautiful way to talk about yourself your life and then also jewelry. And then I love that you say jewelry speaks a story because different pieces do bring up different stories for us. So how did you decide or maybe you asked, how did you, how did you make the shift from clothing -- You went from men to women's and then over to jewelry -- how did that shift happen?

Liz

Um it was all through one recommendation. I had a girlfriend who I met on the road called Lisa and she was sitting down with this jewelry designer called Monique and Monique said I'm looking for a sales rep. Do you know anyone? And my girlfriend said Liz fletcher. Overnight. I went from the fashion, and I went into fine jewelry. So, I need to sell costume jewelry. I've sold belts, beautiful shoes, clothing, knitwear, everything wholesale and retail. And then I just got sick of fashion a bit because everything started to be made in China and everyone wanted lower quality and I don't like, you know, mass produced of anything to be honest. So, I went into the jewelry industry. So, I learned along the way, and I went to all the different states, I went to Victoria Queensland, that's where all the driving came into it. And so, you know, finally met all my made some new customers and built up my base from there. I always change and do things and it's like a week in between. It's like when I went from working full time at a fashion boutique after I came back from Crete and then got this opportunity offer to me. So, within a week I'd open my own boutique.

Rechelle

Oh, my goodness, you are a go getter. 

Liz

Well, it just happens, you know, when it just comes to you and you don't even realize at the time that if you think about it too much, you can talk yourself out of it. 

Rechelle

That's absolutely true. Absolutely true. 

Liz

So, I opened my own boutique at 22. And then I got into the jewelry industry at 35. 

Rechelle

Okay, so I want to know as somebody who doesn't really necessarily understand um you know, the jewelry industry, do you search out like particular pieces or kinds of jewelry? How do you end up with the jewelry that then you turn around and either sell to other jewelry people or directly to a client? 

Liz

Um with jewelry, it's all very in house. They don't advertise because of the trash value. You know, they just can't hand over to a complete stranger all this jewelry that's worth fortune. But once I started with Monique from there, I found other supplies and I thought, oh my God, I love their jewelry. So once again, I would ask “hi, I'm looking, I'm looking for another range and I'm, I do, I go here and I go there and I have lots of clients” and, and then, you know, you all come together. So, at the moment I have about five different designers. Some are made in Melbourne. I try and keep things made here, which it's more personalized and you're supporting other people. And then I have other ranges from Germany, Italy, Greece. Um yeah, those countries. 

Rechelle

Wow! Okay, so you're representing these five different lines and I love the focus on local being one of them. That's a great way to give back. Does that mean then that you have to travel the world? Like to those places? 

Liz

No. Any traveling I do I’m seeing my customers. It's like, it's like you having a beautiful jewelry range that you created, you love, but you don't have any customers where I have all the customers. So, you put them together and then I get the beautiful job of making the appointment driving to their beautiful, gorgeous jewelers stores that you know, just gorgeous to be in. And then I show them all the collections. Sometimes some want the diamonds or other times they want the pearls. You all have different customers for different ranges too.

Rechelle

Wow. That is so fascinating. And then I'm guessing this is like mid to higher end range jewelry in terms of cost. You're not, you're not doing inexpensive stuff you're doing like unique. . .

Liz

Middle to upmarket. 

Rechelle

Yeah.

Liz

I want my, I want my customers to come back to me. I don't want them coming back to me saying the stones fallen out or it's broken. You know, if they sell it to a customer. I mean you get a few of those, but generally, and I only can get excited about something that I like myself. 

Rechelle

Oh, I like that. That's a good barometer. Right? Deciding if you like it. 

Liz

And that's it. How can you show something someone and you don't like it? It would show for me. That's a good point. Yeah. It's like with fashion, you know, if I put you in a beautiful outfit and I don't like it. I'll pull a face and get now take that off. Well, especially be honest because customers come back. I remember. 

Rechelle

Yes. Okay, so you liked jewelry that speaks a story. So, do you have a favorite piece of jewelry that speaks a story for you?

Liz

Yes. I love art deco is one of my favorites and I have a beautiful art deco and diamond ring, which I designed. But the designers from Russia and -he learned with the fab a shape. So, his workmanship is extraordinary, and he does all the beautiful feel, filagree work. So, I've been with him for 21 years longer than some marriages I say. And um, we've been working together. He does most beautiful art deco inspired designs -- because he specializes in that -- and that's one of my favorite things too. Just like I also like black and white movies and anything that's got a bit of an art deco flavor. 

Rechelle

Okay, so that speaks the story to you of the friendship you have, the craftsmanship he has and then also that period of time, the style that you love so much. That's the story it tells. Have you given your girls special pieces of jewelry that are, that have become a story for them? 

Liz

Yes. Um, both. I’ve given them both beautiful antique heart pendants on a gold chain because I used to style antiques to one stage, which was fantastic. Um, so I've given those as gifts and along the way, I've given them jewelry because they've got different styles to me. They've got their own style and they're just really in their twenties are starting to get into it where I fell in love with it at 13 and couldn’t wear enough. And I had no influence from anyone either. My parents didn't wear jewelry, my mother never wore jewelry, didn't wear makeup, didn't do anything. I don't know where I got it from. But trust me, when I discovered it, there was no stopping me. 

Rechelle

Well, you came that way because some don't you think sometimes like you've got two girls and I imagine that they are very different and that they came the way you could see in them, you know, differences and they were their own people already from the get-go. 

Liz

Exactly, yes, they're totally different. But there intelligent. Um they can see through people much better than me – they’re really clever. Um and they're both, you know, in doing art too. So, I'm artistic also. So, and I also mama daughter does has done her degree in biochemical science because my partner is very scientific. So that's sort of the best of both worlds.

Rechelle

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness, What's next for you, Liz? I mean, you're just doing so well, you love what you do that that much is evident. Are there still some things you're trying to do? 

Liz

Yeah. Well, because I haven't been able to go on the road since last March when the lockdown started, this is locked down in Melbourne. So that prevents me from going on the road. So, I thought what can I do to get out there because I'm so used to seeing everyone face to face including, you know, I also do private showings sometimes with my friends. So, I decided that Instagram was the way to go, and I started doing that and then in I just started up with Carla and that's how I met you and all those gorgeous other amazing women were all on the same journey together. So, I absolutely love that. Both of you, you all are in America, but that's alright, one day we'll all meet. With my partner Stefan, we've been building a website and soon we will be launching that. So, I've been very busy every day taking photos and writing captions and I actually did my first real the other day, so I've got to start doing more of that. It's not so much, I'm not afraid of being in front of the camera, but it's just um keep thinking you look good enough on the day. Oh no, I couldn't do that now. When you see yourself you think, oh my God, I look like a wreck! Not that I really am, but you know when you're in lockdown you're in a different mode, you're not getting, getting dressed up to go anywhere, you're just sort of thinking, oh I can be really relaxed and but I have been very creative, I do love doing display merchandising because I did all that when I was in the fashion retail, and it's all coming together now.

Rechelle

That was so fantastic that you are going to launch a website and that, that came, that was a good thing that came out of Covid, and I find that as horrible as that time was, there have been a lot of really good things to come out of that. So, I'm very thankful and grateful for that and I can't wait to come back around with you when you have the website so that we can, you know uh send people there and help, help you make it a success. 

Liz

Yes, I'm looking forward to that because everyone said to me for years, you know, go online, go online. But you know, I don't need to, you know, I didn't see everyone face to face, why do I want to go on a computer. Um but here we are, and everyone goes online now. So, like I say, if you can't beat them, join them.

Rechelle

That's right. But this, this has been such a treat. I'm so um I'm just so excited that you said yes that you wanted to come on the show and that we got to connect in real time and this insta-summer, of course it's winter for you, but the series has been so much greater than I thought it in my mind. It was like, oh my gosh, how is that going to be able to be talking to people I've never talked to before and yet it has been guest after guest after guest. It has blown me away with the connection that we've already established. We're just bringing it another layer, another dimension to the connection we already have, and it's been a fantastic, wonderful adventure and I'm glad I said yes to myself because I could have talked myself out of that you know like well you can't do that. You know the self-talk of doubt and all that's like no, yeah, I can -- I'm doing it. 

Liz

Yeah. That's fantastic. I love it and I admire it and I've listened to so many of your podcasts and there's so inspiring and you talk to all sorts of people in different walks of life, and I just love people and I love listening to their stories. I find people fascinating and if I do meet people I remember everything about them. You know they're star sign what they wore, what they said, sometimes it freaks people out, but have incredibly good memory which really helps when you're in sales. 

Rechelle

Yes!

Liz

Because everyone wants to be remembered and that's why I called it -- Remember me accessories – because we all love to be remembered. And we also love to remember what we wore or how we felt on that day, how we look. I mean it's not just a superficial thing, I'm talking about how you feel inside and within yourself because I dress and love dressing up -- I make sure I always feel comfortable. So, you can still look fantastic, but you don't have to be in pain. 

Rechelle

Oh, absolutely. I'm with you on that. 

Liz

I don't wear super high shoes anymore. 

Rechelle

No, me neither. It's got to be comfortable or forget it. Comfortable and cute can go together. They absolutely can. 

Liz

It was so funny. I was looking, I found this – because pandemic you know, there's so much time on your hands -- I found this folder in it when I had my boutique. I used to write in the for the local paper had fashioned by Liz and a little picture of me. And then I talk about fashion. And I had a little laugh because it says something about shoes are saying “now if you're going out wearing shoes, it's a good idea to have them on.” I mean silly, but it's obvious, you know when you go out you do wear shoes, but I wrote about your shoes and make sure you wear comfortable shoes way back then. I must have been into it and saying, you know, because you don't want your poor feet to feel the consequences of wearing high shoes for a long period of time. 

Rechelle

Exactly, it's not worth it. It's not. And I think a lot of women have to go through that to come out the other side to say, you know what, it's not worth it. I don't care. 

Liz

I gave them up when I had my children. Oh yeah, you can't run out wearing high shoes and then breaking your neck with your baby in your arms. It wouldn't go down. 

Rechelle

No, that would not go down well at all. Well thank you. I am celebrating with you, congratulating in for your 25 years has been in the jewelry business and all of the wisdom and fun that you bring to your Instagram posts. And I'm so happy that we connected. I thank you for this time. And a big shout out and thank you to Stefan for helping us launch and get this conversation going. So, it's you know what? That's great. Yeah. Give him a big thank you and a hug from me and one last thank you, Liz – you, as I said in the intro, you are so kind and so generous and so very consistent with your encouraging words. I'm very grateful for that because you don't necessarily have that or get that, I don't want to say from everyone, because obviously everyone can't be that way. But you know, it's not like we were friends before and now of course, I'm expecting you to be encouraging. No, no, no, that's not it. We connected through Instagram and now we are encouraging one another in our in our different paths. And I think it's wonderful. And thank you also for being an avid listener of Unabashed You, so that, you know, women can be who they are without apology. And men, now we've got men listening to, but just be who you are, be who you are. That's it, that's it, that's it. That's it. But thank you, Liz, my dear, I'm so grateful. And we will be in touch very soon and see you on Instagram. 

Liz

Fantastic Thank you. Bye.

Rechelle

Bye bye.

Outro Music

Rechelle

One of my favorite takeaways from our time together is the wisdom of never be afraid to ask. The worst thing to happen is you will get a no. And if you do dust yourself off and carry on, you will survive. You may even thrive. Just ask Liz. Almost every opportunity she has had has come from putting herself out there and I love that she has taught that same life principle to her daughters. Like Liz, let's not be afraid of No. 

The unabashedly website has a guest page of photos, quotes, a blog with embedded audio; at unabashyou.com you can find the show and other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. Still waiting on west Virginia and Rhode Island to discover us. Our social media accounts are Instagram and Facebook Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected] for questions, comments, etcetera. If you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and we will not share your information. We build upon website visits, social media, word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these episodes and conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. Our blessing: harness the power of today, cease the blessings of today, make something happen, enhance your life, make someone laugh, help a friend, love, love, love -- that is by Steve Maraboli and amen to that. So go on, go love, be unabashed, be you.

As Bijou shared, you can learn more about how to help women and children in Congo on the website Moseka Action Project.

You can find Bijou on Instagram at Viuongo Seasoning and Moseka Action Project.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

Rechelle

While Unabashed You started for women, it became clear men are benefiting from the content. So, we've decided to refresh the brand a bit. You will still see the pair with the teal background and the name Unabashed You stays the same. Instead of women talking about stuff -- because that is no longer accurate -- we've moved to conversations to become who you already are. On the website it goes on to say be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way. So, listen, read, and be inspired. And today I say thanks for joining us. Bijou -- boy do I love saying her name -- Bijou is our Insta summer guest this week. I'm still marveling at the woman she is humble yet accomplished, creative with intention, and generous while making it look effortless. 00:01:05 Honestly, that is just the beginning. In addition to loving her large family, she's found a way to give back to her country of origin. It is inspiring to say the least. 

Intro Music

Bijou is our Instant summer guest this week. We had a challenging time scheduling our conversation together, as she's in the midst of a move and needed some time to wrap things up. I couldn't wait to have her on; why do we feel so connected to people we haven't actually met. I find it fascinating. Here are a couple of things I know about Bijou. She's a foodie. She loves to cook. And is an artist and displaying what she has created. Each post on Instagram is a thing of beauty. We will get into that in a bit. Welcome to the show, Bijou. 

Bijou

Thank you, Rechelle, thank you for having me. Such an honor and pleasure for me to be here today and I really can’t wait to dig in. 

Rechelle

Me too. I’ve really been looking forward to connecting because I do find it very interesting that there are certain people you just feel like a kinship with or a connection with and I can't really, you know, fully explain it.  I just know that it's there. 

Bijou

Yes. I personally just believe it's God because one time I was listening to the podcast and my husband came in, I was like who is that? And I talked to him about you. He’s like how do you know her? I'm like on Instagram and he was like really? Yes, and like you say it's some connection, you just can't explain. But I believe it's just God's way of bringing people together.

Rechelle

Yeah, that's really beautiful. Is there anything you want the listeners to know before we get started? 

Bijou

Um maybe um the fact that I was born and raised in Congo. So I am originally from Congo, Born and raised in Congo. I Uh move out of my country when I was like 23 after college, I moved to France to do my master’s degree and in that time period my husband who was an American citizen.  He was born and raised here. But we met in high school in Congo because his parents came back, went to Congo to work for the government over there and we, we went to the same school. So, we met in high school and after high school he came back here and after college I went to France to do my master’s degree and when he learned and I was in France, he came to see me and he was like Bijou, I want you to be with me in America. And I was like, but I'm here to do my masters. And then, yeah, so we decided to get married and that's how I moved in America and, and now we have five beautiful kids. 

Rechelle

Oh my goodness. I kind of knew you had four, but I didn't realize it was five. five. That's wonderful. Well, what three words would you use to describe yourself?

Bijou

Three words to describe myself.  I'll say caring. Mm hmm. Uh, creative. Thank you. Just said I can't, I'm always bubbling up in my mind and finding ideas and stuff and uh, loyal. 

Rechelle

Oh gosh, those are so good. Yes, so good. Okay, are you familiar with this? It's not really a game but kind of like an ice breaker. It's two truths and a lie. You say three things about yourself and two of them are true and one isn't true. And then I have to see if I can guess which one, it's not true. 

Bijou

So, this was really hard. This can be really hard for me. Uh, let me think. Um, I love working out. Um, I speak four languages. I love teaching. 

Rechelle

Teaching. Okay. Um, you love working out. You speak four languages, and you love teaching. Okay, so I'm going to walk through them out loud. I think you do love teaching and I'm going to say, gosh, I bet you do speak four languages, whatever the native dialect is for Congo, which I'm talking about that a minute, plus English plus French and maybe something else. I'm gonna say if I'm going to say the lie is maybe that you don't love working out. I certainly don't love it. 

Bijou

You got it right! Working out it's like a punishment for me. I love, I love cooking and, but the good thing is I as much as I cook, um, I don't necessary eat. I'm just the kind of person who like to host, and make people feel good and comfortable, but myself, I don't really eat that much. 

Rechelle

Okay. 

Bijou

Yes. It's many of my husband and the kids, so I don't have to work out. 00:06:44 It's just not my thing. 

Rechelle

Okay. I understand that I understand. Yes. Okay. One of your favorite movies of all time?

Bijou

Okay. I don't know if you, you know about this movie, but it's called La Bamba. Have you heard about it?

Rechelle

Is that the one with Lou Diamond Phillips?

Bijou

Yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh This movie, I loved it so much. I know I was young when it came out, but my dad had it and we used to watch it on the weekend and it's something that really stay deep in my heart. And when I think about it, it kind of brings up memories of so much that happened in our society. Just to think about how this young man, which he was in love with Donna and Donna's parents wouldn't let him because he was a Latino and uh socially speaking, it couldn't match you know that family because Donna was coming from a very rich family, but you just don't know what someone's tomorrow will be like.

00:08:00

Rechelle

That's right. 

Bijou

Just 1 song and Richie became famous. Uh and then when you think about it, and you realize how his brother became jealous. It opens eyes to see how you can have enemies sometimes even within your own family because of a blessing. So that that story always connects me sometimes to the story of joseph, how his brother was jealous of him for all the blessings that he was getting from his father. And the story of Richie really catches me in that area, and I was like, so yeah, I will never forget that story. 

Rechelle

Oh, That's a good one. I haven’t seen that in a long time. That is a really good one. I'm so glad you brought that one up and I think it sounds like it also brings up memories of when you were younger and watching it with your father.

00:09:01

Bijou

Exactly. Exactly. 

Rechelle

Yeah. That’s really sweet.

Bijou

And that love story of two teenager, and I met my husband when a teenager and yeah.

Rechelle

That's so sweet. Name a woman that inspires you. 

Bijou

Yeah, Rechelle, I remember one time, I don't know, you posted something on your Instagram, and it was that question, and I said my grandmother, her name was Lydia. 

Rechelle

Yes. Yeah, Lydia. Yes. Yeah. Alright, why does your grandmother inspire you? Lydia. 

Bijou

Uh that woman, she had such a presence, and I would say she was just the embodiment of the proverbs 31 woman: very wise um virtuous woman and the prayerful woman. Every time I spoke to her, I came out with a word of wisdom from her. So, and then you know, that's how I even decided to name my daughter after her -- Lydia. I only have one daughter; I have four boys and one girl, and I decided to name her after my grandmother because of the connection that I personally had with her. She was like my best friend and when I lost her, it was really hard for me, but God blessed me with my daughter, and I decided to name her Lydia just like her.

Rechelle

Gosh, that's so beautiful to keep that legacy going and I'm sure when you see your daughter, you’re thinking of her and that connection? That is really beautiful. Okay, so this next question. A piece of wisdom you keep handy. Maybe it's something Lydia your grandmother shared with you or not. What's a piece of wisdom you keep handy? 

Bijou

She always told me, um, do everything with a good heart and expect nothing in return. And there is the scripture I think it’s Ecclesiastes 11:1 that she always mentioned. Uh, do not expect anything. Do not expect anything to give you back from whatever you do for them because you don't know where your blessing will actually come from. And you know, expectation always leads to disappointment, and I hate to disappoint myself. I don't like to disappoint myself. So, I don't expect anything and whatever right to, to uh, to do to people around me, I just do it with a good heart. And uh, and there's something that I always tell my kids, sometimes they ask me about my food. They're like, mom, what do you put in your food? They say I cook it with love. I put all my heart in everything I do. And I mean that's really, um, a piece of wisdom that's always, you know, I kept in my heart, and it really ties to my grandmother, and I just take it as a way of living.

Rechelle

Well because if we're giving something that really should be the act itself is exactly not expecting something acknowledgement or something in return. The focus should be on us giving the gift, whatever that might be. 

Bijou

You know, I'm gonna tell you this one time, like you said, when we give, we give it from our heart, I saw a program of this woman she runs a nonprofit on Facebook on Instagram; so sometimes she does like a call for action and occasionally when I can give her something. And she used to acknowledge me on her stories. And one time I told her, please don't do that when I give, I'm not giving for you to acknowledge me on your page, you can acknowledge for anything else, but that's between me and my God -- it's not something I want people to know publicly that I gave to this charity. I supported your charity. It just not the way I work. 

Rechelle

Well, that was really lovely of you to kindly gently let her know I'm not doing it for the acknowledgement I really want just to give out of my heart, and please don't you know, publicly acknowledge me because then people might think that that that's the focus when it's not at all.

00:13:56

Bijou

Exactly  

Rechelle

All right. So here we go to the deep dive, this is your passion. Now, I know that you have two passions. I want to get to both of them. So, I started following you. I'm not a foodie like you are now I love good food don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong. You love to cook and let me tell you listener these pictures of her food should be hanging in a museum. I've never seen anything like this. So artful. So, I mean the design, sometimes the cemetery, the colors, the textures, it's all there in every picture. And one time I remember I think you put this on stories where you show that it it really takes a lot of pictures for you to pick the one. And of course, I'm thinking oh my gosh snaps a picture and here it is. 00:14:58 I'm not realizing that no, behind the scenes you take a lot of pictures you get that one that you really really like. So, you know walk us through how you got interested in cooking. Um let's start there and then I'll go ahead and say that. And I want to be gosh I want to be sure I'm saying this right viungo. Oh, so close. Yes that’s V. I. U. N. G. O. And that means spice or seasoning in Swahili. So, Swahili is the language you grew up speaking I'm guessing?

Bijou

Not really. It's I think I'll say to my second language growing up.

Rechelle

Because I know there's four languages -- I forgot to ask about that! 

00:16:01

Bijou

I grew up speaking French. I grew up speaking French and in Congo when you live in the capital which is Kinshasa mainly people speak, you speak two languages there: French and Lingala, Lingala which is like a common language for everybody who lives in the capital. But then everybody will live in the capital came from another states. And in their states, they have their own languages in their province, they have their own languages. So, Swahili is the languages spoken in my province, which is the eastern Congo. So, if all the eastern Congo people speak Swahili. So, my parents spoke Swahili and that's how I learned Swahili from them. And uh, so I grew up speaking French and Lingala from the capital and now English yes.

00:17:03

Rechelle

You speak four languages. . . Oh my God wondering, Okay, because not too long ago you switch the name of your Instagram account from, I think mama's blessed kitchen or something to Viungo?

Bijou

Yeah, viungo means seasoning

Rechelle

Okay, viungo seasoning. Okay, so okay, so now tell us how you ever started, you know being interested in cooking, learning about cooking. How did that happen? Or has it always been that way since a little girl?

Bijou

That's what I wanted to say. I grew up, my, my grandmother was a great cook. My mom is I think maybe 10 times better than what I do. So, I grew up in that environment. I grew up in that environment and it kind of built my character and my taste.  So you asked me a question about switching the name of my page? It was because at some point, I will be sharing when I will share my recipe on my page, I don't necessarily share my recipe, I just took pictures. But sometimes on my phone I have an app called WhatsApp. Have you ever heard about it? So, I use WhatsApp. Sometimes I share my pictures on money on WhatsApp. And I noticed that a lot of my friends will ask me for the recipe and when I give them my recipe, sometimes they are not able to reproduce exactly what I did. Or when I have guests in my house and they eat, they asked me for recipe. I'll give them the recipe, but they are not able to produce exactly what I did. And then I was like, you know what, why not doing my own spices that way. If someone asked me for a recipe, I can tell them exactly what to use to have the same taste.

00:19:13

So, I started making my own recipe and the story behind uh, the, the viungo thing, it's just um, I think you're going to talk about it maybe at some point I have the nonprofit, a nonprofit that helps women and children in Congo. And I wanted to bring up something. Um, that will help me to talk in a positive way about my country because I didn't want for my case to always hear about the negative things are happening in my country. So that's how I started making my spice. So, when I have events, I can have them taste food and talk about the taste for food in Congo. And so, they can discover the beauty of my country and discover the other side besides only learning about what's not working, what's going on. So that's how I started making those the spices and that and cut in connection with also helping my friend has made beautiful food and the recipe. So that's kind of background story. And that's how when I started making them, I decided to change the name of the page. 

Rechelle

Well that is just so moving because you're taking the spices from your country from Congo and you're, you know, mixing them together and you're actually packaging and selling them now. So, people really can replicate your recipes and exactly taking some of that and you're pouring it back into your country. 

And that's what I want to see to just try this name. Moseka Action Project?

Bijou

You’re right, Moseka Action Project.  

Rechelle

So that's your other passion. That's your nonprofit.

Bijou

Exactly. 

Rechelle

Okay. So, tell us about that. 

Bijou

Well, like I said, I was born and raised in Congo. I left my country, um in 2003.  And uh, and that right after I finished college, I went to the, in the eastern part of my country and there was war over there. Women were raped like every single day. About 200,000 women have been raped. And when I'm talking about rape, it's not like an action of men trying to find pleasure and no, it was like the body of women were used as a weapon. Rape was used as a weapon of war. So, I started volunteering at a hospital that my uncle leads in the eastern Congo. It's called Panzi Hospital. And my uncle worked so hard to help those women in the eastern Congo that he even got economic peace prize in 2018. Yes Dr. Denis Mukwege. So, after volunteering there and I moved to France and then I moved to America.

I always had that in my heart that I wanted to do something more to have those remain because what happened afterwards, some women found themselves pregnant and they have kids and those kids that didn't ask to be there, they didn't ask to be born, but they just, you know, finding themselves in a situation, they have no one to care for them. They can't go to school and I as a mother, I have five kids. I'm working hard to have my kids to achieve their dream and goal to be good man for the good citizen for this country. So, I just imagine how beautiful it could be for me to help those kids born out of rape to have education and at the same time help their mother to become independent to empower them through business literacy and small activities. So that's how I started Moseka.

Rechelle

Wow okay, so you're giving back to those women and the children.

00:23:26

Bijou

Exactly. 

Rechelle

And is that through like clothing, shelter, microloans, health care, I mean how is there or is there a particular area that you're targeting? 

Bijou

Oh God… (laughing)

Rechelle

You’re telling us four areas start again with the first area. 

Bijou

So, the first one is um a Dream Come True which is focused on education. So, we provide education for the kids, we send them to school, we have them with after school program and we give them some lunch, we just want to give them the opportunity to feel like there are normal kids, they didn't do anything wrong, it's not their fault. So, you know, Rechelle, I always say that if I can even get one child from those kids to become a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher or someone in his life, I will say Lord, I have done what you asked me. Maybe Marceca was created just for that one particular person or one particular child. 

So that's the way I see it. So, with the Dream Come True program, we provide education for the kids. Uh we have a family empowerment program which is focusing on empowering women. So the models of the child, we walked with them through the entire year with business literacy and at the end of the business literacy, we give them like micro loan to start a small business but they can they take the microloans it's only once when they get into the program because we are already working with the child and our goal is to have them to take ownership of their life and to move on. They can't stay in the state of feeling victimized the entire life. We want to have them, it's not like a handout but we are hand up so we have them to become to feel like you know I can participate in my community and that's what's happening because when those women start participating in the community, they found the value and space in the community.

Yes, so that's what we're doing and the third one is called club for Panzi with clothes for Panzi was a year we connect clothes here, you know I usually do it with my kids, when they have birthday. Um we talked about it the as the parents we offer them whatever they want as a gift but then we asked them to ask their friends to bring gift that we can send to the kids in the Congo. Because I came to realize that they don't really need the kids for a gift from friends. You know usually parents spent $20/$30 dollars to buy gifts for you know the kids, but they can play with just one day or two days and then the next day it’s in the trash and I realized you know, but this money can be used to help another child, why not? And I made them understand that now. They are always excited when their birthday is coming.  They ask what are we doing? Sometimes we do some screen, we collect some screen for people with Albany Zoo in Congo. Sometimes we collect clothes that we send to Pansy hospital for the babies and their mothers, and my kids love to do it especially when they see the expression on the kids on the other side when they received the clothes, they feel like they have accomplished something. To me I think it's also a way to teach them compassion. They are learning how to have compassion for others. And the 4th one is our community development program where we participate in activities that are about helping people with disability. It's also faithfully and wonderfully made. We help people with disability. We help people with albinism with scholarship and any other activity that they can maybe be interested in.  So those are the four things that we do. 

Rechelle

Wow! You are one busy woman. You've created, you created this nonprofit, you've also got the viungo seasoning spices, spices that you sell, plus you're cooking up a storm for a family of seven. I'm trying to figure out how; I'm marveling at how all the many balls that you have in the air and, and that you are just an incredible example for your Children. And that's not why you're doing it, but you are setting this example. You're like you said a hand up not a handout. That is really just so well said. I love too how you've woven all of those things together. 

Bijou

Exactly. They are all connected. 

Rechelle

All connected. All, every part of your life is connected to another part. And even though you don't live in the Congo, you are really active and wanting to, you know, give back to particularly the women and the Children there and that is a very vulnerable population and clearly very much needed. Yes. Well, so you've adjusted to living in the States, you've been here a while now and um recently made a move and are the kids, they're kind of getting adjusted to their new surroundings and all?

Bijou

Yes. And I mean, it's a blessing to have five kids. I realize that now, you know with the Covid situation, you, you may have heard about kids getting depressed because they can’t see their friends and all that. And uh, it was hard, and I must say that I have realized how blessed I am during the covid situation, the pandemic, and now they're moving because honestly my kids are really friends among themselves, they played together, they spend time together. 00:30:00

And uh so they didn't really feel that lack of not seeing people around them. So, they are really adjusting. But they can't wait to go back to school. They really can't wait. 

Rechelle

Well yeah, that's you know, that's a sense of normalcy for them and all of that. 

Bijou

We can't wait for that. 

Rechelle

Right? Yes. Yes. Okay. So, do you post seven days a week or do you do you have a set schedule? 

Bijou

Uh Usually for my page I usually post maybe three times a week. But with the moving and everything things got shuffled and I've been posting maybe twice a week or once a week depending. And so, I get all my extensive because I'm in a small apartment and like I just have what is needed for this season. So, I am not getting myself, you know overwhelmed with all you know the fancy thing that I usually do.

00:31:05

Rechelle

Um Yeah, I know that you have this picture. I think they were all cheering each other with tacos. 

Bijou

Yes. Yes. Yes. So cute. How do you come up with your ideas? I mean do you take pictures of what you're already going to cook, or do you know what you want to take pictures of?

Bijou

You know, I don't, you know with the pandemic situation, my husband you know and everybody working from home, it was funny because my husband usually uh we just come out of his office and ate his lunch and then like he was really having fun. And now he's really hating going back to office. He is really hating going back to office. I don't really plan in advance what I'm going to cook. It's just like I opened my fridge and I start having ideas or in the midst of cooking, I started having ideas or sometimes after cooking, like the presentation comes after cooking like I can do this.

00:32:12

Rechelle

Yes. They really are so truly very artistic. Is your art or your creativity? Is it elsewhere in your life? I mean do you paint or draw or?

Bijou

I don't paint, I don't draw. But I am really into house decor and um fashion. Okay, so those three, those three areas I'm like cooking, house décor, and fashion? And that's why even for my page, my page at the beginning, I didn't know what to do. I was like, and I don't want to confuse people, and I was like, do I do fashion? Do I do house decor? I'm like, okay, I don't want to put my house out there and then fashion, I'm like, oh no, I don't want to put my personal life, you know, so I'm like, ok, food, nobody will look at my face on the food. So that's how I decided to go for food. 00:33:15 And occasionally I can make me posted my story, my picture and uh yes.

Rechelle

That's wonderful. Is there anything I missed? I'll be sure and have all your contact. And so, do you have an Instagram account for Moseka? 

Bijou

Oh yes, yeah, it's Moseka Action Project. 

Rechelle

Okay. I'll be sure to have all your influence there so everybody knows how to get in touch with you. Uh, this lady is absolutely just a golden, just a golden, wonderful woman. I'm so, I feel very blessed and very privileged to have connected with you through Instagram and then now in real life. It was worth the wait. You are a giving gracious, classy, elegant, beautiful woman.

Bijou

Thank you.

00:34:19

Rechelle

I'm so grateful and I look forward to whatever other good things you're going to put out there and I really want to support your efforts now that I actually understand better what you're doing. So, I want to be sure and be supportive.

Bijou

Thank you so much. I appreciate it, Rechelle.

Rechelle

When I found out your name was Bijou, I was like, oh that is such a great name. 

Bijou

You know what it means? 

Rechelle

No!

Bijou

Oh, it means jewel.

Rechelle

I was debating whether to call you golden or a diamond. Yeah, you are a jewel. I love saying it -- Bijou. It's such a wonderful thing to say, great name. Well, thank you for spending this time with me. I'm looking forward to putting this together and getting it out into the world. 

Bijou

Thank you so much for having me, Rechelle. 

Rechelle

We'll be in touch soon. Thank you, alrighty, goodbye.

Outro Music

I found the weaving of all the things that matter most to Bijou exhilarating. 00:35:31

She's taken every part of her life and created a beautiful tapestry of serving, compassion and using her gifts for the greater good of others. Her heart for the women and Children of Congo has been put into action. Bijou knows that love does, so she loves and she does. Let's be more like that. The Unabashed You website has a guest page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement -- we invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review, and share. Still waiting on west Virginia and Rhode Island to discover us our social media accounts Instagram and Facebook Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected] For questions, comments etcetera. And if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout. I'd be happy to add you, your info will not be shared.

00:36:38

We do build upon website visits, social media, and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are so grateful for growth. Knowing these conversations, help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way, so continue to listen, read, and be inspired. Our blessing for this week: The thankful heart will find in every hour some heavenly blessings, and that is by Henry Ward Beecher. Amen to that. Follow your heart, go be unabashed, be you.