“Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.”

– Anonymous

“I put coffee in my coffee.”

“When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee.”

THEME: Coffee Shop

TOPICS: What if you were in a coffee shop and you went to the bathroom and when you came back out and someone noticeably took your coffee to their table? // What if you were in a coffee shop and found a worker's headset in the bathroom? // What if you were in a coffee shop and you noticed you're an extra in a movie?

SNEAK PEEK: "You know what I like about your toes?" // "I'm grounded, but I have a little fun sometimes." // "I have horse meat in the fridge." // "Extra creamy so obviously its for Miguel." // "Dirty Charlie." // "So your saying homeschoolers are hippies?" // "I wanna be king too, can I be queen?" // "Chocolate burger." // "I want to go back to my roots, I want to take my underwear off."

"It will be a killer, and a chiller, and a thriller, when I get the gorilla in Manila." - Mohamad Ali

THEME: Coffee Shop

TOPICS: What if you where at a coffee shop and someone randomly came up and started giving you a massage? // What if you where in a coffee shop and you got a note in your coffee? // What if you where in a coffee shop and the barista asked for YOUR number this time?

SNEAK PEEK: "But then he dropped a bean on their face!" // "Can I have one black coffee extra cyanide?" // "You squeezed the piss right out of me!" // "I have a girl with a real job." // "Patience my dear?" // "Jennifer your like a little brother to me..." // "I'm as limber as an elf." // "Do you take nay cream or sugar? Cuz uh, I got allot of sugar to give."

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"We don't grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso.

TOPICS: What if it was the man who got pregnant? // What if the fall never happened?

SNEEK PEAK: "You where born in a tree house, your life is a mystery." // "Woman didn't know she was pregnant until she played monopoly." // "I'm thinking for two." // "You dont need empathy you have an umbilical cord." // "Mayhaps your making love." // "Know what I'm having for lunch? Cherries, Watermelon and the knowledge of good and evil.

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“Mine eyes smell onions.” - Shakespeare   (All’s Well That Ends Well [Act 5, Scene 3])

TOPICS: What if insects attacked you always? // What if all legends and myths were about your dad? // What if the cleaner you were the more sticky you were?

SNEAK PEEK: "I'm not taking my clothes off dog" // "My ears taste your voice." // "Alas a peasant." // "Every actor is a devote Christian" // "She wouldn't trust a ladybug to watch her kids." // "The pagans are praying are on you." // "Get ready to cut some wood with Buon Buon." // "Who cares about tumors if your jacked."

"I go without sleep, I just go hard." - Tom Cruise

TOPICS: What if you could choose one fictional character to come to life and become your best friend? // What if you could change anyone's appearance like in the game Sims? // What if running a red light was punishable by death?

SNEEK PEAK: "Jesus was a carp." // "Gonorrhea sounds allot different than Giardia." // " I have multiple skully oasis." // "Mattresses are like giant pillows." // "Is that a gay rights activist or is that an alcoholic?!"

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Send us "What if?" questions! We will answer them!

"Music, not sex, got me aroused." - Marvin Gaye

What if a common way to get rid of your problems was to tie them to balloons and let them float away? // What if your parents invited you to a wedding, and it was your arranged marriage? // What if you had to go back in time and set your parents up otherwise you and your siblings would cease to exist?

"The brush was my first sexual interaction." // "I love touching clay more than more than I love touching women." // "Tie away, fly away." // "A 30lbs baby? That's an adult!"

"I've got to start eating at home more..." - Jeffrey Dahmer

TOPICS: What if you were watching your friend's cat, dog, parrot, grandparents or some other form of pet and they died? // What if you baked two sets of brownies, one of them has drugs in them, and you took the drugged brownies to a family event? // What if someone wrote a play about your life?

SNEAK PEAK: "My life as a mouth breather." // "I only bully the kids before they can talk." // "My brother aint no raisin no snitch." // "What if I get the CLEP?!" // "I believe in moderation everywhere." // "The CLEP Clan." // "Pablo Picasso meets a mime on the street."

EMAIL: [email protected]

"They see me Rowlin' they hatin'" -J.K. Rowling

TOPICS: What if you were transformed into your favorite childhood toy? // What if you switched siblings with your best friend? // What if you all of a sudden sucked at the best thing you were good at?

SNEAK PEEK: "Free tattoos isn't always good bro..." // "There's always that one kid that puts you in his mouth." // "Farms dont belong in bathrooms." // "Do you know any children we could rent? " // "I need that sweet milk!" // "I'm best at getting pity."

EMAIL: [email protected]

"Weirdness is not my game, I'm just a square boy from Wisconsin." - William Dafoe

TOPICS: What if you had start a school? // What if a 50 year old gentleman in a suit came up to you and asked for help finding his mom? // What if all of a sudden medicine did the opposite of what it was meant to do?

SNEAK PEAK: "Start with the type of punishment, then all the reasons to get punished." // "Like McDonalds that serves breakfast all day, but instead of breakfast its classes." // "Chains, Lack of food and some kind of emotional damage." // "Get on your hands and knees and ride me like a horse, were gonna find her!"

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"I think Christians and Muslims should hug each other." - Chuck Norris

TOPICS: What if an angel that looked exactly like your celebrity crush came to you in your waking life every day just to hangout? // What if you had vivid visions every night that were about people you didn't know? // What if we joined a gang together? // What if after Queen Elizabeth died you where crowned King of England?

SNEAK PEEK: "Something with a belly button cant make love to something without a belly button." // "Is it wrong to have a crush on a rabbi?" // "Angel babies come from somewhere..." // "I wouldn't want to make eye contact with naked angel baby teenagers." // "Golden Defecation." // "If I'm thinking of a sea critter, I'm thinking of a sea anus."

EMAIL: [email protected]