Video Store Nightmares

This week, we revisit the world of Empire Pictures with the 1986 urban reincarnation flick - Necropolis! When a smoking hot biker-babe (LeAnne Baker) - straight out of the 17th Century - visits 1980s New York, it's up to a drug counselor/reverend, an NPR reporter, and a cop to defeat her. Will they succeed, or will the powers of mind control and ecto-lactation win control of the Necropolis? On this episode: multiple gratuitous dance sequences, New York accents in 1600s "New Amsterdam", placebo-withdrawals, prostitute turf-wars, a sassy medical examiner, the multi-life longevity of neck trauma, the Devil's ring, breast-feeding zombies, and spontaneous boob replication!

This week, we're getting down in the gutter, or - more precisely - the sewer beneath a 1970s ramshackle combination brothel-abortion clinic. When a nameless girl's boyfriend tricks her into an abortion, the fetus emerges from the toxic sludge of the sewer to wreak havoc on the varied patrons of Big Mama's place. On this episode: multi-use coat-hangers, Lionel Richie, the blurry line between pro- and anti-abortion film, weaponized umbilical cords, multiple toilet murders, asshole protagonists, stereotyped sex workers, and far too much critical theory.

This week, we explore the post-apocalyptic world of Tim Kincaid! Better known for his extensive filmography in gay porn, Kincaid (AKA Joe Gage) directed three films for Charles Band in the mid-80s, including these two, shot back-to-back with some of the same cast and crew. Mutant Hunt takes place in a future where the 80s never died, where Devo-impersonators with names like "Z" and "Domina" experiment giving psychedelic sex-drugs to "cyborgs" in order to turn them into Mutant Killers. Robot Holocaust explores a post apocalyptic wasteland (just beyond an intact New York City) where feminist warriors, annoying droids, and a mutated nomad battle against the Dark One and his minions. On this episode: repurposed musical scores, truly prophetic technology (e.g. smart watches in the 80s!), expendable pleasure droids, confused terminology, mutating sex drugs, stoic mercenaries, nuclear-wasteland bike trails, avocado cocoons, a giant spider (leg-only), breaking union-strikes via oxygen depravation, lessons in man-hating, and incompetence at every turn! 

This week, join us as we discuss one of the best-acted horror films of the '80s - 1981's Night Warning. Poor Billy is caught between his crazy aunt Cheryl (the incredible Susan Tyrell), his gay basketball coach, and the homophobic sheriff who thinks Billy is guilty of murder (the incredible Bo Svenson). They all add up to a classic piece of southern gothic horror, a fine melodrama, and one of the earliest slashers. On this episode: a logging truck beheading, incest vibes, defining hag horror, secret promise rings, basketball sabotage, attic remodels, implied necrophilia, axe chases, meat tenderizer battery, copious milk-drinking, and ill-advised text epilogues. 

This week, join us as we revisit the work of Matthew Bright (Squeezit and Renee Henderson in Forbidden Zone), writer and director of the 1996 exploitation flick Freeway. Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland star in this twisted, darkly-comedic, "white trash" take on Little Red Riding Hood. When Vanessa's mother and step-father are busted for prostitution, meth-use, and sexual assault, she runs away to find her grandmother, chased by both the cops and the notorious I-5 Killer. On this episode: phonics lessons, vintage dog food commercials, domestic abuse, guidance counselor manipulation skills, crime fetishism, amateur shiv-making, detention facility lesbianism, gang shootings, a porn-shed, and feeling like a human urinal.

This week, we discuss the little-seen (and never officially released States-side) British shot-on-video saga of a broken man in search of redemption. After he's released from prison, Donovan (writer-composer-choreographer-stuntman-star Cliff Twemlow) is recruited to protect his old employer's nightclub from mob heavies. In the process, he finds love, frolics with his best friend, and sleeps with a giant teddy bear. Also on this episode: terribly choreographed nightclub dancing, well choreographed fist fights complete with martial-arts-style dubbing, repurposed sets, love at first sight, the importance of music, bathroom demonstrations of virility, middle-aged fantasies, overly generous compensation packages, and the 20th Century Renaissance man behind it all!

This week, we tackle our first Lucio Fulci film! Touch of Death is latter-day, low-budget, low-effort Fulci and it shows. We spend most of the film with Lester, yet another dull, spineless, failure-of-a-male-lead. He makes his living by seducing wealthy, older, disfigured women and killing them for their money. It's a tragi-comedy of truly gory proportions. On this episode: English vs Italian dialogue, luxury cannibalism (i.e. savoring that perfect cut of thigh meat), poetic personals, singing as a way of life, an odd gambling side plot, potential schizophrenia, a rebellious shadow, and - trigger warning - possible misogyny.

Paul, certainly one of the worst protagonists to be stuck with through the course of a movie, brings home a mysterious man and his jarred demon fetus. Is it symbolic of a gay encounter? The onset of the AIDS epidemic? Christian mysticism? Whatever the case, Paul develops a case of the hallucination bug and we descend into surrealism. While the Jar is certainly not an effective film, it is an interesting and ambitious one. On this episode: a self-deprecating film critic, roadside shenanigans, poor hospitality decisions, a regenerating jar, a bathtub buddy, unwarranted shouting, and several homoerotic crucifixions. 

This week, we travel south, to middle-of-nowhere Georgia, and follow a lone Black woman - soul singer Leslie Uggams - as she's stranded at a ramshackle motel owned by Shelley Winters. Throw in a literal Lurch and the titular Elvis-cum-country star Eddie, and you have an especially sleazy slice of southern exploitation. In this episode: racial versus class resentment, the blessings of air conditioning, mechanical malpractice, multiple forms of sexual assault, drunken justice, competing wedding dresses, and slow motion dog breeding.

This week, we journey into a zombie apocalypse unlike any other. Apparently, the Angel of Death has impregnated a mortal, leading to the end of death itself. Scooter McCrae's shot-on-video vision is as bleak as they come, its dread only occasionally disrupted by the darkest humor. Is McCrae making a religious statement? An attack on sexual norms? Whatever his intent, his zombies are a uniquely sympathetic contribution to the ranks of horror movie monsters. On this episode: hermaphroditic angels, a hypocritical preacher, multiple car-jackings, safe-houses for the living, the importance of soap in the apocalypse, the dread of permanent mutilation, the existential confusion of life-after-death, and a new kind of gun-lover.