We Want The D

In 1992, Disney whisked fans off on a magic carpet-esque roller coaster ride of adventure, romance and comedy. Two years later, they took those same fans off on a bumpy camel ride through a largely barren landscape, save for some badly drawn cacti, in THE RETURN OF JAFAR. As the first direct-to-video sequel produced by the house of mouse, audiences were not yet savvy to the budget animation, replacement voice acting, and over lazy efforts that defined the Michael Eisner mandated practice, but all the evidence was there from the start. We're not sure how audiences reacted to a movie largely centered around villainous sidekick Iago (including giving him not one, but two songs), replacing Robin Williams with Homer Simpson, and otherwise phoning it in - but we know they bought into it in droves. Which means there's more than a few of these home video sequels on our horizon. Lucky us.

We're gassing up and hitting the road this summer on We Want The D, as for the next few months Vicky, Nolan and Jill will make their way through another Disney franchise in its entirety over the coming months. With four original features, one TV movie and one reboot starring LiLo ahead of us, it should be a wild ride. Kicking things off is the original THE LOVE BUG - and it's a promising start. Because Herbie is not only a sentient car, he's a car with feelings deeper than most of the supporting (and some lead) casts of other movies we've had to watch. Add in a gear-headed, cool shades-wearing Dean Jones, his best friend conceptual artist Buddy Hackett, and an actual three dimensional female lead, squaring off against a truly malevolent Mr. Banks and you've got a recipe for classic Disney family entertainment we can only hope will continue throughout this franchise. So put the petal to the metal with our hosts as we speed off into the Summer of Love Bug!

Disney is no stranger to Broadway adaptation, although typically its one of their classics being adapted for the stage. So INTO THE WOODS, a Sondheim musical that puts a dark spin on classic fairy tales, is a bit of an outlier. On paper it seems like a natural pairing, but in practice it seems like something may have gotten a little lost in translation - and not just nine songs and forty minutes of run time. Join Vicky, Nolan and Jill as they try to articulate just how this movie falls short, breathe a sigh of relief as they learn Mary Poppins-to-be Emily Blunt has some singing chops, and try to suss out just what is a James Corden.

A thought experiment for you, D-Lovers. Given the title of Disney's 1975 movie, ONE OF OUR DINOSAURS IS MISSING, what do you think the plot could be? If you're anything like Vicky, Nolan and Jill, you may have come up with some ideas based on past experience. Maybe a monitor lizard is pelted by gamma rays and gets bigger. Maybe some weird combination of rudimentary claymation and green screen is used to tell some wacky tale of a Dinosaur going to college, or even more likely, gambling. But nope, instead we get literally one of the most racist movies our hosts have ever seen, starring Peter Ustinov and a number of other white character actors made up to look "Chinese." It's bad, guys. It's real bad.

No point in burying the lead - Disney's MR. MAGOO is a terrible movie. Just truly awful. We won't waste your time describing the countless ways this movie fails to be more than an exercise in torture - after all Vicky, Nolan and Jill spend an hour doing so in the podcast you're about to hear. But just know that this movie has a seven (7) on Rotten Tomatoes. A seven. And that's not one of those really low scores because there's only three or four reviews - twenty-nine professional critics contributed to that score. And you know what? The two that actually count as "fresh" reviews should have their credentials removed and burned in a fire, and be forced to watch Mr. Magoo over and over again as punishment for their endorsement of this incoherent garbage mess.

Vicky, Nolan and Jill just can't get enough of that high seas adventure, so we're getting back on the boat and going back to where it all began with Disney's TREASURE ISLAND. Not only was this the movie that launched a thousand(ish) attempts to create pirate movies that all inevitably flopped, until a certain franchise based on a theme park ride over fifty years later; not only is it the first fully live action film Disney ever made; but most importantly its the movie that created many of the tropes you recognize when you think of what a pirate looks and sounds like. And that alone is worth the price of admission.

There were some high hopes going into this week's episode of We Want The D. This Wonderful World of Disney original movie seems to have a lot going for it: It was one of Keira Knightly's earliest leading roles; it's a Robin Hood story, which have generally been well-received on this podcast; and it came highly recommended from a loyal and beloved listener. But it's all for naught, no matter how much Vicky, Nolan and Jill may have wished they liked this movie. It's too difficult to look past how the title character gets sidelined for a long-haired Stephen Moyer, even when she's easily putting out the best (and pretty much only good) performance. It's too distracting looking at the bizarre costume and production design. It's too cringe-worthy watching the barely choreographed "fight scenes." But despite all it's shortcomings, it's still a blast to talk about, so enjoy this week's look at PRINCESS OF THIEVES.

This week on We Want The D we're heading back into the Disney Dark Ages with DRAGONSLAYER; a movie so outside the realm of Disney's brand they didn't even put their title card in front of it. This movie makes a lot of mistakes: trying to blend Disney's family friendly image with a dark fantasy movie replete with bloody virginal sacrifices; casting an actor who later defined his career by playing weirdos and oddballs as a heroic and romantic lead; being badly written. But for all those mistakes and missteps, and for all the House of Mouse may want to pretend they never made this film, this movie actually defined a decade of fantasy films and influenced some of the genre's greatest modern storytellers. Add in some innovative and still-impressive special effects and you have a recipe for a classic episode of Vicky, Nolan and Jill being torn between praise and condemnation all in the same breath.

Welcome, D-Lovers, to the 150th episode of We Want The D! We've loved going on this strange, hilarious, sometimes disturbingly graphic journey with you, and we hope you've enjoyed accompanying us; whether you've been with us since episode one or if this is your first episode. We appreciate each and every one of you, so it's no wonder we turned to you, the listeners, to help us decide which Disney movie to watch for this milestone episode. We're excited to keep going from here, with more fun and surprises to come.

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Make no mistake, D-Lovers, there's plenty to talk about when it comes to HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE, the theatrical film based on the Disney Channel property so massive, the House of Mouse convened a special conference of sixty old white dudes (probably) to discuss how to best market a teenage girl. The concept is silly, the themes are counter-productive, and the sitcom-y, slapstick humour doesn't quite translate to the big screen. But Vicky, Nolan and Jill really just use this episode as an excuse to talk about Miley Cyrus, and how she embodies the pre and post-Disney Star Child archetype - from squeaky clean performer to grinding with Beetlejuice at the VMAs and back again.