In this episode, we talk candidly with licensed social worker, Kandace Kyere about the hidden costs of Black Excellence, why we work so hard to prove ourselves, who we’re trying to prove it to and more importantly, what we can do about it. The most important takeaway of this episode is that Black excellence is not all about degrees, job titles, awards and other external validation. It’s more about healthy relationships, breaking generational curses, taking care of your mental health and healing.
Why Black Excellence? There is no other racialized group that has to make sure they are telling the world that they are excellent. For example, you never hear Asian Excellence, Indian Excellence, or Hispanic Excellence. The term Black Excellence needed to exist at a point in history because we weren’t even seen as human, let alone average or excellent. So, we needed to prove our worth by doing more and being better at everything. Additionally, Black people are always trying to catch up whether that’s socially, economically, etc. and often feel like we don’t have time to waste..
We often continue to work to overachieve to prove we’re enough and that we belong. Black women have grown up in a society where we are constantly told we aren’t valuable unless we look a certain way, talk a certain way, achieve certain goals, etc. So, subconsciously, we work really hard to prove ourselves and our worth. We hide our unworthiness by overachieving and ironically end up dehumanizing ourselves.
Perfectionism is a survival trait. For so long Black people have had to be/act “perfect” to survive because our consequences are far greater when we make mistakes.
Take the armor off. Black women need safe spaces to take the armor and masks off, to be vulnerable, and to feel enough just as we are. Those spaces are most helpful when they are with other like minded Black women.
It’s Time to Redefine Success. Be intentional about rest, reconnect to yourself, your emotions and your body, and continue to lean into your own healing journey. Success is wholeness, not perfectionism. Ask yourself how can I do less instead of more?She’s a licensed social worker passionate about supporting high achieving Black women, including teens and young adults. She loves helping high achievers discover creative ways to slow down and reduce the stress, anxiety and pressure associated with being perfect. She’s a high sensitive person (HSP), recovering perfectionist and cares deeply about the healing and well-being of Black folx. She holds a Master’s degree in Social Work and approaches mental health from an anti-oppressive and liberation focused lens. You can find more nuggets of wisdom from Kandace on our app and you can also reach her at hellokandace.com.
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