In this week’s episode, I sit down with my 83-year-old mom, Martha (who I bribed with a brownie) for a wide-ranging conversation that spans queerness, Catholicism, grid logic, Palestine, and Pac-Man.

Well… this turned out to be more intense than I anticipated... what starts as a cozy chat between mother and daughter unspools into a much deeper exploration on how we inherit beliefs about gender, faith, politics, and identity—and what it takes to unlearn them and why it’s helpful to us.

We discuss grid logic, how binaries and dominant narratives get reproduced (often without our consent), how we return to our intuitive selves, and how cultivating humility and presence can disrupt the systems that keep us divided.

You’ll hear us laugh (I cry a little) and get fired up about stuff (mostly me), ultimately arriving with more questions than answers.

This episode includes discussion of sensitive and complex topics such as queerness, intersex erasure, religion, and the ongoing genocide in Palestine. We do our best to hold multiple truths in this episode and we do it very imperfectly.

Let me be clear: I am in solidarity with both Palestinian and Jewish lives. I unequivocally oppose antisemitism and the occupation and genocide happening in Palestine.

There are threads here, especially around intersex identity, trans embodiment, and the deeper geopolitics of Palestine and Israel that deserve more time, care, and nuance than we could fully hold in this one conversation. We didn’t get to unpack as much as I would have liked.

When it comes to intersex identity, I want to name clearly that intersex people have historically been erased, pathologized, and subjected to non-consensual medical procedures in the name of “normalcy.” This is part of what we mean when we talk about binaries and discomfort with the spectrum of embodiment. It’s a vast topic that deserves more space than we had time to give here and I am no expert.

Please research yourself and remain open, curious, and willing to learn.

All of our reflections are rooted in lived experience, not expertise, and we’re both constantly learning and unlearning. My hope is that this episode sparks reflection, dialogue, and deeper listening—encouraging us all to keep unlearning and learning together, one day at time, even when it’s messy (and when we’ll probably need to make amends.)

I do hope you’ll stay curious, do your own research, and seek out voices and resources from those directly impacted—especially when it comes to issues of identity, colonization, and liberation.

As always, take what works and leave the rest.

xSylvia

Burned out on my own obsession—but still showed up to talk ocean logic, grid logic, and why Alan Watts knows what the f*ck is up.

My mind is toast after a week of spiraling (lovingly) on ocean and grid logic—mentally, emotionally, and in my Substack—while editing several projects. I basically burned out on my own obsession (very classic of me), and now I’m over it… for the moment 😅

But I practiced hardcore contrary action and recorded and edited this bitch on schedule despite all my exhaustion and resistance. Go me. Yes, I’m proud of myself. It nearly broke my brain.

In this one, I touch lightly on the ocean/grid logic framework I’ve been fucking with. If you haven’t read the Substack yet, I highly recommend peeping it as it’ll help orient you for future convos and shared language.

What’s inside this short but sweet episode:

• A taste of ocean logic vs. grid logic and the scripts we inherit

• A parable from Alan Watts on duality + paradox

• Basically a lo-fi creative offering on uncertainty and progress not perfection from a tired, PMSing, foggy human

  
  

You’re welcome. Lol.

Thank you for listening—and for all the lovely feedback so far. It means the world.

x Sylvia

“The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad—because you never know what will be the consequences of misfortune; or you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.”
— Alan Watts

Why owning your erotic power is actually one of the most radical and deeply important things you can do—for yourself and the world.

After Dead Dad Week, I figured we could all use a palate cleanser—so Episode 4 is a sonic diary/love letter to Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power by Audre Lorde—poet, prophet, and a gift to this wild, unruly world.

We read through her iconic 5-page (I think I accidentally said 7 in the podcast) essay and shoot the shit about why it’s life-altering.

I don’t just read Uses of the Erotic—I interweave it with my lived experience: grief, queerness, neurodivergence, embodiment, friendship, burnout, and desire.

This isn’t about porn or performance—it’s about our life force, and how we use it. Legendary Lorde talks about the erotic as a deeply spiritual plane—not just sexual, but cellular. Cosmic, really. It’s a felt sense of truth that lives in the body, that guides us toward integrity, aliveness, and mother-fucking joy.

It’s about the quiet kind of knowing that makes you walk away from what no longer fits, even if there’s no logical backup plan. It’s about longing as sacred—something to be listened to, not repressed. Risk as devotion to your inner voice.

She also helps us understand why the erotic is not just personal, but political—and why reclaiming your erotic power is actually one of the most radical and deeply important things you can do. For yourself. And for the world.

It’s not just hot. It’s holy.

Heartfelt thanks again to Audre Lorde—for her work, her presence, and all the people connected to her who’ve carried this discourse forward. I’m forever grateful for the way her words wake us up—when we let them.

If you’re like me, I need to read and listen to things to really digest, so here is the link to her essay if you’re inspired to follow along.

As always - take what works and leave the rest.

Thank you for listening.

xSylvia

Cheers to Death, Destruction, and the Gifts Hiding in Our Shady Shadow Shit.

Episode 03 was recorded here in L.A. during what I call Dead Dad Week — Father’s Day, my dad’s birthday, and the anniversary of his death all rolled into one.

I talk about what it means to feel my dad visit — in a real-ass, unmasked, sixth-sense kind of way (which, by the way, is a sense I believe we all have, if we nourish it).

I don’t unpack all the ways that’s shown up or shaped me in this episode — I didn’t have the bandwidth to open that particular Pandora’s box — but I name it. More on that to come.

I do go into why I think death, aging, loss, failure, and all our dark, shady shadow shit might actually be gifts in disguise. I mention Jack Halberstam and his radical POV on failure, and I promise a quote and more to come on him and that. Here is said quote:

“Under certain circumstances failing, losing, forgetting, unmaking, undoing, unbecoming, not knowing, may in fact offer more creative, more cooperative, more surprising ways of being in the world.”

Most importantly, the reminder that we are enough right now — even when we’re tits-deep in the mess and chaos. Especially then.

All the episodes are always for mature audiences only. Cussing and taboo topics galore. Trigger warning.

Again, I’m not a therapist. This isn’t Somatics 101 or a self-help podcast. It’s personal, imperfect, and not prescriptive. Take what works. Leave the rest.

PS: Next week we're going to get into not knowing and how it relates to the erotic as a place of power—some deep Audre Lorde–inspired shit, you know?

I mean, I think that’s what Episode 04 will probably explore… how joy, fun, play, craft, art, and pleasure all explode + multiply when presence and not knowing collide in creative and sexy spaces.

Idk. We’ll see what comes through. Zero promises made. I know, I’m a tease. Not sorry.

Fuck the buzzwords—in this second episode I talk about what I think presence actually costs, and what it can give, plus more...

Episode 02 of this unhinged gospel to the unknown was recorded in the high desert of Arizona . It builds on last week’s intro—laying more foundation for the feral playground we’re creating here: one that embraces uncertainty, cultivates solidarity, and challenges the status quo.

This is for mature audiences only. I swear a lot, and be warned, this episode also includes mentions of death, trauma, sex, and other potentially triggering themes.

Let me be clear (again):

This is not a self-help podcast.

This is not Somatics 101.

I am not your therapist—or an expert in anything. You know your body best. Take care of yourself—always.

Disclaimers like this matter. We’re talking about things that require being in your body—and there are very real reasons many of us haven’t felt safe to do that. I respect that. I honor that. I’ve lived that.

In this episode, I get more personal about this, and why I’m obsessed with the practice of embracing not knowing.

Spoiler: my dad was in an accident that left him brain damaged and confined to a nursing home for 23 years of my life.

I weave through death, loss, sex, drugs, values, personal safety, thoughts on performance and presence— plus how insufferable Instagram therapy buzzwords can be at times.

Everything I share is personal, not prescriptive. Take what works. Leave the rest. And if something feels too activating, turn it off. Seriously.

Everyone is welcome, but this isn’t for everyone, and that's okay.

Episode 1: An introduction to what this unhinged gospel to the unknown will attempt to explore—and a little about your host, Sylvia Saether (queer, feral, tender, and definitely not an expert).

This space is messy. It’s unscripted. It’s full of questions and cussing. Consider yourself warned.

Some rules of engagement:

• ​ I’m not a therapist, coach, or authority on anything.
• ​ If you’re struggling, please seek actual professional support.
• ​ You don’t have to agree with me to be here—but don’t be a dick.
• ​ Openness and curiosity are all that’s required.
• ​ Take what works. Leave the rest.

Pictures + video of Teddy and the hike on Substack: https://substack.com/@wedontknowwithsylvia

Let’s begin.

xSylvia