Wellish

So many of us are living identities we never consciously chose.

The “good girl.”

The people pleaser.

The anxious one.

The responsible one.

In this episode of Wellish, I’m sitting down with narrative advisor and identity coach Jessica Graham to unpack how the stories we formed about ourselves, often in childhood or during our hardest moments, quietly shape the way we show up in relationships, work, and life.

We talk about why so many people struggle to answer the question “Who am I?” outside of roles, how emotional outsourcing and people pleasing can keep you stuck in survival mode, and why rewriting your identity isn’t about positive thinking, it’s about radical honesty and self trust.

You’ll learn how to identify the stories running your life, externalize patterns that no longer serve you, and begin rewriting a version of yourself that actually aligns with who you are.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your life instead of living it, this conversation will help you start peeling back the layers and reclaiming your real identity.

If you feel like you’re constantly trying to do more to finally feel better about your life, this episode is for you.

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that who we are is defined by what we produce — how productive we are, how disciplined we are, how much we can improve ourselves. But the truth is, identity doesn’t come from how much you do. It comes from deeply knowing yourself.

In this episode of Wellish, we’re talking about the identity trap that keeps so many people stuck in the cycle of constant self-optimization. Why chasing the “should” version of your life doesn’t actually lead to fulfillment, how over-efforting can become a bandaid for deeper insecurities, and why real change begins with self-knowledge, values, and acceptance.

When you stop performing your life and start understanding yourself, everything changes. The things that are truly aligned with you begin to happen naturally, and the pressure to constantly prove yourself finally starts to disappear.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re always chasing the next thing that will finally make your life feel better, this episode might change the way you think about self-improvement entirely.

It’s time for this month’s Confessions of a Wellish Girly — the unfiltered hates and favorites.

We’re talking gym struggles that humbled me, the beauty mishap that took out my lashes, and the mindset moments where my ambition definitely outran my self-care.

But there are wins too: simplifying my routine, deeper girlfriend hangs, growing career clarity… and yes — I have to tell you someone about a boy. 👀

If you’re doing your best and still figuring it out in real time, you’re in the right place.

Welcome to the monthly recap.

What if the thing you've been chasing - success, discipline, being impressive, being the good girl is the exact thing keeping you stuck?

I this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Alessandra Wall (clinical psychologist turned executive coach) to talk about the gilded cage of achievement: when your life isn't bad, but you still feel trapped, tired, and unsatisfied with your life. We get into how to stop performing wellness and start actually experiencing it and what integration really means. (Hint: you're not one thing you're a disco ball)

We also talk about why the psychological always beats the logical, how to "act despite" insecurity, and the simplest question that changes everything: if you believed what you know, what would you do differently?

Plus a rapid fire Kinda Toxic Kinda Well round to bring the humanity

If you’ve ever proudly called yourself “low maintenance”… this episode might lovingly call you out.

Because sometimes what we label as being easygoing, chill, or low maintenance… is actually low standards in disguise.

In this episode, we’re getting honest about the subtle ways high-functioning, self-aware women end up over-accommodating, under-asking, and quietly tolerating misalignment for far too long. We’re talking about the moment you realize your “carefree” identity might actually be people-pleasing in a cute outfit — and why raising your standards is less about dating preferences and more about deep emotional healing.

Inside this conversation, we unpack:

✨ The difference between being genuinely low maintenance vs. operating from low standards

✨ The sneaky signs your nervous system has been over-accommodating

✨ Why things still don’t work out even when you’re “easy to be with”

✨ What actually happens (emotionally and socially) when you start raising your standards

✨ The uncomfortable identity shift no one warns you about

If you’ve been feeling quietly unfulfilled, chronically over-understanding, or like you’ve been accepting less than you deserve — this episode is your permission slip to recalibrate.

Because high standards aren’t high maintenance. They’re a healing skill.

If this episode resonates, don’t forget to rate, review, and share it with your most self-aware bestie 💌

Everything just can’t be that serious and I am confessing it. I am tired of all of the "criteria" we are supposed to meet in order to consider us good enough. There’s so many agendas to fill and standards to meet and highlight reels we compare ourselves to and we logically know we can’t listen to it all, but our subconscious doesn’t care! It soaks it all in a treats it as truth and we struggle to separate what we genuinely feel about ourselves and the world around us and how we interact with it from how we SHOULD feel about things. And I'm talking about it.

If you’ve ever thought, “This is just who I am I’m anxious, I’m reactive, I shut down, I people-please,” this episode is going to mess with you (in the best way).

Cedric Bertelli breaks down why so many “personality traits” are actually unfinished emotional responses stored in the body and why managing your emotions (even in healthy ways like journaling, reframing, meditation, and talking it out) doesn’t always resolve the pattern. We get into how the brain predicts danger based on old experiences, why emotions can feel bigger than your current reality, and what it means to feel sensations all the way through without analyzing, suppressing, or performing your feelings.

We also talk about the myth of resilience (and why “pushing through” can make you sicker, not stronger), plus what changes when your emotions finally become congruent with your real life today, not your past.

If you want peace that isn’t just “calm down and cope,” press play.

If right now you are going through something emotionally damaging and you feel like nothing anyone says or does or anything you do works to make you feel better this episode is for you. You are trapped in an emotional whirlwind trying to problem solve, control, make meaning and fix the problem you're faced with in an effort just to feel better. That's why this episode is all about the ultimate tool that will finally help you to feel better when nothing is working as you're working through healing the emotional damage: making yourself feel safe.

In this episode we're going to talk about why any advice, mental health tools, or any personal research you do never quiets the noise in your head leaving you wondering if you'll ever feel good again. I explain why safety is the one and only thing that works to make you feel better and how to start making yourself feel safe again.

If you want to stop ruminating about what what happened and being consumed with thoughts about how to make it better this episode will help rewire your perception shifting your mindset to see what happened in an empowering light instead of something devastating so you can finally begin to emotionally heal.

For today’s confession I’m talking about my spontaneous decision to go to New York with a group of strangers and someone I haven’t shared with you guys yet. But the craziest part is how full circle this experience is to my one year mark after my most emotionally wrecking experience. I am talking about my healing journey and where I’m at now. If you are someone who’s experiencing emotional wreck let this be your hope that it will get better

Ever been in so much emotional pain that nothing anyone says helps—your friends, your therapist, even your own logic? This episode is for you.

Today I’m talking to Betsy Kudlinski, a Freedom Guide and and nervous system healing practitioner, about why you can’t outthink trauma—because when your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, your brain can’t “mindset” you out of survival mode.

We break down somatic healing in a way that actually makes sense, including:

• why advice feels useless when you’re activated
• the animal “threat response cycle” (and the deer story that explains your anxiety perfectly)
• what “capacity” is, why it shrinks, and how to expand it safely
• the difference between being regulated vs. being in functional freeze
• why settling takes longer than activation (and why you’re not failing for that)
• how to start reconnecting with your body if you feel numb or disconnected
• why validation isn’t weak—it’s literally human

If you’ve been stuck in overthinking, burnout, shutdown, or “I know what I should do but I can’t,” this conversation will feel like a nervous system exhale.

Connect with Betsy:

Betsykudlinski.com

@BetsyKudlinski on FB

@RenaturingwithBetsyKudlinski on YouTube

@BetsyKudlinski on Bluesky