When We Disagree

What does civility demand when justice is costly and deeply personal? Alexandra Hudson, author of The Soul of Civility and founder of Civic Renaissance, shares a raw story about how being scammed sparked both a lengthy legal battle and a profound disagreement with her husband over whether to fight or walk away. Through that conflict, Hudson wrestles with whether civility means politeness or principled confrontation, and what it costs our families when moral crusades take over our lives. The episode explores civility not as courteousness or softness, but as disciplined respect for human dignity even when the stakes are high and the gloves stay firmly on.

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Jason Caplan, founder of the Bridge Institute, recalls an interfaith discussion that left him frustrated by religious gridlock. He was convinced that arguing scripture wasn’t bringing anyone closer. His response was radical simplicity: stop debating beliefs and start making music together. Caplan explains how music creates a frictionless form of dialogue that bypasses defensiveness, builds trust, and lays the groundwork for healthier debate later. From synagogues to summer camps to universities to workplaces, Caplan explores how connection before argument can transform how we disagree.

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Communication scholar and local elected official, Rebecca Townsend, revisits a strange and revealing moment in the 1990s when a small Massachusetts town debated Nigeria’s military policy. That's right - a small New England town debated what Nigeria should do with its military. What began as a human-rights-driven divestment effort in the town spiraled into thorny question: who gets to speak for whom? When does solidarity slide into paternalism or even colonialism? The conversation lands on a hopeful note: even in deeply charged debates, people can argue fiercely, thoughtfully, and respectfully.

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What happens when a classroom discussion about immigration sparks not one argument, but several...plus a disagreement inside the professor herself? In this episode, Dickinson College professor Noreen Lape recounts a tense moment in her “How to Be Disagreeable” course that forced her to confront emotion, miscommunication, and the limits of control in dialogue-heavy classrooms. The conversation explores the crucial difference between intellectual discomfort and psychological triggering, and why learning often requires risk, not retreat. Drawing on two decades of experience, Lape offers practical tools such emotional regulation and creating conversational norms for fostering brave, humane connections across deep differences.

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What happens when “iron sharpens iron” turns into something more damaging? Timothy Shaffer,  the Stavros Niarchos Foundation Chair of Civil Discourse and director of the SNF Ithaca Initiative at the University of Delaware, recounts a tense, unexpectedly explosive thesis defense that left a student in tears and a faculty committee in conflict. The conversation explores where productive intellectual challenge crosses the line into accusation, ego, and harm. Shaffer argues that the real work of disagreement isn’t winning the argument, but cultivating the conditions where learning, dignity, and democracy can survive.

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Lori Britt, communication scholar and director of the Institute for Constructive Advocacy & Dialogue at James Madison University, shares how a deeply controversial community forum on marriage equality became a model for what productive disagreement can actually look like. From clashing colleagues and nervous speakers to media pressure and generational divides, she walks us through the hidden conflicts behind designing dialogue that doesn’t just talk at people, but invites them in. Lori argues that the real work of democracy is humanizing those across the table, not winning the argument. The result is a powerful case for curiosity, humility, and the possibility of connection in polarized times.

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Trained to resolve conflict and build bridges, Janett Cordoves, the senior program director at the Institute for Citizens and Scholars, walked into her first job believing every disagreement can be fixed.  She was faced with a supervisor who was immune to every tool she learned. What started as micromanagement turned into credit-taking, control, and a painful realization that good faith alone could not save a toxic relationship. Forced to choose between endless engagement and self-respect, Janet learned the hardest lesson in civil discourse: sometimes the most ethical move is to leave. From the workplace to churches and classrooms, this episode wrestles with a radical idea: wisdom isn’t persuading everyone, but knowing when to stop trying.

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Elizabeth Matto, director of Rutgers’ Eagleton Institute of Politics, traces a peaceful family disagreement over voting rights into a deeper debate about whether voting is a right or a privilege. Drawing on research, teaching, and lived experience, she argues that even when voting is legally a right, structural barriers often turn it into a privilege for those with time, resources, and civic know-how. This conversation unpacks false narratives around voter access, education, patriotism, and turnout exploring how citizens with opposing politics often want informed voters but disagree on how to get there. Looking ahead, Matto offers a sobering yet hopeful take on Gen Z: disillusioned and anxious, but still hungry for democratic engagement if given tools, trust, and real opportunities to lead.

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Alys Campaigne, the Southern Environmental Law Center's climate initiative leader, reflects on three decades of climate advcocacy, where the same arguments keep resurfacing even as the impacts grow impossible to ignore. She explains how real progress happens when we drop polarizing labels, make the issue local and personal, and help people see how climate solutions connect to their daily lives, wallets, and communities. Campaigne exposes the role of coordinated disinformation while showing why hope, bottom-up action, and shared values still create unlikely alliances. It’s a candid look at what it means to stay in a daunting, existential fight and why it’s still worth pushing forward.

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Derick Brown, the chief advancement and strategic partnerships officer of the YMCA of San Francisco, shares the life-changing argument that pushed him from telling teens to pursue college…to enrolling himself the very next morning. In this gripping story about credibility, leadership, and “walking the walk,” Derick traces how ten blunt words from his students transformed his career, purpose, and commitment to public service. From the Boys & Girls Club to UC Berkeley to leading civic-engagement work in San Francisco, he shows how disagreement can spark growth, community, and impact. It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes the people we’re trying to inspire end up inspiring us.

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