Unconditioning Love

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Whitney was adopted at three and a half, along with three of her biological brothers, though only one stayed her brother; the other two became her cousins. She grew up in the truth (the two-by-twos), professed at nine, was baptized at fourteen, and left the day after high school ended, at nineteen, a decision that got her shunned by nearly everyone she'd ever known, all while she was falling into a relationship, getting pregnant, and marrying a man the church considered doubly off-limits because he was divorced.

We talk about the specific, gendered weight of the rules she grew up under, dress code down to the length of a skirt, no haircuts, no makeup, and the moment she got in serious trouble, as a legal adult, for trimming an inch off her split ends. That was the moment she started asking why she kept getting punished for trying so hard to do everything right.

Whitney's view of God growing up was fear, plain and simple, a daily fight to earn salvation, where suffering was proof of devotion. Today she describes God as loving, and she's teaching her own two sons about a Jesus who loves them without conditions, without the fear she grew up carrying.

One of the most striking threads: a preacher once told a room full of parents that when a child leaves the meetings as an adult, it's always the parents' fault. Whitney and I talk about what that belief actually does, how it turns a person's own choice into someone else's shame to carry.

She also shares something rare: after leaving, she reconnected with her birth family, and her birth mother has become, in her words, a second mom. Now they're on FaceTime together nearly every day, a kind of unconditional love and support she knows not everyone gets on their way out.

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Hello and welcome to the podcast! In this episode I lead listeners through the creation story of "Unconditioning Love" and what to expect from this podcast. Enjoy!

Where to find me:
Instagram & Threads
Website
TikTok

Support the show

1:1 Trauma-Informed Coaching with Lydia

Share your story on the podcast

Instagram & Threads
Spotify Music