We Want The D

It's officially summer, which means parents all over the world are spending thousands of dollars to ship their kids off into the woods just to get a few weeks of peace and quiet. Vicky, Nolan and Jill all have their own fond (or not-so-fond) memories of summer camp, but none can compare with the experience the cast of overweight characters have is Disney's HEAVY WEIGHTS. From the mind of a young comedy writer named Judd Apatow, this movie has everything you could want in a summer adventure: prison-like smuggling of illicit goods like candy and deli meat, a manic Ben Stiller playing a crazed fitness instructor turned camp owner, and four Mighty Ducks. This week on We Want The D, we're gathering around the campfire and chewing the fat over whether this film deserves its cult status or not.

It's another head-to-head episode of We Want The D as 1959's The Shaggy Dog faces off against 2006's The Shaggy Dog. Unfortunately for Vicky, Nolan and Jill these two movies actually have very little in common aside from the basic premise of "one character turns into a dog at random intervals for seemingly no reason." So rather than just give you an hour of comparing the shagginess of the respective dogs, your hosts instead spend the time trying to figure out which of these two barely coherent movies is the least unbearable. Both feature big name casts full of familiar faces, from the return of Ernst and Jimmy Bean and first appearance of Fred MacMurray on the podcast to Tim Allen's hard-yet-round body, blink-and-you'll-miss-him Danny Glover, and Iron Man himself Robert Downey Jr. Both feature ill-conceived and explained reasons of the dog transformations, from Borgias magic to...DNA magic? There's disagreements over which of the two movies ends up taking the dubious honour of "most terrible," and while it may end in draw you can rest assured that the real winner here is all the D Lovers out there who get to listen in on the debate without having the watch the movies.

We Want The D is back with another mini-episode this week, and this time we're talking about some of the most popular (and in some cases most nonsensical) fan theories about beloved Disney movies old and new. Not only that, but as a special treat Vicky, Nolan and Jill also dive into the world of Pixar movies for the first (and probably last) time. Are separate characters from different movies actually related? Do all of Pixar's movies take place on the same timeline? Is a family film really an allegory for a real-life genocide? The answer is all of these questions, and probably more, is no. But that doesn't mean they aren't fun to talk about!

We here at We Want The D can't sit around and pretend that this podcast isn't built on a firm foundation of nostalgia and rose-coloured glasses. Vicky, Nolan and Jill are more than happy to revisit old favourites in the Disney canon only to find they don't quite measure up. But that means its very exciting when these movies hold up, as is the case with DuckTales, the animated series that but Disney on the television map and spawned several spin-offs and one theatrical film about genies and lamp-crazy sorcerers a few years before that other famous Disney movie about genies and lamp-crazy sorcerers. DUCKTALES THE MOVIE: TREASURE OF THE LOST LAMP is all the fun of an episode of DuckTales delivered over the length of a film, with Scrooge's miserly love of all things cash and gold; Huey, Dewey, Louie and Webby's mischief and marbles; and Launchpad McQuack's near insanity and recklessness (and sexiness, if you're like Vicky). Add in very special guests Christopher Lloyd and Rip Taylor and it's a recipe for fun here in Duckburg.

Like Shere Khan stalking a man-cub, it feels like this week's movie has been stalking Vicky, Nolan and Jill from the shadows from some time now. It's as if we could sense the radical hairline of Nick Cage lurking around the corner, drawing ever closer until we could resist no longer and watched Disney's NATIONAL TREASURE. As one might expect from a Nick Cage blockbuster during the golden years of his career, there's a lot to unpack and discuss. Too bad our hosts would much rather get bogged down in the details of colonial public works projects, the correct way to count down from five, and the finer points of urban outfitters dressing rooms. So thank you, dear listeners, for indulging us once again in this week's We Want The D - you are all our national treasures.

Superhero fatigue is real, D Lovers. Comic book movies have reach peak saturation in recent years, so you can't throw a rock without hitting a poster for a masked and/or caped crusader's latest adventure. Vicky, Nolan and Jill can tell you one thing, though - we'd probably take 1,000 more modern superhero movies if it means never have to watch Disney's CONDORMAN ever again. Is it a spoof? Is it a comedy? Who cares, it's awful. The special effects are abysmal, even for the early 1980s, with wires in plain site. The acting is atrocious, shy of a homicidally method performance from Oliver Reed. The story and script is garbage, with little-to-no rhyme or reason for any of the action in site. We haven't had one this bad that's had our hosts united this much in a long time, so enjoy this good old fashioned hate fest on this week's We Want The D.

As summer approaches for the We Want The D team, our thoughts turn to escaping our run-of-the-mill, everyday lives and forging a new path - perhaps stumbling upon a tropical paradise. A place where no one can tell us what to do, where Napoleon won't come bursting down our door at a moment's notice. A place where we could build a state-of-the-art treehouse with only the barest of tools and materials. A place where the predators are easily trapped and the other wildlife is easily tamed. A place where the only danger is incompetent pirates and the occasional pregnant anaconda. You can't blame us for feeling this way, considering how easy the characters in this week's Disney film had it. Being marooned after a storm never looked so good, fratricide has never looked so likely, and animal abuse has never been so rampant as it is in the family classic SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON.

'Great' and 'powerful' are not the word we here at We Want The D would use to describe the titular character in this week's movie. 'Swindler' and 'liar,' maybe. 'Selfish,' and 'jerk,' more likely. 'James' and 'Franco,' absolutely. It's very frustrating when dealing with a movie that stars a character so irredeemably awful, a guy who we would say is a magician's outfit shy of being one of those weird pick-up artists; except that he actually is a magician. It's especially grating when the potential for an actual good movie is somewhere buried in all the muck. If only they had spent more time developing and focusing on Mila Kunis' mentally fragile Wicked Witch; if only they didn't spend so much time trying to show off 3D film making that would be irrelevant the second the movie left theatres; if only they cast an actor who could inject some much-needed charm into the lead role. There's quite a bit of wishful thinking but mostly just a lot of irritation directed at Disney's OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL.

Loyal D Lovers know that sometimes things can get a little risqué here on We Want The D. This week, we swear it isn't our fault. Because you can Disney-fy Alexandre Dumas' swashbuckling story of intrigue, romance, and betrayal all you want, there'll still be way more sexy than your typical Disney movie. But boy did they ever try to sap as much of it out as they could. Why else would they cast Oliver Platt as one of the musketeers, even at his most svelt? Why else pair Rebecca De Mornay is the world's tightest corset with the lean, grade eleven gym class body of Chris O'Donnell? Why, oh god why, make Tim Curry give the most creepy and lecherous performance ever as Cardinal Richelieu? He creeps on a young woman in a bath! Add in totally wooden performances from Charlie Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland on the wane from their 80s hayday, and you have to wonder what was going on at Disney when they decided to adapt THE THREE MUSKETEERS.

Welcome once again, D Lovers, to the wild and untamed frontier of 1960s and 1970s Disney Live Action film making. You may recognize the bizarre aimlessness of the stories Disney told in this era from past episodes, but none that featured a cast quite as stacked as this one. We've got Dr. Bruce Banner before Disney bought Marvel. We've got MASH's Harry Morgan, noted character actor Slim Pickens, and Sarnia's own Susan Clark. Most of all, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG features the first appearance of comedy duo Don Knotts and Tim Conway...a pair that was apparently a thing for awhile? Vicky, Nolan and Jill aren't totally dismayed by Disney's attempt at a western here, but mostly because it gave us an excuse to talk about HBO's Deadwood. So grab yourselves some apple dumplings of your own, and try to keep them down as Vicky describes Don Knotts' fish lips, and enjoy another episode of We Want The D!