Walk Beside Me

For the first three years of my marriage, I struggled to see my husband's and my differences in a helpful light. I was quick to judge, condemn, accuse, and go into an emotional spiral.

While I am still actively letting go of these natural man tendencies, since becoming a mom I have gained some perspectives that have blessed me with an abundant supply of compassion and patience for ALL humans. Not just my kids, but also my husband and myself.

In this episode I'm sharing the three perspective shifts that have helped me the most:

1. ​Everything is already exactly as it should be
2. ​We are all grownup toddlers
3. ​Reframe differences as skill-based rather than character deficits

I'm so grateful that marriage has given me endless opportunities to learn and grow. It wouldn't be possible without my patient and forgiving husband.

Resources Mentioned:

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Episodes 15 & 16 of Walk Beside Me (deep dive on punishment—I accidentally said episodes 16 & 17 but I meant these ones 🙃)

In this episode, I’m inviting you to throw out the one ingredient that will ruin parenting for you: FEAR.

I’m sure you’ve heard “faith over fear” a million times. But unfortunately, the world’s way of parenting is extremely fear-driven, which means it can be pretty counterintuitive to parent from a place of faith.

Join me in this episode as I address five common parenting fears:

1. Fear of what others think
2. Fear of the child’s emotions
3. Fear of rejection/disobedience
4. Fear of the child’s inner badness
5. Fear of messing up the child

We’ll talk about how they show up, why they’re unfounded, and how to release them. I promise if you hang with me and apply these principles, your days with your kids will start to feel exponentially more peaceful and fun.

Follow on Instagram: @brooklynmbird

Resources mentioned:

Walk Beside Me Episode 7: Spoiling vs. Godly Giving

Tessa Romero: @tessaromero_ on Instagram

Scripture References:

• Genesis 26:24
• Isaiah 41:10
• 2 Kings 6:16
• 2 Timothy 1:7
• 1 John 4:18
• Doctrine & Covenants 67:10
• Doctrine & Covenants 68:6
• Doctrine & Covenants 38:30
• Luke 6:26
• Psalm 56:4
• Isaiah 51:7
• Psalm 56:4
• Moroni 8:16
• Psalm 27:1
• Proverbs 29:25
• James 1:5

This episode is part 2 of 2 in my series on punishment. In part 1 (episode 15), I discussed the practical and spiritual reasons that we don't need to use punishment in order to teach our kids.

If you haven't listened to part 1 yet, listen to it here:

Apple podcasts

Spotify

YouTube

In this episode, I'm offering six alternatives to punishment: six ways that we can teach our kids without intentionally making them suffer for what they did:

1. Teach by example
2. Space and silence
3. Communicate and follow through
4. Ask questions
5. Parables
6. Song

Resources Mentioned:

The Lectures on Faith

No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff

Scripture References:

Matthew 4:19 ("Come, follow me")

Romans 2:4

Doctrine & Covenants 58:43

Just a few examples of questions Jesus asked: Matthew 5:46, Matthew 6:27, Matthew 12:11, Matthew 14:31, Matthew 16:13–15, Matthew 19:17

Matthew 13:3–23 (Parable of the Sower)

Matthew 20:1–16 (Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard)

Luke 10:25–37 (Parable of the Good Samaritan)

Luke 15:11–32 (Parable of the Prodigal Son)

Matthew 13:24–30 (Parable of the Wheat and the Tares)

Matthew 25:14–30 (Parable of the Talents)

Psalms

Follow on Instagram: @brooklynmbird

This episode is part 1 of 2 in my series on punishment.

In this episode, I talk about the practical and spiritual reasons for why we don't need to use punishment in our parenting.

If our goal as parents is to teach our children, then it's time for us to start thinking deeply about the lessons that punishment is really teaching. Does it really teach kids self-discipline and morality? Or does it teach them that...

• Making another human suffer is the best way to respond to their mistakes
• Kids can't be trusted to do the right thing unless there's a threat or a bribe involved
• As long as I don't get caught making a mistake, I'm safe

Not only does punishment do the opposite of what we hope it will, it is also the opposite of repentance and the opposite of what Jesus Christ teaches.

Jesus says that He came not to condemn the world, but to save it. He says that He suffered so that we don't have to suffer if we repent. He says do good to those that hate you, persecute you, or do evil to you. For some reason, we can apply this counsel to strangers, but when it comes to our kids, we default to "an eye for an eye."

It's time to rise above the world's way of doing things and have faith in Christ's way.

In next week's episode, I'll answer the burning question you'll be left with at the end of this one: If we aren't going to use punishment to teach, what tools can we use instead?

Resources Mentioned:

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Tom Piccirilli: @thedadvibes on Instagram

Scripture References:

Scriptures about "false traditions": Mark 7:7–9; Matthew 15:3; Alma 60:32; Doctrine & Covenants 93:39

Doctrine & Covenants 19:16

John 3:16–17

Alma 34:32–35 (don't procrastinate repentance)

Luke 6:27–38 (the Sermon on the Mount)

Romans 12:17–19

Matthew 6:1

John 17:3

Mosiah 2:38

Doctrine & Covenants 11:9

Romans 2:4

I almost didn't record an episode this week...

Moving to Florida has been challenging to say the least. My heart is heavy, mourning the life we left behind in California. My motivation and mood have been uncomfortably low.

In other words, I've been stuck in a rut.

But life has blessed me with two other "ruts" over the past eight months, so I'm starting to become a pro at navigating them. And despite the sadness I feel, I also feel very excited to share with you my two favorite tools for getting through and out of a rut.

First, I'm talking about how considering the perspectives of others helps me stay graceful and kind, even when I feel tempted to only care about myself.

And then I'm sharing how the act of CREATION helps us get back to who we truly are—divine creators, children of the great Creator Himself.

Resources Mentioned:

David Ghiyam podcast

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Scripture References:

Alma 37:6

Doctrine & Covenants 37:9

Mosiah 18:9 describes three commitments we make when we are baptized. And this verse is also the perfect formula for helping anyone—our kids, friends, spouses, or selves—through "big emotions."

In this episode, I'm walking through each step of this formula and why the order of these steps is so helpful for working through anger, fear, and sadness.

Long story short, we can't effectively witness of God or offer comfort/advice if we don't first mourn with those that mourn.

Resources Mentioned

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury

Scripture References

2 Timothy 1:7

Mosiah 18:9

Y'all are in for a treat this week. And yes, I am taking the liberty of saying "y'all" because my family just moved to the South and I'm not going to live below my privileges.

For my very last episode filmed in California, I wanted to interview a dear friend and role model, Catina Haverlock. I have gotten to know Catina while serving the youth in our church together and am constantly in awe of her wisdom, accomplishments, and heart.

Catina's parenting journey looks a little different from most. Her oldest son, Adam, who happens to be the exact same age as me, has experienced profound autism since around the time that he turned one year old. By witnessing Adam's unique strengths and helping bear the load of his challenges, Catina has been blessed with a magnified view of human development. She's learned what really works to help children with autism thrive. And at the end of the day, these principles apply to all parent-child relationships.

In this episode, we explore the differences between two popular autism interventions, and Catina explains why she has chosen to lean on one over the other. The cool thing is that the approach she takes—nicknamed RDI or Relationship Development Intervention—puts into action SO many eternal principles that we might sometimes forget apply to parenting.

Join us as Catina debunks autism myths, shares spiritual insights, and teaches concepts and practices that will bless any parent and child.

Scripture References:

Hebrews 11:1

Alma 32:21

Matthew 6:33

Resources Mentioned:

Adam Takes On Autism (Adam & Catina's Instagram)

The Beyond Series (Catina's fiction novels)

FEAT of Southern Nevada

TERI Inc.

The Christ Who Heals by Fiona & Terryl Givens

The God Who Weeps by Terryl & Fiona Givens

Trust God. It's one of the most common refrains in scripture. We hear it all the time. But are we taking this commandment seriously?

For some reason, I find it easier to trust God when there is a big change in my life. Moving across the country? God’s got a plan. Loved one passes away? They’re needed more on the other side. Lost my job? God’s got something better in store.

But crayon on the walls? Dinner burnt? Folded laundry knocked over? Husband home late? Toddler skipped her nap?

Suddenly the sky is falling.

I've recently discovered the power of intentionally trusting God with the small inconveniences we might assume don't matter to Him. Because actually, it is ALL part of His plan. In this episode, I'm introducing three tools that I use to keep my mind on Christ in these challenging moments, and how doing so affords me "perfect peace."

Scripture References:

Isaiah 26:3–4

Matthew 4:18–22

Daniel 3:17–18

Walk Beside Me on Instagram @brooklynmbird

I am thrilled to welcome Walk Beside Me's inaugural guest: my dear friend McKenzie Rucker.

McKenzie Rucker is many things: she is a graphic designer, web developer, wife, mother to 3 children, and passionate Jesus follower. I wanted her to join me on the podcast because she is one of those moms who radiates intentionality and joy with her children.

When I asked McKenzie what she wanted to talk about, she brought up the topic of nonverbal communication—its power in parenting and God's pattern of using it Himself. This episode builds PERFECTLY on last week's episode about giving godly instructions. God uses nonverbal cues to communicate with us all the time, and McKenzie does an excellent job of expounding on how we can do so as well in our parenting.

We talk about 6 principles of nonverbal communication in this episode:

1. Observe and behold
2. Curiosity over control
3. Model behavior by quietly teaching
4. Slow down & have patience
5. Give your presence
6. Calm confidence & inner peace

And if you want to put her beautiful power phrases on your wall as helpful reminders, here's the list:

• Notice before you navigate
• Wonder before you worry
• Seek connection before correction
• Teach with your hands and your heart, not just your voice
• Slow is safe
• Patience is power
• Presence is more powerful than perfection
• Your nearness is nurturing
• Calm is contagious
• Confidence doesn't have to be loud
• Your peace is their peace

Everyday a Holiday website

Everyday a Holiday Instagram

Follow Brooklyn on Instagram for more Christ-centered parenting goodness

Giving instructions can be stressful for some parents—especially those of us who are trying to be respectful and conscious in how we communicate with our kids. How can we clearly communicate what we want without being overly controlling or domineering? And how do we respond when our children don't immediately obey?

The good news is, God gives us an excellent example of how to give instructions clearly, directly, AND gently. He shows us that is possible to be straightforward and kind. He's the perfect example of teaching clearly AND respecting our agency.

So I'm laying out five principles that I see in the scripture that demonstrate how God instructs His children, and that I think we can apply in our own parenting:

1. Use positive language
2. Straightforward, not begging
3. Delivery is tailored to the child's needs and timing
4. Never hypocritical
5. Not emotionally attached to immediate results

Resources:

No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff

Scripture References:

Exodus 20:3–20

Matthew 5

Matthew 6