We Want The D

Dearest D Lovers. Vicky, Nolan and Jill would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your continued support of We Want The D. Because of wonderful people with ears like yours, we are now celebrating 50 episodes of Disney canonical investigations, fabulous journeys deep in to the vault, and dark, disturbing, sexual theories about beloved childhood memories. And because you have all been such lovely boys and girls and Kevin the Temps, we let you vote for what we should watch on this monumental occasion in We Want The D history and you did not let us down. So grab your magic carpet, and try not to think about how much you miss Robin Williams, as we venture to the mystical city of Agrabah with the 1992 phenomenal classic, Aladdin.

It has occurred to the We Want The D team that perhaps we neglected to give Hayley Mills her due back when talking about The Parent Trap all those episodes ago. Watching this ingenue perform in her debut Disney role as the titular Pollyanna was something of an awakening for Vicky, Nolan and Jill. Pollyanna doesn't just fall firmly into the plucky, optimistic camp of the Disney Orphan, she damn near defines it. But the true feat is handling such a sweet, saccharine role, and making the audience fall in love with her just as hard as the rest of the town of Harrington, and Mills handles it no problem. And sure, maybe it's easy to fall in love with Pollyanna when the rest of the cast is made up of beautiful-but-frigid spinsters, hellfire spouting priests, sour-faced maids, prism-loving bachelors, and calves-foot jelly. But for those of you have yet to watch this film, we dare you to take this journey with us and NOT fall in love with the plucky Anne of Green Gables--oops, we mean Pollyanna.

Those of you who have been with We Want The D for some time now know that we have watched a lot of strange movies. Some of them with leprechauns, some of them with Tim Allen. But none of them even come close to Disney's The Barefoot Executive. It is a pinnacle of Disney at their most bizarre, and most arrogant. What else could explain making a movie that essentially says the mainstream American audience has the same taste as a chimpanzee? How else can you justify the extended slapstick sequence of a television network executive and his driver capering on the outside of a building for what feels like a third of the film's run time? Simple put, the House of Mouse knew they could slap Kurt Russell and an ape on a poster and watch the money roll in. As bananas as this movie is, though, Vicky, Nolan and Jill can't help but be kind of into it, as any film that captures many of the frustrations of working in the television industry so accurately will always earn a special place in our hearts.

Y'know D Lovers, sometimes you make an animated film about a woman and a beast finding the best in each other and falling in love and you get nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Other times you make a motion-capture film about an annoying kid who follows his stolen mother to Mars where she's going to be vaporized by an alien species because they need to steal her memories to plant them into the robots they use to raise their female children who hatch from the ground every 25 years (they just throw the males in the garbage) because that's just how Martian society works??? - and you end up losing A LOT of money. Vicky, Nolan and Jill know that Disney isn't perfect, but we'd like to believe the movie studio responsible for so many strongly written and animated classics could have seen all the missteps in story (or lack thereof) and lifeless animation while this particular film was being made not too long ago. But nobody is perfect, and that's what brings us together today to talks MARS NEEDS MOMS right here on We Want The D.

Up there! In the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a man with a rocket pack strapped to his back, and oh god his legs are on fire and he's being horribly burned! Welcome, D Lovers, to Disney's The Rocketeer, the 1991 comic book film starring every character actor you've ever loved. Vicky, Nolan and Jill all went into this movie blind, but all three of our hosts ended up deriving some level of enjoyment out of it. It's hard not to, what with the bland handsomeness of star Billy Campbell and a tear-stained Jennifer Connolly; a mustachioed Alan Arkin, and Timothy Dalton in what must be his most villainous role to date. There's even a surprise or two to be had, unless of course your boyfriend spoils the twist before you even sit down to watch the movie. Listen and enjoy, D Lovers, and then join us down at the old dog-shaped diner for a nice bowl of tomato soup.

We Want The D is back after our week off, and ready to finish off 2015 with Disney's animated film that defines the all-American hero: Hercules. Sure, he may be based on a Greek myth, but that doesn't stop our beloved House of Mouse from turning him into an icon of athleticism and can-do spirit with his own brand of energy drink and sneakers, complete with backing gospel chorus. The question is - do Vicky, Nolan and Jill let a bit of anachronism and cultural co-option get in the way of having a good time with this brightly coloured mid-90s palate cleanser? Or maybe we can just distract ourselves with James Woods' stellar turn as Hades, or Susan Egan's heavily sexualized Meg. We hope all you D Lovers out there have a wonderful New Year, and rest assured we will Go The Distance just like Wonder Boy and his rippling pectorals to bring you more D in 2016!

It's another colon massacre in this week's We Want The D, but you'll have to excuse Vicky, Nolan and Jill if they aren't too preoccupied by a case of too many subtitles. We're too busy trying to come to terms with the fact that our Krumholtz Creep was brought to an abrupt halt by Spencer Breslin, of all people. Yes, Bernard is gone from The Santa Clause franchise, with no explanation, and so of course things are a mess at the North Pole. The infuriating thing is that it's a mess entirely of Santa's own making - because seriously, what kind of Santa decides to invite his estranged in-laws for a visit right before Christmas when he knows he has to keep his true identity a secret? And what kind of Santa looks at a mythical being obsessed with having his own holiday and invites him to stay at the North Pole largely unsupervised? A Santa with no Bernard, that's who. Witness, D Lovers, the re-teaming of Martin Short and Tim Allen, the return of Ann-Margaret to Disney, and Judge Reinhold in a truly epic reversible sweater vest. We're finally finished with The Santa Clause, at least until Disney decides to make a new one.

Vicky, Nolan and Jill are OBVIOUSLY still on that Krumholtz Creep, and the only way to celebrate this most sacred festival of lights and stars is to keep this train rolling along with Disney's THE SANTA CLAUSE 2. No subtitle necessary in this sequel, and we can guess why - it's because which of the three distinct plot lines that this movie sets up and (mostly fails to) resolve do you name it for? The Santa Clause 2: The Mrs. Clause? The Santa Clause 2: Father Christmas Is An Absent Father? Or The Santa Clause 2: The North Pole Dictatorship Coup? None of those quite fit the bill in describing what this movie is about, because it contains all three but doesn't really seem to be about any of them. But the We Want The D team can take solace in the fact that at least the jokes are still funny, and of course there's always Krumholtz giving it his all to see us through.

The Holiday season is upon us, and Vicky, Nolan and Jill are ringing them in the only way we know how - with Tim Allen and Judge Reinhold battling it out for the love of a child actor. On the surface, Disney's The Santa Clause may seem like inoffensive and light Christmas fare, but looked at from certain angles, it can just as easily play as an episode of Criminal Minds. There's kidnapping, involuntary manslaughter, reckless driving and endangerment, child labour violations, and arguably even a brain-eating parasitic fungus that takes over Tim Allen's mind. But even with those shadows hanging heavy over this film, they are kept at bay by one shining star that guides all three of the We Want The D hosts in all of their dark times - David Krumholtz.

One of our favourite things about Disney's animated films here at We Want The D is how they can run the gamut from sprawling, musical epics to intimate, slice-of-life stories; and be equally entertaining and beloved regardless. This week, Vicky, Nolan and Jill watched what, on paper, could be simply seen as a romantic comedy with dogs. But Lady and the Tramp is so much more than just that. It has a timeless quality to it; the beautiful and fluid animation makes it seem like it could have been released within the past ten years, not in 1955; on the flip side, songs like "Bella Notte" sound like they were written a hundred years ago and not specifically for this movie. Sure, there may be some unfortunate baggage when it comes to racist cats...and restaurant owners...and police officers...and chihuahuas. But the charm of this movie and its huge cast of interesting and funny characters more than makes up for it's few shortcomings in our eyes. So grab a big plate of spaghetti, or bones if you prefer, and enjoy a beautiful night of discussion of another one of Disney's best.