Video Store Nightmares

This week, we go a bit more mainstream with the 1988 update/remake of the Blob, written by Frank Darabont and directed by Chuck Russell. Despite the large budget, this is still a relatively (and surprisingly) subversive film, defying our expectations and twisting the original film's story into a middle finger to the Reagan Administration's military muscle flexing. A gelatinous mass makes a surprisingly frightening villain, aided by some of the best practical special effects of all time. On this episode: nefarious government bureaucrats, motorcycle chases, industrial snow machine repair, hand-melting, face-melting, body-melting, an apocalyptic reverend, ribbed condoms, the horrors of clogged drains, phonebooth claustrophobia, sewer chases, and possible inspiration by Jackie Kong's the Being!

This week, join us as we travel to the land (and house) of Nick Millard, the porn director who hit gold with 1975's grindhouse classic: Criminally Insane. Priscilla Alden plays "Crazy Fat Ethel", the 250 lb food addict who kills anyone trying to get between her and food. Some scenes of Ethel's brutality proved so effective that Millard re-used them in Criminally Insane II...and Death Nurse...and Death Nurse II. In fact, as he moved into shot-on-video fare in the 80s, Millard made flashbacks to Criminally Insane one of his trademarks, along with camcorder zooms, scenes set in his house, and uncomfortably long shots of people staring into space or eating. On this episode: the utility of electric shock therapy, casual anti-Semitism, pad-lock diet plans, oversized school-girl outfits, a nosy police investigator, roadside hijinks, decomposing bodies, Lysol to the face, meat cleaver killings, mannequin massacres, cannibalism, asylum budget cuts, spider-dances, and the requisite temperature of poisoned tea.

This week, travel with us to Germany for one of the sleazier Exorcist cash-ins. Made by the guy most famous for the "Schoolgirl Report" series, "Magdalena" features a 39-year-old playing a 17-year-old who spends a good portion of her time both possessed and undressed. When her grandfather dies by crucifixion, poor Magdalena begins to suffer all the typical possession symptoms - talking in voices, having seizures, foaming at the mouth, yelling obscenities, and vomiting up snakes. Also on this episode: a boarding school for adults who pretend to be children, a pointless police procedural, a gratuitous lesbian couple, a vicious invisible dog, invisible flies, unrelated poltergeist activity, an inspirational kitten poster, strong-girl Bible ripping, doctor-patient romance, mental health retreats, bowling alley seduction, instant hypnosis, and some of the greatest lines of dialogue ever filmed!

This week, we're revisiting the world of Action International Pictures (AIP) with the 1992 "erotic thriller" Mind, Body & Soul. This one's got a twist involving Wings Hauser that you'll never see coming (or...immediately see coming) and features Ginger Lynn in one of her first "mainstream" roles. If you thought the Satanic Panic ended with the 80s, think again. On this episode: 90-day anniversary celebrations, questionable friend groups, surprise sacrifices, multi-purpose sets, law enforcement consolidation, memoir-writing, dream sequences, car chases, shoot-outs, Pentagrams as defensive weapons, floating demon faces, demons as herbalists, and the simmering rage of Wings Hauser.

This week, join us as we discuss writer-director-novelist and "World's Angriest Gay Man" James Dillinger's only foray into film - Blonde Death from 1984. Bleeding Skull recently ranked Blonde Death as the greatest shot-on-video film of all time. It's a little known artifact of the punk era, shot on a mere $2,000 budget and combining elements of John Waters, Richard Kern, Kenneth Anger and Russ Meyer into one scream against suburban mediocrity. On this episode: the California suburbs, televangelists, bare bottomed spankings, Scarlet O'Hara dresses, a one-eyed lesbian, escaped mass murderers, punishment by enema, cyanide and Tang, baby oil handjobs, the dangers of roller coasters, the bites of an "amputee kid", Jonestown exploitation, and a soundtrack by the Angry Samoans!

This week, join us as we travel the deepest level of the gutter, the grimiest seats of the grindhouse, and discuss the 1970 Roberta and Michael Findlay-produced Janie. The story is simple: a teenager goes on a killing spree while preparing to reunite with her Daddy, with whom she has an incestuous relationship. On this episode: an unending, improvised acid-rock score, subversive voice-over narration by Roberta Findlay, sexual humiliation, death by car, death by knife, death by razor blade, pool-trespassing, violent flashbacks, sadistic masturbation, domestic violence, and going to bed with Daddy.

To celebrate Christmas and ring in the New Year, we bring you a bonus episode on the 1989 cult flick - Elves - the film-present nobody asked for but everybody needs. How can you possibly experience the Christmas Spirit without a reminder that a homeless mall-Santa/ex-detective once thwarted a Nazi plot to usher in the Master Race and the Anti-Christ by having a genetically engineered elf rape an inbred virgin? As if you needed more, on this episode: art-deco boobs, a Ninja troll, big-tit admiration, new levels of chain-smoking, the real passengers of Noah's Ark, cat-drowning, car explosions, ball-knifing, late-night mall shenanigans and eviction from a camper. 

This week, join us as we try to make sense of the turgid, muddled, borderline-incoherent Frozen Scream from 1975. If you're new to the podcast, don't start here. This episode, just like this movie, is a mess, but we suffered through it so you don't have to. On this episode: poor dubbing, even worse voice-over narration, frozen zombies, sleeping while standing, beach bonfire ceremonies, sleep hypnosis, interpreting meaningless dreams, a horrid Bill Haley rip ("Jack Around the Shack"), theft as a declaration of love, evil doctors, love triangles, and the pursuit of immortality.

This week, join us as we take to the streets to battle the forces of evil that plague our city via drugs, violence and sin! Oh, wait...that's the executioner. The inappropriately named Executioner, Part II isn't the sequel to anything but is in debt to a whole genre of Vietnam Vet Vigilante films of the 70s and 80s. On this episode: teenage drug habits, PTSD flashbacks, sleazy drug pushers, even sleazier child-prostitution traffickers, grenades down pants, confusing dubbing, confusing stunt casting, confusing news reports, a confusing title, and numerous stock explosions!

After a few weeks offline, we are back to discuss the 1990s shot-on-video sleazefest: Creep! This is truly a one-of-a-kind movie featuring an escaped serial killer, his sister, and the cop with childhood trauma out to catch him. If you haven't seen a Tim Ritter flick before, this is the perfect place to start. On this episode: baby food poisoning, police department nepotism, childhood trauma, booze-diets, strip routines, hot tub shenanigans, mass murder, incest, necrophilia, morally questionable messaging, and America's favorite nymphomaniac!