Your destiny awaits you. Calling to you. Hoping you will respond to its texts. You’ve held it back for long enough while lying awake at night, staring blankly at the familiar ceiling that clouds your dreams. Are you picking the deck shoes… Or the penny loafers? Your feet desire comfort and safety, but also fashion. And maybe comfortable enough to be on a boat with. This keeps you up at night. You don’t know why, but it does. You find yourself unable to talk about anything else with your co-workers at work. They only want to talk you

Aaron Littleton is your host and he’s avoiding a lot of sharp things with his safe shoes.. John Hurst is your co-host and he learned he is the person of the hour far too late.

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Is there anything less enticing that a non-alocholic ad for a day of significance Americans love to alcohol it up on? Sources say no. Everyone says no. But Party City says maybe? We’re not sure if they said yes. They clearly hired actors to act like they’re having a party so they’re trying their best. But everyone looks like they are in the highs of just learning of what dubstep is and how it would change their local dance and sports bar. And I guess in that way we all succeed. Pass the venetian blind sunglasses. It’s go time.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s overclocking this vape in the corner. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is helping to evolve the English language to its rightful final form.

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Wake Up! There’s a complete breakfast to be had! You must consume it now. Make it uncomplete! Nabisco Brands depends on you for the profit forecast! We rented three bear suits and one of them will not give theirs back! We hired him on as staff as a barter for getting the suit and our deposit back but we made things very, very, very much worse. Look, after you complete that breakfast, come up to my office. We got a box of cereal blankets waiting for you. At a cost. Are you willing to accept the responsibility of the Teddy Graham?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is haunted. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s ramping it up!

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You know the song. It’s stuck in your head now. We don’t need to do anything else to describe it. Babies come out of the womb and their first immediate sounds are dun dun dun dun dun in rapid succession. That’s the kind of guy Funky D the DJ King is. Oh, wait. You said his name is Darude? … He’s too cool for that name. I think he’s Funky D the DJ King now. An AI told us we were cool for naming that too, so we must be cool.

John Hurst is your host this week and he finds a middle school connection we all had at least in our system. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got a multi-step process for braces.

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“What a lovely place you have!” your guests says as they sip the cup of tea you provided. You glance around nervously. Yes, it’s nice. You bought it. You know it. You just don’t know if it could be… Inside enough. The walls are all there as is the roof. But the windows are a weak point. Temporary allowances of outside penetrating this indoor space. And don’t even get started on the door. That’s the worst of the lot. No, you simply wish for more. You pet the lavish goose plush on your lap. Your only comfort. It keeps the outside thoughts… Out. Where they belong.

You do not reply. The goose does not honk. Your guest can sense the awkwardness in the air, but all else is still. You are not a very good host. You should work on this.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is worried about tunnel girth. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got a new tactic to use at the park against geese.

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The lullaby plays again. The occurrence begins again. It’s loop three. You’re back in your younger self. This time, you memorized all the great steps. The lotto numbers, the grunge era, the beanie baby fad. It’s all there in your head. You simply need to tell someone and convince them that this time around you are a voice that deserves listening to. “Call the president”, you tell your parental unit. “I can fix this conflict.” Your parental unit laughs and cuts the crust off your sandwich. This is not the intended outcome. But it’s a good start.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s not an AI voice model (Yet.) Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s trying to skip out on those middle school years this time around.

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The house stands victorious. It shares its walls with living things, but it is not owned by those constricted by the mortality of flesh. It is in control and the people that temporarily reside in its belly know it. They cannot place things normally. Where the thing goes, goes. To move it or attempt to control chaos is nigh impossible, especially in the house. You spy a roommate, but you’re not sure if they are a roommate or ensnared by its walls. They ask for the Febreeze. You know why. They know why. You both wish you didn’t.

Also, there’s a cat.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s looking for a specific Brendan Frasier DVD. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s not sure which kitchen he is in.

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Good News, Jamiroquai ! You don’t have to pay taxes ever again! We’ll get the the hat squad to do it for you! As long as they don’t take the hat off, you’re in the clear. You want to make the hat your thing? It’s your thing, isn’t it? We don’t have to ask. We know it. Okay, well, we, as the IRS, say go for broke! You’re a winner! Just uh, don’t cause any health code violations.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is okay. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he needs to get rid of this grill.

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Bush’s Baked Beans has a secret recipe but they’re happy to show you the spices just like other secret brands. But they’re all too sweet! Why are they so sweet?! So baked?! So homestyle? Anyway, none of them are going on the toast. Or all of them. We’re going to find the right bean eventually. Call Geno’s cousin. Maybe he knows. Or he can grill us some un-vegetables. Either way, we win.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s a savory one! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s had it with March already.

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Encase your pocky in a glass. Stick it in the freezer. Wait however long you wait for things to get cold. Open the freezer. Eat the pocky. Repeat. Forever. Submit to the Mikugeddon. The Mikudon. The Wooly Mikueth. Just don’t enter the RESTRICTED ACCESS area.

John Hurst is your host this week and he can name one other vocaloid. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s happy to not remember anything told to him in the pursuit of knowledge.

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