War and Peace in just 7 years (WAPIN7)

S9E6. Péas de résistance

Bags. We thought we knew everything there was to know about them. We thought we'd been inside them all. But what if I told you there was one more bag, one special bag no one had ever seen before -...

S9E5. Bald, Bold & Bagged

Ok, so there's one giant bag and inside that bag there are 9 sub-bags. Each of these 9 sub-bags, apart from bag 9, has other smaller bags inside them - think of them as sub-sub-bags. Oh, and these bags are...

S9E4. No Pony-Poleon

Napoleon, we've seen him wild with anger, we've seen him quiver with rage, we've seen him snuff with impunity. Now it's time to see Napoleon calm as a clam - a clam that also happens to control one of the...

S9E3. E'snuff's E'snuff!

We start with three noble Barry’s: Barry the Bugler, Barry the Bodyguard and Barry the Burger (horse). Will the Barry’s successfully escort their leader, who might also be called Barry, along the yellow brick road to find out who’s behind...

S9E2. Fate at the Fête

Don't be coconut shy, come on down to the WAPIN7 Fête! We've got dodgems, teacup rides and a coconut shy! Plus an area to sell secondhand goods. It must be fate. Fancy some candy floss?! Well, the machine is broken...

S9E1. The Bad Shadows Are A Comin'

We're back for Book 9 and boy is this going to be bad! Not the podcast, cross our saucy little fingers, but the world of War and Peace. It's been way too long since we heard from that Napoleon chap...

S8E12. Special: Winnie-the-Pooh And Some Bees

What do you get when you mix the 'wrong type' of bees, a sentient half-dressed bear with a penchant for honey and a child with a gun and a really really nice balloon? Why, you get the Season 8 special...

S8E11. Book 8 Catch-up Quiz!

It's time for the Season 8 Catch-Up Quiz and boy do we have some questions for you! There are pictures of comets, AI-generated nightmare art, varying degrees of slug speed accuracy and of course a question about the Smurfs. How...

S8E10. Comet-ment Issues - Book 8 Finale!

The time has finally come - the end of another book is upon us. Gather round slugs, worms, maggots and humans young, old and slimy as we seamlessly complete character arcs, wrap up storylines, culminate journeys literal and figurative,...

S8E9. One Side of the Square is a Slug

What happens when you add one more side to a love triangle? What happens when one of those sides is an actual slug? A slug who was hell-bent on abducting one of the sides of the square! We promise you...

S8E8. Two Ducks, a Slug, and a Naked Priest

Incredibly attractive as they may be, slugs are typically not known for their speed or for their clever plans. Today that all changes. Prepare to meet the slug who has it all... great looks, sure (like all slugs), but also...

S8E7. I Kissed a Slug and I Liked It!

I kissed a slug, and I liked itTaste of its slime... surprisingI kissed a slug, just to try itI hope my fiance don't mind itIt felt so wrong, it felt so rightDon't mean I'm a gastropod tonightI smooched a slug...

S8E6. One Side of the Triangle is a Worm

Slugs: the familiar garden beastie known for their gelatinous trails, unsightly appearance and voracious love of salad.19th century Russian slugs were a little different - around 6ft tall they were known to roam in pairs, using their incredible influence and...

S8E5. The Devil, Some Cardboard, And His Saucepan Son

Why does the Devil have a saucepan son and why are they dancing? What's wrong with the King's arms? Why is he also dancing? Why is their world made entirely of cardboard?I wish we could answer those questions but unfortunately...

S8E4. The Sauce of Sadness

If we want to understand why pure, inescapable sadness has descended on what was once a happy, albeit somewhat violent and troubling book, we must go back in time.Way, way, way back, all the way to Book 7 and ask...

S8E3. Sad, Marry, Avoid?

Sure, being sad is sad. We can't deny it. It feels bad, it feels really quite sad in fact.But what if the only way to conquer sadness is to be even more sad? What if you could have so much...

S8E2. The Mary Bumper Sadness Special

You thought you knew sad? You know, sad... that feeling you get when you realise you've eaten the last crisp and there won't be any more crisps tonight, or when you have a shower and the hot water runs out,...

S8E1. Welcome To Club Sadness - Book 8 Begins!

We're back with a sadness bomb and some problems as old as time...Can frivolous spending, clubbing and drinking to excess improve your health, mental wellbeing and outlook on life?What would you do if you had loads of money...

S7E8. Special: Casino Royale

The name's Jimbo, Jimbo Secretan, Her Magesty's Ornothologist and best gambler in Britain. Yes that's right it's time for the final special episode of Season 7 - this time it's a matter of national importance and there's only one...

S7E7. The Book 7 Catch Up Zoo Quiz Special (Ep. 100!)

Join us for this incredibly special centenary episode of WAPIN7 - an unbelivable milestone for us, you, Tolstoy and surprisingly the animals of London Zoo. Chosen by our Patrons, the Zoo is of course the obvious place to go for...

S7E7. The Book 7 Catch Up Zoo Quiz Special (Ep. 100!)

Join us for this incredibly special centenary episode of WAPIN7 - an unbelivable milestone for us, you, Tolstoy and surprisingly the animals of London Zoo. Chosen by our Patrons, the Zoo is of course the obvious place to go for...

S7E6. Supernatural Cork Kisses - Book 7 Finale!

GHOSTS, WITCHES, CLOWNS, BEARS as well as the HUMAN BEAN - we've got it all this week, as we descend deep into hell for this final episode of Book 7.You didn't expect it, we certainly didn't expect it, but yes...

S7E5. The Oats Don't Lie

It is rumoured that Shakira wrote her global smash hit single after being inspired by a perfect bowl of oats. The, now infamous, story goes that Shakira was so moved by the oats that she demanded a harp was bought...

S7E4. Do You Bala-Like It?

You know the old saying: Hunt hard, play hard. And boy have we hunted hard.Drop your crop, hang your horn, and swap your hunting knife for an eating knife, because the hunt is over and it's time to party like...

S7E3. He's Not My Uncle

Since the beginning of time there have been rivalries that have transcended the generations:Cats and dogsSliced bread and non sliced bread Red or white wine And many more!It's time for a new rivalry. Can any living being catch hares better...

S7E2. How Many Dogs Is Too Many Dogs?

It's an age old question: How many dogs would a good dog dog if a good dog could dog dogs? Is 5 dogs the right answer? 50? Would 5000 dogs be a good number of dogs to involve?Tolstoy wasn't afraid...

S7E1. Homeward Bound

One is the epic and unforgettable adventure of a talking bulldog, a talking golden retriever and presumably a talking cat and the other; a tale of a soldier's rather forgettable journey home to fix his family's financial mess. Which is...

S6E10. Book 6 Catch-Up Quiz

We've got questions on hands, talking golden Smurf trees, archaic ultra-complicated temperature scales, bad calendars, pirate ships and somehow even a Jazz pianist. What links them all? Book 6 of War and Peace.Are you ready to put your...

S6E9. Special: Twilight

Forks, Washington gets 110 inches of rain, on average, per year. The US average is 38 inches of rain per year.A lot of rain to wash away your sins... Perhaps; perhaps indeed.Forks averages 7 inches of snow per year. The...

S6E8. Pandy's Promise - Book 6 Finale!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! Another book down. Take a bow, do a small dance, ask someone to marry you and sit in silence for exactly one year, have a pineapple or simply sit down and listen to the...

S6E7. Normal People Doing Stuff

Nothing to see here, move along, move along.It's just another standard week in War and Peace this week as the perfectly normal married humans, Vera and Berg, do utterly expected and human-y things with their normal human friends. Join us...

S6E6. The Secret Of Happiness

Prince Andy is on the hunt for happiness but in order to find it he simply must experience ambivalence, nihilism and straight up unhappiness first.This episode is sort of like a football match. But instead of two teams playing football,...

S6E5. The Dance of Destiny

We've been to soirees, parties, even a casual ball or five during our time with War and Peace. We've watched as The King of Sauce set the dance floor on fire, we've seen kids doing backflips to impress other kids,...

S6E4. Will You Money Me?

Some marry for love. Some marry for a protracted negotiation around dowry payments, up front deposits, cash incentives and share options. Some choose not to marry because they don't love someone. Some choose not to marry because the dowry payments,...

S6E3. Dear Diary

Dear Diary,My name's Pierre and I'm in my 20s, maybe early 30s, I'm not really sure. I've had a strange few years, I swapped my wife for a pile of bones and then I built a hospital out of money...

S6E2. The Whole World In His Hands!

All together now!He's got the rights of the people, in his hands!He's got plump white hands, for his hands!He's got a strange way of talking, in his hands!He's got the whole world in his hands!///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and...

S6E1. Hot Hot Spring - Book 6 Begins!

We’re back! It’s officially Volume 2, it’s officially 1808, it’s officially spring. Indeed, the spring has never been springier in this spring-time spring spectacular. Peel off precisely one layer, go for a walk, and get ready to feel the full...

S5E13. Special: The Murders In The Rue Morgue - Part 2 of 2

You've been hanging on to that cliff for too long! It's time for us to set you free and reveal the murderer! Or MURDERERS!!This week it's all about windows and doors and locks and nails and hair but mainly windows...

S5E12. Special: The Murders In The Rue Morgue - Part 1 of 2

Move over Sherlock, pipe down Poirot, check yourself Miss Marple - there's a new detective in town and he's the real og.This week we meet the incredible deductive mind of August Dupin - a sexy, forceful and profoundly arogant amateur...

S5E11. Book 5 Catch-Up Quiz

You look down at your large red powerful hands. You clench one into a fist and pump it triumphantly into the air! You've finished Book 5 of War and Peace and rightly want the world to know about. "What...

S5E10. Peace out! - Book 5 (+ Vol 1!) Finale

It's the end of Book 5 AND the end of Volume 1 of War and Peace - and there are just so many unanswered questions:Will Denisov escape the law?Will peace last forever?Will the surfs ever truly be free?Why was that...

S5E9. Dress Down Friday

Casual clothes day, dress down day, own clothes day, free dress day, non-uniform day, uniform free day, wear what you want day...Whatever you call it, it might be a day you look back on fondly, remembering that time you wore...

S5E8. Laughter is the Only Medicine

S5E7. Mud, Blood, and Biscuits

If you've assembled an IKEA cupboard or two you'll know how essential good, clear instructions are. They really can make the difference between having an attractive, sturdy cupboard, or finding yourself poisoned, shot and starving after a monumental argument. This...

S5E6. Pierre's Perfect Pilgrim Party

Pierre the perfect pilgrim pleaser pleases pilgrims perfectly in this week's perfectly priceless episode of WAPIN7.PAUSE!"Pierre? Perfect!? " You proudly protest!Well yes! Pierre is a perfect, polished, patient, professional, pleasant, punctilious and perfectly perfect player and it's about time everyone...

S5E5. Free The Smurfs

This week we're talking Serfs - the indentured workforce of 1800s Russia, bonded to a lifetime of hard labor for zero pay as they slowly die from preventable diseases in their rat infested hovels.We'll be asking "Is that really that...

S5E4. Meta Letter

We just got a meta letter!I wonder who it's from?A letter inside another letter!I wonder who it's from?!A letter longer than time itself...I wonder who it's from!!A special special meta letter that's super extra long!WHO IS IT FROM?!?! JUST TELL...

S5E3. St. Partiesburg

Warm up your mouth, polish your teeth and fill your lungs because it's time to party! Yes that's right, you are invited to another sensational Anna 1 get together where your hips absolutely will not do the talking, but your...

S5E2. Think About It!

We've all joined ultra secretive societies before. We all know the drill: box of bones, blindfold, various sets of gloves with incredibly specific uses, a trowel, some aprons, secret hieroglyphs, an unknowable mystery, various states of undress and of course...

S5E1. Parlay With The Pirate King - Book 5 Begins!

Ahoy me hearties! What better way to start Book 5 than with an old sea shanty!One sad man in a very sad placeYo ho ho and a bottle of vodkaEnter the Pirate King with a large round faceYo ho ho...