Unschooling and Self-Directed Education can often lead people to believe that children are left to do what they want and learn by themselves. Whilst there is space for independence and doing things on their own, children always need a dedicated and supportive adult alongside them. It is apparent though that direct teaching and the task of providing a curriculum, or workbooks is not compatible with the ethos of unschooling and can leave parents feeling like they are doing nothing and unsure of what their role is. This chapter brings together the essential role of the parent or main care giver in practical terms. It discusses key ideas, provides a concrete plan, and leaves parents confident in their role in providing an education for their child.

Chapter 8

Unschooled children are different. Their experience of the world is different, their relationships with family, friends and their community are different, the way they live is different and how they learn is different. Throughout this book I have talked about how school does things and the effect that that can have on our children. I have also talked about how unschooling families approach things and the impact that those choices have on our children. As our children grow up the difference between schooled and unschooled children becomes noticeably bigger and increasingly more obvious, especially for those in the habit of comparing their children with their schooled peers (which I don’t recommend and don’t find overly helpful.) The truth is that schooled children often appear to be doing better, learning more, and getting on in life or growing up, faster than children who are self-directed. Children who are growing and developing according to their own time line play longer, accept support from others for longer (by which I mean that adults are needed to do more for and with their children,) are more relaxed about taking exams or have a broader view when it comes to the pressures and expectations that others put on them and are often clearer about what they want to do and how they want to do it. Their growth and development is noticeable in other ways and the way that we relate to and support our child changes too. Here’s what you can expect through the seasons of unschooling.

Chapter 9

Here I address the three most common questions that I am asked: How will my teen get GCSE’s if I deregister them from school? I am worried that my child won’t have any friends if we Home Educate, and ‘when you say, ‘unlimited screen time’ you don’t mean that they should be allowed to play on their tablet all day, do you?’ Taking my observations from over 20 years’ experience in education, more than twelve of those in the unschooling community, I bring a different perspective to each of these questions, re-evaluating our priorities for our young people, shifting our thinking, and questioning the dichotomy of thought in our society.

It is not uncommon for children to leave school carrying strong negative feelings about reading and those who have never been to school may not show an interest in learning to read much later than their schooled peers. The interview in this chapter draws on the experience of one family with two children, one of whom initially attended school and came to unschooling with significant trauma, and the other has always been unschooled. Both are now able to read. The question that this chapter asks is, what do children really need to be able to learn to read? Drawing on the research from Harriet Patterson, Alan Thomas, and Peter Grey it looks at how learning to read in unschooled families happens and provides a framework for parents with a different approach to learning to read.

It’s difficult to let go of curriculums and to see how learning can happen without them. It’s not a surprise, it is the way that we were taught, it is the way that most children are taught, and it is the way that gives us some concrete assurance that learning is happening, and our children are moving forwards. When we don’t use a curriculum, or our children aren’t interested in formal lessons (they want to play all day because they are children) their learning appears chaotic, or it feels impossible to see what they are learning. This chapter describes two models for learning and introduces techniques for mapping learning journeys in unschooled children. It outlines how learning happens without a curriculum, helps parents to see the learning, and provides reassurance that children can live and learn naturally.

Including guest appearance from Nicola Leyland who shares her family story in the book and joins me to talk about trusting the process and our child.

This chapter challenges the value and importance of play for our children’s health and development. Beginning with redefining play and what it means to children, providing reasons for play to exist in abundance beyond the early years and equipping parents with the tools they need to be confident in the learning that is taking place (whilst our child is building with Lego or playing with dolls) and describing how that play evolves during adolescence and into adulthood.

It’s not uncommon to want to invest in curriculums, tutors, and online programmes as soon as we start home educating. Unschooling calls you to resist the urge to do this and to allow time to recover from your school experience, move away from relying on professionals telling you what to learn, when and how, and move towards increased autonomy, and a self-determined path. It includes tips on how to support your child’s journey from extrinsically motivated learning to intrinsically motivated learning, key signs to look for that they are moving in the right direction, and a guide to help you stay the course.

In this episode of "Unschooling Stories: Living Outside the Lines," Heidi Steel sits down with guest Jenny to share an authentic, hope-filled journey through unschooling and supporting neurodivergent children at home. Together, they discuss the decision to deregister from traditional schooling after burnout, and the practical day-to-day strategies their families use to thrive outside the conventional system.

Heidi and Jenny open up about navigating mental health challenges, using sensory tools, fostering social connections, and the power of listening to your instincts as a parent. Honest, insightful, and richly detailed, this conversation offers valuable encouragement and practical tips for anyone exploring unschooling and looking to support children’s well-being.

Podcast Notes:

• The decision to leave mainstream education: burnout, anxiety, and advocating for your child’s mental health

• What “cocooning” looks like: low-demand environments, comfort, and removing unnecessary pressures

• Creating a sensory-friendly home: swings, trampolines, crunchy snacks, white noise, and flexible bedtime routines

• Child-centred learning and embracing interests whatever they may be.

• Using VR and technology to ease anxiety and prepare for new experiences

• Navigating family and social judgment: trusting yourself and focusing on your own child’s needs

• Reintroducing social activities: finding the right time, place, and support for outings

• The positive impact of collaboration, flexibility, and authentic family dialogue

• Real-life success stories: increased well-being, renewed hope, and adventures beyond school

Resources

Find the Unschooling Village Hub and resources for unschooling families: liveplaylearn.org

Thank you for listening to Unschooling Conversations. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, and share - it helps towards increasing the chances that you will see a post on future episode releases and spreads the love.

Have you ever learnt a new skill? Did you manage to do it without someone telling you that you had to or force you to learn it in a way that wasn’t working for you? The school approach to learning is only one way to learn. School is not the only way. And school type learning is not the only way. For many this is the beginning of unlearning. Here we are not only unlearning what we thought we knew but re-learning some educational ideas together. Coming to a realisation that there must be another way. The beginning of discovering that there are other ways to learn.

Learning doesn’t have to look like school, in fact developmentally school type learning is not the optimal way of learning.

This chapter opens up the world of unschooling by introducing the idea and what it is.

Episode Overview:
In this episode of Unschooling Conversations, host Heidi Steel is joined by returning guest Alice Khimasia to explore how unschooled children transition into adulthood. Both share personal stories and reflect on evolving family dynamics, shifting educational landscapes, and the lasting impact of self-directed learning.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Personal updates: Changes in Alice and Heidi’s families, including children moving out, volunteering, and new interests.

• Navigating transitions: How unschooled children find their paths as they approach adulthood, and the non-linear, organic nature of their journeys.

• Alternative pathways: Apprenticeships, volunteering, non-traditional routes to degrees and careers, and the importance of following personal interests.

• Lifelong learning for all: The ongoing process of learning and adapting, not just for children but for parents as well.

• The importance of mentorship, community, and diverse milestones, rather than rigid educational timelines.

• Parent reflections: Modeling adaptability, embracing uncertainty, and finding joy in watching children take the lead.

Listener Takeaways:

• There is no single pathway to successful adulthood for unschooled children; self-knowledge, agency, and confidence are key.

• Community support, mentorship, and real-life examples can reassure and inspire families at all stages.

• Trusting the process and permitting organic growth often yields surprising and positive outcomes.

Alice Khimaisa

https://organic-education.co.uk/

https://linktr.ee/alicekhimasia

Resources

Find the Unschooling Village Hub and resources for unschooling families: liveplaylearn.org

Thank you for listening to Unschooling Conversations. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, and share - it helps towards increasing the chances that you will see a post on future episode releases and spreads the love.

Your child is not broken or wrong

Some children find it easy to comply, others excel at it. Listening to instructions, remembering the rules, and controlling their emotions and behaviours. For others it takes significantly more effort. Sometimes the effort they put in all day means that the falling apart happens at home. There is no time for homework. There is only time for crying, watching TV, or bubbly baths. Hours of recovery and exhaustion from the effort of ‘being good’ all day.

It is often our child that alerts us to their being something amiss with going to school and when they are home educated, they become even more vocal about what they want to do and what they don’t want to do (this is okay, they should!)

Chapter Two is where we first introduce the ideas of radical acceptance, trusting your child, and embracing the wider definition of education as we attend to your child’s emotional well-being, health, sense of self and neurological differences, alongside academic progress.

And we lean into the idea that your child s okay just the way that they are.