Episode Summary

In this powerful conversation, host KL Wells sits down with Paul Simard, a death doula, TED Talk speaker, and men’s wellness coach, to explore how our relationship with grief, loss, and mortality shapes the way we love. Drawing from his personal journey through crisis and transformation, Paul shares how facing life’s hardest realities can open the door to deeper compassion, connection, and meaning.

Together, KL and Paul discuss how loving someone in addiction often brings families into an ongoing experience of grief, uncertainty, and emotional complexity. This episode offers a thoughtful reframing of grief as an extension of love, explores the role of shame and isolation, and invites listeners to consider new ways of holding both loss and hope at the same time.

Key Discussion Points

1. Paul’s personal journey and how life challenges led him into service work
2. Reframing death as a natural and meaningful part of life’s cycle
3. Understanding grief as an expression of ongoing love
4. How loving someone in addiction can mirror the emotional experience of grief
5. The difference between shame and guilt, and how shame fuels isolation
6. Why connection and community are essential for healing
7. Rethinking sovereignty as interdependence rather than independence
8. The emotional impact of the language we use around death and loss
9. Cultural perspectives on honoring life and death
10. How personal stories and beliefs shape our experience of suffering

Some Questions I Ask

1. How did your personal experiences lead you into this work?
2. What does it mean to show up as a father, partner, and man today?
3. How can we develop a healthier relationship with death and loss?
4. How do we love someone whose addiction creates constant uncertainty?
5. Where do our stories about shame come from, and how do they affect us?
6. How do we know if the beliefs we’re holding are helping or hurting us?
7. What might be possible if we questioned the narratives we’ve inherited?
8. How can we hold both grief and gratitude at the same time?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. How reframing grief and loss can shift your emotional experience
2. Why grief is often a continuation of love rather than the end of connection
3. The role of community and connection in supporting mental and emotional health
4. How shame can keep families isolated and how connection helps interrupt that pattern
5. The influence language and internal narratives have on the nervous system
6. How experiences of loss can deepen perspective and meaning
7. Why strength often comes from interdependence rather than independence
8. How grief and joy can coexist
9. The importance of questioning inherited beliefs and rewriting stories that no longer serve you

Resources

Learn more about Paul Simard

https://paulsimard.co

Watch Paul Simard’s TED Talk: The Mythical Man

https://www.ted.com/talks/paul_simard_the_mythical_man

Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict

https://voicesincourage.com

Books mentioned in the episode:

Lost Connections by Johann Hari

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

Learn more about Positive Intelligence

https://positiveintelligence.com/about/

Explore the work of Gabor Maté

https://drgabormate.com/