What Is Humans?

Off the back of our last week’s episode on decision making we are working on pumping the brakes a little and loosening the grip on life. As we get older, responsibilities become greater and decisions in return can feel much heavier. Am I doing the right thing? Am I with the right person? Am I in the right career? All of these questions are valid and nonetheless big questions that can dictate a large part of our lives, but if these decisions on a daily basis become so heavy we can’t decide at all they can create paralysis in our daily lives. 

The most successful athletes are loose in pressure situations, unafraid if the shot goes in or if they strike out. There’s a million shots a player will take in their career and thousands of at bats, unless you are too in your head and too tense when you come to the plate. This can weigh on your mind like a heavy weight and cause you to act completely differently than you normally would if there was no pressure at all. The ability to remain loose and quickly make decisions on the fly, allows us to be our most authentic self. That most authentic self is typically the person that is unafraid of the consequences of our decisions, but understands that regardless they are going to be ok. 

This week, practice loosening up and worrying less. Not every decision is life altering and it shouldn’t be. If there is something that is looming, try and consider what would happen if that job was lost or if you had to start all over. Could you do it? Would you be ok? I’m sure you would. Don’t be plagued by worrying, you are flexible and adaptable to the world around you, so don’t get stuck in the one that we create in our own minds.

As we get older we begin to mature and things around us start to change. It’s hard to explain, but decisions have more consequences and things become heavier than they ever were as a child. It can often feel like the freedom we gain as an adult can be both a blessing and a curse. Some things are easier to decide, while others are more difficult and harder. As you grow older in life, there feels a caving pressure that your decisions have an impact that could last a lifetime. 

While this can be true, it feels like a lot of that pressure that we feel as we grow older can come down to our ability to make decisions. The way that we make small and big decisions can help put our mind at rest as situations become more and more complex and heavy. It’s easy to compare to people around us as we get older, but when we become more self assured in our own decisions, character and purpose a lot of that pressure goes away. 

Think about your ability to make decisions, and how that could help lessen some of the weight that comes with growing up. If we can put a purpose and a why behind the decisions we make and then follow through on it in some capacity, that can alleviate the feeling that every decision is a massive one.

Do you mean it? As a kid and even as an adult that was always something we would ask someone when they apologized. If they meant they were sorry, then there felt like there could be some forgiveness and life could move on. As adults what tends to happen is we catch ourselves apologizing more and more, this time not because we hit someone on the playground, but because we feel insecure or inadequate. At one point or another in our lives we have all went into a conversation with I’m sorry on the tip of our tongues. This isn’t abnormal, but it could become a problem especially if we are apologizing for the way we feel, or for a valid request. We begin to signal to ourselves that we are less than or not equal to the party we are speaking with and in order to please them, we should immediately apologize regardless of the request. 

Taking the time to analyze the importance of where the insecurity and fear is coming from can be an important step to actualizing our feelings and questions. Take the time to recognize if we are apologizing, because we internally truly feel guilty for an action or behavior or if the apology is prompted because we believe that it will somehow put us in the good graces of an external force. If you notice that before you have even opened your mouth you are already filling in conversation with “I’m sorry,” slow down for a second and catch your breath. You are correct in your feelings, questions, and concerns. The only reason you should apologize is if you truly mean it. 

Your words have meaning, and the minute that we begin throwing I’m sorry around willy nilly it can dilute the value of asking for forgiveness. As the receiver or apologies it’s important to look at yourself as well and the environment in which others feel they need to apologize around you. Let them know, early and often that they are an important individual with unique feelings and needs, and they shouldn’t immediately look to apologize when they have done nothing wrong. By creating meaning in our words and our environments, we can feel safe, that our needs and concerns are valid and nothing to apologize for.

Fear can be the biggest inhibitor to starting. Insecurities within ourselves often act as the biggest obstacle and reminder to why we can’t do something. Going for the promotion, striking out on your own, all of these goals and aspirations can be silenced by a little voice inside our head telling us that we aren’t good enough. In reality, only you are thinking that about yourself, and every other single person is thinking the exact same thing about themselves. There are people out there with way less ability and experience that have just practiced being delusionally confident and we haven’t yet. Being delusionally confident doesn’t mean being cocky or acting like you know more than someone else, but rather silencing the doubt inside of yourself that tries to bring you down to some place less than reality. 

The person that you idolize or look up to was once just like you. Just as young, or inexperienced and scared that they shouldn’t reach out, shouldn’t take the job etc. The difference between you and them right now is the delusional confidence that no matter what is thrown at you, you’ll be able to figure it out! Keeping your dreams and aspirations to yourself doesn’t do any good for yourself or the world. By dreaming big, we allow ourselves to live life more fully and achieve things that we may have never thought possible. 

Reframe your thinking about what you can and can’t do, or what you do and don’t deserve and what it might take to get there. Proclaim it loud to yourself and to others too, so it becomes a part of existence in reality. Those dreams can grow when they see the light of day and are able to be acted upon. Practice being delusionally confident this week and speaking into existence your dreams and goals, and reminding yourself that you just as much as anyone is capable of reaching those dreams!

The topic for this week’s episode is all about asking for help. Asking for help seemed so easy when we were kids and everything about the world was interesting and exciting. I’m sure if you asked any adult at that time, we were straight up annoying them with the amount of questions we asked. Somewhere along the road we become self aware and feel like we are the only one who might not know the answer. We stop asking questions in class, stop asking for help at work when a task is overwhelming and we can even stop asking for help when it comes to our mental and emotional health. This fear of asking for help can become paralyzing and frustrating at the same time. Maybe there's a skill you want to learn so badly and you’ve tried a million times, but just can’t get it right, or maybe you have no idea what’s wrong but it seems weird to reach out, because what if the person i tell judges me. 

Asking for help is hard, but the reality is that the fear and judgment that might exist is mostly built up inside of your head. Remember when your 6th grade teacher would say, “If you have that question there’s probably at least 5 other people in the room that have the same question as you.” We are all human, and we don’t know everything and nobody expects us to know everything, so we don’t need to pretend that we do. Everyone around you is so concerned with their own questions and problems, that they would probably just be happy you reached out to begin with! 

Asking for help is a skill, and comes with a lot of emotional baggage in the form of vulnerability and courage. The minute you ask for help and seek answers to questions that have held you back, you can begin to become a better version of yourself and build strong relationships built on an intrinsic human experience…sharing of knowledge and experience.

Working on yourself is hard work. That’s just the truth. It requires focus, hard work and lots of discipline, but the reward is definitely worth it. The only thing is that when it comes to a regimen and a schedule that is set out to make us better, it can become extremely stale. We know that as human beings we crave new and exciting adventures and stimuli. I mean think about scrolling on social media every day, just going on and on to the next video or post to see something new and exciting. Whether your personal goals are physical, social or mental there is benefits to mixing things up and allowing for intentional spontaneity. 

There is a big difference between doing something because of a lack of discipline and setting aside time to do something new, fun and exciting, but still in the parameters of your goals. The easy example that could come to mind is something like a cheat day, when it comes to working out or eating right. If that happens to be scheduled within your plan and that works for you great, but maybe pick a food or a new restaurant that you’ve never been to before. Mix it up, and keep it fresh so that the fatigue of chasing your goals can be a fun adventure rather than a trudge up a never ending hill. We have struggled with this our entire lives. The key that has helped us on this path to getting better is being intentional with when and how we implement spontaneity. 

Whether it's drinks with friends or a mix up in the typical workout, we try and plan things out ahead of time so we have a new and exciting adventure to look forward to. When your working on bettering yourself every day seems like a new challenge, but these can be taxing and hard on our minds and bodies, use these moments to intentionally do something that is within the parameters of your goals but is low stress! Like anything planning and intentionality makes your life a lot easier, and that is especially true here. Plan date nights, new activities and fun ahead of time to relieve and reward yourself for all of the hard work you have been doing the other 95% of the time!

Goals are just dreams without a plan. The ability to dream and think big is key to living the most amazing life that you set out for yourself, however there’s a catch. You have to have some semblance of reality in order to reach said goals. There are details, planning and an aspect of reality that you have to be in touch with in order to achieve said dreams. Both are necessary, but one without the other can leave you in a pretty precarious spot. If you’re too realistic on one hand, you may never dare to dream, always seeing big tasks and challenges as insurmountable. If you are constantly dreaming and living at 10,000 feet it can be nearly impossible to put rubber to the road and really get the things done when the time comes. 

Today, we discuss the ability to close the gap between dreams and reality, something that we have struggled with for a long time. Dreaming is often easy for many, but being realistic about those dreams and setting in place the plans to achieve them that’s a whole nother story. Oftentimes it can be easy to never check yourself, or hold yourself accountable with how you are currently operating. In any goal or plan this is a perfect recipe for failure or never even starting at all. As we begin to assess where we lie on the spectrum between dreams and reality we have to start by being vulnerable and honest with where we are at and what it may take to close the gap. 

As you look to close the gap in your own life, take some time to gracefully assess where you are currently at. Rome wasn’t built in a day and the gap between dreams and reality most of the time feels even greater than Rome so cut yourself som slack. Keep your dreams in mind as you begin to sketch out the plans necessary to make them a reality. The why behind those dreams will keep you going even when plans seems most off course or reality seems too daunting to overcome. By expressing your dreams and your realities on a daily basis you will become closer to both of them, so close in fact that they will ultimately meld into one.

There’s a big difference between being overwhelmed and being fulfilled. The feeling that we have can either breathe life into us or it can crush us under constant pressure. We hide behind this facade of being busy as a way of telling ourselves that objects in motion tend to stay in motion, which is totally true if we were all just objects. We have goals, aspirations and most importantly feelings that can dictate if the things that we are doing in our day to day are lifting us up or tearing us down. 

The opposite exists as well, sometimes we can have a lot of free time and equally convince ourselves that we are content with just existing. It feels like it is such a fine line that we have to balance between working too little and working too much and if any of it all really matters. As you begin to look forward and see the schedule for your week, think about how many of those meetings, appointments, and nights out are filling you up and which ones are just exhausting you more. 

We struggle constantly, knowing if we are doing the right thing, if we should be working harder or if we need to chill out and enjoy ourselves a little. The truth is that it is an extremely hard thing to balance, but a lot of it can come down to the way you feel at the end of the night when your head hits the pillow, and the next morning when your eyes first flash open. Are you satisfied with the work you’ve done today, and the direction and purpose of that work, or does it feel like you’re running in place and the gap from you to first is just getting further and further away. Take some time to think about your daily and weekly schedule and what things are breathing life into you and what others might be taking life out of you.

You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. Shame can feel like one of those inevitables in life that happens to everyone. It seems kind of odd though when it rears its ugly head. We had been experiencing shame that was built up in our own heads, a figment of how we thought our friends and family might react to certain goals that we were working on pursuing. Massive changes were on the horizon, and we were worried that could leave us alienated and feeling ashamed of the decisions that we had made in following a dream. 

The other side of the coin came from how we had been feeling internally. Feeling ashamed at the way we acted or felt, or that we should be further along than we currently were. Sometimes it feels like there’s no middle ground with shame. You’re either internally frustrated with yourself or you’re scared that others are going to be frustrated with you. What we learned about both of these versions of shame, is that they are treatable and ownable. 

Whether you are frustrated internally or worried that others might feel differently towards you when delving into a new pursuit, it’s important to take ownership of that feeling and not give shame an opportunity to creep in. Most of the time we are building up expectations in our heads, the minute that we open up and own our journey wherever we are at others will most likely begin to rally around you and support you. It can be hard to pursue things without expectations of how yourself or others will react, but I guess if you never try you’ll never know. The same goes for others around you…if you don’t give them a chance to be supportive and caring there’s no way they can be.

Planning can be difficult, it’s something that takes effort and intentionality, and most importantly foresight. When we think about our lives and the things that will help us grow personally, it is extremely hard to choose the things that will be the best for us when every fiber in our being is telling us to take the easy way out. That’s not just you and me either, that is everyone. Buying fast food sounds a lot better than cooking food, buying those new jeans sounds a lot more fun than budgeting and saving for a new home. Short term gratification rules most of our lives, and our ability to curb that craving for it, could be the difference between big improvements long term. 

Small day to day decisions help impact us in a big way. We find that when we work hard to put ourselves in the right environments to make the right decisions we make better ones. It’s not that we don’t cave sometimes and watch 2 hours of tik tok, or miss a workout every now and then, but it’s the realization that we could have prevented that decision if we would have planned ahead. 

One of the biggest fears that we can have in life is the feeling of regret. Most people ourselves included, often use quick snap decisions to try and ignore that looming feeling of regret. Whether it’s in your work, hobbies or relationships, recognize your behaviors, and what you can do to set yourself up for success. It’s not easy, and most of the time it’s really hard actually, but maybe if we plan ahead we might have a better chance of getting the outcome that we deserve!