August 15th — City of Eau Claire 
The police pulled over a woman who had a warrant out. And when they arrived at the jail, she told jail staff that she had Meth stashed in a “sensitive body cavity.”  

August 16th —City of Oconomowoc 
Our Frequent caller has returned from being in Texas for several months, and is reporting satellites were waiting for him to return, in order to mess up his video games again.  

August 16th – City of Eau Claire 
Police Officers located a vehicle in the middle of the roadway with a blown tire. The driver showed signs of severe intoxication as they were unable to exit the vehicle or stand on their own. They blew a .431. That a point four three one!!! We think that’s legally dead 

August 16th — City of Janesville 
At Starbuck's a man was in the lot, “slamming twisted teas,” trying to start fights with anyone who went through the drive thru 

I tell ya, the new fall menu comes out tomorrow at Starbucks. That man better not try and get between me and my pumpkin spiced latte! This and more on this weeks Small Town Crime Wave!

Bro thinks he's in media because he runs a small X account where people blow smoke up his skirt on a regular basis. Say it with me Farmer, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. He gives everyone in media a bad name. Wanting to be first on a story by exposing someone's personal tragedy is a weird flex. For being the picture next to the definition of "dumpster fire" in the dictionary, Farmer should feel shame, shame, shame.

When you take a hostage in a grocery store bathroom then let the hostage chase YOU thru the store then flash a knife only to have your thumb shot off, you're for sure a Cocktail Frank.

A studio divided. TCutter's Weenie of the Week. Laura abstained this week.

Dane Cook's brother, Darryl, embezzled at least $12 MILLION from him. I mean, that's really it... I can't even get sarcastic about it. Stealing from family is a dick move. Darryl, for simply being a bad human, should feel shame, shame, shame.

As long as people keep looking for love on Craig's List, we'll keep doing Missed Connections.

No real disrespect to Madonna, but how TF in 2026 is that woman raking in 11 nominations at the MTV VMA's? You go take a look around, almost no rock is represented these days. MTV should rebrand to NRMTV - No Rock Music TV. The VMA's? Do they still play music videos? I saw one once at 2:38am, but besides that it's just a show where a bunch of ladies pop balloons. For even still having a VMA award show, MTV should feel shame, shame, shame.