Sensitivity warning: conversations about ED, Suicide/SI and body image

And we are back… It has been a bit. I never intended to take a year off but life just continued to life. I’ve been navigating through a lot, but this episode has been sitting in my computer and the other day I said, “it is time.” This episode listens much more like 2 friends sitting in their living room having a conversation because that is exactly what we did. We had travel mics, you can hear her cat in the background, at one point Alexa chimed in and instead of editing all that out, I stuck with the theme of this podcast which is messy, raw and unedited; just like life. The audio is not the best but we worked with what we had and I feel this conversation may speak to many. Lauren is one of my best friends and an all around beautiful human being. She speaks about her mental health journey, talks about her experience in the modeling industry and what has helped her navigate through the chaos of the world. I cannot wait for you to listen to this episode!

It’s the eve of my 38th birthday, and honestly, I wasn’t planning to record anything. But as I sit here reflecting on this past year, I can’t help but feel like I need to share. This year has been… a lot. Like, painfully transformative but also breathtakingly beautiful—a year that has stretched me in ways I didn’t think were possible.

The person I was a year ago and the person sitting here now? They feel like two completely different people. She’s still me, of course, but the growth I’ve experienced this year has been exponential—and let me tell you, growth isn’t always pretty. It’s been real—and by real, I mean wildly uncomfortable.

This year didn’t just challenge my definition of sitting with discomfort; it redefined it. And somewhere along the way, I learned how to be tender with myself in the middle of all the chaos. So here I am, with a whole lot of love and humility, sharing some of the lessons this year has handed me.

It is the last date of CPTSD awareness day and this is one of my most requested episodes. CPTSD is something that still has so much misinformation, lack of awareness and education and lack of recognition. Those of us living with this disorder oftentimes feel misunderstood. We feel alone in our struggle. We feel isolated and we feel like there’s no way anyone could possibly understand the things that are going through our mind and body. I’m here to tell you that isn’t true. There is an entire demographic of people who get you. They might not have the exact same symptoms or struggles, but if you have CPTSD there are always going to be some linear between you and others who live with it.

My intuition with this episode is just to give you a little peak into the ways the CPTSD can invade your life. Every! Single! Aspect of it! It’s invasive, it is distracting, it is loud and some days are really f*****g hard. Some days come with more intrusive thoughts than others. Some weeks one with more ideations than others. Some days one with stronger feelings of hopelessness and feeling isolated and alone. It is a journey that we have to learn how to navigate through and that’s why I am so grateful to Dani or created the Healing and CPTSD Foundation. She has created a hub for those of us living with CPTSD to go. A hub that includes community, support groups, tools, classes and the ability to show up exactly as you are share your lived experience with this disorder.

Please listen to this episode with an open mind and open heart. Share it with those you feel may benefit and check out the Healing and CPTSD Community Hub!

I am really excited to announce this week’s podcast guest, Jabria. She is a canna-coach helping people find a healthy and balanced relationship with this beautiful and healing plant.

I don’t want to say too much about this episode, because you should really just go give it a listen! We dive into our journey’s, how the plant has been pivotal in our healing, the history and demonization of the plant and our favorites ways to garden. If you are new to this journey, curious or a regular gardener, this episode is for you!

A little about Jabria:

“Navigating the hazy world of cannabis can be overwhelming—I get it. I remember feeling lost, drowning in confusing information with no clear path. I wanted answers, clarity on where to find cannab*s and how to use it beyond the basics. The fear of being labeled a 'stoner' held me back, and I judged myself for my cannabis usage. I craved a community of like-minded individuals who understood the plant's power, even if the 'how' remained a mystery. Crafted Cannab*s emerged as the bridge between recreational and medicinal use—a space where I found my footing and canna confidence.”

Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, Jabria!

To all my listeners, thank you so much for continuing to support. It means so much to me. If you have been listening and this podcast has been beneficial or helpful for you, please leave a review, follow and share!

I was creating a reel this morning and the sound inspired me to plug in the mic and speak to this. “Your nervous system will choose a familiar hell or an unfamiliar heaven.” And if this isn’t the truth.

On this mini-episode I talk about how the nervous system creates its pathways and how we can crate new ones. It is through navigating through discomfort. This isn’t the kind of discomfort that leads to continued wounding and pain. It’s important that we identify the different kinds of discomfort. This is the kind of discomfort that leads to more peace, more regulation, more nervous system capacity. It’s the discomfort that leads to growth and healing. It is the discomfort that is so unfamiliar, yet so necessary.

Thank you for being here and for listening!

I took an unintentional break from recording. I had several episodes recording and was being hyper-critical about them. I woke up this morning with this on my mind so here we are. How many times have we been in a situation where we think we can love someone into healing? If you just do all the things right then maybe they will treat you better. Maybe they will choose differently.

The thing is that, that’s not our responsibility. Love can be a healing force. Loving someone can be incredibly healing for them, but it can’t be the only healing force and other’s love for themselves or the desire to love themeless and heal for themselves (which then impacts the people around them) is one of the lasting drivers for doing the work.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. Thank you for listening and being part of the community!

I was doing dishes last night and had so many things overflowing from me that I sat down to record not sure of what was going to come out. I knew I wanted to talk about love but I wasn't sure exactly how this episode was going to shape itself. This was my whole reason for starting this podcast. So I could share the things that flow through my mind in the hopes that maybe someone can take a page from my book and it can impact their lives in some way.

This episode is pretty personal and vulnerable. It can be hard to admit the truth of your life sometimes. It can be painful to wrap your mind around what occurred and how that wasn’t the way it was supposed to be but it is the way that it is.

Reading bell hooks has helped me a lot when it comes to changing my perspective on what love really is. Love is an action. Sure, we can feel overwhelmed by the emotions that come along with love, but if you say you love someone and you turn around and harm them (sometimes we don’t mean to harm people, there is nuance here as always) then how can we learn what love really looks like and feels like. This has been something I struggled with most of my adult live up until a few years ago (and if I’m honest, I still deeply struggle with it from time to time). Let’s be realistic when you have spend over 32 years of your life being told that love is abuse and that people abuse you because they love you, it’s gonna cross some wires in your brain and body that are going to need a love of love, attention, compassion and work to rewire. So this is a micro moment of my thoughts on learning what love is as an adult when you grew up in an abusive home.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest! I appreciate every single person who takes the time to listen to me!

When I started this podcast, I wasn't sure if I would ever have guests. I needed to just start without thinking about it or I was never going to start. After I announced my first episode, my friend Nykesha told me that she would love to come chat if I ever have guests. I immediately said yes!

In this episode we talk about Nykesha’s journey to the work she does today. Tips on how to raise anti-racist children, how this work affects her personally and so much more.

I’m honored to have her be my first guest. Make sure you give her a following on social media and subscribe to her Patreon. I can’t wait for you all to listen!

About Nykesha

Nykesha is a dedicated professional with over 15 years of experience serving children and families in both child services and education. With masters degrees in social work and psychology, throughout her career, she has worked to ensure the well-being and development of vulnerable populations. She is  a certified parent educator and doula, and has presented at multiple conferences, workshops, and online platforms on antiracist parenting and culturally responsive education. Nykesha is also married with two children, and maintains a  commitment to family and community which  drives her passion for creating equitable and supportive environments.

Where you can find her

Instagram

Tik Tok

Patreon

I posted a reel this about that started with “Do you ever think: I’m gonna f**k around and try to control the things I can’t control?” That reel led to this episode.

Give it a listen and let me know your thoughts!

If you listen to this podcast on apple or Spotify, I would absolutely love if you can take the time to give me a review! Thank you!

This episode ended up taking a completely different turn than what I initially intended. I hit record with one idea and another flowed out so I just went with it. There is a big narrative in the healing and spiritual works of “letting it go.” This is something that is often brought up with emotions, traumas and life experiences. We often hear “You have to let the past or current version of you go so that the new version can come through.” That narrative held me back from deeper healing for many years because you don’t let go of versions of you, you integrate them. You will never not have been who you are up until this point. You learned every lesson you learned before of you, you don’t want to let that go, you want to integrate it as a part you! Same thing with emotions, when we learn to feel our emotions and integrate grieving and healing as a part of the journey rather than something you do and are done with, you are set free in a different way.

This episode has a somatic practice that help you to connect with and feel the more uncfomrotable emotions. The reality is that; our ability to feel the joyous and light-feeled emotions in life is directly correlated with our ability to feel our depths of grief and the shadowy emotions.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. I hope that you find something in this episode that resonates for you. Thank you for listening.