We Want The D

We Want The D knows more than most that Disney has made some harebrained movies over the years. Heck, they pretty much have a whole period dedicated to movies with mundane supernatural elements that involve long gambling sequences. But perhaps no movie has challenged our hosts to wonder what is going through the heads of Disney executives more than The Country Bears. It's one thing to make a movie based on a theme park ride, but Country Bear Jamboree isn't really a ride, and they don't even both to use most of the characters featured at the attraction/exhibit/whatever. Instead we get some passable animatronic bears with no distinct personalities, a world with no internal logic to deal with the fact that 0.1% of the population are walking, talking bears, and a family movie that doesn't have any amount of appeal for children or adults. Why and how this movie got made is a mystery Vicky, Nolan and Jill aren't able to solve, but have some fun in the attempt.

We all know the story of Davy Crockett, D-Lovers. Frontiersman, soldier, hunter, state representative, Alamo rememberer. His real-life exploits have been fuel for story and legend for over a century. And in 1955, Disney took three episodes of television they made about him, did some light editing (including some grainy nature documentary footage they found literally on a cutting room floor) and released it in theatres as DAVY CROCKETT, KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER. This sparked a bit of Crockett-mania; and Vicky, Nolan and Jill kinda get it. Sure, we view the story of American expansion quite a bit differently these days, so watching Davy and his compatriots slaughter Native Americans en masse for the first half hour while claiming the moral high ground is more than a little uncomfortable. But the on-location shooting, the charm of Fess Parker in the titular role, and the decision to portray President Andrew Jackson as the villain he was all make this a pretty watchable movie, at least compared to the other TV-episodes-assembled-into-a-movie experiences we've had on We Want The D.

Making live action movie versions of classic television cartoons may be all the rage now, but in 1999, there weren't too many examples. Maybe that's why Disney's attempt at bringing INSPECTOR GADGET to life feels like a total miss. Sure, Matthew Broderick channels the bumbling detective well enough for the most part, but Dr. Claw was never this hammy and showed much much less face that Rupert Everett. And Penny was certainly never as sidelined as she is in this movie. And we may be wrong here, D-Lovers, but we're pretty certain that no episode of the cartoon involved making a sex robot clone of Joely Fisher. Vicky, Nolan and Jill do their best to separate this adaptation from the beloved original, but even then this movie leaves us with more questions than answers.

It's time for another classic We Want The D double-header, where Vicky, Nolan and Jill take a Disney original and it's later remake and pit them head-to-head. This time we're pitting FREAKY FRIDAY from 1976 against what we have dubbed STREAKY FRIDAY from 2003. It's a hell of a match-up in all categories. Jodie Foster vs. Lindsay Lohan. Barbara Harris vs. Jamie Lee Curtis. Gomez Addams vs. Leroy Gibbs. Soul Patch vs. Jewfro. There's some battles for the ages in these two wacky hijinks-based romps, as well as some unexpected surprises. You wouldn't believe which of these movies fetishized the father/daughter relationship more, or which one was more racially insensitive. It's these kinds of surprises that make trying to talk about two movies in one episode worth it.

As podcast listeners, we can assume that you, our beloved D-Sciples, are pretty technologically savvy. But imagine trying to explain to your grandparents what a podcast is, or how to listen to one. Can you imagine their confusion and disinterest? If you're having trouble, might we suggest a viewing of Disney's TRON? A movie made in the early days of home computing about the inner drama of programs, their enslavement by an all-powerful, chess playing Master Controller, and their steadfast belief in all-powerful users who will come to save them. Tron is a confusing movie with a confusing story and a confusing visual aesthetic. But, if you need anymore convincing to watch this movie or at the very least listen to this episode of We Want The D, a sweaty Jeff Bridges does take his shirt off at one point, and wears a skin-tight leotard costume that reveals a lot by what it needs to cover up...

It's been awhile since we checked in with one of our favourite Disney performers, so this week on We Want The D our hosts are reconnecting with our beloved Hayley Brando Mills as she goes on a fantastic adventure with famous French lech Maurice Chevalier, the smarmiest teenage boy you've ever seen, the most British Lord you can imagine, and a little boy who is also present. IN SEARCH OF THE CASTAWAYS is a ton of fun with pretty impressive action sequences, charming Sherman Brothers songs, and lots of that good family-friendly fun that Disney has been known to pull off like no other company...but it's also capital 'P' Problematic in its depiction of Māori people and native tribes of the Andes - in the sense that they are depicted by tanned Italians and in little to no way reflect these actual cultures. The result is a movie that is at once hard to recommend, but hard to hate. A feeling that pretty much defines 1960s Disney.

For the third time in 2017 we're heading to France to visit some of Disney's most beloved characters. That's right, even in the direct-to-video sequel, the gang's all here. Belle! Lumiere! Cogsworth! Babette (for like two seconds)! Beast! A Jewish Axe! It's Christmas time at the cursed castle, so its time to dust off the estate's help that are trapped in storage AS WELL as in the form of an inanimate object and spread some holiday cheer. Because if anything will help your beastly master seduce the human woman he's holding prisoner, it's letting her celebrate Christmas. Add in family favourites Tim Curry and Paul Reubens, subtract a hefty chunk from the animation budget, and you've got BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: THE ENCHANTED CHRISTMAS.

The holiday season is upon us once again, but unfortunately for Vicky, Nolan and Jill the well of theatrical Disney Christmas movies has already run pretty dry. Desperate for anything even tangentially related to Christmas, our host have turned to C.S. Lewis, an author who really put the "Christ" back in "Christmas" with THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE. That's right, in their desperate search for a Lord of the Rings-esque high fantasy franchise of their own, Disney briefly hitched their wagon to the Narnia train, with decidedly mixed results. On the one hand, everything about this movie is pretty lousy, from the cast and performances to the score and soundtrack to Edmund - perhaps the biggest piece of garbage in movie history. On the other hand, a fresh-faced James McAvoy walks around shirtless but for a scarf, so at least one of our hosts is pretty happy.

It's remarkable to think that Disney has been making theatrical films for nigh on eighty years, and they still haven't cracked the formula - sometimes they put out bona fide classics, sometimes they put out real stinkers. So it's always a surprise when we go deep into the Disney Canon and pull out something from their early years, and it turns out better than our hosts expected. This week on We Want The D, Vicky, Nolan and Jill watch the second fully live action movie the House of Mouse ever produced, THE STORY OF ROBIN HOOD AND HIS MERRIE MEN, and all three were pleasantly surprised at the competency on display. Shot on location in Sherwood Forest, featuring period costuming and set design, and actors who really embraced this family friendly version of a classic tale. Don't get us wrong, this is no cartoon fox version of the Robin Hood story, but its still a solidly entertaining outing all the same.

We'll try to keep this brief, D-Lovers - there's not much that can be said here that our hosts don't already say in this week's episode. Suffice to say, we highly recommend watching Disney's QUEEN OF KATWE before pushing play on this week's episode. Go ahead, it's on Netflix, we'll wait. We promise you won't regret it. Trust us, if Vicky, Nolan and Jill are anything to go off of, you'll want to spend the next sixty-plus minutes raving about what you just saw to anyone who will listen, and we've got you covered on that front on We Want The D.