We Want The D

Finally, after many requests, and after much debate and deliberation, it's happened. We Want The D is talking Muppets. And what better way to welcome them into the fold than by shining some light onto the winter of our discontent in the form of THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL. A beloved classic no matter how you slice it, the first Disney/Muppet collab was a solid showcase for the gang and arguably the best adaptation of the Dickens novella.

Now is the winter of our discontent. And what better way to kick off this most December of seasons than with a Disney movie with a divisive lead actress, a story penned by Meg Cabot, and that awkward early 2000s teen aesthetic (and soundtrack). We could only be talking about the one and only ICE PRINCESS, a movie about blowing a promising career in academia for a few fleeting years as a middle-tier at best figure skater.

We'll give it to you straight, D-sciples: watching the final Fess Parker Disney movie is made all the more disappointing by the fact that THE GREAT LOCOMOTIVE CHASE just isn't very good. His usual calm-yet-charismatic stoicism just isn't well suited to the character he plays, and that's setting aside the fact that this movie plays the both side-ism card with the American Civil War of all things. But hey, Walt got to play train conductor for a few months, so probably worth it in his books.

Our hosts have been flummoxed by Disney movies before, D-Lovers, but it's unlikely they've ever been flummoxed to this degree. OLD DOGS is ostensibly another entry in the "man not prepared for fatherhood is thrown into it" class of family film, and you'd think having the great Robin Williams in that role would be a recipe for success. But something is off with this movie, something is...wrong. And we're not just talking about whatever is going on with John Travolta's face. Was it written by a computer? Did the director have dirt on every Disney suit? Listen to find out if we get to the bottom of another bottom-of-the-barrel Disney movie.

A small trivia challenge for you, D-Lovers. Name five famous movie dogs. Now, did anyone happen to name Benji? You're forgiven even if you didn't, because despite starring in his own franchise of movies that spans decades, Benji seems to have flown under the radar, at least for our hosts. So BENJI THE HUNTED, his only Disney movie, was also our introduction to this cute little dog performer. And while Benji may have some impressive tricks up his sleeves, it's unfortunate that this script only really has three scenes it repeats over and over and over again.

Experience has taught us that plot descriptions can be deceiving, especially when it comes to 1960s live action Disney movies. A movie about a cat returning from the dead might be a dud, while the hijinks of a college campus scrambled egghead might be charming. So we can't be fully surprised that EMIL AND THE DETECTIVES, a movie about a small boy who teams up with another small boy who runs a detective agency/tourist company/porter service to reclaim his stolen 400 deutschmarks from a wanted criminal who dresses like a clown ended up being a pretty solid viewing experience.

In these strange and uncertain times, it's nice to have something to rely on. And what could be more dependable than knowing watching Fess Parker's raw and steady charisma in Disney's DAVY CROCKETT AND THE RIVER PIRATES will bring some measure of comfort? And as an added bonus, this movie also treats our hosts to the one-of-a-kind, King of the River, barrel-chested Mike Fink - who may have been a bit of a shit in real life, but his fictional counterpart is pure delight.

Let us explain, D-Lovers. We know that THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS was originally released under the Touchstone banner, and Disney only properly brought it into the fold upon it's rerelease some ten years later. We know we've been pretty strict about what qualifies as a Disney movie for this podcast. But consider this: if Vicky, Nolan and Jill had to watch one more lousy, Halloween-themed TV movie this year (of all years), our hosts would lose their collective and individual minds. So we're treating ourselves, and therefor also treating you to this bonafide classic. Don't think about it too much and just enjoy it!

No October Season would be complete without a visit to Halloweentown, but it is with great regret that we inform you this year's trip has been cancelled. This time, it's a bunch of Halloweentown teens who are coming to us - more specifically, to a Utah high school/adult learning annex. HALLOWEENTOWN HIGH may be aptly named anyway, since it's the high point in the series so far, but that might be damning it with faint praise. Join us as we see just how dumb and horny these Cromwell witches can be, see some familiar High School Musical faces, and play another game of We Want The D favourite "is that a real monkey?"

Our collective October Season nightmare of Disney Channel Original Movies continues this week with DON'T LOOK UNDER THE BED. Its fan reputation may have you believe that this is a legit spooky story, and sure there may be a jump scare or two, but overall there's just way too many vests worn by the lead character for this to be truly threatening. And it doesn't matter how mean or prankful a boogeyman (or boogeyperson) is, when contrasted with the world's most charismatic imaginary friend there's just no way to find them truly frightening.