Gripped by the reflection of you
Lost from the shaming of the true
When everything is dying
It hurts to care
When everyone is lying
The callousness ensnares
Why can’t we have nice things?
Why?
(btw, the uploaded version of this song and the video below are different takes! Curious if ya'll like one more than the other)
› Song Notes‹ Song Notes
Another short thing this week. This one was extremely off the cuff, I just sat down and came up with everything in about 40 minutes and just recorded it. I obviously could have spent more time on certain aspects like the vocals, but I figured maybe just being super raw with it is maybe better? I got to learn to not pick shit apart. Plus, some of the imperfections are nice. For instance, I didn't mean to make my voice sound gritty when singing "nice things", but I think it sounded interesting and decent and added some character to the song so I just left it.
› Other stuff‹ Other stuff
I came to a realization this last week after talking to a friend that the shit happening around the world is affecting me more than I thought. Particularly when it comes to my motivation for music. It’s not entirely that I’m less motivated to create, but that I have this certain ideal of the kind of music I’ve been wanting to create but that doesn’t align with the way I’ve been feeling in my heart and mind. The “realest” shit I’ve made this year that I’m happiest with are tapping into feelings of hopelessness, despair, and defeat.
Those feelings in particular have scared me because I’ve been trying to take it upon myself to put myself out there more often with instagram reels, youtube shorts, and working my way up to doing some open mics, and I feel like being a total fucking bummer is not what everyone wants to hear right now (are rarely ever). And honestly, it’s not entirely the kind of music I want to make either because it doesn’t really feel cathartic to make, but I guess better out than in?
Anyways, I guess the main insight here that’s guiding my path forward into uncertain times is that I need to just lean into the defeat and explore what kind of music comes from it. Maybe this is the next album, not the one I wanted to make, but the one that needed to be made. Time will tell, no promises (as always).
By the way, thank you to everyone who revisited my music last week after my brief departure. I'm slowly trying to re-integrate and catch up on people's music. I just haven't been in the best headspace lately. Don't get me wrong though, ya'll give me hope, and I appreciate you.
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