Voices of Deconversion

Today I speak with Tom Boulton from the U.K.

Tom's Christian faith grew in his teenage years amongst friends. His dad thought Tom was in a cult. Tom experienced intense anxiety at the thought of friends and family going to hell.  His faith is all-consuming.  He said that 18 year old Christian Tom wouldn't recognize 23 year old Christian Tom. His understanding and definition of Christianity changed. 

Tom mentors a 16 year old boy from church who comes out to Tom as gay. Tom doesn't respond so well the first time, but gets a chance to follow-up with the boy later and make it right. 

Work is a great landing place for him to go as he deconverts. After deconverting he invites everyone, including church friends out for a pint to chat about the changes in his life. It goes really well!

Tom is the friendliest, kindest guy and I loved hearing his story! You'll love it too.

Emily experienced several difficult relationships in her teen years. The boys/men she was with were often several years older than her and might described as manipulative and/or emotionally abusive in the way they treated her. When things went wrong, as she put it, she "went ham for God". During these years she went on mission trips and led worship in several churches. Later when she suspects somethings not quite right with her boyfriend, an atheist co-worker affirms her feelings and gives her perspective. Later she addresses her mental health and eventually determines she's agnostic leaning atheist.

She is so friendly and funny and was a joy to speak with. She has come through a lot difficulties in her young life  and her story will inspire you.

Ryan is a former evangelical homeschooler who enjoyed life and understanding the world so much that he eventually outgrew the religion of his upbringing. He now works in the tech manufacturing field in Austin TX and enjoys group meditation, talking about philosophy and history, and playing both sports and music. Today, Ryan calls himself atheist or agnostic but prefers the simple term “secular”, with a philosophy most closely aligning with Buddhism.

We have a great conversation. It was so fun chatting with him and getting to know him. I love the Marcus Aurelius quote too! Ryan's authenticity and friendly nature really come through in this interview. Enjoy!

Christianity ruins their childhood. They were born into a Catholic family and went to church every Saturday. They became aware they were non-binary at 6 years old, realizing they didn't want to be a girl. Their parents were caring and the type of people that you wish Christians were.  Despite a loving home environment, this didn't prevent a childhood of isolation and self-hatred. They were bullied, abused and suicidal. Somehow they remained a hardcore Christian.

Later in life they experience abuse in romantic relationships. In college they leave Catholicism for Non-denominational Christianity. 

Processing their grandmother's death leads to panic attacks and motivates them to read the Bible. It's immediately obvious to them that the Bible is (dark) Fiction.

They eventually get mental health help and in 2019 decide they are non longer a Christian. They are now an atheist. 

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* Trigger Warning: Discussions of abuse and rape*

Christa Elane is a self described "old Millennial" who has been deconverting for years and now leans atheist. She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her spouse and kids. She's a social worker and disability advocate with a passion for Autism acceptance and inclusion. She was raised in a so called "spirit filled' non-denominational Christian church in California. She was a part of the "Toronto Blessing" revival in he 1990s and was in a Christian cult in her teen years in Spokane, Washington. Christa wants to share about her journey out of Christianity and the abuses she witnessed at several churches. 

My guest today grew up never knowing any other perspective, except the one he was told to have. His family did not attend events outside of church. He spent preschool through 12th grade at the same private school and church. His friendships were strictly controlled. Girlfriends or "crushes" were prohibited. Every potential influence was censored. He had no privacy at any time. He wasn't allowed to develop any opinion unless it was the same as his parents.  

He was forced to hide his thoughts, friendships, music or anything else that didn't conform. His worldview had been dictated to him his whole life until, through the Army ROTC program at a fundamentalist Christian college, he began to discover the real world. He now considers himself an atheist. He's married with two kids and lives in the South.  

Amanda was a devout Catholic. She used to attend mass daily. She and her husband didn't use birth control, in accordance with church teaching. She accidentally joins a cult at university. The 2016 and 2020 U.S. elections get her thinking about propaganda. She wonders what propaganda she believes. She hears a Bible verse that says, " You will know them by their fruits". That's the last straw. It gave her the final push to leave Christianity. She became an atheist in November 2020.

She's married and has four kids. She has her undergrad in theology and Master's degree in mental health counseling. She's passionate about human rights and changing the world through empathy. 

Now she is focused on raising her four kids to be aware of others. She's considering going back to school to study religious trauma and spiritual abuse because she feels like these topics aren't talked about enough.

I just wanted to share an encouraging quote from the TV series "The Innocent" on Netflix. The show has nothing to do with deconversion, but the quote definitely does. I thought you might find it an encouragement in terms of coming from a past you aren't all that happy about (having been a Christian) and looking toward a better, hopeful future. There aren't any spoilers, so I hope you get a chance to watch this show. If you do, let me know what you think of it!

Chelsy's been instructing English as a Second Language (ESL) for 20 years. She's been a full time lecturer at Purdue University since 2014.

Currently she's working on her second Master's degree about the experiences of lesbian ex-members of Campus Crusade for Christ. 

She was raised in a Christian home, but an experience during the summer of her Freshman year in college, begins a series of big changes in her life. Her parents don't respond well. A mission trip to India leads to an epiphany. She is now agnostic/atheist.

Chelsy's hobbies include kayaking, playing guitar and drums, rock climbing, traveling and learning languages. Chelsy and her wife recently got married just a few weeks ago!

Congrats Chelsy!!

Today I speak with Abby.

She was adopted from South Korea with her little sister by Christian American Parents. Her early life was marked by abuse and neglect. She was raised in a non-denominational Christian family. Demons and hell cause her nightmares as a child. 

She makes big life decisions based on her faith. She later has to tell her Christian family that she is getting divorced. When She has to tell them she's an atheist, it doesn't go over well with some. 

Now Abby is determined to be the kind of parent to her sons that she needed when she was a child. She wants to give them choices. She wants them to feel they have control. She wants them to know that they are their own person and they don't belong to anyone. 

Abby was delightful to speak with. Her story and courage are so inspirational. I'm grateful she shared her story with us today. 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCduezbfGbAZBzS3g5RwvW-g

Email: [email protected]