Uncommon: The DadWork Podcast

You can love your family, work your ass off for them, and still come home to a wife who feels alone.

Daniel Grose learned that the hard way.

He was determined to become everything his fathers weren’t. But one night, standing beside his wife as she cried over the dishes, he realized he’d arrived at a familiar place by a different road.

Love and effort weren’t enough.
He needed skills.

Trying not to become your dad can still leave fear running your life.

Your wife needs to be able to tell you what hurts without having to take care of your reaction.

Your past doesn’t revoke your place as a son of God.

The money stories you inherited don’t have to become the ones you hand your children.

And faith requires more than saying you believe.

Gabriel Mira spent 254 days in the hospital alongside his wife through her heart-transplant journey. His invitation is direct: stop waiting to walk in what God has already given you.

Steph Allen learned how deeply a family’s beliefs about money can shape a man’s choices—and how costly those unexamined beliefs become.

And I’m being asked to release things I’ve spent six years building.

Forge.
Order of Kings.
Jedi Father Training.

Patriarch is becoming the way forward.

Listen to the very end for that.

We forge the chains we wear.
Then we hand them to our children.

Or we don’t.

Patriarch Highlights, Part 2.
Daniel Grose. Gabriel Mira. Steph Allen.
Uncommon — The Dadwork Podcast, Episode 85.

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// Raise them up in the way.
x Rob

Most of us want a better world for our kids.

Better health.
Better marriages.
A stronger relationship with God.
More confidence.
More resilience.
More opportunity.

But eventually we have to confront the harder question:

What are they inheriting from us?

Because the patterns we refuse to confront don’t disappear.

We hand them down.

This week, I’m bringing you some of the moments that hit me hardest from the PATRIARCH Summit.

Ryan Michler on masculinity—and why strength, aggression and our capacity for violence aren’t inherently toxic. What matters is what a good man learns to do with them.

Pat Barber on raising antifragile kids—preparing your children for the road instead of spending your life trying to prepare the road for them.

Nate Feathers on the Words of the Father—and what happened when he watched his little girl begin to embody the words he had been speaking over her since she was a baby.

And I close with part of my own talk on The Miserable Marriage Myth—the stories we inherited about marriage, sex, intimacy and what supposedly happens after the kids arrive.

Because these are all connected.

The man you become creates the environment your children grow up inside.

Your marriage tells them a story.

Your words tell them a story.

Your strength tells them a story.

Your faith tells them a story.

The things you heal—and the things you refuse to—tell them a story.

Your kids will inherit what you refuse to change.

So go first.

PATRIARCH RETREAT // KIVA// OCTOBER 9–12

Four days in Oregon, Illinois.

We’re not gathering to sit around and talk about becoming better men.

We’re going to practice it.

Intensity. Presence. Brotherhood. Marriage. Fatherhood. Faith. Leadership.

Get out of the noise. Train the man. Go home different.

KIVA isn’t an escape from your responsibilities. It’s a return to them.

For the next 7 days, use code PATRIARCH for 50% OFF — $500.

PATRIARCH RETREAT // KIVA

THE COMPLETE PATRIARCH SUMMIT

Want the full conversations?

All three days. All nine men. The complete teachings, practices, homework and conversations are now available inside PATRIARCH.

VIP // $47 — lifetime access.

PATRIARCH // VIP

SUPPORT THE SHOW // BECOME A PRODUCER

I make these conversations independently.

No paywall. No requirement to contribute.

If this work serves you and you want to help me keep producing it, throw $5 in the jar and become a Producer of the show.

Venmo // @robertbilljr

Your support helps keep these conversations alive and gets you recognized in the Producer Credits.

If you can’t contribute financially, share this episode with one man who needs it.

That’s value too.

// Do the work so they won’t have to.

x Rob

You already have what you need.

More information isn’t going to save your marriage.

Another book isn’t going to lead your family.

Another sermon isn’t going to disciple your children.

Another prayer for courage isn’t going to matter if you refuse the opportunity to be courageous.

Faith has hands and feet.

The way you lead. The way you love your wife. The way you raise your children. The risks you take. The truth you speak. The things you obey even when you look like a fool.

You have been given something to do with what you believe.

Gabriel Mira calls men back to their God-given identity, power and authority—and the responsibility to actually walk in it.

Stop waiting beside the pool.

Pick up your mat and walk.

Gabe is bringing WEAR THE RING // The Power Within You. The Authority Upon You. to PATRIARCH Saturday.

PATRIARCH // September 11–13

9 men.
3 days.
1 mission.

Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

Final day to enter.

ENTER PATRIARCH

Most men know how to push.

Work harder. Train harder. Provide more. Endure more.

But strength without sensitivity is a blunt instrument.

Can you be still when stillness is required?

Can you open your heart when everything in you wants to close it?

Can you look another man in the eyes and tell him the truth?

Can you have the conversation you've been avoiding?

And when the moment demands everything you've got—

can you access the animal too?

Mike Salemi calls this ZEN SAVAGE.

The capacity to be grounded, still, present and heart-open while retaining access to your savagery—and developing the sensitivity to know what the moment actually requires of you. That's how Mike describes the integration: expand your range at both ends, then learn to meet the moment appropriately.

And sometimes growth doesn't require becoming 100% more powerful.

Sometimes it's holding eye contact.

Speaking the truth.

Entering the difficult conversation.

Refusing to remain passive.

Sometimes it's bringing 1% more of yourself into the moment.

Mike is bringing ZEN SAVAGE // The Art of Invoking Aliveness to PATRIARCH Sunday.

And you won't simply hear about it.

You'll practice it.

PATRIARCH // September 11–13

9 men.
3 days.
1 mission.

Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

General Admission // $17
VIP // $47 + lifetime recordings & giveaways

ENTER PATRIARCH while you still can

Fatherhood will expose you.

Your patience. Your emotional capacity. Your coping mechanisms. The places you've grown—and the places you absolutely fucking haven't.

Pat Barber doesn't believe the goal is becoming a father who never cracks under pressure.

The goal is becoming a man who grows through it.

In this PATRIARCH MicroDose, Pat and I talk about the difference between resilience and antifragility, expanding our capacity for stress, what to do when we inevitably screw up, why fathers need other men, and raising children by becoming someone worth following. Pat describes antifragility as going beyond merely returning to baseline after difficulty: allowing the difficulty to change you for the better.

Pat is bringing ANTIFRAGILE FATHERHOOD to PATRIARCH this Friday.

PATRIARCH // September 11–13

9 men. 3 days. 1 mission:

Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

General Admission // $17
VIP // $47 + lifetime recordings & giveaways

ENTER PATRIARCH

There is a way a man's life can fall apart without anything catastrophic ever happening.

No explosion. No single decision that destroys everything.

He just drifts.

Work. Bills. Kids. Logistics with his wife. Keep the house running. Maybe get a workout in.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Then one day his wife feels more like a business partner than his lover. His kids are older. His body is failing him.

And somehow he wasn't really there for any of it.

Larry Hagner calls this the drift.

Larry is the founder of The Dad Edge, husband of 23 years and father of four boys. Two are now grown. He just dropped one off at college.

So I asked him:

What do you know now that fathers with young children desperately need to understand?

We talk about how impossibly fast fatherhood goes, why kids spell love T-I-M-E, and how Larry raised his older sons so intentionally that he could watch one leave home without being consumed by regret.

Then we go directly into marriage.

Larry believes one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is letting them watch you love their mother well.

Choose her. Date her. Know her. Touch her.

We get practical: helping your wife feel seen, heard and safe; why fixing can create disconnection; cognitive load; invisible labor; appreciation; and masculine leadership without control.

And Larry leaves us with one warning:

Disrupt the drift.

Nobody is coming to save your marriage.

Nobody is coming to build the relationship with your children.

Nobody is coming to build your body, deepen your faith or create the life you want.

We go first.

If you're listening before September 11–13:

PATRIARCH begins Friday.

9 men. 3 days. 1 mission:
Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

Self. Marriage. Fatherhood. Money. Leadership. Faith.

This is your last chance to get in the room.

JOIN PATRIARCH NOW

The Dad Edge on Instagram

Questions for the Car — 75 questions for deeper conversations with your children.

25 Questions — conversation starters for you and your wife.

The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood — Larry's newest book.

Dad Edge / Arizona Cardinals Dad & Kid Day — November 15 — Details shared in the episode.

This podcast is independently produced.

If these conversations help you become a better man, husband or father, help me keep making them.

Send $5 on Venmo: @robertbilljr

Top supporters receive official Producer Credits on future episodes.

// Disrupt the drift.

x Rob

You worked your ass off to provide for your family.

You built the career. Paid the mortgage. Put food on the table. Took care of shit.

And somewhere along the way, you stopped pursuing your wife.

That’s exactly what happened to Daniel Grose.

He went from pursuing Rachel relentlessly before they were married to working 60-hour weeks trying to build their future—while leaving her responsible for pursuing the emotional connection in their marriage.

Providing was never supposed to stop at the paycheck.

Your family needs you to provide and protect physically, yes.

But also mentally.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.

Your wife shouldn't have to drag you toward connection.

Your children shouldn't have to monitor Dad's emotional temperature before deciding whether it's safe to approach him.

And your kids shouldn't have to leave your home before somebody finally teaches them who they are and what they're capable of.

That's the work.

Daniel is joining me and eight other men for PATRIARCH // September 11–13 — three days devoted to reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

General Admission // $17
VIP + lifetime recordings // $47

JOIN PATRIARCH NOW

VALUE FOR VALUE

No sponsors. No paid promotions.

If this episode moved you, send $5 on Venmo @robertbilljr. Every contribution helps keep these conversations alive. Top supporters receive official Producer Credits on future episodes.

// Pursue her

x Rob

“Comfort is an incubator for compromise.”

Dale Lee dropped that line during the Morning Watch this morning, and I immediately wrote it down.

Because there is something you know you're being called to do.

A conversation you need to have. A boundary you need to hold. Something you need to say no to so you can say yes to what matters. Something God keeps putting in front of you that would require you to step forward in a way that feels uncomfortable.

And maybe you keep waiting.

Comfort is an incubator for compromise.

We tend to think the compromise is ours alone. The food we eat. The porn we watch. The conversation we avoid. The standard we lower. The thing we know we're supposed to do but don't.

But nothing stays contained inside of us.

It radiates outward.

Your wife lives downstream from the man you are becoming. So do your children. So do the people you lead.

Our great failure as men isn't always aggression or domination.

Sometimes it's much quieter.

Passivity.

Standing there. Knowing. Seeing. Feeling the call to act.

And doing nothing because obedience would cost us our comfort.

Breathe. Pray. Open the sails.

Ask God for everything you need to walk forward as an instrument of His purpose rather than your own. That movement—from passivity toward faithful action—became the heart of this morning’s Work.

PATRIARCH // SEPTEMBER 11–13

9 men. 3 days. 1 mission.

Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

General Admission // $17
VIP // $47 — lifetime recordings + Q&As + giveaways

JOIN THE MOVEMENT

BECOME A PRODUCER

This is offered freely. If it serves you and you'd like to help me continue producing these sessions:

Venmo // @robertbilljr

No obligation. If you can't contribute, do the work and pass it on.

// Godspeed
x Rob

You can deeply love your wife and still build a wall against her.

Sometimes nothing is particularly wrong. Life gets heavy, an old wound gets activated, the nervous system reaches for what’s familiar—and suddenly there’s hardness. Armor. Distance. Me versus you.

We don’t enter marriage empty-handed. We bring wounds, protective patterns and old ways of relating. And when pressure rises, familiarity can feel safer than health.

The work isn't becoming a man who never hardens.

It's becoming a man who notices the wall—and refuses to lay another brick.

Notice it. Regulate. Pray. Go first.

Acknowledge the wall. Own what’s yours. Offer warmth instead of withholding it. Serve instead of keeping score. Bring your strength back to your wife.

Then we breathe. We pray. We come back to center—and practice becoming the man capable of staying there when it matters.

PATRIARCH // SEPTEMBER 11–13, 2026

9 men. 3 days. 1 mission.

Reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership.

JOIN THE MOVEMENT

BECOME A PRODUCER

This is offered freely. If it serves you and you'd like to help me keep producing these sessions, you can contribute via Venmo:

@robertbilljr

No obligation. If you can't contribute, do the work and pass it on.

// Godspeed
x Rob

What if the coming “disclosure” isn’t really about aliens?

What if what we’re watching emerge is something much older — dressed in technological language for a modern world?

Paul Bock is a retired Green Beret, husband, father, and author of The Disclosure Agenda. After years spent investigating the UAP/NHI phenomenon, Paul came to believe that what is often presented as extraterrestrial contact may be inseparable from an ancient spiritual battle over truth, worship, deception, and ultimately, who we believe God is.

And this conversation goes deep.

We get into UAP disclosure, non-human intelligence, remote viewing, CE5 and contact practices, channeling, psychedelics, New Age spirituality, ancient gods, the occult, spiritual warfare, and the strange religious framework beginning to form around the phenomenon.

Paul's argument isn't simply, “aliens are demons.”

It's that something resembling a new religion is taking shape — complete with its own messengers, revelation, spiritual practices, cosmology, and promises about humanity's future.

And that raises a much more important question:

What if the greatest deception isn't convincing us that something exists — but convincing us to worship, follow, or surrender ourselves to the wrong thing?

This one also gets personal.

I spent years wandering outside Christianity myself — through yoga, esoteric spirituality, oracle work, channeling and experiences that felt very real and, at times, very good. Paul and I talk about why “it felt good” isn't necessarily a reliable test of whether something is good, and why discernment becomes increasingly important in a culture hungry for spiritual experience.

But for all the talk about aliens, Satan and disclosure, we ultimately bring this conversation back where it belongs:

What does any of this require of us as men?

Lead your family.

Know Scripture.

Pray with your wife and children.

Serve them.

Develop discernment.

And become the kind of man capable of standing firm when the world around you becomes increasingly difficult to understand.

Because whatever comes next, our families need men who know Who they belong to.

1 – The Bible 😆
Seriously. Read it.

I'd start with Genesis, the Gospels, Ephesians 6, and 1 John 4:1–6.

2 – Paul Bock — The Disclosure Agenda

This conversation is part of the larger work we're doing through PATRIARCH: reviving fatherhood, family & moral leadership by strengthening men across the fronts of self, marriage, fathering, finances, leadership and faith.

9 men.
3 days.
1 mission.

If you're on fire for your family and want to become better equipped to lead them through the world ahead:

PATRIARCH // September 11–13, 2026

This is value-for-value.

If this conversation gave you something useful, you can help keep the work going with your time, talent or treasure.

Send $5+ via Venmo to @robertbilljr and I'll add your name as a Producer of the show — a legitimate production credit you can add to IMDb or LinkedIn.

If you can't contribute financially, share the episode with one man who needs to hear it. That's value too.

// Godspeed

x Rob