We Want The D

Join us for another mini episode of We Want The D, where our hosts peel back the layers of one of the most dramatic stories in Disney history. This is the story of a iconic company being pulled from the brink of disaster, a story of friendship (or at least partnership) and betrayal, a story of broken promises and crashed helicopters...and yeah it's a story centering around four rich white dudes, but it's still really interesting! Get ready for a wild ride that Mr. Toad could only dream of as Vicky relays the story of Michael Eisner and Jeffrey Katzenberg.

This is it, D Lovers, the moment you've all been waiting for. Vicky, Nolan and Jill are diving into the strange, twisted world of Disney Channel Original Movies. The tastes our hosts have had of this area of the Disney catalog in the past did nothing to prepare them for the large-scale insanity of the Disney Channel's latest smash, DESCENDANTS. Focusing on the offspring of the Disney's canons most beloved characters, this made-for-tv movie isn't so much a celebration of some of the best and brightest characters as it is a low-rent, fan-fiction level extravaganza. Rife with challenging portrayals of diverse characters, truly bad songs and substandard dance numbers, this movie still somehow managed to capture our imagination attention the way these types of movies often do. It's a new era of We Want The D, the Disney Channel is being let off of trash island and our heroic world is not prepared.

Did you know that the largest mountain in our solar system is called Olympus Mons, is three times the height of Mount Everest, and is located on Mars? Did you know that Mars is the second smallest planet in our solar system, and a year is 687 days but a day is only 40 minutes longer than one on Earth? These are all facts about the fourth planet from the sun that don't really have anything to do with this week's movie, but are definitely 100% more interesting than anything that happens during Disney's JOHN CARTER. Infamous for the longest development cycle in film history before finally getting made only to also become infamous for being one of Disney's biggest financial and critical flops in recent years; this movie is a strange exercise in hubris as Taylor Kitsch tries to be a movie star, Andrew Stanton tries to be a live action film director, and our hosts desperately try to piece together what this convoluted mess of a movie is about.

It's time once again for our hosts to pay tribute at the Altar of Menken, First of His Name, Composer of the Jams and the Ballads, Masterful Creator of the Timeless Classics. This time, we're praising His Works in the Disney mixed live action and animation film ENCHANTED, for when you want to goof on your own successful stable of Princess characters and stories, who better to sign up than the man responsible for the music of so many movies that feature them? Menken aside, Enchanted did entice our hosts with its charming lead in Amy Adams, it's nefarious villains in Timothy Spall and Susan Sarandon, and it's perfectly adequate if somewhat puzzling uses of Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsy and the WICKEDly talented Adele Nazim. It may not be the riskiest attempt to subvert Princess Story tropes, but it's still plenty of fun to watch and enjoy.

As we reach the end of this bizarre-o political spiral culminating in the inauguration of an orange Russian sock-puppet as President of the United States; Vicky, Nolan and Jill thought they would take a more light-hearted look at life in the White House by watching Disney's FIRST KID. YUGE MISTAKE. Not only was watching this 90s Sinbad vehicle akin to some type of torture for two your hosts, one of them actually LIKED this...this inexplicable non-movie about nothing. It's another contentious battle of opinion on We Want The D, and while our hosts would love to hear where your thoughts lie on this one, we can't in good conscious endorse watching this movie...well, at least a two-thirds majority can't.

Ahoy mateys and welcome to another chapter o' We Want The D. Gather ye 'round as we spin the yarn o' Disney's BLACKBEARD'S GHOST, a tale fraught with adventure and villainy. Tis a story of a milksop of a man taken under the wing o' the mightiest pirate, who's savagery is only matched by his affection for rum. Be amazed as the fearsome Blackbeard does all manner o' pirate activity, like placing bets and sabotaging gambling implements! Or using his mighty ghost strength to toss young crew members around during their competition o' speed and agility. What do ye mean, that don't sound pirate-like at all? We'll have none of that talk, lest we have your guts for garters!

It's a new year and you know what that means, D Lovers. That's right, it's the World Junior Ice Hockey Championships, which happens every year around this time - a fact that certainly did not require a trip to Wikipedia to confirm while writing this episode description, no sir. And it certainly wasn't prompted by any sort of need to justify our choice to tackle one of the great (in memory if not reality) Disney sports movies - THE MIGHTY DUCKS. As Canadian a movie can possibly be while still taking place in Minnesota, it's all your favourite actors from Heavy Weights and a future resident of a certain creek being coached by EMILIOOOOOOO in a classic underdog tale. It's the poorly equipped kids led by a man with a shocking number of moving violations versus an elite squad of pretty shitty children led by a victory-obsessed senior who has been coaching the same peewee team for what must be two decades. A match-up equal to the Canadians vs the Soviets if there ever was one!

As the song goes, Christmas is "the most wonderful time of the year." In spite of the cold, the slush and the sun setting around mid-afternoon the days still feel warm and bright - at least for those who have Christmas spirit. And those who don't...woe betide you; as Mary Steenburgen learns in a movie that proves once again Disney had no idea what the hell they were doing in the 1980s. Because in One Magic Christmas, the way to get a woman struggling to keep herself and her family afloat in tough times to start feeling Christmas cheer (aka blow their meager savings on presents) is to send a grim Christmas Angel of Death to literally kill her family. This week on We Want The D, Vicky is rendered virtually speechless, Nolan becomes so enraged he can't stop yelling, and Jill delights in the fact that she's added two more people to the list of those that have been tortured by a film she inexplicably watched multiple times throughout her childhood. Merry Christmas, D Lovers!

With only a few weeks left in this godforsaken year, Vicky, Nolan and Jill take a look back at all that Disney had to offer in 2016. On top of Scrooge McDuck levels of money earned at the box office, our favourite film company had a good year with a healthy mix of originals, re-imaginings, and third party movies - and only a few flops! They also had television shows end, start, and chug along into triple digits episodes numbers. Join We Want The D for a special look back at the year that was, and a glance forward to what the next year has in store for us.

On this week's very special episode of We Want The D, Vicky, Nolan and Jill are taking a deep dive into the man without whom this podcast wouldn't be possible - Walter Elias Disney; better known his friends (and enemies and underpaid workers) as 'Walt.' If we learned anything from our discussion, it's that Walt was a complicated figure. Sure, he may have creating Mickey Mouse (kinda), but he also thought Song of the South was a good idea. He may have changed the world of film and animation, but he also named names in front of HUAC while wearing a silly tie. He thought up Disneyland, but only after falling down a bizarre rabbit hole of toy train obsession. We hope you enjoy this departure from our regular format as we celebrate and scrutinize the life and works of the man who built the empire that this podcast gluttonously gorges itself with each week.