Today, I got up and went for a long run with friends which was a lovely start to my Sunday. When I got home, I was feeling pretty exhausted, and also overwhelmed with the list of things I needed to do. Instead, I lay on my bed and read a book for a bit. This was particularly special as I had placed Charlie (my foster cat who is scared of everything and doesn't like climbing, people, or, well pretty much everything) on the bed (trying to get her used to be on things, she prefers the ground) and for once she decided to stay there in the sun. She ended up rolling around and I reached out and gave her a pat. She started kneading the air, I tucked her up against me and she buried her head under my chin. I've been looking after Charlie for 4 years and sometimes it feels like she hasn't made any progress, but moments like this make me realise how far she has come. A special moment.
Anyway, I digress! I had the realisation that my to-do list can wait. The only time critical thing was to write my weeklybeats! So I brought my guitar into the bedroom and sat in the sun and wrote this. I recorded it using a single zoom h4 and did multiple recordings (still really enjoying this approach thanks to jwh). I then went for a walk for a while and came back and listened to them. Surprisingly, the takes I thought were really good just didn't hold up when I listened back! They didn't have the emotion I wanted. But this take did, despite the few mistakes and the ending not going to plan, it really captured what I wanted. You can also hear Charlie finally deciding she wanted to move, climbing off the bed and doing a big shake. Guitar is in DAEAC#C#. Recording this was infuriating, I kept stumbling on the fingerpicking pattern and ended up switching back to a simpler pattern. I kept getting the lyrics wrong (who wrote this song lol), but a meditative and cathartic experience overall.
This week has been good! Lots of things going on - trivia, work team coaching followed by go-karting to celebrate our year's achievements, an outing for banh mi lunch, going on a nice group ride (after arriving half an hour early accidentally), dinner with my sister and painting our nails. I spent a few days this week feeling horrendously exhausted, which was thankfully resolved with a good night's sleep, but it was not fun at all - a good reminder not to push my body too hard, which is tricky with the running training at the moment. There's too much good stuff I want to do but that doesn't mean I should try and do it all!
The common theme this week is realising I have been putting off things I need to do. Some small. Some big. Some because I fear that I'm not ready to do them, when in reality, I'll never be ready.
I've been putting it off
I've been guarding my heart
I will feel it anyway
I must clean these hands someday
dreaming isn't a life
meet me flawed in dayqlight
I will look you in the eye
meet my gaze and I won't cry
turn around and pass me by
tread the ground where I will lie
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