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A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s 2017, Brexit Britain is ravaged by terrorism and Tory negligence; Trump waddles into power; and “La-La Land” wins the Oscar for best picture. Sorry, that should be: “Moonlight” wins the Oscar for best picture.

Our Star Wars watch-through tackles probably the most controversial film of the saga as we watch “The Last Jedi”.

So stick on your best “not-really-the-Emperor-honest” golden dressing gown; cheer whenever Ade Edmondson appears; thrill at the sight of Kylo Ren’s big ol’ tiddies; and squeeze those very same Sith knockers to produce a glass of refreshing blue milk (just like Aunt Beru used to make!)

•A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s 2017, Brexit Britain is ravaged by terrorism and Tory negligence; Trump waddles into power; and “La-La Land” wins the Oscar for best picture. Sorry, that should be: “Moonlight” wins the Oscar for best picture.

Our Star Wars watch-through tackles probably the most controversial film of the saga as we watch “The Last Jedi”.

So stick on your best “not-really-the-Emperor-honest” golden dressing gown; cheer whenever Ade Edmondson appears; thrill at the sight of Kylo Ren’s big ol’ tiddies; and squeeze those very same Sith knockers to produce a glass of refreshing blue milk (just like Aunt Beru used to make!)

•

Watch (or more likely re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

FEATURES STRONG LANGUAGE.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

Watch (or more likely re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

FEATURES STRONG LANGUAGE.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

It’s Lee’s Birthday choice and he’s picked his favourite of 2020 - Jim Cummings’ second feature “The Wolf of Snow Hollow”.

A snowbound comedic thriller in which we learn how not to wake a slumbering policeman in the occult section of the library; that pepper spray makes an ideal First Communion gift; and that Willie Nelson is not doing a lot of serious Police work (but then most of the actual Police force aren’t either).

Along the way we discuss “Dagon”, “Inside No. 9” (again, but fuck you it’s brilliant) and horror/comedy podcast “The Monster Hunters”.

Watch (or re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s 2015, half the entertainment industry gets put on the sex offenders register; fat bellend Jeremy Clarkson punches his producer (who unfortunately doesn’t punch him back); and there’s a murder conspiracy at Crufts.

Our Star Wars watch-through reaches the latest trilogy with “The Force Awakens”.

So settle down with a plate of your favourite inflatable bread; keep your eyes peeled for moonlighting MI6 agents; realise Kylo Ren’s main problem with his dad is that he wouldn’t let him paint his bedroom black; and reconsider your life choices when you find blood on your helmet.

•

Watch (or more likely re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

FEATURES STRONG LANGUAGE.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

It’s aliens on a council estate as we celebrate the 10th anniversary of Joe Cornish’s directorial debut: “Attack The Block”.

A film in which we see the local kids celebrate Bonfire Night with “Penny for the Gollum”; Doctor Who gets mugged by a Stormtrooper; and Nick Frost plays against type, by portraying a massive stoner.

Along the way we discuss the return of “Inside No.9”, “The Day of the Beast” (“El Día De La Bestia”), “The Secret of Crickley Hall” and the TV series of “Goosebumps”.

Watch (or re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s November 2019, and what’s a pandemic? Still at least we’ve got 2020 to look forward to.

Our Star Wars watch-through veers sideways to the small screen for series 1 & 2 of “The Mandalorian”.

So prepare a suitable libation; pack some pickled eggs for the little ‘uns; thrill as Mr Krabs breathes fire; and... is that Apollo Creed..?

•

Watch (or more likely re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

FEATURES STRONG LANGUAGE.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

Prepare for family-friendly carnage as our Hunky Boys sit down to watch Steven Kostanski’s “Psycho Goreman”.

A fun-loving family film in which cyborg fascist angels eat cubed humans; the Arch-Duke of Nightmares plays drums on a rip-off of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell”; and we learn that nothing in the universe is quite as supremely evil as a 12 year old girl.

Along the way we discuss “Spring”, The Werewolf brewery, “Meatball Machine”, “Coraline” and Jason and Rosalind Buck’s “Walpurgisnacht: Stories of the Witches’ Night”.

Watch (or re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

The team are joined by Westley Sith of the Mos Eisley Happy Hour for a thoroughly British nightmare; the 1960 adaptation of John Wyndham’s “The Midwich Cuckoos”, filmed as “Village of the Damned”.

A film in which Shere Khan has to contend with a whole village of creepy man-cubs; the local Doctor ponces everyone’s cigarettes; and genial Harry Grout becomes a copper coming a cropper on a bicycle.

Along the way we discuss “Ace of Wands”, “Psycho Goreman”, BBC Sounds podcast “The Sink”, Shudder original “The Power”, “Wolf Cop” and “Another Wolf Cop”.

Watch (or re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s 1983, Microsoft launch Word and McDonalds unleash the McNugget; plumber’s nightmare Dennis Nilsen is arrested and jailed; and Children’s ITV begins.

Our Star Wars watch-through concludes the original trilogy with “Return of the Jedi”.

So take care not to shut your Rancor in the door; realise that the Empire really can’t get the staff these days; sing along to 90s alternative rock classics with the Ewoks; and wonder who nicked Anakin’s harmonica.

•

Watch (or more likely re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

FEATURES STRONG LANGUAGE.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

Anchors away! The team are joined by the mighty Alex for an aquatic masterpiece - the impeccable “Jaws”.

A film that highlights how helpful a wrist strap can be for a marine biologist; demonstrates that a Labrador retriever makes a lovely Amuse-Bouche; and reveals that Lee and Mayor Vaughn share a taste in fashion.

Along the way we discuss “Shock Waves”, “Ghost Shark”, “Silent Running”, “Humanoids From The Deep”, “The Banishing”, BBC Sounds’ podcast “The Battersea Poltergeist” and the magnificent zine project “The Occultaria Of Albion”.

Watch (or re-watch) to avoid spoilers, and join us.

APOLOGIES FOR ANY SOUND QUALITY ISSUES -CURRENT QUARANTINE MEASURES MEANT WE HAD TO RECORD THIS EPISODE REMOTELY.

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex...

It’s 1980 (and so 80s it hurts) - Pac Man and the Rubik’s Cube both launch; CNN starts broadcasting; and John Lennon is shot dead.

Our Star Wars watch-through reaches probably its zenith with “The Empire Strikes Back”

So get ready to watch Luke whacking his Wampa in the snow (dirty boy); realise that Yoda’s probably been on his own too long; witness Mr Bronson get all choked up; and come to the shocking conclusion that Ian McDiarmid is probably better than a redubbed woman in a hood with a set of chimp’s eyes.