The mission is totally impossible, right? Maybe? It seemed pretty doable to me. You get a face making machine and you can fight communism like all damn day. You ride a motorcycle, you sneak into a boat, you get Peter Graves to help type you with your novella and you’re home before you can discard all three of the things above. I guess when you have a crack team, everything is pretty doable! As long as it doesn’t involve a heavy magnet. You know, for magnet things. Get that thing away from my head!

We also learn some distressing facts about secret fanfiction you didn’t know you were watching! Come learn with us (and be distressed with us!)

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he needs all doctors to come to him to check this thing out. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s on one of those “doing” teams!

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Can the coach that brought the 1985 Chicago Bears bring your local soda brand to victory? Schweggman thinks so! Don’t worry about potentially food poisoning! Mike Ditka will solve your problem while you’re in agony! As long as it’s a sport and it involves coaching. If it doesn’t, sorry, Big Shot Soda and Mike Ditka are not responsible!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s already being a bad neighbor at his new place. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got the solution to all your outdoor problems in a chainsaw.

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We don’t know a damn thing about clams or clam juice. We’re never going to get our inheritance at this rate! Can we partake? We… Just… Don’t… Know! Better watch this one on loop to see.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s recording the second take right now. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s giving a little warmth to the room as you listen to the radio for presidential reasons.

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Everybody! It is unequivalably required by you, the consumer, to move your feet and move your body! Preferably in a direction that leads to the local tanning salons where you will find great deals on ways to get a tan that does not involve (too much) of the sun! Please enjoy our salad bar. Or not! We’re pretty chill about it. Don’t put tomatoes on your eyes.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s sneaking some croutons into the booth. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got the same speech planned out whether he wins the presidency or not.

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It’s tough being Mr. T. You got to act tough all the time. Wear the chains. Yell at a dude bro. Drive in a tank. Throw a snickers at some wimp. It wears down on a person. Noone asks if Mr. T wants a snickers. He can only distribute. Sure he could go into the stash he has in the tank but that’s just not right; that box of snickers are exclusively for wimps who need more nuts. It’s like admitting defeat! So he drives and he drives and the sun comes down and the moon has come and long ago somebody has left with the cup and– Wait, now I’m just quoting “The Distance” by Cake, aren’t I?

…. HE’S GOING THE DISTANCE. HE’S GOING FOR SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s measuring curling lanes by tank treads. John Hurst is your co-host and you got to use him for the whole hour regardless, sorry.

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Hello. Welcome to Californication. We hope you enjoy our new open beta. Please keep all hands and feet inside the ride as we introduce you to four shirtless dudes who are both shirtless in fantasy and reality. Adding a shirt to these individuals is not allowed. Especially for Flea. He’s got us this sweet Silicon Graphics Workstation to make this with after all.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s stuck on the theme park ride waiting to hijack it from the next conductor/co-worker. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he can spot a bigfoot from a hundred yards in SD Youtube Clarity.

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YOU MISERABLE, MANIC MONSTER! How dare you turn these cars into humans! Humans who can barley crush things like that of a monster truck! I wanted to see monster trucks crushing the spirit of American muscle cars! Not these mom jean wearing fools! Those thighs could barely crush an apple juice carton! Now, Grave Digger Human, that’s a thigh! We can depend on those to help us through any sort of leg day troubles! Help us, Grave Digger Human! Take us away and back to our Sunday Monster Truck Rally!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s rejecting these new fangled Shakespearean words. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s solving crime as the Vice President.

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Party People! Are you ready to jam? Jock Jam, even? Maybe even to slam for four points in tiny basketball? Tag Team is back again. We’re back too. We’re all hanging out at the combination tiny basketball court/50s diner together. Maybe you could join us too? It’s there. Where it is. You know. Whomp. Whomp, I suppose!

John Hurst is your host this week and he dares to dunk on the sabbath. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got some really neat VSTs and filters for potato chips.

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It is time for teenage drama and smooches and aliens and smooches. We got it all here! All the food groups needed for a late night not quite cable network! You need a young actor looking away at a camera dramatically? We got it! No charge! Roswell’s just that kind of show. Maybe. We haven’t watched it. Maybe you have. We’re not going to watch it. Unless the smooching is… Good? Or the aliens are good. Let us know.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he swears this George Washington biography he is reading has an end but his co-host, John Hurst, does not believe that for a minute.

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Heatsinks are in everything. They’re nice. Make a good sound when you drag your finger across them. Have a good feel too. Pleasant to look at. Cools your CPU and other tech thingies. How can you go wrong? And they look delicious when they’re being made too. Tantalizing. Maybe you can just rip off one from the conveyor belt. Pop it in your math. Maybe it’ll melt. Or your tongue will melt. Either way, it’s an experience. Enjoy the heat sink. Become the heat sink.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s buying worse and worse planes as he goes from town to town. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he can’t stop his hatred over that orange cabinet.

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