Video Store Nightmares

This week, we revisit the films of Joe D'Amato, specifically his 1981 Anthropophagus follow-up - Monster Hunter. George Eastman stars as a regenerative Greek psycho-killer on the run in a faux-American small town. His pursuer is a priest, who honestly doesn't do much monster hunting, or much of anything to stop Eastman from murdering a slew of victims and trapping a bed-ridden child in her house. On this episode: head-sawing, head-cooking, head-severing, a proggy Goblinesque musical score, regenerative powers, mysterious spinal ailments, predictions of trauma, and creative solutions for your office storage needs!

This week, we discuss J.R. Bookwalter's 1991 shot-on-video suburban nightmare - Kingdom of the Vampire. Jeff lives alone with his mother in a run-down suburban neighborhood. Secretly, they are the last vampires and Jeff's mother is as bloodthirsty as they come. Will he give into his urges or protect his new girlfriend, Nina? On this episode: girl-scout eating, kitten chomping, multiple hammer blows to multiple heads, profound observations about "the night", the vampire aging process, an unnerving sheriff, convenience store cleanups, and some of the most dramatic scream-crying in horror history.

It's been a while and we've missed you! This week, we're back to discuss the 1971 occult oddity: Simon - King of the Witches! Written by a practicing warlock, Simon is a strange, meandering film that nevertheless gives an enthralling glimpse into occult practices and the 1970s. In this episode: sewer-drain occupancy, bougie parties, homosexual undertones, magnetic-electric spells, a glowing phallic magical talisman, erections lasting for longer than four hours, undercover narcotics investigations, a corrupt district attorney and one dose of effluvium!

If you've ever wanted your American fashion-giallos with an exclamation mark, check out Night Ripper! Writer-director Jeff Hathcock is better known for "Victims!" - also adorned with an exclamation point - but isn't quite as overtly misogynistic in this one; though, he does channel some eye-rolling prejudice through star Larry Thomas (Seinfeld's the Soup Nazi). Shot-on-video, and apparently without talent, Night Ripper! nevertheless manages to be oddly charming. On this episode: ubiquitous infidelity, questionable photography sessions, short-cut knife murders, repeated reading of newspaper articles, labored mannequin metaphors, some surprisingly creepy literal mannequins, flood-lamp fatigue, and long-groovy driving scenes.

We're back, after a break, for season two of Video Store Nightmares! Join us to discuss master exploitation director Jack Hill's foray into high school gang-turf-warfare: Switchblade Sisters. New girl in town - Maggie - helps turn the all-girl Dagger Debs (a sister gang to the all-male Silver Daggers) into a ferocious, independent force. Meanwhile, she's engaged in a power struggle with Lace, the ostensibly tough gang leader who secretly dreams of domestic bliss with fellow gang captain Dominic. Switchblade Sisters pays homage to drive-in juvenile delinquency films that came before, while influencing scores of exploitation film-makers to come. On this episode: an elevator assault, an abusive juvie warden, toilet bowl swirlies, teenage drug pushers, charity fraud, fights over student-union influence, acquiescent adults, derelict cops, teen pregnancy, a roller-rink massacre, Black-power socialists, ubiquitous switch blades, and ostracizing the poor girl who "lost an eye for this gang!"

This week, we revisit the work of John Waters, and one of the original midnight movies, with 1972's Pink Flamingos. This is the film that solidified John Waters and Divine as the reigning duo of filth and set the precedent for decades of cult films to come. Watch as Divine and her family do battle against the criminal Buttons over the tabloid title of "Filthiest Person Alive"! On this episode: oh, who are we kidding? What won't be on this episode!? Pink Flamingos is simply the paragon of bad taste.

This week, we confine ourselves to the mysterious Asylum of Satan, where blind, mute, paralyzed and hysterical patients await miracles, while white robed figures mill about eating solitary eggs. That's right, it's one of those is-she-or-isn't-she insane 70s paranoia flicks! Poor Lucina knows there's something off about Dr. Spector (aside from his pasted on goatee), but can her fiance Chris figure things out before it's too late? On this episode: psychiatric gaslighting, a cross-dressing head nurse, crimes against facial hair, abundant polyester, face-eating spiders, swimming snakes, not-so-virgin sacrifices, medical negligence, Satanic ceremonies, a rubber demon, video box hyperbole, and Nick Jolley's sole contribution to both film acting and country music!

This week, we check out another Donald G. Jackson true-original: 1986's Roller Blade. If you've ever wondered what the world would be like in a post-apocalyptic alternative universe, in which the '80s never died, everyone travels by roller skate, and the dialect is inexplicably King James-inspired, this is the flick for you! The Cosmic Order of Roller Blade (led by Mother Speed) faces off against the evil Doctor Saticoy and the results have to be seen to be believed. On this episode: a holy healing hot-tub, roving skateboard punks, a clumsy kidnapping victim (and our own childhood struggles with skates), a sentient hand puppet, the utility of roller skates for paraplegics, ubiquitous butterfly knives, weapons as "tools of healing", arbitrary resurrection limits, a magical dog, and the divinity of smiley-faces.

This week, join us as we travel to the Michigan of the 1970s and witness the summoning of a demon! Sam Raimi may have done it better, but Donald G. Jackson and Jerry Youngkin's sole celluloid collaboration has to be seen to be believed (that goes for most Jackson films). Youngkin stars as a lustrous-maned coven leader who wreaks demonic revenge on his less-dogmatic coven members when some refuse to give up their virginity in a ritual orgy. What follows is a testament to ineptitude as our titular Gwar castoff manhandles listless "teenagers" with nothing better to do than dance badly in Youngkin's castle. On this episode: missing fingers, a Frank Zappa lookalike, Satanism vs bourgeois mentalities, comic book artist allusions, a car seizure, a club for psychics, Gunnar Hansen, gratuitous karate, payment for gas via the Last Supper, shaving cream fighting, a crumbling castle, and gunning down a demon courtesy of Ted Nugent!

This week, join us for a movie that has more than one identity crisis: the 1971 grindhouse-slasher-psychedelic-sleaze-crossdressing-horror-comedy-melodrama - Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things. In this one, a pair of jewel thieves on the run in Florida (of course) develop an increasingly odd relationship as one adopts the persona of a fictional "Aunt Martha" while the other cavorts with hippy chicks who sexually terrorize him. Complicating factors, Aunt Martha wants her nephew/partner/lover all to herself and is willing to kill anyone who gets in her way. On this episode: lonely neighbors, snakeskin pants, garden shed parties, girls as sexual aggressors, forced haircuts, topless dancing, the wisdom of the Zodiac, groovy records, freeze-frame murders, movie studio cat-and-mouse, and an emergency C-section!