Walk Beside Me

Today I’m sharing the story of a small miracle that taught me this important lesson:

Parenting is like gardening. There are seasons of reaping and seasons of sowing. And just because you aren’t tasting good fruits right in this moment doesn’t mean that you aren’t being successful.

Maybe the bitter moments are the greatest opportunities to sow seeds that will bear sweet fruit in the future.

Resources Mentioned:

• Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (and his other books)
• A Theory of Objectivist Parenting by Roslyn Ross
• Magda Gerber
• Maria Montessori
• The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies
• No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury (and her other books & resources)

Scripture References:

• Ecclesiastes 3:1–3
• Doctrine & Covenants 6:33
• Galatians 6:9–10
• Alma 41:15
• Mark 4:26–27

There are certain things about parenting that are physically exhausting: waking up for a baby in the middle of the night, folding piles of laundry, chasing a toddler around.

So let's do whatever we can to avoid making it mentally exhausting, too.

One of the BEST ways to free up your mind mentally as a parent is to recognize all the little ways you are treating your child as an object or project rather than a real, full-fledged human. Stop putting on the "parent" performance, and you will witness a much freer, happier version of yourself emerge.

In this episode, I'm exploring simple ways that we can drop performance from parenthood and replace it with relationship. I promise that implementing this mindset shift will make your days feel easier, lighter, and overall much more enjoyable. Because instead of acting out the behaviors of a "good parent," you just get to be the best version of YOU. Which is so much more sustainable and impactful in the long run.

Scripture References:

• Luke 6:31
• Matthew 22:39

Today I'm sharing some recent reflections on perfectionism, a condition I've dealt with my whole life.

Becoming a parent has shown me the dangers of perfectionism. Yet I realized recently that pursuing perfection or excellence isn't the problem.

The problem is thinking you can make yourself perfect on your own, and letting your own (or the world's) definition of perfection guide you.

In this episode, I'm unpacking how we can let Christ perfect every moment, which will turn the pursuit of perfection from arduous to life-giving.

Scripture References:

• ​Matthew 21:31
• ​Matthew 5:48
• ​Matthew 5:20
• ​Moroni 10:32
• ​2 Nephi 32:9

In this episode, I'm discussing how the way Jesus addressed the woman caught in adultery is the PERFECT, grounding story to remember when we are parenting our own children in public.

Like Jesus, we can slow down and remember that impressing other people is never worth sacrificing our relationship with our kids.

Scripture References:

• John 8
• Mosiah 3:19

I’ve been thinking about the argument “but kids need structure!” for some time now. The mentality seems to be, “Yes kids can have some autonomy, BUT they need to be controlled a little bit too.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that kids DO need structure, but it’s not what most people think. It’s not a flawless bedtime routine, three perfect meals a day, or strictly delegated chores.

I’m not saying these things don’t work for some families
BUT the one “structure” that ALL kids truly NEED is a parent whose character is steadfast and immovable. A parent who can stand still in any storm. No external structure is as valuable or necessary as your internal structure.

I'm thrilled that one of my friends from law school, Paris Thomas, could join me for this episode. From an outsider's perspective, his childhood was very lacking in the "structure" department. His dad was incarcerated, his two older brothers were killed in gang violence, and he experienced several years of homelessness.

Yet in spite of it all, Paris went on to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served in the Navy. He ran for office at the age of 28. He went to law school. And he's now working as a prosecutor.

And Paris credits all of this accomplishment to his mother—the woman who gave him the structure of her character rooted in Christ. In this episode, he shares stories of how she laid the foundation for Paris's remarkably giving spirit, even in the midst of constant trial and hardship.

Scripture References:

• Luke 10:38–42 (Mary & Martha)
• Matthew 19:16–30 (the rich young ruler)
• 3 Nephi 11 (Jesus visiting the Nephites)

Resources Mentioned:

• BYU Magazine article about Paris Thomas: "He Shall Overcome"

Today I'm challenging a popular paradigm in the world of faith-based leadership: the "high love, high expectations" framework.

High expectations can be detrimental. When we set an expectation, we make our emotions and reactions dependent on another person's behavior. Essentially, we say "I will only be happy with you if you do X."

A more scriptural approach is high "faith, hope, and charity." With faith, we always believe in the child's unseen potential. With hope, we always allow for repentance and change. With charity, we respond with kindness regardless of the child's behavior.

While expectations can go unmet and be disappointed, faith, hope, and charity never fail.

Scripture References:

• Alma 7:24 ("See that ye have faith, hope, and charity.")
• Hebrews 11:1 ("Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.")
• Matthew 17:20 ("If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, nothing shall be impossible unto you.")
• 1 John 3:3 ("Every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.)
• Ether 12:4 ("Hope comes of faith and maketh an anchor to the soul.")
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (Charity)

Today's episode is a quick hitter on a topic that can be triggering for a lot of parents: tone.

Short story shorter, the best way we can help our kids speak in more "respectful" tones is to (1) dispel the fear, and (2) model what we want to hear.

Listen to the full episode for more.

Scripture References:

• 1 Samuel 16:7
• 2 Timothy 1:7
• Matthew 7:12
• Matthew 7:2

In this episode, I'm sharing how prayer is saving me from some of the most intense guilt I've ever felt in my life.

Since. I was very young, I've struggled with perfectionism and the crippling, sometimes physically painful guilt that comes along with it. Nowhere has this been more true that in my relationship with religion and God.

Until one day, a friend asked me a question that started to shift my view of how God sees my mistakes and how He wants me to see them.

Motherhood is solidifying my new view of how God wants us to respond to our guilt, because there are SO many opportunities to fall prey to "mom guilt." It's been especially prevalent for me as I've welcomed a new baby into our home. When everyone needs my love, it's too easy for me to believe that I'm never doing enough for anyone.

Join me as I share what God is teaching me through this chapter in my life.

Scripture References:

• Romans 5:1
• Romans 8:1
• 1 John 3:19–20
• Matthew 11:28–30
• Matthew 14–15 (loaves and fishes)
• Numbers 21:4–9 (bronze serpent)

Resources Mentioned:

• Walk Beside Me Episode 4: Preaching Repentance: It's Not What You Think
• More on religious scrupulosity

This episode is all about the most important skill you can develop as a parent: seeing correctly.

In a book I read recently, I learned that the difference between a good artist and a not-so-good one is not a lack of skill or talent. It's a fundamental difference in the way the two artists see.

The same is true in parenting.

If you can see your children accurately, you don't really need to worry about anything else. You will naturally say and do all the right things.

And if you don't see correctly, nothing you do can really be right, even if it appears to "work" some of the time.

I'll give you practical tools on how to SEE by outlining how the five basic perception skills in drawing are excellent parallels for the perceptions skills we need to thrive as parents.

Drawing Skills:

1. Perceiving edges
2. Perceiving negative space
3. Perceiving relationships
4. Perceiving lights and shadows
5. Perceiving the whole

Drawing Skills:

1. Perceiving what's in your control (and what's not)
2. Perceiving who YOU want to be as a parent
3. Perceiving the true nature of relationships
4. Perceiving the child's perspective beneath behavior
5. Perceiving the whole child, including eternal identity and potential

Resources mentioned:

• Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards

Scripture references:

• Matthew 6:22–23
• Matthew 7:17–18
• Matthew 23:25–26
• Matthew 7:21–23

This episode is for anyone who feels a bit of panic while noticing their old habits and weaknesses creep back into sight.

This is where I have been the past few weeks. But the panic has dissipated due to some scriptural truths and spirit-given analogies that are helping me as I regain strength. I'm understanding weakness in a way that is more empowering and hopeful than ever before in my life.

Resources Mentioned:

• Hannah's Children: The Women Quietly Defying the Birth Dearth by Catherine Pakaluk

Scripture References:

• 2 Corinthians 12:7–10
• Exodus 4:10–12
• Ether 12:27