Well-Adjusted Horror

An unauthorized sequel, a comb-over with its own screen credit, and a shark that showed up to work harder than most of the cast. This week we cover:

The show: True Detective Season 1 (HBO), written by Nic Pizzolatto, dir. Cary Joji Fukunaga. Rust Cohle (Matthew McConaughey), Marty Hart (Woody Harrelson), Maggie Hart (Michelle Monaghan), Reggie Ledoux, Errol Childress, Billy Lee Tuttle, Sheriff Steve Geraci, Dora Lange, Marie Fontenot, Ginger & the Iron Crusaders. Filming locations: Fort Macomb, LA; "Cancer Alley."

Books & authors: Robert W. Chambers, The King in Yellow / "The Repairer of Reputations" • Thomas Ligotti, The Conspiracy Against the Human Race • H.P. Lovecraft, "Supernatural Horror in Literature" • Emil Cioran • Flannery O'Connor ("Christ-haunted") • Stephen Graham Jones.

Films & TV in the conversation: Se7en, Zodiac, Heat, The Departed, Brooklyn's Finest, Lethal Weapon, Sideways, The Thing (and the "Who Goes There?" source story), The Wicker Man, Midsommar, Men, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Last Exorcism, Watchmen, My Cousin Vinny, Boardwalk Empire, Deadwood, The Boys — and our own Chernobyl episode.

Film: Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in), 2008, dir. Tomas Alfredson — the original Swedish version, not the American remake

Oscar as the kid who fell through every crack in the social safety net — absent parents, unchecked bullying, zero adult intervention

The film's place in the Nordic noir tradition alongside The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo — horror as a lens on the failures of Scandinavian social democracy

Eli as an ageless predator disguised as a child — the anti-romantic vampire, feeding scenes played as animal attacks rather than seduction

The castration subplot: the book, the brief film moment, and how it connects to the history of the castrati and the "monstrous trans" trope in horror (Silence of the Lambs, Sleepaway Camp)

That pool scene — one of the top 10 horror scenes ever committed to film, don't @ us

The grooming debate: Is the ending a love story or a tragedy on repeat? (Spoiler: it's the second one)

Top 3 vampire films: Let the Right One In, Coppola's Dracula, The Lost Boys (According to Johnathon)

What We've Been Watching: 28 Years Later, Abraham's Boys, The Thing, The Abominable Snowman, The Shining, Together

Coming Soon: Scream 7, Undertone (A24)

Next Month: True Detective Season 1 with the Baldwin Boys!

The gang's all here to bid 2025 a fond (?) farewell. We're ranking the year's horror offerings, from Guillermo del Toro finally delivering the Frankenstein film Levi's waited 30 years for, to Sinners' hot-and-bothered vampires that some of us couldn't be bothered to finish.

Weapons confused us until it didn't. The Long Walk made Levi cry. 28 Years Later pissed off Jonathan because The Walking Dead ruined everything. And somewhere in there, we imagined Lloyd the bartender giving Jack Torrance relationship advice.

Films Discussed: Frankenstein, Sinners, Weapons, The Long Walk, 28 Years Later, Bring Her Back, Companion, The Monkey, The Ugly Stepsister, Silent Night Deadly Night, Welcome to Derry, Nosferatu, and—of course—Maximum Overdrive.

Coming in 2026: Werwolf (it's spelled that way, we checked), Clayface, and whatever nightmare the Pinocchio public domain is cooking up.

Give Caleb's wine podcast Natural State of Wine a listen—he's a level two sommelier and will make you a better person, probably.

• Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025): A remake that decided "what if we made the killer sympathetic and also gave him a Venom-style relationship with his murder suit?"

• Rowan Campbell returns to horror after Halloween Ends, once again playing the tortured guy nobody trusted

• The Nazi barn scene: Makes zero geographic sense. Maximum entertainment value. Very Indiana Jones.

• A spirited debate about why modern horror will gleefully show you intestines but treats consensual nudity like radioactive material

• Budget: $750k. Box office: $3 million. Verdict: Added to the annual Christmas horror rotation.

• Brief tangent about Luigi Mangione, because of course

• Levi's history lesson on Christmas drinking traditions—turns out our ancestors got absolutely hammered for 12 days straight and we've been cowards ever since

• Coming up: New Year's episode with the Baldwin boys

What We're Carving Up:

• Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Things We Discussed:

• Why Christopher Robin abandoning his woodland friends turns them into rage-fueled killers (relatable)
• The beauty of democracy: bastardizing beloved characters the second copyright expires
• Where's Tigger? (Answer: safe in copyright jail until the sequel)
• That surprisingly decent animated opening vs. everything that follows
• 80s slasher vibes meet sexist trash aesthetics
• Why elevated horror fatigue is real and trash cinema has its place
• Other recent disappointments: Keeper, Shelby Oaks
• Looking forward to: Nosferatu, Silent Night Deadly Night

The Verdict: Tasty trash or tasteless trash? You decide. Either way, bring friends who can handle knowing you watched this.

Caleb's podcast: The Natural State of Wine

Film Discussed: Velvet Buzzsaw (2019), directed by Dan Gilroy

Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, John Malkovich, Toni Collette, Zawe Ashton, Tom Sturridge

Wines Featured:

• Lovehammer Cabernet 2020, Pine Mountain, Slow Jam's Vineyard
• Dominique Renard Rosé Champagne
• Jordan Chardonnay 2022

Key Discussion Topics:

• The pretension and exploitation in the contemporary art world
• Authenticity vs. hype in wine, art, and culture
• Haunted/cursed art as a horror subgenre (references to The Picture of Dorian Gray, Pickman's Model)
• Why visual art gets more latitude for bullshit than other art forms
• The film's morality play about respecting an artist's final wishes
• Memorable deaths: the sphere, Hobo Man, paintings that literally kill

References: HP Lovecraft's "Pickman's Model," The Devil's Candy, Candyman (2021), Nightcrawler, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's Ongo Gablogian

The Return

• Back from a 6-month break (Levi's "summer slumber")
• Spooky season timing couldn't be better
• Beer of choice: Maharaja IPA from Avery Brewing ("battery acid in a can")

Phantoms (1998)

• Directed by Joe Chappelle (Halloween: Curse of Michael Myers)
• Written by Dean Koontz, adapting his own novel
• Starring baby-faced Ben Affleck as a sheriff/ex-FBI agent
• Features Peter O'Toole bringing gravitas to exposition dumps
• Rose McGowan and Joanna Going in peak Miramax era roles

Plot Discussion

• Small Colorado town mysteriously empty (before it was cool)
• Ancient enemy that's basically primordial ooze meets ChatGPT
• Lovecraftian influences mixed with The Thing vibes
• Pacing issues: "It's a four-act movie pretending to be three"
• CGI that aged like milk left in the sun

Peter O'Toole Appreciation Corner

• From Lawrence of Arabia to... this
• Survived pancreatic cancer in the '70s (absolute legend)
• Professional drinker, occasional actor
• Died in 2012 at 80

October Horror Plans

• Pumpkinhead (Kentucky hillbillies and monsters)
• Witchfinder General (Vincent Price at his cruelest)
• Discussion of recent releases: Sinners, Weapons, The Long Walk

Random Tangents

• SSRIs and their gill-growing properties
• The bridge troll health guru phenomenon
• Why cigarettes are actually good for you (they're not)
• Ben Affleck's chin as a character unto itself

Rating: Mixed bag - great concept, questionable execution, worth it for Liev Schreiber's creepy giggle alone

We also reflect on Levi's viewing of "Nosferatu," examining its stylistic choices and societal themes. As we rank our favorite horror films from the past year, we highlight the connections between storytelling and audience reactions. We wrap up with our exciting plans for future projects and genre explorations in podcasting.