Uncommon: The DadWork Podcast

I get this question all the time, and I always answer it the same way. (And apologies for my audio on this one. I've fixed it.)

What’s the number one piece of advice you’d give to men and dads?

Two words: SLOW DOWN
It’s as simple as that. And remember BE BORED.

After all, you’re not a human-doing. You’re a human being.

I’m a PRACTITIONER of this work, and even I caught myself the other day — I noticed a flower in our yard FOR THE FIRST TIME that has been there since we moved here…almost SIX YEARS AGO.

If we don’t learn how to slow down, it’s not just flowers that we miss out on.

It’s the little smirk your son gives you when he knows that dad is watching him play, it’s the little wobbly steps that your daughter takes as she learns how to walk, it’s your wife’s posture that tells you that how she’s feeling doesn’t have to do with you.

When we intentionally slow down and practice boredom each day, it gives us access to a depth in life that we miss out on when we’re rushing from one thing to the next, checking our messages, and swiping on IG.

In this episode with Mike Salemi (@mike.salemi) , we explore the importance of boredom and the creativity, connection, and play that we can access through it. We dive into our emotional triggers, how their roots can so often be in the distant past, and how we can better repair and reconnect with our loved ones after overreactions, disagreements, and dropping the ball.

(00:01:58) The Beauty of Embracing Stillness

(00:11:27) Embracing Stillness for Creative Insights

(00:19:13) Nature's Reflection: Profound Insights through Observation

(00:23:46) Embodiment for Authentic Self-awareness in Relationships

(00:26:30) Reprogramming Emotional Responses Through Physical Practices

(00:33:53) Navigating Adult Relationships Through Childhood Experiences

(00:40:11) Parental Triggers: Impact on Adult Relationships

(00:48:26) "Strengthening Relationships Through Joyful Practice"

(00:51:35) Embracing Tough Moments in Fatherhood

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We’re just not built for it.

No, I’m not talking about Fatherhood. We ARE built for that.

What we AREN’T built for is the running, ranting, raving, ludicrous speed, hyper-stimulating, and BUSY world that we live in.

In just a few minutes, we can see more environments and have more sexual partners than our ancestors would in an entire lifetime.

…and as technology advances to make our lives easier, we become more and more overweight, out of shape, anxious, depressed, more miserable in our work, more disconnected from our wives, and more distracted and reactive with our kids.

It’s not working.

Having a “practice” is no longer the luxury for the rich, powerful, and weird-hippie few,

it’s a necessity to survive and thrive in the modern world. We have to TRAIN to have a chance in this modern world.

And more than that, it’s the very thing that will enable our kids and future generations to not only survive, but to thrive as well.

In this chat with Tim Matz (@move_like_human) , we discuss the challenges of the modern world, the pit-falls of technology, and the impact that it has on our health and our kids.
We explore the difference between what’s normal, what’s natural, and how to reclaim your birthright to move, live, and love as a human
so that we can show up as the legendary men, husbands, and fathers that our family needs and deserves from us.

(00:02:24) Rising Mental Health Issues Due to Technology

(00:11:10) Rise of Teenage Depression in Digital Era

(00:15:16) Holistic Training for Resilient Modern Individuals

(00:19:00) Cultivating Well-being Amidst Technological Advances

(00:21:46) Embracing self-care for personal growth and support

(00:35:01) Detrimental Effects of Excessive Screen Time

(00:40:52) Active Play Enhances Child Development and Well-being

(00:52:15) Fostering Authentic Connections for Community Support

(00:54:20) Cultivating Genuine Connections for Community Building

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Who are you really?

What do you really want as a husband? As a father? As a man?

Too many men are living someone else’s story, and they’re doing it without KNOWING that they’re doing it.

They’re climbing the corporate ladder for the title and the money, buying the sexy car that their co-workers have, training their asses off for the six-pack, or skipping out on their son’s soccer game b/c they have that “important” thing at work.
…and some of them — when they get a ways up that ladder — just might wake up and realize that the ladder they’re on is against the wrong wall.
At least, that’s what happened for me.
The rest of them will have that moment when they’re on their deathbed.
If we want to show up as powerful and loving fathers who have deep connections, who live on the edge of play and excitement, and make forever memories that your kids will tell THEIR kids then it falls on us to answer that question, to have the courage to find our hearts, to reclaim our manhood, and to be the change that we want to see and create in the world.
If we can do that, we might just give our kids the most valuable legacy of all — our empowered example.
In this chat with Traver Boehm (@TraverBoehm of @uncivilized_official) we dive in to all of this and more, exploring the biggest challenges that men face, what the problems are that lead to those, as well as the path to free ourselves and our families once and for all.

Forget civilization. It's time to become Uncivilized.

(00:02:06) Raw, Real, and Relational Lifestyle Movement

(00:07:23) Embracing a Genuine and Purposeful Existence

(00:23:42) Embracing Vulnerability: Men's Personal Growth Journey

(00:23:42) Celebrating Vulnerability: Men's Community Connection Journey

(00:24:54) Men's Healing Journey: Embracing Vulnerability Together

(00:24:54) Addressing Root Causes to Combat Addiction

(00:29:21) Embracing Authentic Masculinity in Modern Society

(00:30:55) Embracing Authenticity Through Soulful Exploration

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Habits aren’t taught, they’re caught.

And at the end of they, our actions and embodied example are our true legacy as men and fathers.

The ways we think, the thins we say, and the things we do are what our kids will carry forward, act out, and pass on to their own kids and future generations.

In this chat with Nick Krantz (@neurofitnick), we explore the profound impact of fatherhood — witnessed firsthand by Nick during his time working in the juvenile jail system.

We delve into the immense power of example to our kids, and the simple yet often overlooked practices that can enable you to show up at 110% for yourself and your family.

We even touch on topics like TRT and self-care selfishness.

Enjoy this episode.

(00:01:47) Impact of Fatherhood on Children's Success

(00:01:47) Significance of Engaged Father Figures in Childhood

(00:01:47) Breaking Negative Behavior Cycles Through Parenting

(00:04:12) "Morning Routine for Family Bonding"

(00:12:37) Overcoming Health Challenges for Fatherhood Success

(00:14:22) Navigating Health Challenges While Parenting

(00:24:32) Modeling Emotional Regulation in Parenting

(00:28:09) Enhancing Well-being Through Daily Walking

(00:46:55) Empowering Individuals to Discover Inner Healing Abilities

(00:49:36) "Empowering Fathers to Become Impactful Leaders"

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I never knew that I needed it ↓↓↓

Dads are spending more time with their kids than EVER — the average dad spends 3 x more time caring for his kids than his grandfather did...

but, even AS we step into the realm of nurturing, presence, and play with our family, we are seriously underprepared.

Most of us haven’t grown up with deeply nurturing father figures and have no example for how we are to show up in this new way for our families.

I was blessed to accidentally find a fatherhood mentor who helped to view fatherhood in a NEW way, and filled me in on everything I needed to know that no one bothered to share with me.

And man, was I blessed to have him. But too many men are figuring it out alone, and you don’t HAVE to go it alone.

As a world, we need new role models and new training for this new era. In this Uncommon episode, Dan Doty ( @fatherhoodunlocked ) unpacks the importance of our new role as fathers, the challenges that we face, and the path for us to get there.

Don't believe the stories: we CAN protect, provide, AND be present, playful, and loving fathers at the same time.

Enjoy this episode of Uncommon.

(00:07:06) Evolution of Modern Fatherhood: Comprehensive Preparation Program

(00:10:21) Modern Fatherhood: Adapting Masculinity for Parenting

(00:12:28) Navigating the Phases of Modern Masculinity

(00:24:41) Embracing Genuine Connections Through Quality Time

(00:25:37) Fatherhood Ready: Embracing the Significant Initiation

(00:31:54) Struggles of Fathers Balancing Work and Family

(00:41:05) Embracing Masculine Self-Love Through Acceptance

(00:46:44) Transitioning into Fatherhood with Fatherhood Ready

(00:47:32) Empowering Expectant Dads: A Preparation Program

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I don’t think that most people really understand.

If we want the world to change,
that responsibility is on us.

We can sit back and complain about the youngest generation and all the problems in the world like old men, throwing our hands up in the air

or we can embody the changes that we want to see in the world.

In my own lifetime, I went from playing outside all day all summer long to smart-phones and high-speed internet with more stimulation and more exposure to sex & p0rn than any of my ancestors could access in an entire lifetime.

I can’t imagine the world and challenges that my own children will face in their lifetimes — there’s nothing I can do about that

but I CAN prepare them for it.

In this episode with Dennis Morolda (@building.men) about how we can create a different life, a better life, than the one we were modeled as kids. We dug in to the opportunity we have to BUILD our children into resilient & confident adults from the moment their born, and how establishing and aligning ourselves to our values and healthy habits can change the lives of boys & men alike in unimaginable ways — even in rough schools that are perceived to be beyond help.

(00:02:07) Rites of Passage in Fatherhood Guidance

(00:04:35) Guiding Fathers to Cultivate Resilient Children

(00:11:27) Delaying Smartphone and Social Media Access

(00:21:23) Monitoring Children's Online Exposure to Porn

(00:30:40) Redefined Masculinity for Positive School Climate

(00:33:58) Character Development Workshops for Young Men

(00:37:26) "Building Connections through Shared Stories"

(00:42:13) Building Men Program Enhances School Communities

(00:45:32) Character Pillar Development for Young Men

(00:50:37) Cultivating Growth Mindset through Effort Acknowledgment

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You're either the guy who jumps at the opportunity to run, play, jump, climb, and roughhouse, or the guy who’s uncomfortable watching men — and kids — engage in such “aggressive” play?

Our culture has made rough physical play taboo, and it’s our relationships and our children that suffer for it.

It’s that very play that helps us as human animals to bond and create belonging, to develop empathy, and regulate stress in trying situations. It helps us to build confidence and resilience to stress.

A lack of play makes us overreactive in times of challenge, responding with too much force and too little tact, and makes us hesitant to pursue our woman — or anything really — out in the world.

The question for you right now is this: which group do you fall in to? Which experience are you having MORE? One of deep connection, empathy, & bonding or one of overreaction, hurt, and disagreement.

Chances are — if you’re like me — you fall into group B. I’ve been there too.

Luckily, the solution is far more simple than we’d like to admit, and begins with developing a relationship of and with play.

If you want to have more profound relationships in your life, with your kids, and with your wife — it’s time to relearn how to play.

In this episode of Uncommon, Rafe Kelley (@rafekelley) breaks it down for us as we explore just how important play, physicality, empathy, and attunement are for us as men, husbands, and fathers, and the simple ways we can begin to reconnect to it.

✊ Play Uncommon

(00:21:12) Transformation through Martial Arts and Parkour

(00:21:48) Transformative Practices for Emotional Resilience and Growth

(00:26:15) Harmony of Internal Self Components for Integration

(00:27:28) Integrated Human Experience through Physical Engagement

(00:28:09) Evolutionary Role of Play in Development

(00:32:37) Self-Awareness through Playful Movement Practices

(00:34:38) Urban Movement Exploration through Parkour

(00:41:38) The Autotelic Nature of Play

(00:50:51) Importance of Rough and Tumble Play

(00:50:51) The Role of Rough Play in Bonding

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I would take an inheritance of deep breath and powerful language over an inheritance of a billion dollars any day.

Why? Breath and language create the world that we live in, and more importantly, the world that your children will live in, AND the stories that they tell themselves about their worthiness and their place in that world.

It's the kind of superpower that will enable them to move from a life of victimhood and "this happened to me" into one of agency and response-ability.

And that's one hell of a legacy.

In this episode with Mark England (@enliftedcoaches) we talk about Amish kids playing soccer. Why? Because it's silent, there's no huffing and puffing, and they're deeply connected to their breath.

We dive deep into the power of language for creating your stories, your reality, and the world that your kids will live in, AND how to become a soft-talk samurai who can cut through the bull-sh!t, take action, have FUN, and show up as the man, husband, and father that your family deserves.
Enjoy this episode.

(00:10:19) Parental Impact on Children's Development Through Language

(00:15:21) Generational Impact of Breathwork

(00:21:45) The Power of Language in Mindset Transformation

(00:21:45) Empowering Mindset for Future Generations

(00:26:33) Empowerment Through Language Awareness and Adjustment

(00:33:24) "Unleashing Potential Through Mindset and Language"

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Only men can make a man.

In an age where we’re surrounded by our wives and kids, it’s increasingly necessary for for to step out of the home, to surround ourselves in brotherhood, and to go through the gauntlet of challenge and adversity together.

Without this, we never truly know whether we have what it takes. We never truly know what we’re capable of, and we can never truly experience our own potential.

And the man who doesn’t face his own limits, the one who doesn’t strive for his potential, is the man who limits the potential of his family.

This is how we get TRAPPED in status-quo ordinarily lives where things aren’t BAD, but if we take an honest look, there’s a LOT that we’re leaving on the table.

And this isn’t about us. It’s about the legacy of playing small that we hand down to our own kids, and to the generations that follow.

Jonathan Rios (@primalvirtues) is a man who is deeply immersed in the work. In this episode, we dive deep into the need for rites of passage, finding our edge, and how knowing who we are as men fosters more powerful relationships with our wives and kids.

(00:07:26) Transformational Men's Rites of Passage

(00:07:45) Men's Personal Growth Through Physical Challenges

(00:10:24) Redefining Masculine Mentorship in Modern Society

(00:23:18) Transformational Men's Rituals for Personal Growth

(00:31:31) Transformation through Formal Life Challenges

(00:47:39) Embracing Anxiety to Manage Panic Attacks

(00:48:00) Rewiring Nervous Responses for Anxiety Relief

(00:51:03) Embracing Discomfort to Manage Panic Attacks

(00:58:48) Healing Panic Disorder Through Nervous System Retraining

(01:09:24) "Transformative Power of Facing Challenges"

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It takes a real Uncommon Man to stand as the lighthouse for his family when the seas are rough and the storms are raging.

But that’s exactly what our wives and kids need from us.
And contrary to what culture might tell you, this doesn’t mean that boys and men can’t cry, or that you should suppress your emotions and just get the job done and fix the problem.

No, the Awakened & Uncommon Father is ready, willing, and able to FEEL his emotions, to honor them, and to move forward in his full power in full acceptance of their presence.
The man who is unable to do this is thrown by the waves of life, falling into coping behaviors, addictions, reactivity, husbanding and parenting like his OWN father, and is constantly thrown off center by the moods of his wife and the behavior of his kids.

But the Awakened & Uncommon man…

He is the lighthouse that can stand tall amidst any storm that life throws his way, lighting the way from the brightness and warmth of his heart.

In this chat w/ Jimmy DeFalco (@theawakenedfather) today where we explored how we can foster confidence, courage, and resilience in our kids (coming from an anecdote of Jimmy’s son taking a fastball to the face), the importance of doing the inner work, maintaining morning & evening routines, and much more.

Oh, and working out is a place to start, but it isn’t enough by itself.

Enjoy this episode, and share it with a man who needs to hear it.

(00:06:50) Emotional Regulation in Mindful Parenting

(00:16:10) Emotional Regulation's Impact on Fatherhood Success

(00:25:33) Trauma-Fueled Descent into Addiction and Recovery

(00:30:59) Transformation through Inner Healing and Belief Reframing

(00:34:15) Self-improvement through Men's Supportive Community

(00:36:20) Parental Emotional Regulation Impact on Children's Resilience

(00:36:20) Emotional Regulation: The Key to Fatherhood Leadership

(00:36:20) Emotional Regulation for Effective Parenting

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