Grab your bag of taco bell and sit down for an episode of Alaskan Bush People on XVideos. Make sure to wear your black socks with your dress Crocs. So you can rent a horse and F*ck sink sluts.

White people can use Japanese toilets and hack sex-toys, but they shouldn't mess with peyote. 

We're starting the drunk racing league. There's gonna be a bunch of old alcoholics with prostate issues, and racing chiks with c-section scars. you're gonna have a time.

We're slingin semi-s in the sasquatch sanctuary city, and crushing cold chicken nugs in the costo casa.

Just don't forget to turn off the livestream. You don't wanna wake up to a cali-fire from exploding Stanleys.

During dry january, don't get scammed by Keanu on the dark-web. Just trade your playstations for guns and we'll ride dirtbikes. 

Water-boarding is as addictive as Affrin. We're using cell-phone jammers to survive the apocalypse at your mom's house. Caffeine is bad, so drink a bang and enjoy the halftime show.

Russians aren't getting any rhino pills for Christmas, but warm-blooded Americans are. The decline in teen drug use has lead to dash ducks, and fish hook fingers. We're slinging Webers for world peace.

Lotta mofks in the studio tonight. Malls do exist. You can go there for the roast beef bukkake with horsey sauce, but you'll likely leave with wooly mammoth infection. Support diamond technology, and dupe cologne.

We're taking the sub-ukranian tunnel to the milk-cellar and picking up some roller-torpedoes on the way. 

We're using the GPPI on the yellow jacket farm.  Dont forget the mouse turds and marinara when your butterball butt-sunning.