What the fuck just happened

Be the change you wish to see in this world. Find something that you are passionate about and go for it. Stop allowing the stress and daily sacrifice to get in the way. Stop working for money. Start working for a quality of life that you will enjoy. We are talented smart people. We are all able to overcome the way we were raised and the limited beliefs we have grown up with. Let's put those aside and focus together on being better. Lets create a community around people helping other people just because it feels good. 

Short message that I just ramble on and on after crying while watching the GOOD PLACE. 

We can’t always control the outcomes or much of anything on our outsides. But we can control our own actions. We can control what we think about. We can control what we put energy into each moment to create a new wonderful life. There are people waking up. There are people expanding their consciousness all around. Open your eyes a little wider. Stop, take a deep breath. Push out your belly button. Exhale and pull it back in. Yes, each breath we take is powerful. We breath so often that its an auto mechanical part of life. We quite literally don’t have to try at all and we breath. Why is that? Think about it for just a moment with me. Take your hands and extend them upward in the sky with me. Bring them together in front of your heart in a prayer like position. Now take your right hand and squeeze your left nipple! Yes, go ahead. Let's all take a deep breath together. Deeper…deep breath in and push out the belly button. Exhale out and pull in the belly button and take the right hand and squeeze the left nipple just a little bit. Now smile! Now smirk a little bit. We all just shared a moment together. A Funny small stupid yet invigorating moment. Lets share this moment with the next few moments that will come. Let's bring the energy it took to close your eyes. Listen to my voice and grab your nipple. That body movement. That smile. That connection that drove you to relax for a moment and go with the flow. The same one that inspires people around the world to dance like nobody's watching. Yes, lets share the small joys that we feel inside and pay it forward to others. Lets impact the next moments we face with a little more happiness and joy. Childlike happiness that comes from the same place as laughing does like Patrick points out in his amazing book with a young hero who is sharing more than just a fantasy with all of us. He is sharing deep secrets to peace in a fantasy like setting created with his brilliant connection to life!

Yes, I want you to touch your left nipple with me! Why should we touch our left nipple, you ask? Well, I don’t really have a good answer for that. I just feel like we should. Look, lets, not make a big deal out of this. Let’s agree to just go with the flow on this one. Sometimes when we analyze things, and we force them to be so perfect, we lose the small beauty that children have when they laugh. Go with the flow. Let’s let our inner child like self out. Let that big mean egotistical scorn go. Let the stress you have pushing you forward to melt away, just for a second. Let the small pinch you give yourself to be for our happiness. Ouch…Not too much. Not too much. Now tell yourself that this is for you! Tell yourself that you are here now. And also, that you are now here. And also, that you are nowhere.

We all impact the world. Our own choices impact others whether we can see it or not. We all have the ability to put a smile or a frown on someone else’s face certain moments throughout the day. Let’s choose to use the freedom people have died to provide us. Let’s not give light to the darkness that got us this freedom. But let’s shine a light on the positives we learned from the sacrifices of others around us. Let’s bless them together and let's all grab our own nipples in thanks to the small miracles that allow us to get up in the morning for one more day

This one you might turn on Auto pilot until the last 20 minutes. The first part is really me just trying to figure shit out. Please excuse my language and the anger I let out while recording this. I want feedback. Let me know if this is something or if it's just a waste of time. 

Journal entry before the episode - 

I can honestly say that I know I can keep going with my sadness and depressing story here. I can find tons of things to blame why I couldn’t make It through a day without thinking sobriety sucks. Or thinking that this life I am working towards just isn’t enough! The dark thought that came into my head one day about not only hurting myself but loved ones around me in a glorious bang and a fuck you I knew that I had to make a change. That change happened around 2012 and I was back on top when I met Flavia. I was working and exercising most of my demons away. That’s probably why she even noticed me.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am that she did. The first year I was in a relationship with Flavia was filled with laughter. Joy. Heartbreak. Brutal fights. Passionate rough sex. And a feeling that I can only describe as being able to relax and be myself. I felt like breathing in air wasn’t so bad around her. Someone she got me. She was raised different than me.

Flavia and I started our relationship with one kind of person. The good foot forward Andrew who was for all outside perspective on top of the world. But from the inside perspective of what was really going on behind the mask and front I was presenting most of the time was darkness. I wrote a lot about how my darkness has taken up a lot of my years and is my default setting now a days. But I have mentioned that I am doing this podcast and writing my thoughts down and digging into my emotions and feelings and choices because I have had enough.

Simply put. I have had enough poor me the sky is falling attitude. I have had enough with the fake face I have carried around. I am going to discuss things that I bottle up inside. I have opened the floodgates and what is coming out is dramatic and probably only worth listening to because of the light I have found now. Yes, the back and forth thoughts I have are necessary for me to share this message. Yes, the world has good and bad in it. Yes, there are bad to show us the good. Unconditional love is for you and it is for me. It's not just because Jesus died on a cross and that is our way out. No, whatever religion you are part of good for you! I wish I could stay in my religious beliefs and not feel the guilt that....

....The point I am trying to make, I will free flow tomorrow. I laid down an outline with my writing tonight. I will review what I wrote tomorrow before I read it word for word as it is. Why, because I am looking to expand my ability to write, read, communicate, get out my own flow and let it go. Speaking is a faster way of processing this information. Typing is fun and all but it slows me down. Could be a good thing. I have time to think about what I want to talk about next. However, I hate going back and seeing all the misspelled words and random thought put together.

Let me write this. The spiritual awakening, I had that I am hinting at is real. The only reason I am now able to even open my mouth about my life that no one but me really cares about is the fact I have found the connection again to my GOD. Or the spirit. Or the energy that is in all things. The feelings and connection that I have is worth learning more about. This is my way of doing that. By examining my head and the actions I take and the life I chose to create around my own Truth.