Underwater is in theaters right now and I did not expect much, which left me pleasantly surprised when I didn’t have a bad time. As far as underwater spooks and adventure go, Underwater is unique enough to hold my attention, but it doesn’t pull off anything amazing. 

Dgoebel00 on instagram provided this amazing pic. Follow him for more great horror art. Also, check out his website.

Underwater Synopsis

Underwater stars Kristen Stewart as Norah, T.J. Miller as the unnamed goofball, and Vincent Cassel as the captain who looks just like my friend

Brent.

https://youtu.be/Rszr56AH3Co

This is an

incredibly simple story that starts with Kristen Stewart describing life 

- underwater - in this massive - underwater - facility that is made to support a drilling operation at the

bottom of the Mariana Trench, which of course, is - underwater. 

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After a few

minutes the facility begins to implode, and our leading lady is forced to begin

her - underwater - quest to escape. 

Along the

way she runs into a few friends who have miraculously survived the facility

being torn to shred at this crushing depth. Once she meets up with the captain,

they hatch a plan to escape but soon find themselves in over their heads!

Feel the intense teeth-brushing action!

Underwater Review

Underwater is a by-the-books movie that reminded me of Sphere (1998) mixed with Aliens and The Abyss.

 T.J

Miller does exactly what you think he is going to do, and so does Kristen

Stewart. In fact, all of the characters do the things you think they are going

to do. Does that make it bad? No, just predictable.

Pretty cool poster, if I do say so.

I liked the

monster design in this, which is saying something because I rarely enjoy

monster design.

Score for Underwater

6/10

Spoilers for Underwater

Expand for Spoilers

There isn't a whole lot to spoil in this movie. If you read my synopsis, you kind of get it. The monster(s) are really the x-factor and the interesting part of this movie, along with the journey to the bottom of the sea.

Kids Piloting Multi-Trillion Dollar Drilling Rigs

Ok, this is going to make me sound like a wet, old fart, but goddamnit I'm going to say it anyway. Twenty somethings are not who I would expect to be the focus of this movie. There's a freaking intern for Christ-sake!

For another totally implausible underwater scenario, check out our review of The Meg

https://www.horrormovietalk.com/2018/08/24/the-meg/

Haggard men in their thirties and forties are the key demo here, both in real life and in movies of old based on similar situations. Call me sexist, but it's true!

Here is a list of movies that show remote places and bad situations for what they are - stinky and men-ridden:

The Thing

Blood Diamond

Alien

Aliens

Alien³

"But David, three of those movies have a female lead!" That's the exception that proves the rule. Apart from Aliens, Sigourney Weaver is almost the only female in the whole damn movie, and she looks as stinky and gross as the men she hangs with.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this because to be honest, Underwater wouldn't be nearly as attractive without Stewart at the helm. So maybe I'll just swallow my vaguely sexist criticism and enjoy the kids piloting the world's most expensive/dangerous drilling project.

The Monster(s)

We are introduced to the monsters early and often, but rarely do we get a solid look at them until the very end, which I appreciate.

We get to see fleeting quick glimpses of strange blurry hands and octo-faces darting around. Mostly we get to see the remains of others that the monsters leave behind.

Eventually, at the crescendo, we see a bevvy of the monsters hanging from - you guessed it - the bottom of the Roebuck drilling station that our surviving crew needs to enter.