Undercooked Analysis

Horror as a whole owes a lot to Poe, but as proven time and again, even masters of the craft have their apparent duds. Allen submits to David the first of four F-Tier Poe narratives (based on some rando’s opinion), which apparently contains an allegory as two drunken sailors have a completely bewildering encounter in a plague-quarantined part of London.

Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1835. Read along here.

David, Allen and Abysmii invite special guest Brad to an initiation: a fresh pair of eyes on the some of shortstory1’s most recent work. Will a new perspective bring new insights into these unusual stories?

Read along with us:
1. “I clean up crime scenes while naked”
2. “The special toilet paper”
3. “My intelligence and emotional intelligence will now be off balanced”
4. “All men must wear a burqa”
5. “To move to the next day we must all do something disgusting”

Just when David, Allen and Abysmii were getting comfortable with this series, Paul throws a curve ball of seeming incompetence when the story forgets a certain character died in a prior chapter; meanwhile Ascott and Beatrice play dress-up to survive, and the main showdown turns into a anti-climactic Pokemon battle.

Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.

With a new year of mounting dread upon most everyone’s heads, David, Allen and Abysmii decide to ease into it with the ever-comforting Luciferian antics of Doctor Satan. This time, he’s getting into the insurance business is a fittingly weird way, and is once again using fire as the catalyst for his plot. How many fat businessmen will Ascott Keane sacrifice in the pursuit of his greatest foe? How many people will be added to the Faint Counter? And how in the world is Doctor Satan still unknown to the elite class that he’s targeting?

Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.

Content Warning: reference to suicide

UCA is officially 10 years old, and to belatedly acknowledge this, Kaela has a special Christmas gift for David: Holiday-adjacent pulp from Weird Tales, written by the author of The Phantom of the Opera. The duo that started it will have contend with sailors, street fairs and the notion that Baby Jesus might actually be the one delivering gifts on Christmas Eve.

Story by Gaston Leroux, first published in Weird Tales, December 1930.

That absolute madman Allen Chaney has David and Kaela with him to be witness to a daring stunt that is sure to freak minds. Will he survive?

“this story could kill allen” (aka, “The leak from the upstairs flat”) was submitted by Julia Grane.

The line between Rorshack Rorsharn and Julia Grane blurs further as David lets Abysmii pick the two stories they will read, one from each pseudonym. And, like in the past, their horizons are broadened as they read way too much into the jank narratives, bringing the episode to a surprisingly poignant conclusion.

“the skibidi man” was submitted by Rorshack Rorshan; “lift your problems” was submitted by Julia Grane.

After paying their respects to our runners-up with some brief thoughts and analysis, David, Allen and Abysmii reveal the campy, colorful and comical 1st-place winner of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. A sincere parody of the genre’s most over-the-top material, we (re)join Cannon Washington as he stoically challenges the Uber-Kremlin’s dastardly schemes in: Justice for All! Part 17: Man Waits for No Time.

Story submitted by Daniel Scamell.

The 2nd-place winner of the New Pulp Writing Challenge is another cosmic nightmare, but this time witnessed through the disjointed epistolary of a mad(?) professor. David, Allen and Abysmii try to put the pieces together and revel in the elegent use of ambiguity in the unknown.

Story submitted by ClericofMadness.

Check out The Fog Report of Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor here.

After some careful consideration, David, Allen and Abysmii begin the process of revealing and discussing the winners of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. And this 3rd-place entry is an eldritch nightmare that evokes an alien city and an exacerbated game of cat-and-mouse with the story’s namesake fiendish entity. But what does this creature want with our protagonist? And why does this story bring up a tangent about Animorphs? (Spoilers: because the hosts are dumb)

Story submitted by A. S. Evans.