Well Connected Relationships Podcast

In Episode #18, part 2 of our 3-part series on practicing compassion in relationships, we explore an area where I find some people in relationships get stuck -- bridging from compassion for ourselves to compassion for our partner. We look at the key roles common humanity and humility play in making sure both partners' needs are equally tended to. If you've ever felt like there's a "tug of war" going on between getting your own needs met and tending to the needs of others, I hope you'll listen!

Many of us have been trained not to have needs, and if we do have them not to focus on them. But that's not healthy for ourselves, our partners or our relationships. That's why in Podcast Episode #17, we explore how tending to our own needs is not only not selfish … it actually benefits our partner and our relationship, too. We also explore how it can naturally unfold through a process of seeing things as they are (mindfulness), remembering we are not alone (common humanity) and following through with care (kindness).

Relationships inevitably involve caring for others, whether that means our spouse or partner, a child, aging parents, friends or even clients. But right now when we've all been tending to so much, for so long, it's common to feel emotionally tired and burned out. And the people we care for are also more stressed, burned out, and in need of extra care. How then, do we care for ourselves and each other when we need it most yet have the least to give?

In Episode #16 I sat down with self-compassion teacher, Lisa Baylis, who has been sharing wellbeing strategies with teachers and caregivers for the last 20 years. The author of Self-Compassion for Educators and creator of the AWE Method -- Awakening the Wellbeing for Educators, her message is for all of us who care for others.

I sat down with my friend and colleague Sara Schairer, who is the founder and executive director of Compassion It and a Stanford University-trained Compassion Cultivation Training teacher. Together we explore the benefits of practicing compassion even for people who trigger us or we have a hard time relating to. We also explore the simplest ways to offer compassion to people we find it difficult to cultivate compassion for and how to tend to ourselves in that process.

We explore our human need to belong, how vulnerable that makes us feel, and the really good news that there are simple steps all of us can take to access genuine feelings of connection and belonging any time we need them. We also take a look at why our sense of belonging often gets blocked and how to notice when it's happening so we can find our way back to the truth that we matter.

I sat down with Micki Fine, M.Ed., L.P.C., founder of Mindful Living and certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction teacher for more than 20 years. She's taught mindfulness and loving-kindness meditations in private practice and other places, including Rice University, M.D. Anderson and the Jung Center. She is the author of The Need to Please: Mindfulness Skills to Gain Freedom from People Pleasing & Approval Seeking and someone I find absolutely inspiring to talk to. Together, we explored the need to "people-please," where it comes from, its impact on our relationships and how to free ourselves (and our relationships) from it.

We explore how easy it is to let negative emotions skew our perspective about someone we're in a relationship with and how intentionally practicing gratitude and appreciation can change everything. And a simple formula for expressing appreciation to counterbalance negative interactions and build connection.

If by nature, you tend to be kind and generous, and often find yourself depleted by your relationships with others, you may find this podcast really speaks to you. And, if you've been more of a taker in your relationships, you might be surprised to discover how you (and your relationships) will benefit when you adopt a more balanced approach.

I sat down with certified mindfulness and compassion teacher Tim Burnett who is the Executive Director and founder of Mindfulness Northwest and an ordained Zen priest. Together, we explored the important role of acceptance in relationships, what it is and isn't — and how it relates to curiosity, vulnerability and intimacy. We also talked about our natural human tendency to want to fix things when relationships get tangled vs. the wisdom of accepting what is.

Are you and your partner aligned on core values? Ever wonder what to do if you're not? I sat down with Licensed Psychologist Dr. Steve Hickman, who is the founder of University of California at San Diego's Center for Mindfulness and the Executive Director of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion to explore the important role of core values in relationships, including how to identify your core values, what to do when you and your partner aren't aligned, and how supported and loved you can feel when your partner supports your core values -- shared or not. Importantly, we also look at how discovering and honoring the shared values in your relationship makes for a happy and healthy bond and a more satisfying relationship.