The Law of Attraction is a belief that you can manifest what you desire by aligning yourself to it. This works on a simple, grounded, nonspiritual level in the sense that defining what you want is the first step to getting it–and once you name it, you can start moving towards it, one little step at a time. On a spiritual level, it’s a co-creation with the Universe, a surrender to what’s meant to be, and a shedding of anything which holds your gorgeous energy back from your highest good. To quote the Rocky Horror Picture Show, “don’t dream it, be it.”

First, the Universe starts with a whisper, then escalates to a scream, then towers start crashing down, until one day you find yourself at the center of a hurricane–that is where we are now. People in power obviously have no interest in making the right, the loving, the conscious choice. All we have is each other. Action is the enemy of hopelessness, community is the enemy of isolation. Our separation keeps them in power. Thousands of seemingly small acts of love turn into big movements that change the course of history. At the end of the day, all we have is a lot.

Toxic Loyalty is a pattern that often starts in childhood with the family of origin. Codependent families, families in denial, or families that gaslight enforce mantras like “blood is thicker than water” or “what happens in the family, stays in the family.” There is a precedent of enmeshment and discouragement of speaking the truth. Walking away when harm is being caused is never modeled. A ride-or-die mentality is romanticized–but in recovery, you start to wonder… who is this really benefitting? Then, breaking that toxic loyalty pattern becomes an act of self-love.

In part 1 we named the traits listed by Janet G. Woititz in her book Adult Children of Alcoholics and applied them to all adults with childhood trauma--this week we talk about how to go about healing them. Most patterns and strategies we developed to survive our chaotic childhoods start to manifest as dysfunction as adults. You can create safety, stability, fun, presence, affirmation, and love in your life. You are in charge. You can heal yourself. 

Trauma plays out in patterns and many of these patterns are more Universal than the feelings of isolation we carry with us would have us believe. Here are some common ways that childhood trauma might show up in your life in adulthood. This week we're identifying them, next week we get into how to do the down n dirty work of healing. 

The Golden rule, like so many life lessons we impart to children, we forget as adults. We become self-absorbed, cynical, and resentful of one another and that comes out in our behavior. What would happen if we could see the innate flawed humanity and perfect divinity in one another? What if we could take our fellow living beings into our hearts as parts of ourselves? What if we were to soften the way we move through the world? How would things change?

Communication is key, but it’s also tough. When we’re communicating with people we love or people we work with, our fears, traumas, and insecurities can flare up because the stakes feel really high. Slow it down, breathe it out, ask for what you need, and communicate from a mindful and productive place of love, respect, and not winning, but simply wanting to solve the problem at hand.

So much about how we are conditioned to view romance is rooted in a lack of choice–time and again we are shown examples of love in media that are beyond choice, bigger than the will of anyone involved. In real life, this can be a toxic motivator for people to get (or stay) involved in unhealthy situations, it can be a notion used by abusers to justify the unstable nature of these back-and-forth relationships, and it can cause us to view red flags through rose-colored glasses. What would happen if we were to flip the script and romanticize choice?

Violating consent is a process of objectification, dehumanization, and disrespect--yet we live within a system that requires us to put up with this violation daily. Conversations around consent require vulnerability, honesty, and an ability to receive another's truth without defensiveness or judgment--but when survival asks us to put our vulnerability aside, to stifle and numb our feelings, how are we supposed to cultivate and prioritize consent? The answer lies in healing, in softness, in safety, in love. 

Wars have been around as long as humans have, but that doesn't mean they're correct, natural, or unavoidable. If everyone set their intentions on healing the greed of the ego, we may no longer need to fight over imaginary things like ownership of land, money, or even access to resources. The impulse to hoard and make scarce what should be abundant, of always wanting more at any cost, and of disrespecting the divinity of life can only be attributed to one, singular dysfunction--too much damn ego.